Dear Ileana, As I write this I'm bawling like a baby.  I'm watching Benjamin Button on tv and its making me cry.  First, I remember we watched it together.  So many things remind me of you.  This is so hard . . . I miss you so much my heart feels like its dying.  I've never loved a woman as much as I've loved you.  But my heart is beginning, just the littlest bit, to tell me that I've lost you forever.  Second, the movie is making me cry, because it reminds me that I'm going to die some day, it may be soon or it may be many years from now.  But there is no doubt I will no longer be here someday.  And as I cry hysterically here, I pray to God for the blessing to one day love again, even though I may not deserve it.  I hope to God that one day I feel and know true love again.  I'm all alone; I have been since you left me.  I'm no longer so immature to think that sex with someone whom I don't love will provide me any sort of contentment.  I'm not an animal, and I will not use a woman for quick, easy sex for my own selfish motivations.  I'm a mature and respectful man, so I intend to only have sex when I am in love again.  My intense sadness arises from the reality that the woman I now love -- you, Ileana -- does not love me, is not here with me in any way -- not sexually, not physically, not emotionally, nothing.  I'm a good man, willing to give my heart, love, and passion to a woman who loves me.  I feel so utterly hopeless right now.  I feel betrayed, not just specifically by you, but by life in general.  Will I ever be loved by a woman again?  Will you, Ileana, ever love me again?  I know that I'm just a regular guy, not rich or famous in any way, not hip or cool or in any in crowd.  I've dedicated my life to helping those less fortunate.  If this is the only form of love I can give, then I will die someday accepting it as God's will.  And from time to time, I'll think about you, Ileana, and wonder . . . I will love you until the day I die, no matter what.  I love you now.  Love,