Seva's first time to the ocean

I wonder who's reading these posts?  I often wonder that, but today I'm putting it in writing.  Whoever you are, I hope that you're enjoying what you're reading.  I can't imagine that my life or my thoughts are that interesting to anyone besides me.  But then again, I think I would be interested to hear or read how others live their lives and the thoughts they have on a daily basis.  Each person's life is a journey and everyone has a story to tell.  So in that regard, I guess I shouldn't downplay what I share here.

With that brief preface, my dear reader, now that I've broken the fourth wall, let me tell you a little bit about my weekend.

Yesterday was Seva's first trip to the ocean.  Jeannie, Seva, and I drove to Brant Beach on Long Beach Island to visit my aunt Judith, uncle Ray, and cousin Marc.  Jess had gotten there a couple hours before we did.  Seva got some sand between her toes and Jeannie even held Seva up when a wave came up to shore to get Seva's feet wet.  Seva, in her usual demeanor, was very calm and observant of the whole scene.  Of my extended family members there, she seemed most intrigued by her great-aunt Judith, with whom she seemed to have a connection.  I guess the fact that aunt Judith was so interested in Seva probably helped too.

We hung out on the beach for a couple hours, from about 3:30pm to 5:30pm.  I got the ocean for a while, a good 20 to 30 minutes I'd say.  The weather was pristine: highs in the 80s, clear blue sky, occasional light breeze, and the icing on the cake was warm ocean water.  Once I dove under that first wave to get myself wet, the water was absolutely relaxing.  In my entire life, I've rarely experienced the Jersey Atlantic at that temperature.  It was a real blessing.

We all went inside for a dinner of burgers, hot dogs, and potato salad, along with a glass of Jersey Devil white wine, diluted a bit with some ice cubes and club soda (the wine was pretty sweet).  After dinner, I had a few pieces of diced cantaloupe as dessert.  And we told stories, some of them about my grandfather and some about my father.

My aunt Judith described my father's relationship with his father as "contentious."  She said that her father didn't really interact with her and aunt Susan, because they were girls, so her father actually had the closest relationship with Pito, although that wasn't necessarily saying much.  She said that her father was "critical" of others.  Cousin Marc gave the example that even I would have been criticized for having hair too long (right now, my hair is completely buzzed on the sides and I have less than an inch of hair on top, not even long enough to style).  I guessed that my grandfather's military background in the U.S. Navy played a part in that mentality.  Aunt Judith said that her father would just disagree to disagree: "if you said white, he'd say black."  One thing I learned was that my grandfather willingly chose to join the U.S. Navy during World War II.  Uncle Ray explained that having a family was an exemption to being enlisted, so my grandfather could have used that as a reason to stay home.  Aunt Judith said that, among her classmates in school, her father was the only one away in the military.  When I asked if my grandfather used the war as a way to "escape" life at home, aunt Judith said that was always her impression.  She said that she was raised by and large by her mother's parents (my great-grandparents), so that when her father returned from the war, he and even her mother were still merely "substitute parents."  I found that really interesting.  She concurred what I had heard that my grandfather acted like a drill sergeant by personally coaching my dad at the track directly across the street from their house in Englewood, pushing my dad to run faster, holding a stopwatch and timing the intervals.

We also heard the funny story, which my sister brought up, about my dad wanting to date a black girl in high school and my grandfather finding out and chasing my dad in circles in the yard outside the house.  I remember my dad telling me about this episode that he tried to reason with his father that he coached black kids on the track team, so it should be okay for his son to date a black girl.  It didn't matter to my grandfather.  Although they lived in a suburb of New York City, the fact remained that this was 1960s America.

Jess also brought up a story that was completely new to everyone at the table.  According to her, Pito baked pot brownies and gave them to his parents.  Uncle Ray laughed at the thought of my grandfather stoned, saying "I would've loved to have seen that."  I'll have to ask Pito if that story is true.

Cousin Marc told a story about how Pito had let him drive his car at the age of 12.  He said that they were all in Forked River (at my grandparents' house at 842 Wave Drive) and my dad asked Marc, then age 12 or so, if he wanted to drive.  Obviously Marc said yes, so without telling any of the other adults there, my dad took him out in his car.  Marc said that he first drove while my dad controlled the pedals, then they switched.  My dad told Marc not to tell anyone, but as soon as Marc walked in the door and someone asked him what he was doing, Marc said "Uncle Francis let me drive!" to which my grandmother dropped something in the sink and aunts Judith and Susan, who were sitting at the kitchen table, looked at him in shock.

Marc also told the story about the time that my dad picked him up at school in some kind of red convertible, with his mother (my aunt) in the passenger seat.  He said that all his classmates were in total disbelief, saying something to the effect of "whoa! that's your dad?!" since they knew Marc's mother and they just assumed that it must have been Marc's father in the driver seat.  Marc said that, growing up, he always wanted to grow up to be like Pito.  That's kind of funny for me to hear, being his son.  I can also see that my dad was clearly rebellious against his father.

Aunt Judith said that her father disagreed in some way with Pito's decision to go into the Peace Corps.  And it wasn't until my grandfather (and grandmother) visited Pito in Costa Rica and saw what he was doing there that he had any kind of respect for the decision.  I type this here almost verbatim from what aunt Judith said last night.

