I'm a Simple Man, used to Changes

I'm a minimalist.  I have one pair of shorts, one sweatshirt, one pair of jeans, one pair of athletic shorts.  Even as a kid, I didn't like shopping.  I remember abhorring back-to-school clothes shopping.  Now, as an adult, if I need something, I go to whatever store has it, go directly to where it is, get it, and get out as soon as I can.

It kinda goes hand-in-hand with me being so frugal.  I'm a saver, not a spender.  As alluded to above, I only spend money when it's necessary and I know specifically what I need.

The longest I ever lived in one place, one residence that is, was when I lived at the Double-Deuce & Spruce: from June 2003 through October 2011, a total of 8 years, 5 months.  As I wrote that (then took a few minutes, thinking out loud, to be sure of the dates), I said "wow!"  It's hard to believe that I lived there for that length of time.  The longest that I ever attended one school, one individual educational institution, was my 4 years of college.  And the longest that I've ever worked at one job, for one employer, for a consecutive stretch is my current one: since October 2009, thus for 4 years, 8 months until I went out on paternity leave to be with Seva.  Although I don't like changes (my friend Evan pointed that out to me years ago), I've had a lifetime of stages or periods until the next change came.  I guess that's at least partly why I was so impressed just now at the length of time I lived at the Double-Deuce & Spruce; nothing comes close.  Although I can agree with Evan that I don't particularly like change, I know that -- because I'm so accustomed to a new school or a new town or a new home or a new job every 2 or 3 years -- I have an internal clock which gets louder as that existential mile-marker is passed.  During that time, the scales slowly begin to tip away from complacency and antipathy towards change and they tip in the direction of shaking things up, doing something new, taking on a challenge, making a move.  Busy myself as I often do, once the down time comes, those internal whispers become ever more audible.  We have a magnet on our refrigerator which says, "when your heart speaks, take good notes."  So it's kinda like that, the voice that comes from my heart gets louder, until I have no choice but to take note.  And then the questions become: where to? what next?

I'm a Lawyer

I help my clients.  I meet them in-person.  I listen to them.  I ask questions.  I know how to ask the hard questions.  I advise my clients.  I know how to explain complex legal concepts in an understandable way.  I take notes.  Very detailed, well-written notes.  I know the statutes and most relevant case law.  I know how to do legal research, and do it quickly and well, if I need to confirm the state of relevant case law.  I'm an excellent legal writer.  I don't misspell words.  I know how to use punctuation.  I know how to apply facts to law.  In writing.  And at Court.  I'm confident of my ability to analyze legal issues.  Very confident.  Because I'm thorough.  I work hard.  I am intelligent.  Since I am confident, I'm not intimidated by other lawyers.  Not by women lawyers.  Not by men lawyers.  Not by lawyers from this law school or that law school.  Not by the big names.  I respect the judges.  But I'm not scared of them.  I'm confident.  So I can present my cases with confidence.  I'm good at making evidentiary objections, although I can get better.  I respond to my clients' communications, although I can get better at that too, especially if I have a lower client volume.  I care about my clients.  I develop a sincere relationship with my clients.  I help my clients achieve their legal objectives.  I'm good at what I do.  I present well.  I'm professional.  I treat all people with respect: clients, opposing parties, attorneys, court staff, judges.  Some lawyers calls clients names in their notes or among colleagues in private.  I don't.  Some lawyers call opposing parties names in their notes or among colleagues in private.  I don't.  Some lawyers speak disparagingly about other classes of lawyers or about certain demographics of clientele or even about individual lawyers or parties.  I don't.  I treat all people with respect.  To their face.  In my notes.  And in private.  There are some clients I don't completely like.  There are some opposing parties that I don't trust, or whose actions I do not condone.  There are some lawyers that I don't hold in high esteem, usually for their character as noted above.  But I don't name-call any of them.  Those who do so simply diminish themselves.  I'll continue to do my work.  Continue to be a good lawyer.  Continue to help people.  I win cases.  Did I mention?  I win.  And I win.  And I win.  Yes, I'm competitive.  I've won a lot of things in the past, before becoming a lawyer.  I win.  This is a competitive field of work.  This is a competitive world we live in.  Am I competitive?  Hell yes.  And I win.  Why?  I'm intelligent.  I work hard.  I know my shit.  I'm not scared of anyone.  I'm confident.  I win.  Have I made mistakes?  Certainly, let she who has not sinned throw the first stone.  Do my mistakes take away from the truth of everything above?  No, not one bit.  If there is one who hates me or is jealous of me, it is because they know the truth of everything above but have difficulty accepting it.  That one will try to shine a light on my mistakes, but by pointing the light on me she will have put herself in darkness.  And remember: "To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of ocean by the frailty of its foam.  To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy."  (Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, p. 93).  I was a good lawyer before I went to law school.  Before I became a lawyer.  I have been a good lawyer.  I am a good lawyer.  I will continue to be a good lawyer.  I will help people and I will win cases.  You'll see.  Or you don't have to.  It's fine by me either way.  I am an excellent lawyer.

