Conflicts

It's amazing that there continues to be conflict all over the world.  It was like that when I was a little kid.  It's like that now.  Why should we believe that it's ever going to be any different?  Why is there conflict at all?  One answer is that we have free will.  Another is that, for all our similarities, we want to feel unique, so we play up our differences: nationalities, political parties, religions, skin color, et cetera.  By following our own human nature and playing up our differences, rivalries and tensions develop.  An 'us-versus-them' mentality develops.  So that's another answer to why there is perpetual conflict throughout the world.  Another answer is man's tendency toward sin and temptation: especially in the form of power (pride); this stems from man's natural insecurity, both materially as an animal that strives to survive at all costs, and emotionally as beings that compensate for internal insecurity by manifesting external power.

Another issue is that no relationship, nor anything at all for that matter, is static.  The universe is dynamic.  Your body and every person's body is dynamic.  People change and thus that makes the relationship between and among people dynamic.  I can think of easy examples in my own life right off the top of my head.  In fact, it's a theme that's been on my mind a lot lately.  I perceive that my relationship with my cousin Carlos isn't what it used to be or what it could be.  When I write a short note or message to him, his responses are either stock and pithy (the latest one was simply "gracias primo") or he simply uses an emoticon (usually a 'thumbs-up' icon) to acknowledge my note without having to engage in any substantive dialogue.  Assuming my perception is really accurate, I have no idea what's going on.  Is he jealous because I got married? and/or because I've become a father?  Did I slight him in some way the last time I was in Costa Rica?  I have no clue.  I suppose I can ask him what's going on.  That would be the mature, logical thing to do.  I think I may be afraid of the answer.  But then again, the cold hard truth should always be preferable to living under a hazy assumption, shouldn't it?

Next I think of my relationship with my friend Paul.  I still consider him to be my friend, though we're not as close as we used to be.  If you look back at previous posts here, around the 2008 time frame, Paul is a major player.  We spent a lot of time together.  We traveled together, to Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, to his parents' home in Tampa, Florida, and even to Costa Rica back in the day.  I had a close relationship in those days, the late 1990s through the entire decade of the 2000s.  I kept my mouth shut on certain things that concerned me, because I enjoyed my time with him.  We had fun together.  In a very real way, at a time when we were young adults, flexing our wings (if that's even a proper saying) and coming into our own, we were each other's family -- at a time when we needed to prove our individuality separate and apart from our own respective families.  But as time passed, and perhaps when I became more comfortable in my adulthood, or perhaps wasn't having as much fun spending time and traveling with him, or perhaps when I had met other friends and thus didn't feel like I needed or depended upon my friendship with him -- whatever the case was -- I felt that I needed to communicate with him my concerns about his beliefs as expressed in words: using the word "nigger" to pejoratively describe a dark-skinned American of African descent, then a couple years later using the word "dyke" to describe a female mayor of some northern New Jersey city, either Hoboken or Jersey City.  After each separate incident, I wrote a letter by hand and sent it to him, expressing my disapproval.  Was this the right approach?  I thought so.  I still think so.  But maybe not.  Should I have talked with him face-to-face?  My main takeaway, as I write this now, is that I shouldn't invest too much time in a friend with such negative, prejudiced, and outdated beliefs.  In short: surround yourself with good people.  But then I ask myself, who am I to judge him?  Be soft on the sinner, but not on the sin!  Did I practically give up a friendship for the foolish objective of proving a principle?

This tug of war between philosophical poles happens quite frequently in my head.  I think part of it is the guilt -- justified or not -- at having effectively ended a friendship.  I think the other part is a realization that life is not guaranteed to remain static, things will change, and this logically leads to a realization, whether explicit or implicit, that life will eventually end: after all these changes and changes, death shall come.

I've written previously that a break-up from a girlfriend is very analogous to these existential realizations.  The relationship died.  It's as if the ex-girlfriend is dead, although we know damn well that she's alive somewhere, probably with some other guy already.  A break-up is a foreboding of death.  It's a terrible feeling...to be reminded of one's own mortality.  And yet we're reminded of it all the time, whether looking outwardly at all the conflict in the world, the people, the children!, being killed in war, or whether looking inwardly to our own failed relationships.  What's the answer?  I can't say I know, other than to keep on living, find something to believe in, put one's gifts and talents to the best use possible to be productive and self-fulfilling, and be with (or be open to be with) someone you love and who loves you.

