news of the day [email to Pito]

This past Monday was the latest round in my DUI matter.  I hope that it's an auspicious start to my career, since I pulled one out that really exceeded my expectations.  I was pretty sure that my client wasn't going to show up, since he hadn't been answering my calls or replying to my emails, so I had some worries about what was gonna happen at the hearing.  But even without him being there, I got him the best outcome possible.  I did a good job of talking it up with the DA and was proactive by finding the office of another DA in a judge's chambers in another part of the building.  So I was happy about that.  The next listing is not until March, but this past date has, I think, put us over the hump.

So I plan on celebrating some Christmas this Sunday, and you should come by if you're able to.  Movies and holiday cookies will be in abundance.

This week has been busy with holiday parties and other stuff.  This past Monday night we had our holiday party for Hudson, and some coworkers and I got a chance to get a photo with A.J. Feeley, the Eagles QB.  David Akers, the kicker, was also there; as he was walking out of the bar, I yelled to him to "beat the Saints!"  I'm sure he really appreciated that.

I'm getting toward the end of the autobiography of Miles Davis, and so I just bought "The Age of Reason" by Jean-Paul Sartre with the gift card that you gave me -- thanks!  I also picked up a great cd: Ozomatli, a Latin fusion group from L.A.  The cd I picked up beat out Amigos Invisibles for Latin Grammy for best alternative album back in 2005, I think.

Anyway, that's about all for now.  Hope you're having a good week before the holiday.  See ya!

good news [email to Pito]

i passed the nj bar exam.  also had a great day for my birthday: my co-workers got me an ice cream cake and sang happy birthday to me during lunch.  then a few of them invited me out for drinks after work.  it was a really nice day.

FAITH [email to Paul]

Paul,

Anthony is with you today, just as he is with you every day.  He is still very much alive with us and within us.

You've sometimes mentioned to me the frustration of the question "why?".  The way I look at it is this: at your job, you trust the company's CEO to do whatever is best for the company, even if you don't understand or agree with his decisions.  But of course, the CEO very likely knows a lot more than you do about what's best for his company, and you lack the perspective he has and the information that he has available to him.

God is the same way, but God created everything, including that CEO and you and me and Anthony.  God's perspective, as the Creator of everything, is higher up than anything or anybody else.  And not only that, the amount of information available to God is limitless and infinite, so God can make the most informed decisions possible in the interest of what's best for His "company": everything, all of existence.  And of course, God is perfect, so that totally and completely reinforces every decision.  Even if you and I can never understand those decisions.

In both cases, we put FAITH in those who are in positions of power and authority.  And God is the ultimate power and authority.  Our only mission is to serve God, wherever we are and wherever He sends us, in this lifetime and beyond.

God bless you Paul.  You're like a brother to me.  And so, we'll both be thinking of Anthony today.  Peace and Love, [...]

Greetings from Philadelphia [email to Cherise]

Dear Cherise,

Before getting into everything else, I want to say that I hope that you and your family, and hopefully their property too, is safe from all the wildfires.

Next, I want to let you know that after your last email, I prayed every day for many, many days, asking God to allow you to regain your good health, with the eyes and ankle.  How are you now?  I hope you're healthy.

I'm sorry if my absence may have led you to false assumptions.  Unlike what you suggested to Jess, I haven't been "mad" at you.  If anything, I've been (and continue to be) confused and unsure of the possibility of any future relationship with you, while at the same time I've been extremely focused on myself, namely my career.

And as long as I've brought up that topic, you deserve to know the good news: I passed the PA bar, and I've already been sworn-in at City Hall and received my attorney ID number.  All of that means that I'm now officially an attorney.  I'm still waiting for the results from NJ, but I'm feeling optimistic, and they should be announced within the next 2 weeks or so.

As far as a job, I'm currently working full-time on a short-term legal project that's helping me to catch-up on the rent and all the bills.  It's not bad; let's just say that 1 week's paycheck pays for my monthly rent, all of my bills (gas, electric, and cell phone), and my groceries for the whole month.  At the moment, the only prospect for a full-time position is a meeting next week with a former City Solicitor.  Wish me luck!  If I get that position, I'll be working with some of the best and most well-connected people in Philly.  My future as a young leader of this city will then be well on its way to becoming reality.  I've been very persistent and aggressive in working all of my contacts to see about getting a full-time job at a firm.  I wanna get something at one of the best, because I know that once I'm settled in as an attorney, I'm gonna be one of the best.

Finally, Cherise, I've gotta tell you that I think about you here and there, probably a lot more than I even realize.  The truth is that I really don't know what the future holds, and so it naturally follows that I can make no promises of anything at all.

I don't really know what you're thinking these days, but that's where I'm at, for whatever it's worth.  The one thing I can definitely say is that I really care about you a lot.  You're a great girl, and that's really an understatement.

Take care Cherise.

More Than Just Ice Cream

I went to a great restaurant/eatery tonight: More Than Just Ice Cream, located on 10th and Locust. Really great food, pretty cool atmosphere, and hip, chill music. All in all, a great place to go to eat. I recommend it, and I'll be sure to go back there again some time.

For posterity's sake, here's what I had: a tall glass of pink grapefruit juice, a hot roasted turkey sandwich with a side of fries, and to finish it off, a walnut brownie topped with whipped cream. All very delicious.

Well, that's all for tonight, considering that it's kinda late, and I have to get up early in the morning. I've gotta start getting into a routine again; not easy for someone who's not really a morning person.

Chevy commercials are racist and anti-immigrant

Do you know those Chevy commercials featuring John Mellencamp singing "This is our country"? Well, those commercials are pretty damn racist and anti-immigrant.

Really, think about it. Every person in those commercials is a light-skinned person of European descent, i.e. white dudes. Put that together with the song "This is our country." So is the message being delivered by Chevy that this country belongs to white dudes only?

To add to the racist overtones, let's recall one version of that commercial which shows a long fence being built by white dudes. Is this an allusion to a fence being built along the Mexican-U.S. border? Quite isolationist; quite xenophobic; quite anti-immigrant. And to really add insult to injury, the sign at the head of the fence, featured at the end of the commercial, shows that the name of the ranch is the "KK." Hmmm, add one more "K" and whaddaya got?

I'd love to see a new version of that commercial featuring only Native American Indians, and put to the same song: This is our country.