To step back from all these stories, I must state that it had been at least 15 years since I'd seen aunt Judith, uncle Ray, and cousin Marc.  As best as I could recall to Jeannie during our car ride there, I'm pretty certain that I last saw my paternal extended family at my cousin Stephen's wedding, when I was a sophomore (as best I can remember) in college.  Now that I had a chance to reconnect with them and especially after hearing stories of my dad, I realize that it's important to continue building my relationship with my dad.  I also think about the handful of people in my life that don't seem to like me (namely a few of my coworkers at PLA) and I realize that I need to stick with all the people who do seem to like me and care about me.  And between so many of my friends, plus the unconditional love of family, I see that I'm a very fortunate guy.  And that I don't need to let the prejudice of a handful of others get me down.

We drove home late last night.  We got home around 11pm.

This morning I did the welcome remarks and the first reading at mass at St. Charles Borromeo, which I had been scheduled to do for a few months back.  I felt embarrassed by the fact that I've missed Sunday mass for about the past month.  But I'm very thankful that I had this commitment this morning to urge me to finally go again.  As I have before, I got compliments from a few people afterwards that I did a good job, from Ms. Richardson, from Sandy, and from our friends Pete and Vanessa, who also attended (and who I didn't see until I returned to my seat next to Jeannie after the first reading).  It felt good to be back.  It really did.

Afterwards, Pete, Vanessa, Jeannie, Seva, and I went to brunch at Cafe Ynez.  I ate an omelette with orange juice.  It was good.  Although I started feeling a bit tired during brunch (especially my voice, which always seems to be one of the first indicators that I'm tired), it was nice to spend some time with friends, talking about marriages, buying a house, and traveling the world.

As if I didn't realize how tired I was, I later took a long nap on the couch in the afternoon.  Nothing like a summer Sunday afternoon nap!

Finally, to rejoin the theme of reconnecting, we drove to Cherry Hill this evening to meet my old friend Shay and his family for dinner at their house.  Shay cooked a whole bunch of stuff on the grill and we ate inside at the dining room table, while talking about all sorts of things.  I haven't seen Shay since probably around 2002 or so.  He looks a bit heavier and just a little bit older, but he really mostly looks the same.  When we first got there, his wife Eki took us on a tour of their backyard, where they have a couple chicken coops, a couple rabbit pens, three ducks walking freely, and fish pond, and various vegetable garden enclosures.  It was amazing to see their ingenuity in using their suburban backyard to provide for their family.  Shay even installed a couple solar panels on the main chicken coop.  It was impressive to see.  I really enjoyed seeing him and catching up with him.  As I told him before we left, I hope we can see each other again soon, certainly much sooner than 10 years from now.

All in all, it was a good weekend.  My only minor frustration is that I feel that I've spent such little quality one-on-one time with Jeannie; for the past week, she's been so tired or in such a business state-of-mind that it's either been not possible or not fun to hang out with her.  I'm only eight months into this journey called matrimony, but I knew these kinds of challenges, mostly brought on from external conditions, would inevitably come.  I will say this though: no matter what I'm very happy to be married.  Especially to Jeannie.  I very much prefer it to the alternatives, which I've lived through before.  So for everything -- from the weekend to life itself -- I thank God.  Now time for bed.....

Prayers of a Faithful

I just finished watching an episode of Frontline on PBS titled "Secrets of the Vatican."  It raised a lot of interesting issues and gave a nice snapshot of how those issues eventually brought Pope Francis to the papacy.  I am a Catholic.  After watching the program, I'd like to offer the following prayers:

• May God bless and protect Pope Francis.
• May God bless, be with, protect and heal the victims of child sexual abuse by clergy.
• May God bring the perpetrators of child sexual abuse to justice.
• May God lead away from sin (in the form of coerced and manipulated selfish sexual gratification) any clergy, or any person, who considers sexually abusing a child, and lead them toward self-awareness of their weaknesses and awareness of how their considered actions would hurt innocent people.
• May God lead away from sin (in the selfish love of money and power) all mafia, whose criminal actions hurt other people, and lead them toward productive labor in the service of others.
• May God lead away from sin (in the form of pride, power, and arrogance) the Roman Curia and lead them toward humility in the service of others.
• May God bless the Church, that is the people who are the Church, to maintain its faith in God, despite the sins of others.
• May God bless our Archbishop, Charles Chaput, with the fortitude and sense of justice to act decisively and justly in response to any and all allegations of child sexual abuse by clergy in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia.
• May God bless the new priest, Father Estéban, at St. Charles Borromeo, with faith in action, with wisdom to learn and grow, with strength to persevere through any and all challenges, and with love of God to guide him throughout his life and priesthood.
• May God bless me, that I too may practice what I preach and lead by example to the best of my human ability in God's service.

Towards Good Health

Once again, I've left myself very little time to write, so once again I'll have to write some short blurbs.

I took a bike ride today, just as I did last Wednesday.  It felt good.  By the time I came inside I was drenched in sweat and still sweating more.  My lung capacity is nowhere near top shape, but hopefully I can continue moving in a positive direction.  Both rides were about a half-hour long (32 minutes today, 29 minutes last week, to be exact).

This coming Sunday will be Father Ed's last mass as pastor at St. Charles Borromeo.  It's gonna be hard to imagine St. Charles without him.  I hope that the parish (including me) can make the transition positively.

I miss the fun, competitiveness, and togetherness of high school football.  It was a unique experience in my life and one that I think about often.  There's nothing like it as an adult.  Although the competitive aspects of being a lawyer sometimes come close, I can't say that it's as fun as playing football and my most recent chapter certainly lacks the togetherness that characterized my high school football experience.