Snowy night

It's a snowy night in Philadelphia.  We had 9.8 inches of snow fall late last night into this morning.  Then there was a lull for most of the day up until now, as I write this.  But we're expected to get the back end of the nor'easter tonight, which will give us another 1 to 3 inches of snow.  I just got the email that the office will be closed tomorrow.  Taking into account that I was off today and we're off on Monday for Presidents' Day, I'm in a 5-day weekend.

Today is notable for more than the snow.  Jeannie is 33 weeks pregnant today.  Meaning that, if that calculation is accurate, we'll be the proud parents of a baby girl in about 7 weeks, give or take, depending on when our little girl decides to arrive.  The expected due date is April 3rd.

Although I see with my own eyes how Jeannie's belly is getting bigger every day, it doesn't seem quite real to me.  There are, however, those moments when it hits me and I feel very excited.  For example, I almost always walk north on 18th Street for a good part of my walk to work in the morning.  And I daydream about walking with the baby to Rittenhouse Square when the weather is warmer in a few months.  I'm looking forward to being a father.  And I'm so happy that Jeannie will be the mother of my child (maybe, hopefully, some day: children).  Although no one can ever be totally prepared to be a parent, I think we're both in a good place in our lives that this is the time.  I feel good about it and I have faith in everything about it.

Speaking of faith, since just about a year ago, we've been attending mass at St. Charles Borromeo Church very regularly.  We've grown to love the feeling of warmth and community there.  It's where Jeannie and I got married just two months ago, on Saturday, December 14, 2013.  Father Ed is a great guy and I really like how down-to-earth he is, which translates to his style of homily.  The fact that it's just a couple blocks up the road makes it really easy for us to get there on Sunday mornings.  It's one of those things that may seem insignificant at first blush, but it's one of the greatest sources of happiness and stability in my life over the past year.  And I hope and intend that we'll continue to attend and become more a part of the community.

Rocky and the Baby are healthy and doing well.  Rocky was just on my lap a few minutes ago as I was typing the early part of this note.  The Baby is on the couch with Jeannie, who happened to fall asleep there about a half-hour ago.  As hard as it is to believe, Rocky and the Baby turned 9 years old this past Christmas (2013).  I got them just past Valentine's Day 2005, so at this point they've been in my life for nearly 9 years.  It's amazing.  Talk about family, they've been a part of my daily life for 9 years, seen me through changes of relationships, been with me through moves to new residences, seen me happy and sad, and been with me throughout it all.  I love them so much.  I hope they can feel it or know it somehow.  I'm just so thankful to God that Rocky and the Baby are in my life.  Every Sunday at church, I pray for their good health and happiness.

The chapter of my life at PLA is likely coming to an end later this year.  It's something that I hesitate to put in writing, even here, because of my concerns of keeping my intentions known to only a very small circle of loved ones.  I mention it only so when I look back I'll see that it was something already in the works as of this date, and sooner I assure you.

Jeannie and I recently came back from India.  Initially, Jeannie was going there for work and I was just going to take advantage and tag along.  When Jeannie's employer (who happens to be my friend) found out we were getting married, he very graciously offered Jeannie the first week off there, so she and I could effectively have a honeymoon, which we hadn't planned or really intended to take.  We were very happy to take the opportunity.  For the first three days or so, we were in Delhi.  I had the blessing to see the Taj Mahal for the first time in my life.  Then, for my last seven days there, we stayed in Bengaluru, in the south of India.  On the first two days in Bengaluru, I went out for daylong pilgrimages, in which I roamed the city, mostly on foot, but also by public bus.  Those two days, away from the routine of my everyday life and accompanied only by my solitude, allowed my mind to roam as freely as my legs were taking my body.  By the grace of God, I received a lot of inspiration, in terms of concrete ideas for my next professional chapter, as well as the even more important feeling of confidence or dare I say destiny.  The shining example of the latter was a date that came to my mind that I must launch my next chapter.  That date is my target.  I have a goal, and so now the time from now until then shall be dedicated to the details that must be filled in so I can feel as prepared as I possibly can be.

