It's been over two months since I last wrote, but I've thought often of writing. So much seems to have happened in the last two months.
First and foremost, I started law school and now I'm in full-swing with less than two months until my last exam for the semester. The experience has been a challenging one. Despite the difficulties - or perhaps because of them - I am very grateful. I can say that my dream to be a student at Temple Law has materialized, although the day-to-day doesn't seem or feel like a dream. I occasionally remind myself of why I wanted to do this: to help other people. It seems like most of the time that I dislike my five classes, although there are occasional moments of interest and even rarer moments of pleasure.
But I believe that moving consciously and intentionally in the direction of one's dreams is one of the two purposes of life. In that respect, I have to believe I'm succeeding. The second purpose of life is complementary to the first. Each positively effects the other. From my present perspective, then, I am lagging a bit in the second: one must face one's fears and, quite similarly, move consciously and intentionally to overcome them. For reasons that are somewhat vague to me, I have feared speaking in front of my class. Being conscious of this, it sometimes effects my interactions with my classmates individually, although I feel that this is improving. I hope that the positive movement of the first purpose continues to strengthen me in my desire to achieve the second purpose, whether little-by-little or by leaps and bounds.
Law school has been difficult for other reasons. It has been a constant, daily struggle to keep up with the large amount of reading, and more difficult, the comprehension and retention of that reading. After ordering a notebook computer at the end of August, I finally got it in mid-September. It has helped me tremendously to get organized. Nevertheless, the struggle continues.
Another difficulty has been my schedule's effect on my relationship with Cherise. Since I am so busy from Monday through Friday, and even to a degree on Saturday and Sunday, it has left me with little time to do anything else. The little time I do have remaining, I usually choose to just resting and relaxing. At times, this has put a strain of the relationship. Cherise has a lot of free time, so she naturally gets bored sometimes. It is at times like these that she misses my companionship. There have been times where I have made compromises (not always smart), but they have been admittedly few. The pressure of school just seems to be something always on my mind, with very infrequent repose.
A related issue is my occasional envy of Cherise's schedule, especially when she isn't here, but she's out having fun. I miss that very much. But realistically, now that Corey is gone to Armenia, I think it would be difficult to recreate my early days in Philadelphia. So maybe its better that I'm in school, to use that as a weak justification - or convenient excuse.
My short-term light at the end of the tunnel is a trip to Costa Rica this December. If time permits, I want to see the Panama Canal. I'm very hopeful that it's the type of escapist experience that I'll be likely to need at the end of the semester. To relieve stress, to be able to breathe fresh air, to be able to enjoy warm weather, to be able to party and have fun, to be able to travel on new roads to new places, to love life - these are my hopes and aspirations.
And my long-term light at the end of the tunnel, of course, is to obtain a position as a result of my legal education to help other people in a positive, tangible way. Well, as mentioned I'm very busy these days, so I don't know when I'll write again. Maybe next time I'll be on a beach in Central America.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- early morning
Simultaneously a lot has happened while not much has happened since the last entry. But I won't get into that now.
Just now I was lying in bed with Cherise lying next to me. As usual, I let my mind roam free; this sometimes leads me to interesting thoughts although it also sometimes leads me to dwell on other subjects better left alone. Tonight was no different and my mind was lead to thoughts and memories of my first meeting with Cherise, the night when she first walked into the door to the apartment here at 2124 Spruce. There were two main thoughts that materialized.
The first was a funny one: Cherise and her half-sister, Myesha, were either too scared or too uncomfortable to do anything but remain standing near the front door to the apartment. In fact, they didn't move the whole time we were here before going out that night. Of course, the irony is that Cherise now lives and sleeps here. She is just as comfortable now as I am to be here.
The second general thought that came to my head was not as light. In remembering that night it would seem to validate the idea of love at first sight: we saw each other immediately, our eyes met, we began a one-on-one conversation in my bedroom, we went out dancing, she grabbed my hand to go out on the dancefloor, we began kissing during the second song, and the night continued with dancing, kissing, and hand-holding until we exchanged numbers and said "good night."
Unfortunately, the set-up for love at first sight may not hold up since another, later weekend seems to disprove that possibility. I think it was either two or three weekends later that I invited Cherise to come with me to New York City. We held hands during most of the car ride there. When Paul and Corey went out to get food, Cherise came out of the shower to kiss me and massage me. When we all went out, Cherise was only with me for less than an hour before she left me for the night. I didn't see her again during that trip to New York; she didn't come back with Corey and me to Philadelphia. I found out later that she had sex with her ex-boyfriend in Brooklyn that night. Despite the complexities of it, that act basically opened the door to my decision to have sex with Tyette in Baltimore after Evan's wedding. Maybe each of us needed to sow our wild oats one last time before settling into a relationship. But the whole story makes it difficult to call our initial meeting 'love at first sight.'
Just now I was lying in bed with Cherise lying next to me. As usual, I let my mind roam free; this sometimes leads me to interesting thoughts although it also sometimes leads me to dwell on other subjects better left alone. Tonight was no different and my mind was lead to thoughts and memories of my first meeting with Cherise, the night when she first walked into the door to the apartment here at 2124 Spruce. There were two main thoughts that materialized.