Either that or a version that shows who's really working all the ranches out in the Midwest: a ton of Latin American immigrants, put to the song: "Este es nuestro pais."

I'm Back

Did you miss me? Well, I've been taking care of some personal business for the past couple of weeks. But I'm back, at least for tonight, and I do hope to continue checking-in on a more regular basis. So you do the same, why don'tcha?

So what's been going on? Well, this past Thursday, I attended an event at The Hub at Cira Centre. It was my first time in that building. I got there by walking through the main concourse of 30th Street Station, then heading back to where you pick-up the SEPTA regional rail trains, and continuing through the connecting bridge to Cira Centre. I must say, The Hub was a really nice venue. I enjoyed the event, due in great part to the open bar and complimentary hors d'oeuvres (a more sophisticated way of saying "free beer and food").

Today, I went past the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I was very impressed to see so many people out and about. I realized that the Rocky statue at the base of the museum steps has really established itself as a major tourist draw; there were a ton of people there, waiting their turn to get a photo with the Italian Stallion. There were a lot of people outside today, no doubt because of the great autumn weather. It was really nice to see.

Well, that's all for now. Be sure to check back soon!

RE: Thanks and Request for a lil' help [email to Stephanie]

Hey Steph,

I took the NJ bar, and the results are still pending.  Once they're in, I'll be sure to let you know.

As far as [...], I've spoken with Anita, Richard, and Sue.  Right now, it seems that someone else had the inside track on Cynthia's position, so I'm second in the deli line.  Something may or may not open up, so we'll see about that.

I do intend on being an active member of the HBA, especially once I'm practicing.  I honestly don't have the money for dues right now.  But I'll check the website and start going to meetings.

Finally, thanks for your help.  Please let me know what you hear from your immigration contacts.  I'm really eager to put my skills into practice.  And I know once I settle in somewhere, I'm gonna be a solid attorney.

THANKS AGAIN!!!

[.....]

PS. Since you intimated it in your email: MANY, MANY CONGRATS on being pregnant again!  That's gotta be exciting!!!

RE: sup [email to Pito]

The weekend was fine, but busy.  Somehow I've gotten into the habit of getting up every day by around 8am, and then getting things started right away.  So I worked out both Saturday and Sunday, mopped up the floors of the whole apartment on Saturday, went to church on Sunday, etc.  Saturday night was the dinner at Bill and Nancy's.  Only Paul showed up out of the rest of the guys.  We just ate pizza, played some Nintendo Wii (the new gaming console where you actually get up and move around), and then watched the Phillies game.  I was tired, though, so I was back home by midnight and in bed shortly afterward.  Then Sunday, after all my stuff in the morning, my friend Patricia (la cubana) picked me up here in Philly and we went out to Wayne, where she lives.  We spent the day drinking a whole bottle of wine and walking.  Later her mom cooked us "ropa vieja," a traditional Cuban dish, to celebrate me passing the bar, and she talked with us about Cuba and her friend's contact with Che.  So the food was delicious and the conversation was very interesting.  I dead-headed back into Philly around 11pm, so I made a full day out of it.  Yesterday was disappointing with literally only 1 job listing; maybe b/c of the holiday.  Today I'm looking again, but also disappointed b/c I think my cell phone has been cut-off.  So I emailed Mike and Richard to see if anyone has any yard work or house work for a few bucks.  I will be so grateful once I have a job and my money situation is not so wretched.

Listen

The slow chugging of an engine, maybe a bus or a garbage truck.
Then, the sound of a car going by and glass clinks and clanks,
so it's probably a garbage truck. The engine chugs, and a couple
short sounds of horn, not too loud though. Another car goes by,
then a loud humming engine of a truck goes by. The slight
screech of a brake. Then, silence. My pen stops moving for a
second. But another two or maybe three cars go by. The city is
waking. But silence again. No sounds but engines and car wheels whizzing
by. Vague noises of sleepiness. What else to be heard?

Let your voice be heard

If you have not already done so, be sure to vote in our poll. Your feedback is important! Just like (North) American society, I have to lull you into a false sense of participatory democracy, even though I am in complete, dictatorial control of this blog. Hoo hoo haa haa haa (evil sounding laugh). Okay, maybe that's being a little cynical, but vote anyway, gosh dang nab it!

Hispanic Heritage Month

Well, we're halfway through Hispanic Heritage Month (Mes de la Herencia Hispana), which is observed every year from September 15th -- the Independence Day of five Latin American countries (Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua) -- to October 15th. (source)

The theme of this year's National Hispanic Heritage Month is Hispanic Americans: Making a Positive Impact on American Society. (source)

WHO IS A HISPANIC?
The term Hispanic, as defined by the U.S. Census Bureau, refers to Spanish-speaking people in the United States of any race. Thus, the term Hispanic is broader than any racial category. In other words, the term Hispanic is not a racial identification. There are black, red, white, and yellow Hispanics, as well as those that are brown. Also, there are Jewish, Muslim, and Protestant Hispanics, as well as those that are Catholic. (source)

On the 2000 Census form, people of Spanish/Hispanic/Latino origin could identify themselves as 1) Mexican, 2) Puerto Rican, 3) Cuban, or 4) "other Spanish/Hispanic/Latino." More than 35 million people identified themselves as Hispanic or Latino on the 2000 Census.

Many non-Hispanics jump to the conclusion that a Hispanic must necessarily fall into one of two archetypes -- Mexican or Puerto Rican -- or, if in Florida, then possibly a third -- Cuban. The numbers clarify this common prejudgment. 64% of Hispanic-origin people are of Mexican background. Another approximately 10% are of Puerto Rican background. This means that 1 out of every 4 people of Hispanic-origin are of neither Mexican nor Puerto Rican background. Continuing with the stats, Hispanics of Cuban, Salvadoran and Dominican origins account for about 3% -- each group -- of the total Hispanic population . The remainder are of some other Central American, South American or other Hispanic or Latino origins. (secondary source; primary source: AmericanFactFinder).

GROWTH OF THE U.S. HISPANIC POPULATION
42.7 million: the estimated Hispanic population of the United States as of July 1, 2005, making people of Hispanic origin the nation’s largest ethnic or race minority. (This estimate does not include the 3.9 million residents of Puerto Rico.)

Today, the U.S. Census Bureau estimates that there are now over 44 million people of Hispanic origin in the United States. That's about 14% of us!