Leadership

Tonight I watched the second half of a rebroadcast of last year's Georgia at Auburn football game, ranked by ESPN as the #3 best college football game of 2013.  It got me thinking about college football, football in general, and also leadership.

I remembered my college football coach, Barry Streeter, who SUCKED as a football coach.  I have stated to others and I write unequivocally here that my high school football coach was superior to, better than, Coach Barry Streeter.  When I played for Coach Streeter, he ran the wing-T offense, consisting of three running backs and only one wide receiver.  He remained stubborn in this offensive set during a time when college football at the Division I level was opening up to a more pro-style offense, that is, more passing.  I remember that his inflexibility actually gave the opposing teams an advantage, because his playbook as head coach was the same year after year.  So opposing head coaches and defensive coordinators could just study film from previous years and coach their defense on how to defend a particular play based on the offensive formation and the action in the backfield.  This is common sense of course, something that Coach Streeter apparently lacks.

I just looked up Coach Streeter's overall record as head coach (see here).  In the past 16 seasons, he's had a winning record just 4 times.  Despite anyone who may want to call him a "legend" based on his long tenure, this record is anything but legendary; it's sub-par.

Now, let's contrast...

I just saw an article on philly.com, the headline of which was "Expect Kelly's Eagles to have new wrinkles in their offense."  The first sentence of the article reads: "Chip Kelly has said since Day 1 that offense is personnel-driven."  Then, just a couple lines later, Kelly is quoted as saying: "The biggest thing that you have to do is identify the skill-sets you have..."  I made this same point numerous times as a college football player to my positions coach under Coach Streeter.  Even as a student, I recognized that you don't plug players into a cookie-cutter system, which minimizes players' unique talents and makes your offense completely predictable.  And this is a principle of leadership that should apply to any team, organization, or company: you take the time to assess and understand your talent, then you put your team members in the best possible positions to exploit those individual talents with the objective to meet your team's goals.  It's not rocket science.

As author Warren Bennis wrote in his book "On Becoming a Leader": "The success or failure of all organizations . . . rests on the quality of their decision makers."  Again, refer back to Coach Streeter's overall record over the past 16 years; does that significant sample size reflect success or failure?  (As an important sidenote, Warren Bennis died two days ago (article here)).  There are certain traits of a leader, which include being active (as opposed to reactive), experimental (as opposed to rote), and flexible (as opposed to rigid); these are all cited by Bennis in On Becoming a Leader.  Whereas Coach Kelly exemplifies those positive leadership traits, Coach Streeter exemplifies the stagnant traits of a manager wearing a leader's mask.

I imagine that, at this point, at this late date, there is likely no way to get Coach Streeter to retire (or have him 'relieved of his duties').  If you're a high school player being recruited by, or considering playing for, Coach Streeter, my clear advice is: don't.