The first was a funny one: Cherise and her half-sister, Myesha, were either too scared or too uncomfortable to do anything but remain standing near the front door to the apartment. In fact, they didn't move the whole time we were here before going out that night. Of course, the irony is that Cherise now lives and sleeps here. She is just as comfortable now as I am to be here.
The second general thought that came to my head was not as light. In remembering that night it would seem to validate the idea of love at first sight: we saw each other immediately, our eyes met, we began a one-on-one conversation in my bedroom, we went out dancing, she grabbed my hand to go out on the dancefloor, we began kissing during the second song, and the night continued with dancing, kissing, and hand-holding until we exchanged numbers and said "good night."
Unfortunately, the set-up for love at first sight may not hold up since another, later weekend seems to disprove that possibility. I think it was either two or three weekends later that I invited Cherise to come with me to New York City. We held hands during most of the car ride there. When Paul and Corey went out to get food, Cherise came out of the shower to kiss me and massage me. When we all went out, Cherise was only with me for less than an hour before she left me for the night. I didn't see her again during that trip to New York; she didn't come back with Corey and me to Philadelphia. I found out later that she had sex with her ex-boyfriend in Brooklyn that night. Despite the complexities of it, that act basically opened the door to my decision to have sex with Tyette in Baltimore after Evan's wedding. Maybe each of us needed to sow our wild oats one last time before settling into a relationship. But the whole story makes it difficult to call our initial meeting 'love at first sight.'
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Vatican City -- morning
I'm sitting in the shade on the cobblestone leaning back against a wall facing St. Peter's Basilica. It's almost noontime so it's starting to heat up. But right now it's not so bad in the shade.
We've been in Rome since Sunday morning (today is Wednesday), but we haven't done much for a couple of reasons. First, it gets so hot in the afternoons that it is just too difficult to do anything outside. That clearly effects sightseeing.
Second, I have been sick since writing the last entry, since last Thursday in Granada. Last Friday, I had diarrhea and vomiting one after the other, on top of a 39* Celsius fever. So I felt I had no choice but to be safe and go to the hospital. They prescribed me antibiotics and it has taken until today to have a bowel movement that could be called reasonably close to normal. But as a result of the long sickness, I have lost weight, and hence strength. That also made any sightseeing a practical impossibility.
Lastly, the whole ordeal has forced me to end the trip prematurely, as Cherise and I are flying out of Rome Ciampino first thing tomorrow morning to arrive in London with the hopes of coming off the waitlist for Air India to fly back to New York. We shall see.
Over the past few nights, we have done some walking, though, seeing the Colosseum and the impressive Vittoriale by night. We also saw the Roman Forum and many other similar ruins right in the center of the city. Most of the streets in Rome are cobblestone, adding to the feeling of history and antiquity. Well, it's high noon, the bells having just rung, so I think we'll go inside now to tour the Basilica.
We've been in Rome since Sunday morning (today is Wednesday), but we haven't done much for a couple of reasons. First, it gets so hot in the afternoons that it is just too difficult to do anything outside. That clearly effects sightseeing.
Second, I have been sick since writing the last entry, since last Thursday in Granada. Last Friday, I had diarrhea and vomiting one after the other, on top of a 39* Celsius fever. So I felt I had no choice but to be safe and go to the hospital. They prescribed me antibiotics and it has taken until today to have a bowel movement that could be called reasonably close to normal. But as a result of the long sickness, I have lost weight, and hence strength. That also made any sightseeing a practical impossibility.
Lastly, the whole ordeal has forced me to end the trip prematurely, as Cherise and I are flying out of Rome Ciampino first thing tomorrow morning to arrive in London with the hopes of coming off the waitlist for Air India to fly back to New York. We shall see.
Over the past few nights, we have done some walking, though, seeing the Colosseum and the impressive Vittoriale by night. We also saw the Roman Forum and many other similar ruins right in the center of the city. Most of the streets in Rome are cobblestone, adding to the feeling of history and antiquity. Well, it's high noon, the bells having just rung, so I think we'll go inside now to tour the Basilica.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Granada, Spain -- night
I sit now by a fountain just down the hill from the Alhambra. The air is pleasant, now that the sun has set after a hot, dry day.
Before writing this entry, I looked back in this journal to realize that it was a little over a year ago that I was in Granada, Nicaragua, the other Granada on the other side of the Atlantic.
It's really peaceful here now, with the sound of water flowing gently behind me. This is exactly what I need right now after a tiring day. Cherise and I got up early, after a late night last night, to walk with backpacks to the Gran Via of Madrid to pick-up the rental car. Unfortunately, it took us a while to locate the place to pick-up the car. Once we got going, it was already 9:30 a.m. Four and a half hours later and we were eating lunch at a diner on the outskirts of Granada.
As an aside, in case I didn't mention earlier, we decided to rent a car to meet our transportation needs for the rest of the trip in Spain, first for financial reasons as a rental car is actually cheaper, and second, to avoid another mess like the one in the bus station at Barcelona.
So getting back to today, we drove into the city after leaving the diner. We stopped and parked near a small building that was marked as tourist information. When we arrived, though, we realized it was closed for siesta. But as luck would have it, there was a young man sitting at a bus stop across the street from the closed tourist building. We approached him and asked for directions to the area of hostels. Since he was waiting for a bus to go into town, he offerred to come with us to give directions into the city. He was very nice and helped us with a brief tour of the city. When we parted ways in the center of town, he invited us to his bocadilleria, called Piccadilly Circus.