I sometimes struggle with resisting the temptation to judge others who I consider to be unjust or self-centered or biased.  For example, I believe one of the lawyers I work with has a big ego and likes to draw attention to herself.  But the thing that irritates me more than that simple point is that others seem to have bought in to her "brand," so to speak.  They've bought in to her ego, which I believe is bigger than her actual value or talent, not to take away from or underestimate that the talent and skills that she does have.  In another example, there's this community activist in South Philadelphia who, numerically at least, has a large following on facebook.  I believe that she is racist; to put it bluntly, I believe she hates white people.  Being "white" in color and mostly European in heritage, I take offense to some of what she writes online.  Up until now, I've swallowed my thoughts and not responded, but just a couple weeks ago, I finally wrote a sharp reply to her online.  Similar to my first example above, it bothers me when someone has too much influence, too loud of a voice, for a position that's either biased or too self-centered.  I really can't stand it.  But I know I have no control over how people, these people in particular, act or what they say.  And I have no control over how others receive their message or consider their personality.  I can only be me.  Recently, perhaps in part looking ahead to changes later this year, I've started to be just a bit more vocal on facebook, in terms of what I write for my own posts and also in reply to others.  I've been mindful not to come across as too overly confident (which would be ironic) or too critical of others.  I hope I've succeeded on those counts.

Finally, just as an update, I'm currently reading the New Testament.  For the second time ever.  A couple years ago, from around December 2011 to maybe May or June 2012, I read the Bible from cover to cover, Old Testament through New Testament.  This time I'm just reading the New Testament.  As of now, I'm at 2 Corinthians.  Not to be cliche, but it's a good book.  It's helped to give confidence to me in my daily life, especially professionally.  Overall, my faith is stronger, although I know that I need to be careful not to take anything for granted, faith in particular.

Can I learn from this test?

Man, how difficult it seems to be happy, genuinely happy!  I feel so weary of this life that I'm living.  The biggest weight around my neck is my relationship with my coworkers.  I need to figure out if there is anything that I can be doing better or differently without, of course, sacrificing my morals or principles.  The problem is that I have a supervisor whose skills as a lawyer are sub-par, due primarily to her tendency to over-identify with our women clients, while demonizing men in general, particularly the opposing parties.  Additionally, she also makes assumptions all the time, something which should be a no-no for any lawyer, yet she is the supervising attorney.  Oftentimes her assumptions play into her pro-woman, anti-man bias.  As with any team or organization, it's only as good as its leadership.  The second lawyer in seniority is very self-promotional, a quality which I generally dislike.  A cult of personality has grown around her and she seems to encourage it by speaking highly of herself, posting photos of herself throughout the office, and purposely sitting at the head of the table at weekly unit meetings.  I'm third in seniority.  The next lawyer in seniority has stated point-blank that she will only date black men.  This policy has challenged me internally since I found out about it.  On one hand, I understand that every person has the right to have their own preferences for who they date.  But if another woman stated that she only dates men who earn more than a million dollars per year, then is it unreasonable for me to dislike her for being materialistic?  Or if another woman stated that she only dates men with a huge penis, then is it unreasonable for me to dislike her for objectifying men?  When we bring up issues of race, it naturally raises the question of racism.  Is it racist for the fourth lawyer in seniority to state that she only dates black men?  Is it unreasonable for me to dislike her for being superficial?  What's even more frustrating for me is that these lawyers (1, 2, and 4) are all kind women at heart.  I know this, because I've seen it in how they treat others.  They're not necessarily bad people, but there are things about them that I frankly do not like.  But, as long as I'm analyzing this whole situation, I can easily wonder if there are things about me that they do not like.  Perhaps that's what I need to find out.  If I am to use this challenging period in my life for any kind of constructive purpose, then perhaps I need to be asking everyone what can I be doing differently? what can I be doing better? what do you dislike about my work as a lawyer? what do you dislike about my work as a supervisor of law students? what do you dislike about me as a coworker? what do you dislike about me as a person?  Today's Gospel reading at St. Charles Borromeo was from St. Paul's letter to the Hebrews.  I'm not sure the exact scripture citation, but after looking in my Bible here at home, I believe today's Gospel came from Hebrews 12.  Here's a direct quotation from Hebrews 12:5-11, The Message:

"My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline,
    but don’t be crushed by it either.
It’s the child he loves that he disciplines;
    the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God."

I need to remind myself that every challenge in life must be a test from God.  I've tried to keep my head up, be a good man, do my work to the best of my ability, and disregard any perceived judgment or dislike from others.  But this three-day weekend that is now coming to an end was generally unhappy.  I had troubles sleeping, as a result of all the negative feelings from work.  As much as I try to put a positive spin on this whole thing, I can't help but feel crappy.  This negativity from work is effecting my overall emotional well-being.  What do I do?  If you're reading this, please say a prayer for me.  I pray to God to help me through this trial and lead me to where I need to be, even if it's somewhere other than where I am now.