And for the vast majority of you who aren't being recruited by Coach Streeter, keep this leadership principle in mind when looking at your own career: spend as little time as possible in a workplace where management and supervisors are mediocre managers, rather than true leaders.  You'll get sucked in; your self-esteem may take a hit when you don't fit into the cookie-cutter mold; and you may start to question your skills or abilities.  If that happens, get the hell out of there!  Go somewhere to work for real leaders, people who will support you, encourage you, and positively challenge you, based upon an assessment and understanding of your individual skills.  Understand that good leaders make you better; bad leaders mostly waste your time, except to learn how not to be.

Thursday Walkabout

Almost every day for about the past three months or so I've read the daily reading on the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops website.  For those not familiar with Catholic mass, these are the biblical readings used at Catholic churches around the country.  A line from today's Gospel reading really struck me:

Whoever will not receive you or listen to your words -- go outside that house or town and shake the dust from your feet.

This line resonated with me, since it feels so on-point with my feelings about my current job.  I've written about this extensively before, so speaking of dust, I don't want to shake out the rug again right now and start a coughing fit.  All I'll emphasize is, regardless of fault or causes, as that quote relates to my feelings on [...], it strikes a chord with me.

And as long as I'm on the topic of quotes, I turn my attention to a backward-looking perspective to a forward-looking one as I quote a tweet from Pope Francis earlier today and similarly apply it to my life now:

Do not be afraid to cast yourselves into the arms of God; whatever he asks of you, he will repay a hundredfold.

Changing the topic and focus of this post, though, I'll share that Jeannie and I took a walk earlier this evening.  We walked to Sister Cities Park to catch the tail-end of a low-key concert there.  Then, we walked up to the lawn directly across the street from the Free Library of Philadelphia, where a play was being performed al fresco.  On the walk home, we ran into two people, both connected to [...], the first the chairman of the [...] board of directors, who was out for a walk with his college-aged daughter.  Then, closer to home, we ran into a former [.....] advocate/intern, who recounted to us the very long tale of the duplicitous actions of her boyfriend over the past 9 months or more.  Hearing it from an outside perspective, it seemed obvious that she should cut all ties with him immediately.  But I have a strong sense that she will continue to give him chances, or else she wouldn't have talked about him so much, and she certainly wouldn't be considering -- as she shared with us -- that she's looking to buy a house only two blocks from him.  I pray that she comes to her senses soon, hopefully without getting hurt any, or at least too much, more.

Church: Baptism and Confirmation

From today's Gospel reading: "But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth."  John 16:12-15.  Just before logging on here, I read this.  In the name of Jesus, I pray for guidance.  Guide me, oh God, to the truth of who I am and where I should be.  Lead me away from temptations and from dead-ends.  Like any relationship, carry me forward, transport me to the future that awaits me, lead me to a position where you may best work through me to bring about your will.  I always pray that God bless, protect, and guide my family and loved ones.  Now, in addition to those repeated prayers for my family and loved ones, I ask that God bless, protect, and most especially these days guide me.

Tonight we ate chicken breasts and drumsticks, seasoned with Adobo with pepper, and green bean casserole on the side; I was responsible for the former, Jeannie for the latter.  As usual, we began with an appetizer of house salad: romaine lettuce leaves, grape tomatoes, crumbled gorgonzola cheese, dried cranberries, and candied walnuts.

While eating dinner we watched the movie Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.  For all the bad press and negative reactions when it came out, I was thoroughly surprised.  I think it was as good as the first movie, more absurd and fantastic in its humor, but for my taste just as funny.

Right now, I can hear Seva fussing around in her crib upstairs, on the brink of crying.  I'm pretty sure she fights the feeling of falling asleep.  I also believe that she doesn't like to be left alone.  It should be interesting to see how these traits remain or adapt over the course of time as she gets older.  I'm also curious to see what kind of personality she's going to have or develop.  We love her so much.

I sent a letter by regular mail to Pito yesterday, inviting him to Seva's upcoming baptism.  I'm guessing he'll get the letter tomorrow.  I expect that he'll probably respond by immediately sending an email to me.  We'll see if he actually comes to Philadelphia.  I'd put the chances of that happening at around 10%.