102.6 million: the projected Hispanic population of the United States as of July 1, 2050. According to this projection, Hispanics will constitute 24% of the nation’s total population on that date.

OTHER RESOURCES
--> Read here the President's Proclamation on National Hispanic Heritage Month, 2007
--> Click here for a list of links to celebrate and research our Hispanic heritage

So celebrate the second half of Hispanic Heritage Month by eating Hispanic food, listening to Spanish-language music, supporting Hispanic businesses, and learning Spanish. That last point will be brought up in a later entry, when I will discuss the inevitable, already-occurring evolution of the United States as a bilingual nation. So listen up, juevon: aprenda hablar espanol ya!

Lucitas Azules

Caminando por el sendero a las orillas del Rio Schuylkill en la noche, veo las luces azules del Cira Centre reflejadas por las olitas del rio. Esas lucitas azules parecen como llamitas frias bailando por el superficie del agua, todas ellas intentando, deseando, queriendo nadar hacia la costa, pero nunca superan la fuerza de gravedad que las mantienen amarradas en su baile eternal solitario. Cada lucita azul representa a un residente de la ciudad, cada uno se ve los demas, cada uno esta rodeada por los demas, cada uno puede hablar solo a las mas cercanas, cada uno tiene que gritar con toda su fuerza para comunicarse con las mas lejanas, cada uno se ve todas las otras lucitas bailando furiosamente, y, de vez en cuando, cuando una pare por un momentico para ver para afuera y darse cuenta que existe un mundo afuera de, y mas grande de, su propia olita, se de cuenta que todos estan bailando, siempre bailando, que siguen, siguen, siguen bailando, ailando, lando, ando, do, o. En ese instante, esa lucita se siente que es una parte integral de un gran movimiento, dirigido por un Gran Director en el cielo, y a la misma vez esa lucita se siente tan solito, tan aislado, tan vacillo, tan pequenito. La luz aspira super hondo y grita desde el fondo de sus pulmones, con la fuerza inmensa de todas las fibras de su alma: Que Contradiccion!!! Sus lagrimas caen al rio, que las lleva al mar, que las da a las nubes, para dejar caer otra vez en el rio. Asi sigue el ciclo de la vida, nuestras lagrimas nos refrescan en el justo momento cuando las necesitamos. Y mientras todo, el Gran Director sigue con el ritmo, la musica, con el bajo bien fuerte para que uno se siente el pulso en el puro centro de su pecho.

(image source)

Take Action to Help the People of Burma

Since August 15th, the people of Myanmar (formerly known as Burma) have been demonstrating publicly against the military junta that has ruled that country since 1992 (and the military rule since 1962, when democratic rule ended as a result of a coup d'etat). These peaceful, pro-democracy demonstrations gained momentum when the country's highly-respected Buddhist monks joined in peace marches on September 18th.

During the past week, the military-controlled government has begun to crack down on these demonstrations in an attempt to repress the pro-democracy movement and maintain its control. "Cracking down" has meant firing bullets into crowds of demonstrators, entering Buddhist temples to physically beat and arrest monks, and shutting down any connections to the internet, thus attempting to cut-off any contact with the outside world.

The official death toll, as of today, is 13 killed. But according to ABC, the number of those who have been killed by the military crackdown is in the hundreds. And British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has stated that he believes the loss of life in Burma has been "far greater" than that reported by the authorities.

Human rights violations in Myanmar are widespread and systematic (source). They include:
--> The use of child soldiers and forced labor.
--> Laws that criminalize peaceful expression of political dissent. At the end of 2006 most senior opposition figures were imprisoned or administratively detained, among more than 1,160 political prisoners held in deteriorating prison conditions.
--> People are frequently arrested without warrant and held incommunicado.
--> Torture and other cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment are common, especially during interrogation and pre-trial detention.
--> Judicial proceedings against political detainees have failed to meet international standards of fairness.
--> Defendants are often denied the right to legal counsel and prosecutors have relied on confessions extracted through torture.

You can TAKE ACTION right now!
--> Ask President Bush to urge a UN Security Council mission to Burma
--> Download Amnesty International USA's Urgent Action sheet for detained protesters

When the people of Burma last staged mass pro-democracy protests back in 1988, the military junta murdered thousands (source). Let the military junta know that the world is watching!!! Take a minute and take action right now! Because failing to do so is to remain silent. And as Zack de la Rocha sings in Fistful of Steel:

Silence

Something about silence makes me sick

'Cause silence can be violent

Sorta like a slit wrist

Fin de semana, mae!

Here are three great events going on this weekend. Check'em out, yo!

Midtown Village Fall Festival
--> this Saturday, Sept 29th from 12 noon to 8pm
--> in Midtown Village
--> featuring international cuisine and beverage tents from nearby restaurants, product booths by retailers, all types of live music, adult and kids games, an outdoor movie, charitable giving and much more
--> more information here

Campus Philly Kick-Off
--> also this Saturday, Sept 29th
--> museums from 10am to 5pm (see esp my previous post)
--> music from 2pm to 7pm
--> on the Ben Franklin Parkway
--> featuring Talib Kweli, Against Me!, and The Ataris
--> more information here

And to stoke your pre-game for the concert, here are a couple vids to warm ya up:
Talib Kweli - Get By (he's sporting a Sixers hat, check it out at 1:00):


And, as we begin autumn, a fitting song to end the summer: The Ataris - Boys of Summer:


Puerto Rican Day Parade
--> this Sunday, Sept 30th from 11:45am to 3:30pm
--> departs from 20th Street & the Ben Franklin Parkway, then heads down 20th St to Market St, where it turns left and moves down Market St to 16th St, where it turns left to head back to the BF Parkway, moving back to 18th St, and finally arriving at the reviewing area at Logan Square
--> more info about the parade can be found at El Concilio's website here

See Tut b4 time's up

Reminder: you only have through this coming weekend to see King Tut here in Philly. The boy king can be found at the Franklin Institute, located at 20th & the Ben Franklin Parkway:


View Larger Map

Tropic of Cancer

Early on Sunday morning, I finished reading Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller. The book described the author's time in Paris during the 1930s, and included graphic descriptions of his sexual escapades there. In between those vivid scenes, there were some really beautiful stream-of-consciousness mental explosions, which were nothing less than poetic.