Tonight Jeannie cooked cheese ravioli with spaghetti sauce with meatballs and spinach for dinner.  It was good.  We ate it while watching The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on tv.  Although I fell asleep for part of it, it was a decent movie.

Since I've been on paternity leave, I feel that my physical health and mental health have both improved.  I've been exercising every weekday since I've been on leave, which has led me to feel better already.  And simply being away from the negative, personality-dulling effects of the office, I've felt much better about myself.  On both counts, physical and mental, I know that I have more progress to make in direction of good health and feeling good about myself, but I know I'm heading the right way for both.  It's a good feeling, and for that I thank God.

Sorry for the Delay

We haven't had internet access at home for about three weeks, thus the delay since my last post.  I got sick of Comcast repeatedly trying to raise their rates for cable and internet without offering any additional service.  Why would anyone in their right mind pay more money for the same amount of the same thing?  The only exception to the obvious answer is if you are paying for a limited (or more to the point, diminishing) commodity, which of course cable and internet are not.  So, we switched to DirecTV and Verizon FiOS.  And so far, we're happy.

So, what can I say about the last three weeks?  On Sunday, June 8th, Jeannie and I got confirmed at the Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul.  Archbishop Charles Chaput conducted the confirmation.  Just before it was my turn, I bowed slightly before the cathedra (throne, or chair, where the archbishop was sitting).  After the archbishop confirmed me, he shook my hand, to which I said, "Thank you, Your Excellency.  May God bless you."  Jeannie was confirmed right after me.  It was a very nice ceremony, though it lasted a very long time due to the large number of mostly children receiving their confirmation.  Afterwards, knowing that it was too late to go home and cook dinner, Jeannie, Seva and I went to dinner at Asia on the Parkway.  It was a beautiful evening, so we dined al fresco.  Mentioning Seva reminds me that she slept through the entire ceremony; that in itself was a blessing.

But the spotlight was on Seva just one week later, on Sunday, June 15th, when she was baptized by Father Ed at our church, St. Charles Borromeo.  Once again, though, even with the spotlight on her, Seva did a great job of maintaining grace under pressure.  Father Ed gave a warning to us that the baptismal water was cold, which initially shocked Seva, but only five minutes later she was sound asleep.  It was pretty funny.  Also funny was Father Ed's comment to us afterward, saying something to the effect of "you've run out of sacraments."  It's true that we've made a nice run on sacraments in the past few months: our marriage, Jeannie's first communion, our confirmation, and Seva's baptism.  I guess we get to be regular parishioners now.

The other recent event that's been exciting has been the 2014 FIFA World Cup.  I could go on and on about the World Cup matches so far, but I'll avoid that temptation for now.  All I'll say is that I've very much enjoyed watching the matches.

Church: Baptism and Confirmation

From today's Gospel reading: "But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth."  John 16:12-15.  Just before logging on here, I read this.  In the name of Jesus, I pray for guidance.  Guide me, oh God, to the truth of who I am and where I should be.  Lead me away from temptations and from dead-ends.  Like any relationship, carry me forward, transport me to the future that awaits me, lead me to a position where you may best work through me to bring about your will.  I always pray that God bless, protect, and guide my family and loved ones.  Now, in addition to those repeated prayers for my family and loved ones, I ask that God bless, protect, and most especially these days guide me.

Tonight we ate chicken breasts and drumsticks, seasoned with Adobo with pepper, and green bean casserole on the side; I was responsible for the former, Jeannie for the latter.  As usual, we began with an appetizer of house salad: romaine lettuce leaves, grape tomatoes, crumbled gorgonzola cheese, dried cranberries, and candied walnuts.

While eating dinner we watched the movie Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.  For all the bad press and negative reactions when it came out, I was thoroughly surprised.  I think it was as good as the first movie, more absurd and fantastic in its humor, but for my taste just as funny.

Right now, I can hear Seva fussing around in her crib upstairs, on the brink of crying.  I'm pretty sure she fights the feeling of falling asleep.  I also believe that she doesn't like to be left alone.  It should be interesting to see how these traits remain or adapt over the course of time as she gets older.  I'm also curious to see what kind of personality she's going to have or develop.  We love her so much.

I sent a letter by regular mail to Pito yesterday, inviting him to Seva's upcoming baptism.  I'm guessing he'll get the letter tomorrow.  I expect that he'll probably respond by immediately sending an email to me.  We'll see if he actually comes to Philadelphia.  I'd put the chances of that happening at around 10%.

Jeannie and I are set to be confirmed on Sunday, June 8th.  For me, this will finally be the confirmation that was denied me by Father Daniel Mahoney at Holy Name of Jesus Church in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania so many years ago, around the time I was in the 6th or 7th grade.  Father Mahoney refused to allow me to be confirmed, because I was going to wear sneakers to the confirmation.  It's ironic and pitiful that he was so doctrinaire that he would not let me be confirmed; ironic because I would venture to guess that Jesus Christ himself never wore a suit or dress shoes and pitiful because this story demonstrates that Father Mahoney was a sinner by putting doctrine above faith.  Upon a quick search just now, I see that Father Mahoney died in 2007.  May God forgive his sins and may he rest in peace.  And I thank God that I'll be confirmed in the Church in just a couple weeks from now.  As you, dear reader, may know from my posts over these past few months, I've been warmly welcomed at St. Charles Borromeo and I am committed to the Church.  I look forward to being confirmed.  Thanks be to God.