Jeannie and I are set to be confirmed on Sunday, June 8th.  For me, this will finally be the confirmation that was denied me by Father Daniel Mahoney at Holy Name of Jesus Church in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania so many years ago, around the time I was in the 6th or 7th grade.  Father Mahoney refused to allow me to be confirmed, because I was going to wear sneakers to the confirmation.  It's ironic and pitiful that he was so doctrinaire that he would not let me be confirmed; ironic because I would venture to guess that Jesus Christ himself never wore a suit or dress shoes and pitiful because this story demonstrates that Father Mahoney was a sinner by putting doctrine above faith.  Upon a quick search just now, I see that Father Mahoney died in 2007.  May God forgive his sins and may he rest in peace.  And I thank God that I'll be confirmed in the Church in just a couple weeks from now.  As you, dear reader, may know from my posts over these past few months, I've been warmly welcomed at St. Charles Borromeo and I am committed to the Church.  I look forward to being confirmed.  Thanks be to God.

Concern yourself . . . with what it is still possible for you to do

"Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams.  Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential.  Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do."  -- Saint John XXIII

I saw this quote on a large visual display at the back of church today.  I pointed it out to Jeannie.  I really like the quote.  It resonates with me when I think about my work life.  And so, it speaks to me when I think about my future.  I've written recently about trying to let go of the negative and just do my thing, but it's still not always easy.  As I explained to Madhu yesterday, [...]'s move to the new location has been the focus of everyone's energy and attention.  And the new space is pretty nice, so I think it makes everyone feel good while everything is still fresh and new.  But knowing that, I don't want to ignore the reality that lies below the surface and the fact that my head has been hitting the ceiling for a while and that I just don't belong.

Speaking of Madhu, Jeannie and I went for a picnic yesterday in Rittenhouse Square and we invited Madhu and Diana to join us.  We had a great afternoon.  Jeannie, Seva, and I had the first half-hour or so to ourselves.  We laid down a double-folded sheet on to the ground and began eating the lunch that Jeannie had packed for us.  Seva was very comfortable.  The weather was nearly perfect in terms of the temperature, with the occasional breeze.  There were a lot of people out.  We set-up our sheet next to a group of people who had an iPod playing some music.  I told Jeannie that the vibe from the group next to us reminded me of a Gettysburg spring semester off-campus party, from the music they were playing to the way they dressed to the way they hung around and made major progress on a bunch of beer cans.  Although I can't say that I ever fit in with that crowd or sub-culture, the vibe definitely made me feel a bit nostalgic.

Returning to the perspective of our perspective, we had a nice afternoon chatting with Madhu and Diana on all sorts of life topics, that I won't even get into here.  Needless to say we had a great time.  And Madhu and Diana each did a great job holding Seva in their respective turns.  Having turned 3 weeks old yesterday, I'm getting the impression that Seva is happy when she feels close and comfortable with others and, if that's satisfied, then she's pretty easy-going.  If my take on her disposition is accurate, then I think she'll do very well for herself as she gets older.  I guess time will tell.

Later, after we'd been sitting on the lawn for a while and everyone was beginning to feel different degrees of restless, we decided to get up to walk through the Rittenhouse Row Spring Festival as it was wrapping up.  Jeannie got a white sangria at the stand for Alma de Cuba, where Madhu got a bottle of water.  We continued walking until we got to Broad Street, where we hung a right, then turned left on to Pine Street, then turned right down a side street (perhaps Juniper) to head over to South Street. Spring Festival.  As with the first, there wasn't really much to see or do, especially since we wanted to avoid the loud music.  We noticed a food truck for arepas, but it was closed.  But then, right as we were about to cross 4th Street, I looked to my left and saw the actual restaurant to which the food truck belonged: Delicias.  I pointed it out to everyone and we decided to go in.  We all got our own variation of arepas: Madhu got carnitas de masa, I got pabellon, and Jeannie and Diana got vegetarian.  I think we were all pretty pleased with the food.  And the staff there was very nice and complimentary toward Seva.

We enjoyed a nice long walk west up South Street (along the way I ran into my friend Julie) and we parted ways at Broad Street.  As Jeannie and I continued on our walk home, the rain drops slowly started to come down.  As we walked into the door to our building, it started to rain.  We couldn't have timed it much better.