Here are my top three quotes from Tropic of Cancer:

"Lawyer, priest, doctor, politician, newspaperman -- these are the quacks who have their fingers on the pulse of the world. A constant atmosphere of calamity. It's marvelous. It's as if the barometer never changed, as if the flag were always at half-mast." -- page 146

"One is ejected into the world like a dirty little mummy; the roads are slippery with blood and no one knows why it should be so. Each one is traveling his own way and, though the earth be rotting with good things, there is no time to pluck the fruits; the procession scrambles toward the exit sign, and such a panic is there, such a sweat to escape, that the weak and the helpless are trampled into the mud and their cries are unheard." -- pages 183-84

"It may be that we are doomed, that there is no hope for us, any of us, but if that is so then let us set up a last agonizing, bloodcurdling howl, a screech of defiance, a war whoop! Away with lamentation! Away with elegies and dirges! Away with biographies and histories, and libraries and museums! Let the dead eat the dead. Let us living ones dance about the rim of the crater, a last expiring dance. But a dance!" -- page 257

Yeah, man, in the spirit of that last quote, let's all dance like this guy:

Hey Doog!

Before I get any deeper into this blog thang, I really have to take a moment to reflect on the fact that my dream of writing in my diary on my computer at the end of each day has finally been realized by way of this blog. Just like Doogie Howser, M.D.:



Great quote from that series:
Patient: You're a kid.
Doogie Howser: True, but I'm also a genius. If you have a problem with that I can get you someone who's older but not as smart as me.

And as long as we've brought up Neil Patrick Harris, let's use this opportunity to remind ourselves to always stand up and speak out against homophobia. As Coretta Scott King stated in a 1998 address:

"Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity, and personhood."

Autumn Has Arrived!

Just about three hours ago, at 5:51 a.m., the equinox took place. In the northern hemisphere -- where we are here in Philadelphia -- this means that autumn has arrived. And autumn will be here until the winter solstice, which will take place this year on December 22nd at 2:08 a.m. So let's enjoy autumn for everything it's worth!

Cool days, crisp nights. Changing, falling leaves. Yellow, orange, red, purple. Afternoon coffee, late night hot chocolate. Cool winds coming off the Great Lakes, coming from the Canadian plains. High school football Fridays, College football Saturdays, Pro football Sundays. Squirrels in the park, geese in the sky. Curling up under covers: on the couch to watch a movie, in bed to go to sleep. Halloween, trick-or-treat, candy, chocolate, visiting neighbors. Thanksgiving, turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, visiting family. Pumpkin pie, apple pie, apple cider. Mountain trails, college campuses, and city sidewalks, all covered in leaves. Clear, starry nights. Crisp, fresh mornings, imbuing one's soul with vigor and optimism for a fresh new day.

College Football: Penn State and Rutgers

Earlier today, (10) Penn State lost 14-9 to Michigan. From what I saw today and from what I've seen in the past, I've come to the conclusion that Anthony Morelli simply cannot step up to the plate when it really counts. And despite the Nittany Lions' solid defense, Morelli's inability to pull out the close games will hold Penn State to a mediocre season in the Big Ten.

So let's get real: Penn State was highly overrated at #10. I mean, c'mon, the first three wins (all home games for PSU) were against Florida International, Notre Dame, and Buffalo. Let's break that down. Florida International has an 0-4 record. Notre Dame likewise has an 0-4 record. And Buffalo -- whose lone win in a 1-3 record was against the perennially winless Temple Owls (who have only 1 win in the past 27 consecutive games) -- was no powerhouse either.

I look for Penn State to finish fourth in the Big Ten this season -- behind Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio State. And watch out for the Iowa Hawkeyes, who put up a great fight against the Wisconsin Badgers earlier tonight.

Let's see if (11) Rutgers can avoid a similar characterization after their game next Saturday at home against Maryland. Although Maryland is sitting at .500 after winning 2 and dropping 2, let's consider that the Terps only lost to West Virginia by a count of 31-14. With a strong running game in Ray Rice, though, and more consistent play -- as compared to Morelli -- by Mike Teel, and weapons at the WR position (Tiquan Underwood and Tim Brown), Rutgers is a more balanced team than Penn State.

Look for Rutgers to steadily move up about three spots in the rankings until their meeting against West Virginia on Saturday, October 27th. Meanwhile, over the same course of time, look for Penn State to settle into a high-teen/near-twenty ranking in the AP poll, as they have to face tough battles against Iowa and Wisconsin before their October 27th match-up against Ohio State.

Philly Graffiti

Check out the cover story of this week's Philadelphia Weekly.

And check out this cool video, put to really cool music: "Sound of Philadelphia" by Reef the Lost Cauze:



Although I do not support the nonconsensual modification (by spraypainting) of another person's private property, there is still something to be said for alleviating the glum, post-industrial, and aesthetically unpleasant environment of some sections of the city by adding some color. If the choice is living across the street and walking by a vacant gray warehouse everyday or tagging it with a colorful, personalized, and artistic design, I'd choose the latter. Put the burden on the property owner to actively use her property, and if she doesn't, then put the burden on the government to actively remove urban blight.

Of course there is the flipside that cannot be ignored. There is a lot of graffiti that is just plain ugly. To all you artistically uninspired taggers out there, stick to your day job! And there is also a lot of graffiti that is painted where it shouldn't be, and with a malicious intent to purposely deface property. Anytime anyone does anything with a mean spirit, I really can't support it, it's as simple as that. C'mon now, a little love, people!

Car Free in Philly

Today, September 22nd, is Car Free Day in Europe and Canada. Two weeks ago, on the morning of Sunday, September 9th, many of Philly's streets were blocked off in order to allow cyclists to ride safely in an event called Bike Philly 2007.

On a related note, just a couple of nights ago ABC World News Tonight ran a piece that highlighted the growing problem of longer and longer commutes in the U.S. Increasingly longer commutes translate into more wasted time and more wasted money on more wasted gas. Because this problem is only going to get worse, the obvious solution is to minimize the time/distance between work and home. But how, you ask? => the answer is The 21st Century Renaissance of the American City. Instead of living in the suburbs and commuting to the city for work everyday, imagine living in the city and working down the street.