Report on Mother's Day 2014

I've been meaning to write nearly every day for the past week, but either I've had other things that I had to do or I was too tired to sit down and write.  For the former, it almost always involved holding Seva and caring for her.  For the latter, it was a result of the former.

But here I am on a Tuesday night, hoping to finally catch up on this diary, to document my life over these last few days before it begins to fade into oblivion.  And these are days that are important to remember, since they're Seva's first days of life.

Two days ago was Mother's Day, Jeannie's first as a mother.  After morning mass at St. Charles Borromeo -- at which I read the rosario to the whole parish from the lectern before mass began and at which Jeannie received her first communion -- the three of us came home to our usual morning routine: I ate breakfast, made the bed, and watered the plants, while Jeannie ate breakfast and cleaned some dishes.  Although the plan at that point was to hit the road to meet up with Jess and Mita and Eric, I told Jeannie that I needed a nap before we left (and I thought she needed one as well).  So Jeannie handed Seva to me on the couch.  Jeannie went upstairs and fell promptly to sleep in her bed, while Seva fell asleep on my chest and I quickly followed suit.  Man, did we all need that nap!  It felt good.  I commented to Jeannie later that I'm sure it made a huge difference in my ability to enjoy the day; I just felt so much better.

Since it was Mother's Day and the next day was Jess's birthday, we stopped at a great store on South Street, Mushmina, to buy gifts for Mita and Jess.  For Mita, we bought a multi-colored scarf.  For Jess, we bought a clutch and a set of five casual wristbands.  Jeannie was lucky enough to get a parking spot directly in front of the store, where she waited with Seva in the car seat in the back.  I enjoyed a conversation with the shop owner, Katie, who told me the story of how she and her sister began the business and encouraged me to begin my own small business.  It was a nice talk and really helped to set me in a good mood for the car ride north to meet Mita and Jess.

It was a beautiful day: sunny, blue skies, moderately warm temperatures, a gentle breeze.  In short, a perfect day for a drive, Seva's first road trip at that.  The first part of the trip was driving northbound on I-95, but the drive became much more enjoyable when we exited and took local, winding roads through New Hope and northbound along the Pennsylvania side of the Delaware River to the small, previously unknown town of Erwinna.  In the shade of the small cliffs and hills to our left, populated with newly green trees in their springtime prime, with the wide river to our right, the drive was spectacular.  Its moments like that when I think of my family in Costa Rica and wish they were there to experience a piece of America not usually thought of as part of the stereotype, which usually consists of big cities, skyscrapers and large, lavish suburbia.  The drive exemplified one of those experiences that make you feel good to be alive, and thus one of those memories which will leave an indelible mark on the soul, though not easily related to others ("you had to be there to see it").

We met Jess, Mita, and Eric at the Golden Pheasant Inn, 763 River Road, Erwinna, Pennsylvania.  It was a beautiful location, just past a bend in the road characterized by a one-lane bridge.  Just across the street from the restaurant, on the other side of River Road, was the Delaware River itself.  Just behind the restaurant was the Delaware River canal, with a narrow red gravel riding path in between, on which at least one bicyclist passed while we were there.  By the time Jeannie, Seva, and I got there, we saw Jess, Mita, and Eric already sitting at a table in the back patio.  Mita and Jess were especially excited to see Seva.  Jess hadn't seen her since her visit to the hospital on Seva's second day of life.

Since our meal was a late lunch or early dinner, I suppose I should say that we enjoyed a nice supper together.  Jeannie and Jess ate duck breast, Mita had scallops, Eric had mussels, and I ate lamb shank.  Overall, we were all pretty pleased with the meal.  As we were finishing our food, I ordered a bottle of malbec to top things off: Trapiche Broquel, 2011 vintage.  It was pretty good, though still leaning a bit on the dry side.  Jeannie and I presented the gifts to Mita and Jess, who both seemed pretty happy.  Even though, we were tired on the drive home, it was a special day that was absolutely worth it.

When we got home, Jeannie and I watched the movie Ender's Game.  I had been wanting to see the movie, since I read the book about a year and a half ago, only a few months after I started dating Jeannie.  I remember still living at Bainbridge Street when I read the book.  We enjoyed the movie last night.  My main critique is the typical one for a movie based on a book: the book was better, since it was more textured, more detailed, and just more well-developed.  But for a movie of two hours or less, it was entertaining and kept us captivated for that time.  Ender's steadfast confidence and leadership effected my mindset at work yesterday.  While at the unit meeting and walking the halls afterwards, I felt a level calm that I don't usually feel at [...].  It was a good feeling, one that I hope to feel more often.

Anyway, getting back to Seva, it's been tough in some ways.  She's a beautiful girl and a good baby.  But like any baby that gets hungry or needs to be changed or simply wants to feel comforted and loved, she cries a lot, and it seems to be more so at nighttime.  Since I've been back to work for the past three weeks, it's hard.  I haven't slept a full eight hours, and probably not even a six-hour stretch, since she was born.  Jeannie has borne the brunt of the child-giving responsibilities, mainly because she's Seva's mother and can feed her, but also because she's on leave, so I guess she's the frontline these days.  I do what I can to help Jeannie, and on that I'm better on some days than others.  I give Jeannie a lot of credit.  She's done an amazing job so far stepping into and growing into the role of mother.  I'm so happy and proud that she's my wife and that she's the mother of my child.  My dear Seva, if you ever read this some day in the future, please know that your mother and I lost many hours of sleep, were sometimes pushed near the limits of our patience and endurance, and sacrificed our personal desires to care for you.  Of course we did this willingly.  We love you so much already, Seva, and I pray to God that our love continues to grow as we grow every day as a family.  But just like I didn't fully appreciate the difficulties of parenthood that others around have been through (not to mention my own parents!), I know that it may be hard for you to understand what we've done, until you become a parent one day, God willing.  I guess all I'm saying is that it's been hard, but it's very much worth it.  In fact, as I'm typing this, I can hear you crying upstairs, your mother talking calmly to you, trying to comfort you.