Last night was nice.  We laid Seva down to sleep and Jeannie and I watched The Secret Life ofWalter Mitty, which was a really good movie.  The theme of the movie was to live life to its fullest experience, which leads me back to the quote with which I opened this post.  I hope that before too long I can make a change in mindset, in role, in mission, in location, which will spark a new passion and chapter in life, one which will make me a better man.

Save yourselves from this corrupt generation

Today was a pretty good day.  For most of the work day, I kept my office door closed and my nose to the grindstone.  My main objective yesterday was to make as much progress as possible in returning telephone calls to clients who'd left voicemail messages to me.  My main objective today was to make as much progress as possible in working on a healthy stack of physical casefiles that were on my desk.  By the end of today, I had both objectives nearly completed; I have about 5 clients to call-back and about 4 physical casefiles to review.  I was able to leave work pretty early, at 5:35 p.m, and meet Jeannie and Seva at Liberty Place.  From there, we walked to Miel, where Jeannie got a chocolate croissant.  And then we walked to Rittenhouse Square, where we were able to sit on a bench and relax for a solid half-hour to 45 minutes.  As I mentioned to Jeannie, the temperature was near perfect.  It felt good to be out of the office, with my wife and daughter, while the sun was still out, in one of my favorite places in the world.

I just checked today's reading (Acts 2:36-41) and really liked one of the lines from the first reading: "Save yourselves from this corrupt generation."  I think about my generation and I wonder: are we corrupt?  If so, what makes us corrupt?  I think here in the United States, and more and more so abroad, we've been and continue to become materialistic.  As an example, I know that my friend Bill's wife, Nancy, insisted on a huge house in the suburbs, even though it was (from my understanding) beyond their financial bounds.  The idea of going deeply into debt for the sake of affording property merely to feel good about oneself seems silly to me; its like a teenage boy insisting on borrowing $200 to buy a pair of sneakers just to impress others.  I also think this culture has too strongly valued individuality and short-term gratification; this has manifested, among other ways, in a high divorce rate, which reflects the individual's happiness over the individual's commitment to something bigger and greater than him or her.  I also think that our culture, especially here in the United States, has become too focused on labels and categories to favor certain groups over others.  On this point, I agree to a certain degree with many conservatives that feel that minorities are being given preferential treatment.  I think this is especially true, ironically enough, in liberal organizations, which strongly favor women and persons of African and Latin American descent (blacks and Latinos, in common parlance).  I think history and popular culture have inculcated the American public with a deep sense of modern guilt, which manifests in babying and/or glorifying minorities, which is not necessarily a sin in itself, but in some situations actually manifests as resentment or even borderline hatred of men and persons of European descent (men and whites, in common parlance).  It's almost like saying that, because someone's great-grandfather lived at a time of racism (whether he was actually racist or not is not important), we should not give any advantages or recognition to this white man now.  I think it's led white men to feel defensive and insular in the areas of work, business, and residence where they predominate.  I think these white men and their closest family, friends, and sympathizers largely make up the Republican Party.  And because they're becoming more and more outnumbered, they're becoming more and more defensive.  And those with an imbued sense of modern guilt are loving it.  But is this right?  Is this something our culture should be proud of?  I believe it's dangerous to let the pendulum swing too far back the other way.

Anyway, I'll end this post by noting that Rocky has jumped up on to my lap and the Baby is crouched on a step about two-thirds up on the staircase to my right.  I love these guys so much.

Go big or go home!

"There is no passion to be found playing small -- in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." -- Nelson Mandela

My friend R. Lowe posted this on facebook just a couple hours ago.  It really struck home.  I know I'm probably sounding like a broken record these days, since I've mostly been writing about how unfulfilled I feel at work, but it's what's most on my mind.  Which should say a lot, since I'm expecting the arrival of my first-born any day now!  For my daughter's sake, for my wife's sake, and for my own sake, I deserve at least the opportunity to go big.  Go big or go home!  I feel small and underutilized at work.  I feel ignored.  I write emails and there's often no response or affirmation of any kind.  I post articles on facebook on topics that my work colleagues should likely agree with, but no one comments or clicks "like."  It's ridiculous.  I'm like Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man.  When I'm at the office, especially when it comes to meetings, I feel small, I feel turned inward, I feel hunched, I feel downward.  On the contrary, at times when I'm at Court or at other times when I'm one-on-one with a client or law student or other times on the weekends among friends or other people, I feel full, like my wings are stretched, I feel level, I feel calmer and more confident, more comfortable in my own space/area.