Several reflections on society

I think all the media and events sympathetic to Trayvon Martin are ridiculous.  Trayvon Martin was bashing George Zimmerman's head into a sidewalk.  George Zimmerman was justified in defending his life.  There was likely poor decision-making on the part of both men, but George Zimmerman did nothing unlawful at any point, either before, during, or after.  And if poor decision-making is a punishable crime, then we're all guilty.

I think it's terrible that the United States has militarized the border with Mexico.  Open the border.  The whole point of the NAFTA was free trade (obviously, since that's part of the acronym).  If the U.S. is in favor of free trade and commerce, then it should be in favor of the free movement of labor.  Labor and capital are two sides of the same coin.  Policies must be consistent, or else they are simply hypocrisy.

I think it's a real shame that so many people of wealth and means are not religious.  Everything you are, everything you have is due to the grace of God.  To be ignorant of that is sinful pride and arrogance.  Failure to give thanks for the people and things in your life, and for life itself, is a sin.  I have little respect for people who think they are "the shit."  God shall humble you when the time is right, and your wealth will be exposed for its worthlessness.

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper has been getting lots of publicity, largely negative, for getting caught on camera using the "n-----" word.  I condemned my friend Paul for using the word several years ago.  And I stand in my position that the word should never be used.  But returning to the theme of hypocrisy from above, I disrespect any person that uses the "n-----" word, including persons of African descent and/or dark skin color.  Quit using the word; depending on your appearance you either sound like a racist or an ignorant, uneducated fool.  If the United States is going to be the greatest country in the world, it must act like it; being or looking like a racist or ignorant, uneducated fool demonstrates the opposite of being great.

And speaking of judging others, up until I created a big hullabaloo a few months ago by speaking truth at a weekly unit meeting, my supervisor would frequently use the word "asshole" to describe men, and only men, opposing parties in cases where we considered whether to provide attorney representation to our clients (who, in these particular cases, were women).  I have no tolerance for any kind of racism, sexism, or bias rooted in immutable characteristics.  Quit name-calling others, you sound like an insolent adolescent.  Again, if we're going to be a great nation, each and every one of us must hold ourselves to high standards of conduct, not just for ourselves as individuals, but also as mindful of the example we set for others, especially the young.  Regularly calling any class or category of people an "asshole" or some other offensive word is the opposite of great; it's a base reflection of the reality television culture we live in, where people are implicitly encouraged to speak and act impulsively, often at the expense of other people's dignity.

Chevy commercials are racist and anti-immigrant

Do you know those Chevy commercials featuring John Mellencamp singing "This is our country"? Well, those commercials are pretty damn racist and anti-immigrant.

Really, think about it. Every person in those commercials is a light-skinned person of European descent, i.e. white dudes. Put that together with the song "This is our country." So is the message being delivered by Chevy that this country belongs to white dudes only?

To add to the racist overtones, let's recall one version of that commercial which shows a long fence being built by white dudes. Is this an allusion to a fence being built along the Mexican-U.S. border? Quite isolationist; quite xenophobic; quite anti-immigrant. And to really add insult to injury, the sign at the head of the fence, featured at the end of the commercial, shows that the name of the ranch is the "KK." Hmmm, add one more "K" and whaddaya got?

I'd love to see a new version of that commercial featuring only Native American Indians, and put to the same song: This is our country.

Either that or a version that shows who's really working all the ranches out in the Midwest: a ton of Latin American immigrants, put to the song: "Este es nuestro pais."

Hey Doog!

Before I get any deeper into this blog thang, I really have to take a moment to reflect on the fact that my dream of writing in my diary on my computer at the end of each day has finally been realized by way of this blog. Just like Doogie Howser, M.D.:



Great quote from that series:
Patient: You're a kid.
Doogie Howser: True, but I'm also a genius. If you have a problem with that I can get you someone who's older but not as smart as me.

And as long as we've brought up Neil Patrick Harris, let's use this opportunity to remind ourselves to always stand up and speak out against homophobia. As Coretta Scott King stated in a 1998 address:

"Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity, and personhood."

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

I'm listening to some Bob Marley, and I figured I'd write a little bit in my journal. I know I never followed up my last entry, but that's no surprise. It's quite typical of me.

Since that time, I"ve been seeing and talking with this girl named Cherise. I guess you would call that dating. I've really developed an attraction for her, but she's not really in a position to be in a relationship. Objectively speaking, I'm probably not either. I really need to get my ass in gear to start my applications for law school. I've already called to request applications from all the schools I think I'm going to apply to. Now its just a matter of applying myself to getting the ball rolling.