Well, what else can I write about at this point?  It's 11pm and I have to be up early to meet a law student intern at Family Court tomorrow; I'm supervising her to represent a client in a custody hearing before a judge.  I've thought about memorializing some of my interesting stories here, as well as some of my regrets (stated positively, my lessons learned from mistakes made).  But, as I just alluded, now isn't the time.  I've got only 30 pages left in the book I'm reading, Blindness by José Saramago.  I think I'll read the penultimate, 10-page chapter now, so I can hopefully finish the book tomorrow night.

May God bless you, dear reader.  Until next time.

First Week of Fatherhood

It's been a blur.  My sleep schedule has been completely haphazard, almost always leaning towards going to sleep very late into the night and thus getting up very late in the morning (if not the early afternoon).

In your first two or three days of life, Seva, you barely opened your eyes and when you did it was only for a second or two.  In the last few days, though, you've opened your eyes more and more, and those moments which have turned into minutes have been precious.  I'm pretty sure that you recognize me when you look at me.  That makes me feel really good and makes me look forward to our future.

During this first week of fatherhood, I've finished two books: The Journey to the East by Hermann Hesse and The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway.  Both books being short, they were perfect for this first week, when I needed some easy-to-digest prose fiction.  Both books, though simple on the surface, were deep and thought-provoking in their own way.  The Journey to the East obliged me to ask myself whether, in any journey including life itself, faith is more important than reality.  And The Old Man and the Sea reminded me that endurance in the face of all opposition, even one's own perceived weaknesses, can be noble.  I hope that those two qualities -- faith and endurance -- characterize my role as father.

I've also noticed, dear Seva, that you love to be held.  Sometimes you'll be crying, but then your mother or I pick you up and you immediately calm down.  We've also noticed that you absolutely cannot stand having your arms restricted in any way when you're swaddled.  Which reminds me: sometimes when you're sleeping, you have a "hallelujah" moment when you suddenly and unexpectedly raise both arms in the air above your head; it's pretty funny to see.

Another point of pride and happiness from this past week was finally being able to go back to church.  I went by myself to Good Friday mass at 4:00 p.m.  Then, you, your mother, and I went to Easter Vigil mass last night at 8:00 p.m.  I did the fifth reading, which was Isaiah 55:1-11.  Your mother told me that I did a great job reading, but I was pretty loud.  I'll try to remember next time not to stand quite as close to the microphone.  At the beginning of the mass, Father Ed announced to everyone there that the youngest member of the church -- at only one week old -- was there, which meant that everyone who wasn't there had no excuse not to be there; he said your name to the whole congregation, while your mother was holding you and I waved my right hand so everyone could see who Father Ed was talking about.

As I write this post, I've been drinking a glass of Callia Alta, 2012 vintage Malbec.  It's not that great, but there's still something quite romantic about writing while drinking coffee or wine.  Also, as I type these very words, the Baby is sitting on top of the printer/scanner to my left, watching my fingers tap the keyboard.  I just took a break to scratch the Baby's chest, while she sits in her typical statue pose when she's really tired.  I love her and Rocky very much.

Anyway, I ought to go to bed now.  Buenas noches, estimado lector.

The Countdown is On

The clock is ticking backwards towards the birth of my daughter.  I don't know how much time is left, but it feels like we're getting much closer.  More on that below.

Just a half-hour ago, I watched the end of the movie Rudy.  As I predicted, the end of the movie brought me to tears.  As I told Jeannie a little bit earlier in the movie, it touches me so much to see someone love something so much that he's willing to work as hard as he did to make his dreams come true.  On top of that, it really touches me when all his family and friends are there and you can see the pride in their eyes, the love for him in that moment when they witness his dream coming true.  Even now writing this here, tears are welling up in my eyes.  God hear me!  Please guide me in the direction of my dreams.  Please lead me to something that I love so much that I'm willing to work extra hard to make my dream come true.  Please God, this is something I wrote about in my law school application essay, asking for the tool (i.e. a law degree) to help others.  Now that I have that tool, and experience using it, help me God to take it to the next level.  I sense and know that there is more out there for me to do and ask your guidance to take me there.  And not only that, I want to make my family and friends proud.  I want to be surrounded by people who love me and support me, positive energy.  I pray for that, God.  Please hear my prayer.

Now to the update on the expected arrival of my daughter.  Earlier this morning, her mucus plug broke.  Throughout the day she's been having mild, yet seemingly more and more consistent contractions.  I'm no doctor and I have no experience with this kind of thing, but my instinct tells me that we'll get through tonight, but tomorrow may be a big day.

We went out for walks three times today.  First, we walked to our landlord's house a few blocks away to put some mail in his mailbox.  Second, we walked to Walgreen's on South Street, where Jeannie got some items related to nursing, after which we walked to the ATM for my bank, then turned around to walk home.  Third, we did a circuit in the late afternoon, just to make sure that Jeannie was on her feet and moving for one last time before settling in for the night.