What the Renaissance means here at home -- where we are expected to realize the prophecy of Philadelphia as "America's Next Great City" -- is that we absolutely must lead the way in addressing people's need to minimize their commute. This means, in part, the continued growth of Philly as a liveable, residential city (not to mention its reputation as being very walker-friendly). But really most pressing is the task to design and implement a plan to expand and modernize Philly's internal public transit system. That is, to give city residents the ability to travel easily and quickly from one part of the city to the other. This project is a multifaceted Gordian knot that will not be easy to unravel, due to its chicken-or-egg and NIMBY aspects and the ever-present question of where the money will come from, but it is one which must nonetheless be actively confronted by Philly's leaders: political, business, community, et al. More thoughts on this later.....

But for now, here's to being car-free today and to spreading the word to make next September 22nd a completely car-free day for Philadelphia.

Bienvenidos a Philly 215!!!

Blog. An onomatopoeic word calling up the image of a puddle of vomited oatmeal, maybe with a few raisins mixed in. Or perhaps a pile of warm, recently-evacuated soft-serve style shit, the kind that barely satisfies the definition of a solid, the kind that may have been created as a byproduct of a brave new dish.

So here we go! Our reader-writer relationship has now officially begun. And so, without further ado, the time has come for me to evacuate...............

sat [email to Pito]

Hey, I hope you can help me out with the cats on Saturday.  They have an appointment for 11am to get some shots; so it shouldn't take too long.  On Sunday I went to the Mexican Independence Festival with my friend Tobin; there were hundreds of people there.  On the walk back to my place I ran into a friend of mine who works for Taller Puertorriqueno.  I talked with him for a while, and during that time a woman walked by and said "nice hair Tighe."  It was a friend of mine who's an attorney at Friends of Farmworkers, a nice-looking young Puerto Rican woman.  I'm supposed to go into her office to visit her later today.  Also, my friend Mike called me to tell me about a couple of Brazilian friends of his that were nabbed by immigration; since he doesn't know any immigration attorneys, he suggested that I use it as a chance to visit my old friends at NSC, so I'll do that either today or tomorrow.  So let me know about Saturday; it's not a long ride so you could get here at 10:30am.  Make sure to take a lunch break today and eat plenty of healthy food.

Shine, baby, shine

Life in the city is like a star's in outer space.
I can see all the other stars, yet they're so far away.
So, in response, I try to shine as brightly as possible.
Can you see me? Look over here! Am I shining
brightly enough? brightly enough for you to look at me?
Shine, baby, shine. Because if I don't, then I'm
invisible, and just as good as non-existent. I am
a star. I am a star. I am a star. My life's
purpose is to shine, shine, shine. Can you see me???

RE: weekend [email to Pito]

things have been going really well.  spending most of my time with carlos since his schedule as a fulltime student is the most open to hang out.  jumped around where i sleep from zahyra to carlos to fabio.  fabio burnt me a couple of cds with photos and one with a bunch of old school, prob 1950s and 60s music, so i'll bring that back to show you.  so maybe send something for him.  he was telling me that he needs a new electric shaver (like the norelco ones), but that might be too expensive to send down.  if not, if you have a copy of buena vista social club that i gave you, then def burn a copy of that for him.  been to guapiles twice on day trips, i'll go there for most of next wk since i like the peacefulness out there.  haven't been to beach yet, but will go next wkend, aka in 8 days, to dominical.  other than that, my spanish has improved a bit since arriving.  everyone compliments me on how well i speak.  and i even sang karoake in spanish last night, didn't get in until 5am!  not sure what i'm doing this wkend, but i'm gonna pay one of carlos' friends $100 to rent his car for the rest of the time that i'm here, so getting around won't be an issue starting today.  mita has been doing other stuff, and i've been purposely doing my own thing.  like i said about jaco, i don't think i'll go there since everyone says its so bad.  but in the off chance that i'm near a computer when yorlen is with me, i'll open up the other email you sent to show her.  please take care of rocky & moda, i've been really worried about them the whole time i've been here.  thanks for helping out with them.  alright, gotta go now.  pura vida!

San Jose, Costa Rica -- morning

I'm back! And I guess I mean that in more ways than one. First of all, I'm back writing in this journal. That has a lot to do with the second way: that I'm back in Costa Rica.

I arrived here just three days ago. Today is Monday morning. I just woke up, and since no one else is awake or around, I decide to start writing.

Mita and I landed in San Jose on Friday around noontime. After going through customs and getting our bags, we met Carlos outside the airport. From there we drove to Marlen's workplace so we could all have lunch. I should also say that at that moment that we met Carlos outside the airport, I had to switch gears from English to Spanish. I've realized so far on this trip that at times I've grown tired of expending the energy necessary to speak and listen in Spanish. And unlike other trips in the past, as far as I can remember them, this time I don't feel so pressured to force myself to stay in Spanish mode. I'll either retreat into my own head to take a break or I'll just state that I'm gonna say something in English and then I'll say it. And really, with the level of English that people have here, it's usually cool. So I'll probably stick with that method, even while my Spanish naturally improves a little bit each day.

Anyway, returning to what I've done since getting here. Mita, Carlos, Marlen, and I had a nice lunch at an outdoor restaurant in the strip mall where Marlen works. After that, we drove to Tia Zahrya's house, where we saw her and Yorlen. Carlos had to leave to prepare and then go to his evening English class. So I just stayed at Tia Zahrya's house for coffee and then just chilled out for a while.

Later that night, after eating dinner, Yorlen, Said, Vicky (Yorlen's friend), and I went to a bar called Cavale. It was a really cool atmosphere because they played hip-hop and electronic music. It seems that the owner is some young-looking Swedish guy. I went out even though I felt a bit tired from the trip. But the funny thing is that once I got out, I was energized by the music, the women, and by the fact that I was finally in Costa Rica again. We went out thinking we'd be back easily by midnight. But we stayed until closing. Then, we even went to a late night food stand to get some gallo pinto with salchichon. By the time I went to bed, it was four in the morning.

The next day Tia Luisa, Tio Fabio, his wife Leticia, their little girl Alexandra, and of course Tia Zahrya and Yorlen were all hanging out by the time I woke up at noon. I took nearly an hour in the bathroom because I had to piss, shit, blow my nose, then take a nice long shower. So I finally saw everyone around one in the afternoon.