Cherise and I drove back on to la Gran Via of Granada, parked, and compared four different hostels to eventually choose one for 25 euros total per night, with parking included. After checking in and dropping off our backpacks, we walked down into town. We stopped in a few souvenir shops, then saw a double-decker sightseeing bus. Since we were both tired, we decided this would be a good option to see the city. Towards the end of the tour, I began to feel really exhausted. After a night of little sleep then driving for nearly five hours, I needed a nap. We went back to the room and slept for almost three hours, longer than we expected.
We left to go out at about 10 p.m., dinner time. We walked back on to the street behind the hostel and randomly I saw a sign for Piccadilly Circus. Of course we went in and we saw our friend Mohammed, who hooked us up with a falafel for Cherise and a shawarma de pollo for me. It was so coincidental. The food was great and Mohammed was once again very nice. I ordered another shawarma for the road, we walked back to the Gran Via to catch a mini-bus up to the Alhambra and here we are. And here I am writing, finishing this entry.
Before writing this entry, I looked back in this journal to realize that it was a little over a year ago that I was in Granada, Nicaragua, the other Granada on the other side of the Atlantic.
It's really peaceful here now, with the sound of water flowing gently behind me. This is exactly what I need right now after a tiring day. Cherise and I got up early, after a late night last night, to walk with backpacks to the Gran Via of Madrid to pick-up the rental car. Unfortunately, it took us a while to locate the place to pick-up the car. Once we got going, it was already 9:30 a.m. Four and a half hours later and we were eating lunch at a diner on the outskirts of Granada.
As an aside, in case I didn't mention earlier, we decided to rent a car to meet our transportation needs for the rest of the trip in Spain, first for financial reasons as a rental car is actually cheaper, and second, to avoid another mess like the one in the bus station at Barcelona.
So getting back to today, we drove into the city after leaving the diner. We stopped and parked near a small building that was marked as tourist information. When we arrived, though, we realized it was closed for siesta. But as luck would have it, there was a young man sitting at a bus stop across the street from the closed tourist building. We approached him and asked for directions to the area of hostels. Since he was waiting for a bus to go into town, he offerred to come with us to give directions into the city. He was very nice and helped us with a brief tour of the city. When we parted ways in the center of town, he invited us to his bocadilleria, called Piccadilly Circus.
Cherise and I drove back on to la Gran Via of Granada, parked, and compared four different hostels to eventually choose one for 25 euros total per night, with parking included. After checking in and dropping off our backpacks, we walked down into town. We stopped in a few souvenir shops, then saw a double-decker sightseeing bus. Since we were both tired, we decided this would be a good option to see the city. Towards the end of the tour, I began to feel really exhausted. After a night of little sleep then driving for nearly five hours, I needed a nap. We went back to the room and slept for almost three hours, longer than we expected.
We left to go out at about 10 p.m., dinner time. We walked back on to the street behind the hostel and randomly I saw a sign for Piccadilly Circus. Of course we went in and we saw our friend Mohammed, who hooked us up with a falafel for Cherise and a shawarma de pollo for me. It was so coincidental. The food was great and Mohammed was once again very nice. I ordered another shawarma for the road, we walked back to the Gran Via to catch a mini-bus up to the Alhambra and here we are. And here I am writing, finishing this entry.
Madrid, Spain -- early morning
This is my second night in Madrid. And in a matter of hours, we'll be leaving Hostal Prado to pick-up a rental car to drive to Granada.
Madrid has been a tale of two cities: one very bright and sunny but less lively during the day and pleasant and livelier almost rowdy by night. As far as Madrid goes during the day, it is not a world-class city like London, Paris, and Barcelona have been. There are no major monuments and it seems as if there is little to do during the day except walk around and get a feel for the city; which isn't such a bad thing except for my shins.
Despite the overall dullness, last night was surprisingly one of the best, if not the best night of this trip. We came upon a restaurant just a few blocks from the Plaza de Espana where there was a great deal of the common 'menu del dia' for only 7.50 euros. We went in and we were the only patrons, which was great since we sat right up at the bar and got great service and good conversation from the owner and cook, Ricardo. The food was delicious, from a Russian salad to a main dish of Iberian ham cooked with mushrooms and cognac (or perhaps it was white wine). Also included was a glass of red wine. The meal was excellent, and for a very reasonable price. Ricardo and I got into a conversation about music, football (soccer), and the history of Spain.
Immediately afterwards, we rushed to a flamenco performance at Las Tablas restaurant right off of the Plaza de Espana. There were two guitarists, two singers, and three dancers, and the crowd was only about twenty. It was a very cozy environment, with a complimentary glass of red wine. The music and dancing was very entertaining, due especially to the fact that all the performers had a lot of great energy. By the time we walked back to the hostel, it was after one in the morning.
Earlier in the day, we arrived in Madrid after an enormous mess at the bus station in Barcelona the night before. We somehow missed our bus that was to go direct to Madrid, so we had to argue to get onto a later bus to Zaragoza, where we again argued (or more accurately, had a Spaniard aruge on our behalf) to get on the only two empty seats on a bus to Madrid. The whole system at the bus station in Barcelona was a chaotic mess. After the whole fiasco though, and a long bus ride through the arid north of Spain, we arrived bright and early in Madrid yesterday.