During our first walk, we ran into Bernadette from church, who crossed the street to give us each a hug and chat for a few minutes.  During our second walk, we saw another woman from our church, who waved and talked with us for a minute from across the street, while she was sitting on the front steps to her house.  It was nice to see a couple people we recognized; I like the feeling of community that we're slowly building here.  I hope to God that we continue to play our part in building a community where we live.

Jeannie and I are both excited to meet our little girl.  We hope she comes soon.  We're really looking forward to meeting her.  I know that the feelings I felt while watching Rudy will pale in comparison to the feelings of love when I meet my daughter.  May God bless Jeannie and our daughter, give them the strength to get through what will be the transition to bring our girl to the outside.  And I thank God for all blessings.

A Very Nice Day, but a Day of Foreboding?

The dateline for this post will read Thursday, April 10th, but since it's just past midnight, I'm actually writing at the end of the day on Wednesday, April 9th.  Overall, it was a good day.  It was sunny with blue skies, pretty windy at times, but a high temperature of about 65 degrees.

I took a sick day today to spend the day with Jeannie, especially for her two medical appointments.  I drove her to the medical building at 8th & Walnut Streets, then found a parking spot on 9th Street just south of Locust.  When I got upstairs, the receptionist told me that Jeannie had already been taken back for her NST (non-stress test) and I wasn't allowed to go back.  I told the receptionist, if she could, to tell Jeannie that I wasn't going to step outside then.  I took the elevator back down and walked over to Washington Square, where I got a large coffee to go from Talula's Daily.  I went out to grab a seat at one of their sidewalk tables, sitting in the direct sunlight, with a seat facing Washington Square.  It was wonderful.  While drinking my coffee, I read half a chapter in The Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic, which I got from Father Ed the other night that I visited him.

Eventually, Jeannie got done with her appointment and she came down to meet me.  Since we just so happened to watch the movie Unbreakable last night, I took advantage to walk her, without any preamble, to see Dream Garden, the incredibly beautiful mosaic in the Curtis Center, which was featured in a scene in that movie where Bruce Willis and Robin Wright are at a restaurant eating dinner.

From there, we walked over to Chestnut Street to look for food and I presented to Jeannie the choice between three contiguous restaurants: Prime Burger Company, Aqua, and Rosa Blanca.  After reviewing all three menus from the sidewalk, Jeannie settled on Rosa Blanca.  We liked the vibe inside.  As the hostess walked us back to our table in the back left-hand side, I saw Good Day Philadelphia co-host Mike Jerrick sitting at one of the booths up front.  The food was pretty good.  Jeannie and I both got sandwiches; mine was called a Calle Ocho.  I also ordered tostones on the side.  Jeannie drank a mango milkshake with our meal.  After the meal, I got a cafe cubano to go, which we shared while sitting on a bench in Washington Square before going back in for Jeannie's second appointment at 2pm.

The afternoon appointment was another weekly follow-up with the one of the midwives, who conducted a cervical examination.  The results were very promising; the midwife told us that Jeannie is nearly 4 centimeters dilated, about 80% effaced, and the baby's head is at about a minus-1 or minus-2, all very good signs that childbirth should be imminent.  In fact, the midwife explicitly stated that, though there is no guarantee, she predicts that Jeannie will go into labor "tomorrow or Friday."  Jeannie and I were both happy to hear that and we're hopeful that the prediction comes true, so the next 48 hours may certainly be momentous.

After the appointment, we drove home so I could drop-off a couple things, then we drove to the post office so Jeannie could mail some tax forms to her/our accountant.  Next, and as the final highlight of our day, I drove us to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, where we "ran" (more like slowly jogged) up the steps to Art Museum, then walked back to the bottom again.  Then, when a group of young people, perhaps high-school kids, lined up to race to the top, I spontaneously joined them in the race (and I believe I may have actually won, or at least place in the top 3).  After walking back down to join Jeannie, we walked up to the top together and then went into the museum.  This idea to climb the steps to the art museum, in an attempt to naturally "induce" labor, came to me from Belinda, a receptionist at [...], who told me that she did the same thing with her daughter, who was then a few days beyond full-term with her son, Simaj, who happened to be born the next day.  Coincidence or not?  I don't know, but I hoped that the same technique could encourage the birth of our baby girl within the next day or two now.

Jeannie and I enjoyed walking around the art museum, focusing our walk in the wing on the back right-hand side.  By total chance (or was it?), we saw Jeannie's good friend, Veronica, who lives in San Diego (!), who so happened to be there on an official tour with a group of work colleagues.  It was so random and so crazy that we must believe that it was meant to happen.  It was really hard to believe that we actually ran into her there.  So on that note, dear reader, I want to remind you to have faith.  Always.  God will bring you surprises and happiness, sometimes when you least expect it!

Rainy Monday

It was cloudy and overcast all day today.  It drizzled lightly for most of the afternoon through the evening and it continues to rain as I write this.  I didn't go into work today.  I felt completely demotivated, despite what I wrote yesterday.  Bottom line: I'm unhappy and dissatisfied with my workplace.

To add on top of that, the pressure is building with the birth of our baby girl.  In spite of my own advice to Jeannie to not get sucked into the seeming significance of the due date last Thursday, April 3rd, I find myself wanting and hoping more and more with each additional day that the baby is born.

