Dear Ileana, Last night, after writing, I turned off the light, lied back in bed and prayed like I do every night.  While praying last night I broke down and cried hard.  I'm tired of feeling this way.  I feel so empty, like there's nothing that can make me happy.  I have no interest in other women, because I have nothing to give.  I gave my heart to you and you still have it.  My empty chest can't provide anything to anyone.  As much as I want to see you and talk with you and be with you, I fear that I'm so dead, that I'll actually turn you off.  So I'm in this terrible funk where my separation from you is causing all this suffering, yet to see you too soon would probably hurt my chances for what I ultimately hope for: to be with you again.  Which leaves me with no real choice but to continue suffering, wondering if you still love me and if we will have a future together again.  I had the missed call from you back on Saturday, April 7th, but I haven't heard from you since then.  What am I to think?  Am I being impatient like I have been in the past?  Or am I a fool that's holding out hope in a hopeless situation?  I'm scared of losing you.  I'm not ignorant of our rough times, but I always thought that we'd get through everything.  I felt that we had something special, that could not be destroyed, that would survive every challenge no matter what.  Was I right?  Or was I wrong?  I love you and I miss you so much.  I remember you were with me when I bought this pad of paper at Rite-Aid at 23rd & Walnut.  I never would've guessed that one day I'd be writing love letters, of a love lost, to you on this very pad of paper.  We both have things that we need to work on, need to learn, but I thought we had a good relationship -- all the hours we spent together, all the things we did together.  Why can't we be together now?  Like Michael Grimm covered Al Green on America's Got Talent: "Let's Stay Together."  Please Ileana, I love you.  Love,