Can I learn from this test?

Man, how difficult it seems to be happy, genuinely happy!  I feel so weary of this life that I'm living.  The biggest weight around my neck is my relationship with my coworkers.  I need to figure out if there is anything that I can be doing better or differently without, of course, sacrificing my morals or principles.  The problem is that I have a supervisor whose skills as a lawyer are sub-par, due primarily to her tendency to over-identify with our women clients, while demonizing men in general, particularly the opposing parties.  Additionally, she also makes assumptions all the time, something which should be a no-no for any lawyer, yet she is the supervising attorney.  Oftentimes her assumptions play into her pro-woman, anti-man bias.  As with any team or organization, it's only as good as its leadership.  The second lawyer in seniority is very self-promotional, a quality which I generally dislike.  A cult of personality has grown around her and she seems to encourage it by speaking highly of herself, posting photos of herself throughout the office, and purposely sitting at the head of the table at weekly unit meetings.  I'm third in seniority.  The next lawyer in seniority has stated point-blank that she will only date black men.  This policy has challenged me internally since I found out about it.  On one hand, I understand that every person has the right to have their own preferences for who they date.  But if another woman stated that she only dates men who earn more than a million dollars per year, then is it unreasonable for me to dislike her for being materialistic?  Or if another woman stated that she only dates men with a huge penis, then is it unreasonable for me to dislike her for objectifying men?  When we bring up issues of race, it naturally raises the question of racism.  Is it racist for the fourth lawyer in seniority to state that she only dates black men?  Is it unreasonable for me to dislike her for being superficial?  What's even more frustrating for me is that these lawyers (1, 2, and 4) are all kind women at heart.  I know this, because I've seen it in how they treat others.  They're not necessarily bad people, but there are things about them that I frankly do not like.  But, as long as I'm analyzing this whole situation, I can easily wonder if there are things about me that they do not like.  Perhaps that's what I need to find out.  If I am to use this challenging period in my life for any kind of constructive purpose, then perhaps I need to be asking everyone what can I be doing differently? what can I be doing better? what do you dislike about my work as a lawyer? what do you dislike about my work as a supervisor of law students? what do you dislike about me as a coworker? what do you dislike about me as a person?  Today's Gospel reading at St. Charles Borromeo was from St. Paul's letter to the Hebrews.  I'm not sure the exact scripture citation, but after looking in my Bible here at home, I believe today's Gospel came from Hebrews 12.  Here's a direct quotation from Hebrews 12:5-11, The Message:

"My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,
    but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
    the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."

I need to remind myself that every challenge in life must be a test from God.  I've tried to keep my head up, be a good man, do my work to the best of my ability, and disregard any perceived judgment or dislike from others.  But this three-day weekend that is now coming to an end was generally unhappy.  I had troubles sleeping, as a result of all the negative feelings from work.  As much as I try to put a positive spin on this whole thing, I can't help but feel crappy.  This negativity from work is effecting my overall emotional well-being.  What do I do?  If you're reading this, please say a prayer for me.  I pray to God to help me through this trial and lead me to where I need to be, even if it's somewhere other than where I am now.

Summer law students' last day

Today was the last official day for the summer law students.  For that reason there was a luncheon in the 5th floor conference room at 12:30pm.  After Anita said some words of thanks, she opened it up to whoever wanted to individually thank their law students.  Ben jumped right in to thank the work of his two students in the food stamp clinic.