In other news, I've been taking a class in French. I've been picking it up pretty well. I think I'm one of the better students in the class, especially with regard to my accent. But I've always had a pretty good ear for languages and accents.

Last night, I finally finished reading "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. It's the refutation to "The Bell Curve" the prime text espousing biological determinism, or scientific racism. "The Mismeasure of Man" was a bit difficult to understand at times because it was so laden with scientific lingo and logic. But, despite its sometimes difficulty, it made sense and I appreciated it. Now I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" which was given to me by Richard. So far, I'm cruising through it. It's much easier to read a fiction novel than to read scientific non-fiction.

Well, to move away from the superficial, I will comment on my mindset these days. I feel this stagnancy more and more in my life. I love my job, but I feel like I'm doing the same thing everyday. I'm falling way short of my potential, my abilities. And I'm feeling the pressure to do something that is more meaningful. That's why I have to get my shit together for law school. As fas as I can see right now, that's my next logical step, the step that I'm best-suited for.

But this inertia in my life is sometimes affecting my social life too. I have really enjoyed my time and feelings with Cherise, but I'm trying to check myself now, so as not to get ahead of myself. I must remain realistic. But its easy to fall into these feelings when it provides the only present challenge in my life. Also, obviously, it is very nice to spend quality time with a good woman. However, Cherise's career as a dancer is too transient to have any legitimate expectations. On my side too, if I get my shit together, I can't say with certainty where I'll be either. So for now I'm stuck. But I'll keep a good head on my shoulders and get disciplined to begin moving toward my goals.

Re: INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY

There is a vast gap between what is reality and what should be reality. It is a fact, as I originally stated, that many, many groups, including women, are not treated as equal citizens, but are abused by other individuals or groups who are in positions of authority. In most (if not all) advanced, industrialized nations, women are de jure equal citizens, but many times are not treated as such. The incident that I quoted comes from the Amnesty International report on Women in Prison. As already mentioned, Robin Lucus was a 29-year old African American woman who was raped in a Texas prison.

The reason I focus on women in my message to the campus is because it is International Women's Day. It is a day set aside with the express purpose of recognizing the positive contributions of women to society, while at the same time recognizing their position as a (oftentimes) disadvantaged sector of society. By focusing on women in my message, I am by no means choosing to exclude other disadvantaged, repressed sectors of society. Everyone should be treated as equal, regardless of gender, ethnicity, nationality, language, religious beliefs, political beliefs, or sexual orientation. We are all humans, each and every one of us, and we should all be recognized, treated, and respected as such.

With the two quotes I used at the end of my message, I put them there for what they say. I feel the Rage Against the Machine quote is appropriate because of my opening statement. There is an urgent need to close the gap between what reality is and what reality should be. I do not mean to say that there is only one option as to what reality should be, but I do mean to say that the basic rights of humankind should be respected and granted to all individuals by all other individuals, organizations, and governments. So I quote: "What better place than here, what better time than now." As to the Beastie Boys quote, I cannot say it any better than they did: "The disrespect to women has got to be through...I wanna offer my love and respect to the end." By using these quotes, I endorse the words they offer; I do not necessarily endorse the band itself, their other beliefs, MTV, or the bands' objectives as cultural icons. I simply agree with those particular words of advice/wisdom that they offer.

Finally, regardless of what Robin Lucus did to end up in a Texas prison, she is entitled to basic human rights. You would dare not say that what she went through was deserving because she was a prisoner. Let us put faith in the justice system to give her a just punishment. Let us not make three male inmates the 'judge, jury, and executioner.'

Also to conclude, I agree with these statements that J___ C______ makes:
1. "What people have to understand is the abuse of authority which takes place."

2. "I'm sure countless cases of abuses of this nature take place (as I'm sure any member of Amnesty International will admit) against people of all genders, races, ethnic groups, religions, home planets, etc."

3. "Rather, I look at them [women] as PEOPLE."

4. "I felt that this was too important to either be forgotten about in light of spring break or thrown on the floor of the CUB."

Finally, when Mr. C______ says: "I look forward to your backlash", I want to clarify that this is not a backlash. It is simply a response to the concerns of a fellow classmate. Only through dialogue can true understanding, and hence change, come about.

WE MUST NOT REMAIN IGNORANT.

Tighe Burns

For those interested in human rights issues, the Gettysburg College chapter of Amnesty International meets every Monday at 4:00pm at Plank Gym, room 119. All are welcome.
*************************************************************