We undertook an arduous walk across much of Madrid to eventually locate the area where I had researched there would be hostels. We found the area and visited three other hostels before finding Hostal Prado at a reasonable price of 28 euros total per night. The owner, Pepe, was very nice, and has been nice our entire stay here.
After checking in, we walked our own tour of Madrid, seeing la Puerta del Sol, Plaza Mayor, Palacio Real, and la Plaza de Espana, which I already mentioned. We took a walk through el Palacio Real, which was very regally decorated, the throne Room being the most outstanding.
Earlier today, after sleeping in very late, then dealing with changing our flight tickets with Air India, we walked to el Parque del Retiro, which was serene and beautiful. There we saw el Angel Caido and el Palacio de Cristal, with a small lake of fish, ducks, turtles, and pigeons. Unfortunately there were no signs for la Plaza de Costa Rica, which I wanted a photo of.
Alright, I've gotta get up early tomorrow morning, so time now for lights out. I'm excited to move on from Madrid to Granada and the south of Spain.
Madrid has been a tale of two cities: one very bright and sunny but less lively during the day and pleasant and livelier almost rowdy by night. As far as Madrid goes during the day, it is not a world-class city like London, Paris, and Barcelona have been. There are no major monuments and it seems as if there is little to do during the day except walk around and get a feel for the city; which isn't such a bad thing except for my shins.
Despite the overall dullness, last night was surprisingly one of the best, if not the best night of this trip. We came upon a restaurant just a few blocks from the Plaza de Espana where there was a great deal of the common 'menu del dia' for only 7.50 euros. We went in and we were the only patrons, which was great since we sat right up at the bar and got great service and good conversation from the owner and cook, Ricardo. The food was delicious, from a Russian salad to a main dish of Iberian ham cooked with mushrooms and cognac (or perhaps it was white wine). Also included was a glass of red wine. The meal was excellent, and for a very reasonable price. Ricardo and I got into a conversation about music, football (soccer), and the history of Spain.
Immediately afterwards, we rushed to a flamenco performance at Las Tablas restaurant right off of the Plaza de Espana. There were two guitarists, two singers, and three dancers, and the crowd was only about twenty. It was a very cozy environment, with a complimentary glass of red wine. The music and dancing was very entertaining, due especially to the fact that all the performers had a lot of great energy. By the time we walked back to the hostel, it was after one in the morning.
Earlier in the day, we arrived in Madrid after an enormous mess at the bus station in Barcelona the night before. We somehow missed our bus that was to go direct to Madrid, so we had to argue to get onto a later bus to Zaragoza, where we again argued (or more accurately, had a Spaniard aruge on our behalf) to get on the only two empty seats on a bus to Madrid. The whole system at the bus station in Barcelona was a chaotic mess. After the whole fiasco though, and a long bus ride through the arid north of Spain, we arrived bright and early in Madrid yesterday.
We undertook an arduous walk across much of Madrid to eventually locate the area where I had researched there would be hostels. We found the area and visited three other hostels before finding Hostal Prado at a reasonable price of 28 euros total per night. The owner, Pepe, was very nice, and has been nice our entire stay here.
After checking in, we walked our own tour of Madrid, seeing la Puerta del Sol, Plaza Mayor, Palacio Real, and la Plaza de Espana, which I already mentioned. We took a walk through el Palacio Real, which was very regally decorated, the throne Room being the most outstanding.
Earlier today, after sleeping in very late, then dealing with changing our flight tickets with Air India, we walked to el Parque del Retiro, which was serene and beautiful. There we saw el Angel Caido and el Palacio de Cristal, with a small lake of fish, ducks, turtles, and pigeons. Unfortunately there were no signs for la Plaza de Costa Rica, which I wanted a photo of.
Alright, I've gotta get up early tomorrow morning, so time now for lights out. I'm excited to move on from Madrid to Granada and the south of Spain.
Friday, July 9, 2004
Barcelona, Spain -- early morning
I'm actually writing this in the afternoon, despite the caption. Cherise and I distracted each other last night before I had the chance to write.
Now I'm sitting on a beach just ten meters from the water of the Mediterranean Sea. We arrived on a flight from Beauvais, France to Girona, Spain yesterday morning at about 10:30 a.m. We then took an hour-long bus ride to Barcelona. We began walking in the direction of the main plaza, Place de Catalunya, in order to get our bearings to find a hostel that had been propagandized to us by a Honduran woman waiting at the bus stop. Along the way, however, we found the hostel that we've ended up staying at, for 20 euros each per night.
Before getting there, we saw the Arc de Triomf, Barcelona's version of Paris' momument of the same name. After checking in to our room, we took the rest of the afternoon to explore the downtown, old section of Barcelona. We did a lot of walking, and I absolutely loved the city of Barcelona. We walked down the main street, Las Ramblas, where we saw what looked at first to be a statue of Che. But then it started moving, so I realized it was a man who bore a very striking resemblance to Che. It was crazy. After a little coercion from Cherise, I got a photo with him.
We continued walking throughout the stone streets of old Barcelona. The buildings around us were all about five stories, with balconies. Each balcony had plants or clotheslines. The streets were arranged in a random fashion, so the whole thing was a maze. It was also nice to see that the streets were so clean. Each street had various shops and cafes, and restaurants.
