Dear Ileana, I just got back from Tom Burke's viewing.  After kneeling at the side of his open casket and saying a prayer, I had to step outside to cry.  Seeing him dead brought to the surface all the terrible feelings of loss that have been in my heart since losing you.  I cried.  I prayed to God, as I have every single day since you left me.  God knows how much I've been suffering.  To have been with you and to have been in contact with you for almost every day for nearly two and a half years, and then suddenly you abandon me completely and even block forms of communication is like a form of death, but yet I know you're still close by, alive and breathing, and I have no idea who you're with, what you're doing, and whether I exist for you.  Losing you has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life.  Where did we go wrong???  Are we past the point of no return?  Is there any chance for us to be together again?  I'm still reading the Bible.  I'm almost done with Psalms.  I reflect on the example God set in the Old Testament: He kept loving the Israelites, even though time and time again, they forget about Him and they turn their back on Him, but they eventually realize time after time that God's love is true, so they always return to God.  I wonder, I dream, could it be that way with you and me?  Can we come back to each other some day? and get it right, learn from our lessons, and treat each other right?  Or am I a silly dreamer, holding on to a fantasy that you don't have, that you might even laugh at?  I don't know what to say, how to feel.  I just know that, despite the negative feelings that still linger (and I pray to God will dissipate and disappear), I miss you so very much and I still love you.  There's no other woman I want but you.  Love,