Well, I'm gonna continue writing later because Carlos is up now. So it's time to hang out.

ya voy! [email to family in Costa Rica]

el tiempo ha llegado para disfrutar la pura vida
porque hace tiempo que he tomado una pura birra
en solo unas horas estare volando en una nube
y cuando llego es cuando el volumen de la fiesta sube!

cuz the time has come to chill out and get loose
put on the tunes and drink a lil juice
cuz i'm comin' all the way from the double deuce and spruce
and i'm bringin' the engine if you supply the caboose!

Saw Beastie Boys at Festival Pier, Penn's Landing, for $49.50 with Jess.

Faith in One word

Yes!?...

In Search of the Future

meaningful human contact is what I have lacked
the impact being that my sense of tact is no longer
completely intact; the fact is that memories and days
have faded to black, my drive has become slack,
and as Iraq is attacked, so too am I terrorized
by the constant self-conscious insecurity. Will the day come when I can
break off my shackles, retract the distractions that
have protracted my hunger, and redact all these words
that reflect my actual, contemporary self? Yes!?...

a big favor [email to Cherise]

Cherise,

I have to ask a really big favor of you.  The bar exam is Tue, Wed, and Thu, July 24, 25, 26.  I know that you'll be making your decision about whether to take the world cruise btwn now and then.  Please don't tell me your decision until Fri July 27, no matter what the decision is.  Please.

Right now, I'm pretty much expecting you to take the world cruise, but even still, I'm holding out hope that you may choose to be with me.  And I'm cool with that for now; I can handle that no problem.  But I don't want to find out that our relationship is basically over the wk before the bar exam: I need to deal with that separately afterwards.  The bottom line is that I cannot have ANY external stress from now until the bar exam.  So please help me out with this.

Let's talk again this Saturday.  There are a few things I want to tell you before you make your decision.  I've sat here trying to type them out, but I'd rather tell you in a real conversation.

The only thing I will say is on the topic of planning.  Although I agree with you that life should not be micro-managed, I do think that life should, to a certain extent at least, be planned.  And my main support for this belief is that God has a plan.  So I believe that I should too.  Having a plan just means that you have a vision of your life, and that you're making decisions and taking positive actions to realize that vision.  A plan is just that: a plan; it is not a set of unbreakable rules; because life brings the unexpected, a plan can and should change; it is not set in stone.

So on the topic of planning, Cherise, I don't think you should talk down on it.  "One should not live life like a dead leaf being blown around at the whim of the wind."  You can quote me on that one.

I miss you a lot.  If that means nothing to you, then that really sucks.  Be sure to look at old photos of us before you make your decision.  If that doesn't change your mind, then I guess it's better that we never see each other again.  But I want you to look at the photos because I know that you're easily influenced by what immediately surrounds you; the photos will help to give you a wider perspective.  Being on the ship so far from me makes it the easy decision to leave me behind forever; but it doesn't make it the right decision.

sum nu rimes frum slick [email to Paul]

new bboys album comes out tomorrow. gonna pick it up of course, will burn it for you if i can.  by the way, you put your copy of hybrid theory in the linkin park case, so we can swap next time i see you.  good job w/ 225 6x; keep up the good work; i'll be breathing down your neck really soon though, so that'll be extra motivation for you.  good wkend; thanks for coming down.  from "soup to nuts", always good to hang out w/ you.  don't think i can say that about anyone else.  be good in CA and keep in touch, aight.

cuz i was shittin a house in rittenhouse
but now the time has come to be gittin out
so we go ta old city where we get kinda shitty
and that's when all the girls start lookin real pretty

feeling better? [email to Pito]

i hope you're feeling better, which i assume you should be by the time you read this.  by the way, thanks for everything this past wkend, including the food and the toilet piece.  i definitely got a little bit of color from hanging out at the pool; hopefully i can somehow keep it up for the rest of the summer.  the temp in the apt feels okay right now; thankfully the hot & humid weather is only supposed to last for one day, and most importantly it shouldn't be too bad by nighttime.

so here's a quick story from earlier tonight.  i was walking back from the gym when i noticed a guy sitting in a lawn chair looking at his laptop in an empty parking space here on spruce.  the sight of it really pissed me off but i didn't say anything.  but when i came inside i remembered that i needed milk from wawa, so i went back out.  when i passed him i told him "you know what you're doing is illegal.  there is no property interest in a public property space."  he replied with some attitude, "oh really."  i said, "it's also unfair for everyone else."  so he replies rudely, "i don't care. call the police if you want."  then i said, "so you're an asshole then?"  he just replied, "yep."  i said, "in that case you can go to hell."  and i walked away.  when i got back home he was still sitting there, so i called the police.  but of course no one showed up b/c that's typical philly.  the whole thing really pissed me off though.  for anyone, but especially an asshole like that, to think that he has the right to exclude the rest of the public from something that didn't even belong to him.

anyway, i hope you have a good rest of the week.  i'll talk to you later.

Two Shooting Stars

Many moons ago our lives merged:
Like two shooting stars our orbits converged
For a while my hopes and happiness surged
believing that the beginning of my future had begun to emerge
but alas, it wasn't to be
for even the stars are subject to gravity
little did I know that I was being called by my destiny
to my next set of experiences in another galaxy
And so inevitably
our orbits have begun to diverge
in search of new love that each of us deserves
So now I bid you farewell and wish you the best
While our starlight shined brightly I truly was blessed

RE: Hello! [email to Cherise]

No worries about the photos; I'm sure you'll send some when you can.  I'm trying to find out who had the disposable camera at the end of the weekend so that I can get it developed and put on cd.  Then I can start sending some emails.

Thanks again for your positive words.  I've been feeling so happy lately; law school was very difficult for me on many different levels.  To have persevered really proved something to myself.  I feel like I've grown in some really important ways since I first went into it.

And to turn the focus on to you, I've learned a lot from your dedication to your dream to dance.  I really respect that a lot, because only so many people have the commitment to keep their eyes on the prize.  In that way, you're definitely a leader!

Anyway, my weekend was absolutely wonderful.  From the anticipation I had waking up on Thursday morning to getting back to Philly on Sunday afternoon, and everything in between from Philly to New York and back, it was just what I needed: to have fun, laugh, be crazy, drink a bunch of beers, listen to lots of great music of all types and in different places, spend quality time with my family, get crunk with my friends, and a couple of deep conversations with them too; it was all good.

But now it's time for me to slowly start to re-focus, because the big baby is coming in just a little over two months: the bar exam.  But I won't think about that too much just this minute.