The climate is warm enough here that there are many palm trees. Last night, after so much walking, not only yesterday but since arriving in Europe, we decided to see a movie. It was a great relief to get off our feet and just be entertained for a couple of hours. For the same reasons, it is good to be at the beach today. But getting back to the movie, we saw the third installment of Harry Potter. The movie was broadcast in Spanish, without any subtitles. Since Cherise effectively knows no Spanish, I had to whisper to her at key moments throughout the whole movie.
After the movie, we walked around for a while looking for a decent place to eat dinner. We finally settled on a restaurant on Las Ramblas, where I ate a paella de pollo. Tonight, I'll try the more typical paella de mariscos. We ate dinner after midnight. So it isn't a surprise that we slept in this morning. When we got up, we started our long walk to eventually arrive here at Playa Bogatell. So far, I love Barcelona. I could live here if I got an opportunity, or make one.
As for Paris, which I really didn't write about due to our non-stop schedule there, it was good to see and good to visit. While there, I went to the very top of the Eiffel Tower, where I used their bathroom to take a piss. We also went to the Louvre, where we saw the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. We walked underground to see the six million bones of Les Catacombes. We saw the Notre Dame, which was so intricate in its architecture and very beautiful in appearance. We walked along the River Seine. We ate a lot of good bread and sat for hours at several sidewalk cafes. The coffee there was very strong, as a "cafe" is really a cafe espresso. We also walked along the Canal St. Martin, which was very nice too. Similarly we walked the Champs Elysses to the end, the Arc de Triomphe. Two nights, we went to the Bastille, which is a very hip area for restaurants and bars.
All in all, Paris was beautiful for its sights. But the French language was difficult, and so it frustrated me to be unable to effectively communicate. Paris also surprised me for not being very clean and for its citizens' bland style of clothing. In fact, the Metro stops reminded me of the Philadelphia subway, not so impressive.
Well, I done a lot of writing in trying to catch up. And now the sun is starting to go down. If I want to take another dip in the Mediterranean, I've got to do it now.
Now I'm sitting on a beach just ten meters from the water of the Mediterranean Sea. We arrived on a flight from Beauvais, France to Girona, Spain yesterday morning at about 10:30 a.m. We then took an hour-long bus ride to Barcelona. We began walking in the direction of the main plaza, Place de Catalunya, in order to get our bearings to find a hostel that had been propagandized to us by a Honduran woman waiting at the bus stop. Along the way, however, we found the hostel that we've ended up staying at, for 20 euros each per night.
Before getting there, we saw the Arc de Triomf, Barcelona's version of Paris' momument of the same name. After checking in to our room, we took the rest of the afternoon to explore the downtown, old section of Barcelona. We did a lot of walking, and I absolutely loved the city of Barcelona. We walked down the main street, Las Ramblas, where we saw what looked at first to be a statue of Che. But then it started moving, so I realized it was a man who bore a very striking resemblance to Che. It was crazy. After a little coercion from Cherise, I got a photo with him.
We continued walking throughout the stone streets of old Barcelona. The buildings around us were all about five stories, with balconies. Each balcony had plants or clotheslines. The streets were arranged in a random fashion, so the whole thing was a maze. It was also nice to see that the streets were so clean. Each street had various shops and cafes, and restaurants.
The climate is warm enough here that there are many palm trees. Last night, after so much walking, not only yesterday but since arriving in Europe, we decided to see a movie. It was a great relief to get off our feet and just be entertained for a couple of hours. For the same reasons, it is good to be at the beach today. But getting back to the movie, we saw the third installment of Harry Potter. The movie was broadcast in Spanish, without any subtitles. Since Cherise effectively knows no Spanish, I had to whisper to her at key moments throughout the whole movie.
After the movie, we walked around for a while looking for a decent place to eat dinner. We finally settled on a restaurant on Las Ramblas, where I ate a paella de pollo. Tonight, I'll try the more typical paella de mariscos. We ate dinner after midnight. So it isn't a surprise that we slept in this morning. When we got up, we started our long walk to eventually arrive here at Playa Bogatell. So far, I love Barcelona. I could live here if I got an opportunity, or make one.
As for Paris, which I really didn't write about due to our non-stop schedule there, it was good to see and good to visit. While there, I went to the very top of the Eiffel Tower, where I used their bathroom to take a piss. We also went to the Louvre, where we saw the Mona Lisa and the Venus de Milo. We walked underground to see the six million bones of Les Catacombes. We saw the Notre Dame, which was so intricate in its architecture and very beautiful in appearance. We walked along the River Seine. We ate a lot of good bread and sat for hours at several sidewalk cafes. The coffee there was very strong, as a "cafe" is really a cafe espresso. We also walked along the Canal St. Martin, which was very nice too. Similarly we walked the Champs Elysses to the end, the Arc de Triomphe. Two nights, we went to the Bastille, which is a very hip area for restaurants and bars.
All in all, Paris was beautiful for its sights. But the French language was difficult, and so it frustrated me to be unable to effectively communicate. Paris also surprised me for not being very clean and for its citizens' bland style of clothing. In fact, the Metro stops reminded me of the Philadelphia subway, not so impressive.
Well, I done a lot of writing in trying to catch up. And now the sun is starting to go down. If I want to take another dip in the Mediterranean, I've got to do it now.
