Dear Ileana, Before you walked out on me on Friday, March 2nd, you said that you wanted to be friends with me.  Why?  You had already de-friended me on facebook.  Some time the next week you blocked me on gmail chat.  I haven't heard from you at all since then.  Starting in at least June 2011, according to your own admission, you consistently hooked up with other guys at least every two months, all the way up until today.  So why did you want to be friends with me?  Before you moved in with me at 18th & Fitzwater, you wrote that you weren't thrilled to be with me.  And even in our last go-around in February of this year, you didn't even seem to like me, let alone love me.  So again, why did you want to be friends with me?  Do you want to be friends with me today, whenever it is that you're finally reading this?  Ileana, I don't understand how things got to this place.  Yes, I made mistakes, but I've always loved you.  Yes, in some ways, although I was undoubtedly attracted to you from the moment I met you, my love for you took time to take root and grow.  Although I too went through periods of self-doubt and insecurity in the relationship, when the going got tough, I was always committed to you and to our relationship.  I know that, in my own ways, I was also inconsistent at points of our relationship, and looking back, I'm sorry for the message that sent to you, but in the end, and throughout it all, I knew that I wanted no one but you.  So again, despite our troubles, how did we get to this point?  As I write this now, I miss you so much, and not because I'm lonely, but because I miss you, Ileana.  As I write this now, I want to be more than just friends with you.  Of course, the more time that goes by, the more it seems that you don't even want to be friends with me.  That hurts.  I hope my fears are wrong.  Love,