Lastly, I haven't gotten any dates yet from Ronald.  But as soon as I do, I'll pass them on to you and let you know the prospects of me coming out there.  In the meantime, take care.  And be sure not to take for granted all the natural beauty that you get to see everyday.  These are the photographic memories that you'll hold for the rest of your life; treasure them!

Call me this Saturday if you have some spare time.  It will be nice to talk again.    Tighe

RE: Weekend [email to Pito]

yeah, from grad thru this wkend, i had a great time.  thanks for hanging out for a while after grad; that was a big part of what made me happy.  let's talk this wkend so i can tell you some stories from the wkend.  i'm about to get into bed here, since i'm still trying to recover from the non-stop of the wkend.  so i'll email you the dimensions tomorrow.  but i did in fact join the gym today and get in my first workout.  although i was tired, it felt really good to get back into the mix.  and cherise called me around 2am on thu night, when i was totally drunk in a cab, to congrat me on the grad.  we talked again on sat afternoon for about half an hour and it was a good convo.  alright have a good day tomorrow.  i'll email again.  peace.

grades + directions [email to Pito]

i just checked grades, and 3 out of the 4 classes are in.  i got a B in employment discrimination, the final exam i took last monday.  i got a B+ in advanced trial ad, the final trial that i did.  and i got an A in current issues in family law, which means the prof gave me a higher grade than she said she would.  it also means that's my best grade in law school.  the 3 grades put my semester gpa at 3.44, by far my highest ever.  of course, the grade i'm waiting for, the research paper in race & ethnicity, will bring that down.  but i'll enjoy this good news for now.

i'll see you on thursday.  mita told me that she wants you to call her to talk about driving on thu; she tried calling you a couple of times on sunday.  i figure if you guys arrive in philly at 2pm, we'll be good on time.

by the way, here's a recap of driving directions from medford: when you come off the ben franklin bridge, stay in the 2nd & 3rd lanes from the left-hand side, then go through the traffic light & intersection to get on to 676-West.  once you're on that, you'll recognize where you are => art museum exit is the 2nd one up ahead on the right-hand side.

see you on thu.

address? [email to Paul]

Just a reminder to send me your address when you get this.  Also want to reiterate that you're a great friend, and so I'm sorry when I heard that you were hurt by what Luz said.  There is an old saying, I think it's Buddhist: "when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear."  I have faith that it's the same way when you find the girl you're meant to be with.  In the meantime, we'll keep living and learning and trying to make progress towards our goals one day at a time.  And the goal next weekend will be having pure, don't-give-a-fuck-type fun.  Be good, brother, and thanks for everything.  Peace, Tighe

No subject [email to Paul]

yo, i got ur text msg.  i still have 3 days left, so let's not count our chickens until we're eating the chicken fingers.  so how was sat night?  i couldn't hear the voicemail too well, but i figure it was good shit when i heard girls squealing.  you'll have to tell me about it when we talk later this wk, prob wed night when i'm done.  thanks for all ur support, it seriously means a lot to me, and some of ur msgs even helped me through some tough days.  alright, back to the final stretch....

RE: Midnight Oil? [email to Pito]

My days here are definitely winding down.  I have a final exam in Employment Discrimination next Monday the 7th.  And next Wednesday the 9th is my last day to hand in my research paper for Race & Ethnicity.  So far, though, I've been doing a pretty good job of getting in several hours of work done during the day, so my nights are pretty much just dinner and watching tv before going to bed.

I've been working a lot on this research paper so that, even if my professor wants to exercise any personal bias against me, it can only go so far.  It's very well-researched.  Right now, it's 26 pages long single-spaced, and I'm in the pain in the ass process of whittling it down to 25 pages, double-spaced.  So I've got to delete at least 6 more pages before I can expand the spacing.  But the hard part is done since now I can just keep the best material.  I'm gonna use the weekend to study for the exam, so I'll come back to the paper again next Tuesday and Wednesday for a final fine-tuning.

The more I think about it, the more I'm really looking forward to the 17th.  By the way, they gave me only one free parking pass for that day.  Are you gonna drive right to the ceremony?  If so, then I'll give you the pass.  The ceremony begins at 6pm, but traffic will be on the heavy side, so keep that in mind if you do plan on driving straight there.  The other option is to park in Center City and meet me at my place.  I'll be leaving my place at around 4:30pm to catch a subway to get up to school for check-in at 5pm.  So let me know what your plans are.

Alright, back to "LA LUCHA"!!!

RE: Hello! [email to Cherise]

I'm busy writing my research paper for my Race & Ethnicity class.  I've already done the research, but I just started writing the paper today.  I had a heated argument with the professor about three weeks ago, so since then I've been a little bit concerned that she may try to fail me.  I told her that I hadn't met any of the deadlines over the course of the semester because that's not the way I operate.  I told her that this is my education so I'll do it my own way.  She was pretty pissed off at my comments.  The last day to hand-in the paper is May 9th.  The paper has to be 25 pages long, which is no problem for me.  I can write that in just 2 or 3 days.  So the real test for me is doing a top-notch job organizing it and editing it so that I don't give her any excuse to fail me.

I also have a final exam in Employment Discrimination on May 7th.  I'll need at least a couple of days to study for that, so it'll temporarily interrupt my focus on the paper.  I already had my final trial in Advanced Trial Advocacy, and I handed in my last serial paper for Current Issues in Family Law.  So I'm completely done with those two classes; it now leaves me just these other two courses to complete.  But as long as everything with the research paper and the final exam goes well, I'll be done on May 9th and then I'll graduate on May 17th.  I've let myself get a little bit excited about graduation (although not too much yet).  It makes me very happy just thinking about it though.

Besides all that, I want to let you know that I think about you every day.  Because of my focus on school, though, I haven't put too much thought into the viability of our relationship.  If you have any thoughts on that, then I have to ask you to hold your thoughts until after May 9th: I only have enough energy to focus on the paper and final exam until that date.