Monday, July 5, 2004
Paris, France -- morning
Well, things don't always go according to plan. Cherise and I have a room together at Mary's Hotel in Paris. The hotel has begun renovations, and we're in a newly-renovated room. The rate is 50 euros per night. Cherise's mother, brother, and sister have a room next door.
We arrived in Paris early yesterday morning. The bus didn't even stop at a station or terminal; it just dropped us off on the side of the road. We referred to a map on a nearby board that listed over a hundred hotels in the area, each classed by price range. In an attempt to locate the closest cheap hotel, we stumbled upon a hostel, whose owner was sleeping on a cot inside the window. We walked in and someone woke him up. He said he was full but recommended another hotel to us: Mary's Hotel. We told him we preferred to walk the twenty minutes. Unfortunately, as we found out twenty minutes later, he had sent us in the opposite direction. I really don't think this was malicious in any way. To get back on the right course, we got on the Metro to arrive in the vicinity of the hotel. From there, we navigated the haphazard streets of Paris to eventually arrive and reserve our rooms at about 10:00 a.m.
We arrived in Paris early yesterday morning. The bus didn't even stop at a station or terminal; it just dropped us off on the side of the road. We referred to a map on a nearby board that listed over a hundred hotels in the area, each classed by price range. In an attempt to locate the closest cheap hotel, we stumbled upon a hostel, whose owner was sleeping on a cot inside the window. We walked in and someone woke him up. He said he was full but recommended another hotel to us: Mary's Hotel. We told him we preferred to walk the twenty minutes. Unfortunately, as we found out twenty minutes later, he had sent us in the opposite direction. I really don't think this was malicious in any way. To get back on the right course, we got on the Metro to arrive in the vicinity of the hotel. From there, we navigated the haphazard streets of Paris to eventually arrive and reserve our rooms at about 10:00 a.m.
Saturday, July 3, 2004
London, England -- night
I just realized in answering a question that Cherise just asked me that I have been giving a standard response that I don't care. More specifically, Cherise asked me if I was excited to be going to Paris. As I write this, I'm sitting on a bus that will take me to Paris. I said that I don't care. Reflecting on my response, I realize that I say this because I won't be sharing my experiences with anyone. This really saddens me. All of my photos have been of major sites, but I haven't been in any of those photos. They're basically postcards. I have nothing to show that I was actually here in London. I hope that Paris is different. I have to risk going off on my own in Paris. It'll be more money, but its worth my happiness and independence.
London, England -- afternoon
Things seem to be coming to a head with Cherise and me. Since arriving in London, I have been very aloof from Cherise and her family. Cherise told me that her family has noticed, as I'm not surprised.
In the weeks leading up to our trip, and especially since we've been here, I realize in high definition that most of who Cherise is and what she does actually irritates me. Very simply, we are not compatible. I think what has kept us together this long is out opposite schedules, and so the fact that we see each other for only short periods of time, and our physical-sexual attraction for each other, which undoubtedly exists.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent to me that Cherise has little to no interest in anything historical or political, which are my two main areas of interest. Conversely, I have little to no interest in the world of musical productions, which is Cherise's main area of interest. Last night's viewing of Chicago solidified that belief.
Also, Cherise's sense of humor really irritates me. She likes to do dramatic impersonations of the people around her. The dramatic way in which she does them really annoys me. Conversely, Cherise has told me that she doesn't appreciate my sometimes sarcastic sense of humor.
Cherise just came with our flight information from Paris to Barcelona, and she wants me to get the flight information from Barcelona to Rome. I should really write this out, think out this whole situation. I'll come back to this very soon.
In the weeks leading up to our trip, and especially since we've been here, I realize in high definition that most of who Cherise is and what she does actually irritates me. Very simply, we are not compatible. I think what has kept us together this long is out opposite schedules, and so the fact that we see each other for only short periods of time, and our physical-sexual attraction for each other, which undoubtedly exists.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent to me that Cherise has little to no interest in anything historical or political, which are my two main areas of interest. Conversely, I have little to no interest in the world of musical productions, which is Cherise's main area of interest. Last night's viewing of Chicago solidified that belief.
Also, Cherise's sense of humor really irritates me. She likes to do dramatic impersonations of the people around her. The dramatic way in which she does them really annoys me. Conversely, Cherise has told me that she doesn't appreciate my sometimes sarcastic sense of humor.
Cherise just came with our flight information from Paris to Barcelona, and she wants me to get the flight information from Barcelona to Rome. I should really write this out, think out this whole situation. I'll come back to this very soon.
London, England -- afternoon
So here I am, another day. Look's like we're getting a late start. I really can't control when we leave since I'm following the group. I actually woke up much earlier today, but no one was awake, so I decided to just fall asleep.
Cherise's mother just came back to the room with bus tickets to Paris. We'll be leaving later tonight. Right now, I have no idea what we're doing today. Although I have a few ideas, I'll just follow along with everyone else. We'll have to carry our backpacks today since we'll have to check-out of the hotel in just a little bit.
The weather here has been cool, windy, and sometimes rainy. The very stereotype of London. Paris will be a change of temperature, as well as culture, language, and environment. I'm looking forward to the change, as much as I'd like to do some exploring of my own in London. As with any world-class city, I'm sure there's so much more to see. At least I can say that I saw all of the major sites in London.