Then, to add on top of that even more, Jeannie has been sad, telling me that she has been crying at least once per day for the past few days.  She says that part of it is hormones, which is almost certainly true.  But, as I suggested, and she agreed, the idea of becoming a mother is making Jeannie miss her own mother, who passed away in late January 2013, more and more.  I know that Jeannie wishes that her mother was still here to help her through this experience, and also to share in the happiness of the coming of our daughter.

So things these days are sad.  When they should be really happy.

I spent a couple hours hanging out this evening with Father Ed.  I got a lot off my chest and he did a great job listening and giving some perspective by way of sharing some stories.  I'm very glad that I was able to hang out with him, but it didn't take away all my negative feelings.  I continue to pray to God to get me through this phase and break through to the other side.

I've gotta pull my shit together, if for nothing than for my own pride and even more importantly for my own health.  My plan is to wake up at my normal time tomorrow and go right to the gym for a short, basic work-out, nothing heavy, nothing wild, then come home, eat breakfast, and go through my normal morning routine.  I'm hoping that I can get into a good routine, where I'm adding a physical element to my self-care.  I've been very good about reading (intellectual element) and I've been pretty good about going to church (religious/spiritual element), but I haven't gone to the gym at all since two or three days before my wedding date.  My intuition tells me that if I can begin this new routine with modest expectations of just getting there for a half-hour per day every morning, then I'll have enough stress relief to get through the immediate future.

Oh yeah, and the birth of my daughter should also bring some happiness too!  I have faith that I can get through this; I must have faith.  God help me.

Weekend Update

Friday, March 14, 2014
I left work early to come home, get changed, get the car, pick-up Jeannie from work, and drive north on I-95 to get to Philly's northern suburbs to Cozy Tots, a semi-annual consignment sale for baby stuff.  My friend Tobin, who recommended the baby flea market to me, said that he and his wife Sharlenn had gotten stuff worth nearly $1k for only $300.  Since the event was cash-only, Jeannie and I each hit the ATM hard in anticipation for the event.  You can imagine our disappointment at only getting $26 worth of goods.  Part of it was that traffic on I-95 was so bad that we arrived at Cozy Tots about 30 minutes after the doors opened, just long enough to possibly miss out on the best stuff.  The other part of it, though, is that Jeannie's dad has done an amazing job at already getting so much of the big stuff that we need, and additionally people like Johnny (the door guy at 42 South 15th Street) and Mary (our building's cleaning lady) gave gifts that were totally unexpected.  So, even before going to the baby sale, we were already stocked up on a lot of important gear.

I was feeling pretty frustrated at the heavy traffic and my inability to get us to the event on time, as well as our lack of success.  So, I decided (unilaterally and in my own head) to take us to Manayunk for dinner.  I mentioned it to Jeannie shortly after we pulled out of the parking lot and she was on-board.  So I drove south on Route 611 to Route 1, which I took south to Ridge Avenue, which took me to Main Street Manayunk.  We found a parking spot on the Philly end of Main Street, then walked most of the length of Main Street to the suburban-facing end, where we arrived at Taqueria Feliz.  I had been jonesing for some Mexican food for a while, at least a couple months, and this place really hit the spot.  Feeling up for a hit of alcohol, I ordered a Margarita Feliz with salt on the rim of the glass.  We also got an order of guacamole and chips before we left the bar for our table.  I ordered enchiladas de pollo with a really delicious mole sauce.  To end the meal, we also ordered churro-flavored ice cream.  All in all, it was a great meal.  I would totally go back.

Saturday, March 15, 2014
I had a speaking engagement at the Community Hospital in Chester, PA on Saturday morning.  My friend Laura had invited me to come out to speak to a group of Spanish-speaking mothers who meet once per month to discuss all sorts of issues that effect them.  Jeannie was nice enough to join me, which really did make me happy.  Before leaving on our short car ride, this time heading south on I-95, I stopped at La Citadelle for a large cup of coffee for the road.  Once again we hit a little bit of traffic, totally unexpected at this time of day, and so a bit unnerving, but we got there only a minute or two past 10am.  Not wanting to be late, I was somewhat happy that none of the guests were there yet.  We didn't start until around 10:40am, after only three women showed up.  It was fine with me though.  I felt honored just to be there and get a chance to teach some custody law to some people that probably wouldn't normally have the opportunity to get that kind of information.

On the way back, I dropped off Jeannie at the DMV at 8th & Arch Streets to officially change her state-issued identification card to match my last name (and thus, prepare ourselves to all share our family name with the impending arrival of our daughter).  I drove home, where I met Jeannie's dad and he and I put together the crib.  Then, after I ate a quick lunch, we left to pick-up Jeannie outside of Reading Terminal Market and we went to Ikea to pick out (after a long walk through the store) a platform bed frame with storage for Jeannie's bed in the baby's room.  We had just enough time to drop it off at home before we left for dinner.

We had a birthday dinner for Jeannie at Marrakesh, just off of South Street.  Along with Jeannie and I, of course, were Jeannie's dad and his good friend, Carol, along with Jeannie's high school friend, Cathy and her husband Aiden.  We enjoyed the seven-course meal, although the music was definitely a bit too loud, especially since Jeannie's dad is hard of hearing.  And, speaking for myself at least, I enjoyed the belly dancer who came through to perform for our dining room.  All in all, it was a really nice experience.

Afterward, Cathy and Aiden came back with us to our place to check it out, look at some photos, and just hang out for a little while before they headed back to their hotel in Mount Laurel, NJ.