Anyway, I hope you're enjoying Victoria.  I'll be thinking about you.

mpre [email to Pito and Mita]

i took the mpre (multistate professional responsibility examination) at the end of spring break. passing it is a requirement to be admitted to the bar. the minimum score that i have to get for PA and NJ is 75. i just got my score, and it's a 101. so that's one less thing for me to worry about. it's a relief that i passed. i figured you guys would be happy to hear it.

call + trial [email to Pito]

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you should call Jessica some time.  I saw her yesterday when she and Mita came in to visit for Easter.  Jessica seems very aware that you haven't called her for over a month.  Although you didn't approve of her decisions recently, you shouldn't punish her by not communicating with her.  Everyone has to learn their lessons in life, so you've gotta let her do that in her own way even while still expressing your care and concerns.  Fortunately her latest episode seems to have resolved itself without any major consequences, other than Jessica feeling hurt.  But Jessica definitely seems hurt by the fact that you haven't called her; I could tell just from the look on her face.  Not calling her doesn't serve any good purpose, so you should call her soon.

My final trial with Mike for our advanced trial advocacy class is next Tuesday the 17th at 6pm at the Criminal Justice Center (right across the street from City Hall).  We are allowed to invite family and friends to either serve as a juror or simply to observe.  The trial should last about 3 hours, which I know is kinda late for you; but I wanted to invite you anyway.  If somehow you can come, then you'd have to let me know so I can tell the prof to give your name to security at the CJC.

Alright, talk to you later.  Peace out.

Email to Cherise

You totally broke me down emotionally. That was obvious last Sunday night when I was literally crying that I wanted to go home. If I hadn't drank any alcohol, then those feelings would probably have remained bottled up inside me; but they still would have been there. Drinking the alcohol only meant that I no longer had the self-control to keep those feelings within myself. But with or without the alcohol, the fact still remained: you totally broke me down emotionally.

So the question is: how did you break me down emotionally?

1) Over the course of three nights and three days, you never said one positive word toward me. Not one compliment. Not one nice thing. Not one thing to make me feel good about myself. You made me feel that I was worthless for you.

2) You very rarely showed any positive emotions to me through actions either. The only rare times that you tried to act nicely toward me was at nighttime when you tried to hug me. But by not having said one nice thing to me over the course of many hours during the day, I couldn't be sure that your actions were genuine. That is to say, I asked myself: is she trying to hug me because she really cares about me, or is she trying to hug me because she really wants to please herself by knowing she has someone that she can hug? In other words, I wasn't sure if your reasons for trying to hug me were caring for me or selfish for you.

3) You didn't make any positive material effort toward me. In other words, you didn't offer any kind of token of love or any gift as an apology for how you had treated me. So in the end, I didn't even have anything, like a handwritten note or a thoughtful gift, that I could look at as a reassurance of how you say you feel about me. I literally had nothing to hold on to to show me that you loved me.

4) When I got upset, you purposely antagonized me. You made fun of me. You looked at me like I was a freak. You criticized me. You made me even angrier. You made the whole situation worse. If you had cared about me, you would have tried to hear me out. You would've tried to calm me down. You would've given me a hug. You would've reassured me that you loved me. But instead you wouldn't even show me the respect of letting me finish a sentence. You wouldn't even let me speak. That makes me feel like what I have to say, how I feel, what I'm thinking, is not important to you, it doesn't matter to you, it isn't even worth two seconds of your time or your life. Your approach makes me feel like you think you're superior to me. If you don't show me any respect, much less love or caring, then you must be looking down at me. But if we aren't equals, then why are you with me?

We should end our relationship. My head tells me that we should end our relationship. And although my heart is very reluctant, it wants to end our relationship too. So the question is: why? Why do I think we should end our relationship?

1) As everything above clearly indicates, we cannot communicate. We have never been able to communicate with each other. You know just as well as I do that we have had only very rare moments where we were able to communicate with each other. Almost all of our communication has been superficial, just like any conversation we could have with a stranger off the street.

2) Any progress we have ever made with each other has been fleeting. Due to the pressures of law school and due to you almost always being apart from me, we cannot realistically grow closer. The few times we have grown is when I have felt relatively unpressured from school and when you have been here with me. But those times have been few and far between. Is that how a relationship is supposed to be? One step forward, then two or three steps back?

3) We must accept the fact that neither one of us is going to change the other. And so, since we have never been happy together, what makes us believe that that will ever change? If I wanted to, I could make a list now that you should be with someone that does A, B, and C, and I should be with someone who does D, E, and F. There's no point in doing that though, even though it's true. Each of us simply needs someone who is different than who we have now. As for me, I will only say that I desperately want to feel loved by someone. And I have only rarely felt that from you.

4) And that's the final point, what it all really boils down: I feel completely and utterly empty when I'm with you:

I feel like a man who has been walking a desert for many, many years, waiting for the day to drink more than a few drops of water at at time. Although I know that my parents love me, I was never told "I love you" as a child. Besides my birthday and Christmas, my parents never had money to buy me any gifts or take me out to dinner. After my early toddler years, I was never hugged and kissed. I never saw my parents hug and kiss each other. Because we were relatively poor for the town that we grew up in, there were never any other kids around; all of our classmates lived in the neighborhoods with two-story houses and backyards, while we lived in a two-bedroom apartment with no yard at all. That's almost certainly why Jess and I find it hard to make friends sometimes and why she is yet to find a boyfriend. Our childhood was cold and tough. Despite that, I've grown up to be a mature, well-rounded man. But I still crave for something that I never really had: Love, expressed openly and explicitly. And unfortunately, even with you I never got more than a few drops at a time. I pray to God for the day that I can drink a tall glass of love. Then I will be happy. Then I will know that I have met the woman that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. For reasons probably relating back to your childhood, you are cold. As much as I care for you, I can't be with someone who is cold. I've lived with that for too long, and I deserve better.

Last Sunday night I felt so alone. I missed my home so much. I missed Rocky and Moda. I missed Philadelphia, the only witness to my many tears over the years, and yet the city where I have grown up to be a man. Yesterday morning, I had to take the EL to get to the testing site to take the MPRE. A couple in their early twenties sat down two rows in front of me. They were lower-class, blue-collar, and they had a thick Philadelphia accent. They were talking with a friend of theirs sitting in the row directly in front of me. The boyfriend was telling the guy how he and his girlfriend had moved to Voorhees, a town in New Jersey, for a little while before coming back to Philly. He was telling the guy that he should never go to Voorhees. And as he and his girlfriend got up to walk out the subway in Fishtown, he told the guy, "There ain't nuttin' like Philly." When he said that, my heart fluttered. That's exactly how I felt when I was sitting in handcuffs, surrounded by cops, at LAX. And even though I knew you were sitting somewhere nearby, I hadn't felt so lonely in years.