The one thing that I need to figure out is how to reimburse Cherise's mother for the bus ticket, which was L32. All I have left is about L17. And I don't want to change one of my traveller's checks for pounds when we'll be leaving England in less than twelve hours. I'll just give her what I have, then give her some euros when we get to Paris and I can change a traveller's check for euros.
I'll make some brief reflections of London now while I have a chance. London is a very clean city despite having very few trash cans in public. The architecture is very noticeably Old World, very intricate, very beautiful. The city reminds me of Philly in that it is a generally flat city, that is very few high-rises. The difference is that all of Philly's high-rises are concentrated in center-city, whereas here in London they are dispersed. The tube is easy to understand and easy to use. It is also very clean and user-friendly, unlike the subways of New York and Philly. The tube rides very smoothly. I only saw two mice in the tube here, and they were much smaller than those in New York. All in all, London has been great. I wouldn't mind living here if I could deal with the weather. But now time for Paris.
Cherise's mother just came back to the room with bus tickets to Paris. We'll be leaving later tonight. Right now, I have no idea what we're doing today. Although I have a few ideas, I'll just follow along with everyone else. We'll have to carry our backpacks today since we'll have to check-out of the hotel in just a little bit.
The weather here has been cool, windy, and sometimes rainy. The very stereotype of London. Paris will be a change of temperature, as well as culture, language, and environment. I'm looking forward to the change, as much as I'd like to do some exploring of my own in London. As with any world-class city, I'm sure there's so much more to see. At least I can say that I saw all of the major sites in London.
The one thing that I need to figure out is how to reimburse Cherise's mother for the bus ticket, which was L32. All I have left is about L17. And I don't want to change one of my traveller's checks for pounds when we'll be leaving England in less than twelve hours. I'll just give her what I have, then give her some euros when we get to Paris and I can change a traveller's check for euros.
I'll make some brief reflections of London now while I have a chance. London is a very clean city despite having very few trash cans in public. The architecture is very noticeably Old World, very intricate, very beautiful. The city reminds me of Philly in that it is a generally flat city, that is very few high-rises. The difference is that all of Philly's high-rises are concentrated in center-city, whereas here in London they are dispersed. The tube is easy to understand and easy to use. It is also very clean and user-friendly, unlike the subways of New York and Philly. The tube rides very smoothly. I only saw two mice in the tube here, and they were much smaller than those in New York. All in all, London has been great. I wouldn't mind living here if I could deal with the weather. But now time for Paris.
London, England -- early morning
Today was a stereotypical day in London: rainy. Fortunately, though, it didn't rain all day.
We started the day by seeing the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Afterwards, we walked to the Houses of Parliament, and stood in line for about forty-five minutes in the rain to get into the House of Lords. But we couldn't get in, so I just got really wet. Then, we walked past another long line for Westminster Abbey, which was a very impressive structure.
Before I forget, I have to rewind. Immediately after leaving Buckingham Palace, we crossed over the River Thames to look at what I think is called the London Eye, a very-tall ferris wheel. It looked impressive, but it was too expensive to be worth going onto.
Fast-forwarding back to Westminster Abbey, we waited out the rain, then walked through Swiss Court and over to Piccadilly Circus. Cherise's family went into a lot of stores, but each time I waited outside and watched people walk by. Piccadilly Circus reminded me of a much smaller version of Times Square, New York. We also went into the London Trocadero, which is actually a mall, and so nothing like the Troc in Philly.
After a few hours of that, we took the tube back to the hotel to rest for a couple of hours. I actually took a nap, which was much-needed.
After the rest, we rode back to Strand Street to watch a production of Chicago. This experience solidified my belief that I do not like musicals.
I'm going to wrap this up now since it's late and time to wind down to sleep. If I have time to write in the morning, I should mention that Cherise got really angry at my apathy toward her, and by proxy, her family. I can explain my reaction and the rest of the day.
We started the day by seeing the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Afterwards, we walked to the Houses of Parliament, and stood in line for about forty-five minutes in the rain to get into the House of Lords. But we couldn't get in, so I just got really wet. Then, we walked past another long line for Westminster Abbey, which was a very impressive structure.
Before I forget, I have to rewind. Immediately after leaving Buckingham Palace, we crossed over the River Thames to look at what I think is called the London Eye, a very-tall ferris wheel. It looked impressive, but it was too expensive to be worth going onto.
Fast-forwarding back to Westminster Abbey, we waited out the rain, then walked through Swiss Court and over to Piccadilly Circus. Cherise's family went into a lot of stores, but each time I waited outside and watched people walk by. Piccadilly Circus reminded me of a much smaller version of Times Square, New York. We also went into the London Trocadero, which is actually a mall, and so nothing like the Troc in Philly.
After a few hours of that, we took the tube back to the hotel to rest for a couple of hours. I actually took a nap, which was much-needed.
After the rest, we rode back to Strand Street to watch a production of Chicago. This experience solidified my belief that I do not like musicals.
I'm going to wrap this up now since it's late and time to wind down to sleep. If I have time to write in the morning, I should mention that Cherise got really angry at my apathy toward her, and by proxy, her family. I can explain my reaction and the rest of the day.