Sunday, March 16, 2014
Although Jeannie and I could have both used a day to sleep in, we couldn't do so because we had Sunday mass at St. Charles Borromeo at 9:30am.  Right when Jeannie and I stood up to walk up to the altar (for Jeannie to receive her blessing and for me to receive communion), I put the sealed envelope, with my birthday card to Jeannie inside, on Jeannie's spot on the pew.  When we returned, Jeannie noticed it and I encouraged her to open it and read it there, while I said my usual prayers and thanks to God.  I realized that Jeannie had started to cry from reading it; it made me happy, because what I wrote came directly from the heart.  I'm glad that she could feel in that moment how much I love her.

After mass, we walked north to Chestnut Street to catch a 42 bus heading east across town, to get us to my mom's house, where we met Mita, Eric, and Jessica for a brunch of blueberry French toast, sausage, and coffee.  We hung out for about an hour and a half, then came back home to begin the long process of errands and clean-up.  We all played different roles in assembling Jeannie's bed frame, watering the plants, sweeping the floors, washing the dishes, and running the vacuum.  At one point, I ran out by myself to do some food-shopping at Trader Joe's.  And towards the end, Jeannie helped Jess to edit her resume.  By the time Jess and Jeannie's dad left for their respective car rides northwards to their homes, Jeannie and I walked to visit our friends Corey and Laura for a birthday / St. Patrick's Day dinner there.

Corey and Laura had slow-cooked in a crock pot some meat, rutabaga, carrots, and cabbage.  Overall, it was a very tasty meal, especially the meat, which was very nicely seasoned with spices.  We watched the Selection Sunday show on television while we chatted.  After dinner, we each ate a mint chocolate cupcake that I had bought at Trader Joe's to have as a birthday dessert for Jeannie.  Luckily, Corey and Laura had birthday candles, so we were able to light them up and sing "happy birthday" to Jeannie.  Despite feeling pretty tired from the weekend as a whole, it was really great to see and spend time with our friends.

After getting home, I somehow mustered the energy to shave and give myself a haircut, then even do a little bit of reading before hitting the sack around 11:30pm.  It was a long and fruitful weekend.  And it was totally worth it.

Animal abuse

I saw (tonight on the 10pm edition of Action News on PHL17) a story about animal abuse.  Someone skinned an animal, likely a dog, from head to tail and removed the animal's ears and rear paws.  As I was watching the story, Rocky was sitting on the couch next to me.  The story is sick.  To know that there are people who can so easily disregard and disrespect life and dignity is sad and depressing.

It made me think about the time when I lived very briefly (for only about six weeks) with Ileana at 777 South Cleveland Street.  I remember we were on the bed when Rocky went walking across the bed and Ileana kicked him in the side.  Without waiting or asking any questions, I punched Ileana once as hard as I could on one of her hips.  I would do that again 100 times out of 100.  There is no right for anyone to hurt an animal, with the only exception being legitimate self-defense.  In hindsight, I'm very happy that I'm no longer in a relationship with Ileana, because that act demonstrated just a seed of what I describe above.

Since I've been in a relationship with Jeannie, she has been nothing but kind and loving towards Rocky and the Baby.  And so it's no surprise that there has never been any violence of any sort in my relationship with Jeannie.  Whereas Ileana eventually at the end of our relationship brought out the worst in me, my relationship with Jeannie has been healthy and normal, as a family should be.

Earlier today, due to the clocks springing forward one hour, we missed our normal 9:30am mass at St. Charles Borromeo.  Instead, we went to the 6:30pm mass at St. Patrick's.  After receiving the host of Christ in holy communion, I returned to the pew and as usual I said a prayer for Rocky and the Baby.  I always thank God for Rocky and the Baby being in my life and bringing me so much joy and happiness; and I prayed that God bless them and protect them.  I love Rocky and the Baby.

On the topic of animal abuse, without even knowing what the punishments are, I can say that I'm very likely in favor of increasing the punishments for convicted animal abusers.  Anyone with a complete disrespect of life, as demonstrated in their abuse of an animal, should be incarcerated for a long time and intensively treated to get to the heart of what has led them to such a skewed disdain for life.

RE: sup [email to Pito]

The weekend was fine, but busy.  Somehow I've gotten into the habit of getting up every day by around 8am, and then getting things started right away.  So I worked out both Saturday and Sunday, mopped up the floors of the whole apartment on Saturday, went to church on Sunday, etc.  Saturday night was the dinner at Bill and Nancy's.  Only Paul showed up out of the rest of the guys.  We just ate pizza, played some Nintendo Wii (the new gaming console where you actually get up and move around), and then watched the Phillies game.  I was tired, though, so I was back home by midnight and in bed shortly afterward.  Then Sunday, after all my stuff in the morning, my friend Patricia (la cubana) picked me up here in Philly and we went out to Wayne, where she lives.  We spent the day drinking a whole bottle of wine and walking.  Later her mom cooked us "ropa vieja," a traditional Cuban dish, to celebrate me passing the bar, and she talked with us about Cuba and her friend's contact with Che.  So the food was delicious and the conversation was very interesting.  I dead-headed back into Philly around 11pm, so I made a full day out of it.  Yesterday was disappointing with literally only 1 job listing; maybe b/c of the holiday.  Today I'm looking again, but also disappointed b/c I think my cell phone has been cut-off.  So I emailed Mike and Richard to see if anyone has any yard work or house work for a few bucks.  I will be so grateful once I have a job and my money situation is not so wretched.