After a pause, in which I deliberately thought to myself that I must speak, I did indeed give a short speech.  I said that I was proud of the four students under my supervision and the work they did this summer.  I said that it called to mind Mahatma Gandhi's statement that we must be the change we wish to see in the world, since I saw the change that took place this summer.  I said that I saw the external change that the students made by helping their clients.  I said how, just this morning, I was closing lots of casefiles and nearly every case was closed as a "limited action" (as opposed to "advice only") case, meaning that the student wrote a complaint for custody or complaint for support or a letter to the Court that wouldn't have been done for the client if it wasn't for us, if it wasn't for the law students.  I said that I also saw the internal change within the students, in their growth from day one until today, how they learned so much in the past ten (10) weeks and I hope I had something to do with that.  Finally, I said that I was proud of the work that the students did and I was happy for them.

Let me say that what I've written here is a pretty faithful paraphrase of what I said, but it reads much better here than how I delivered it.  Thus, I stand by the substance, but I felt somewhat embarrassed at the presentation.  The reason I say this is that I felt hesitant and a bit nervous in front of everyone.  This is nothing new when it comes to speaking in front of others about my own personal feelings, but I also know that my vibe standing before so many of my co-workers was effected by the negativity and dissatisfaction that I've been feeling at work for at least the past couple months.  If I had stood in front of a group of co-workers that I genuinely felt were my friends, people who cared for me and around whom I could feel comfortable and be myself, then the substance of my speech today would have been more natural, more confidently delivered.  Instead, it was a tentative, though sincere, sharing of my thoughts.  Bottom line: I can't stand where I work.  I want to feel passionate and motivated, while also supported and loved.  That ain't happenin' where I'm at -- a de facto women's rights, Penn Law lawyers-preferred, Haverford paralegals-preferred -- a public interest law firm that is becoming organizationally old and static and in which powered is essentially concentrated in the hands of just three people or so.  I'm tired of it, in a very real and literal way.  And I'm sure they're tired of me -- I'm not a woman, I'm not Penn Law or Haverford educated, and I don't kiss anyone's ass, ever.

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Stop. Hammer Time.

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Check out my melody.

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Today is Cesar Chavez Day: "All my life, I have been driven by one dream, one goal, one vision: to overthrow a farm labor system in this nation that treats farm workers as if they were not important human beings. Farm workers are not agricultural implements; they are not beasts of burden to be used and discarded."

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The American poet Walt Whitman once portrayed a sunset over Philadelphia as "...a broad tumble of clouds, with much golden haze and profusion of beaming shaft and dazzle."

capitalism/socialism

Capitalism is good when it promotes competition -- which creates better products, more efficiency, and generally pushes everyone -- as individuals and corporations -- to work better.

Socialism is good when it provides essential services to individuals and families who are adversely effected by economic forces beyond their control.

A healthy economy is the positive, mutually beneficial intersection of these two basic goals.

The part of Dr. King's quote that is critical is its reference to those living "in abject, deadening poverty." That's because the existence of those with "superfluous, inordinate wealth" is only really a problem when there exist those who continue to live "in abject, deadening poverty."

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"Para mi solo recorrer los caminos que tienen corazon, cualquier camino que tenga corazon. Por ahi yo recorro, y la unica prueba que vale es atravesar todo su largo. Y por ahi yo recorro mirando, mirando, sin aliento." -- don Juan Matus

Remembering MLK

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. told his Ebenezer Church congregation:

"If our economic system is to survive, there has to be a better distribution of wealth . . . we can't have a system where some people live in superfluous, inordinate wealth, while others live in abject, deadening poverty."

Today is Martin Luther King Day 2010. I'm happy that I work in public service. Hopefully my six-month stint at Philadelphia Legal Assistance becomes something longer lasting. I hope that an offer for a permanent position is extended to me in the next week or two. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please. Thanks.

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"If our economic system is to survive, there has to be a better distribution of wealth . . . we can't have a system where some people live in superfluous, inordinate wealth, while others live in abject, deadening poverty." -- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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"Chaque homme porte en lui sa dose d'opium naturel, incessamment secretee et renouvelee, et, de la naissance a la mort, combien comptons-nous d'heures remplies par la jouissance positive, par l'action reussie et decidee?"

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"Be true to yourself and you will never fall."