Friday, July 2, 2004
London, England -- morning
As I expected, I am able to write this morning. This is good because I'm taking advantage of the free time. This is also good because I can keep my interaction to a minimum. In this way, I can keep to myself.
Now, as I see looking back to yesterday's entry, I had walked across the Tower Bridge. We crossed to the other side of the Thames to try going to the Globe Theater. It took a little bit of walking (including passing a long line for the London Dungeon) before we eventually arrived at the Globe. Although most museums in London are free, this was another site that had an entrance fee. So we only went into the gift store.
At that point, I went off on my own, being told that Cherise's mother and sister would actually go into the Globe (I found out later that they didn't actually go in). I walked along the Thames and then went up a path leading away from the river to find a bench with a rubber covering. I took the opportunity to lie down and relax. Finally I had a chance to be alone. The sun was out at first so it felt very good. But then the winds became blustery, and I even started getting cold. I think this probably has something to do with the fact that I'm eating very little, in an attempt to keep expenses down in this very expensive city. The dollar-pound exchange rate is horrible, being nearly two to one. I'm sure I'm already losing weight. But I'm not complaining since I expected as much.
Right now, I'm sitting in front of a mirror. My hair is buzzed, slightly shorter on the sides and the back. My eyes look tired and a little red. My facial hair is growing out to stubble right now, and I'll let it keep growing. My mouth seems smaller than usual. All in all, I don't look too happy. The reason for this is that I am almost constantly irritated by Cherise. Her sense of humor consists of impersonations, not the celebrity kind, but just re-enacting, in an exaggerated sort of way, someone else's behavior. I find it really quite annoying. When I speak, she doesn't seem to listen or pay attention over half the time. She doesn't seem to have any sense of appreciation for the historical, becoming animated only when we got to Oxford Circus, the main shopping district in London. She initiates very little conversation with me, unless she wants to try to hold my hand. But by that point, I don't want to have anything to do with her. I'm not going to hold hands with someone who doesn't talk with me most of the time. And I believe the reason we don't talk is because our interests are so divergent. We just don't appreciate the same things and so there a not many common topics of conversation. For example, if I try to give a historical background of something, she just nods her head then immediately moves on to the next thought. I realize very clearly in this type of situation that Cherise is not really a friend. She's a good person, but I'm beginning to realize that we are not compatible.
And this, as I wrote briefly yesterday, puts me in a very uncomfortable position to be with her and her family. I'm not one to put on a front. Since I'm not happy with Cherise, I'm not going to pretend to be happy to be with her. I'm absolutely certain that her family is aware of this since I barely talk at all to anyone unless I'm spoken to first, I'm not holding Cherise's hand, I'm not walking next to her, I'm not laughing with her, and I'm not having much of any kind of contact or interaction with her. Now it seems that everyone is coming along to Paris this Sunday. This only reinforces my anticipation of arriving in Spain. Although I will focus on my surroundings and enjoying the reality of being in London and Paris, I think I will consider my trip really beginning once I get to Spain. It will be the type of trip I want: sleeping in hostels not on the floor of a nice hotel, having independence in exploring a city, being happy and smiling. For now, I'll bide my time. I'll be as civil as possible, even though I won't put on any fronts. As much as possible, I'll remain in the shadows. Nevertheless, I look forward to getting out of this hotel room and seeing more of London. I came here to see this part of the world.
Now, as I see looking back to yesterday's entry, I had walked across the Tower Bridge. We crossed to the other side of the Thames to try going to the Globe Theater. It took a little bit of walking (including passing a long line for the London Dungeon) before we eventually arrived at the Globe. Although most museums in London are free, this was another site that had an entrance fee. So we only went into the gift store.
At that point, I went off on my own, being told that Cherise's mother and sister would actually go into the Globe (I found out later that they didn't actually go in). I walked along the Thames and then went up a path leading away from the river to find a bench with a rubber covering. I took the opportunity to lie down and relax. Finally I had a chance to be alone. The sun was out at first so it felt very good. But then the winds became blustery, and I even started getting cold. I think this probably has something to do with the fact that I'm eating very little, in an attempt to keep expenses down in this very expensive city. The dollar-pound exchange rate is horrible, being nearly two to one. I'm sure I'm already losing weight. But I'm not complaining since I expected as much.
Right now, I'm sitting in front of a mirror. My hair is buzzed, slightly shorter on the sides and the back. My eyes look tired and a little red. My facial hair is growing out to stubble right now, and I'll let it keep growing. My mouth seems smaller than usual. All in all, I don't look too happy. The reason for this is that I am almost constantly irritated by Cherise. Her sense of humor consists of impersonations, not the celebrity kind, but just re-enacting, in an exaggerated sort of way, someone else's behavior. I find it really quite annoying. When I speak, she doesn't seem to listen or pay attention over half the time. She doesn't seem to have any sense of appreciation for the historical, becoming animated only when we got to Oxford Circus, the main shopping district in London. She initiates very little conversation with me, unless she wants to try to hold my hand. But by that point, I don't want to have anything to do with her. I'm not going to hold hands with someone who doesn't talk with me most of the time. And I believe the reason we don't talk is because our interests are so divergent. We just don't appreciate the same things and so there a not many common topics of conversation. For example, if I try to give a historical background of something, she just nods her head then immediately moves on to the next thought. I realize very clearly in this type of situation that Cherise is not really a friend. She's a good person, but I'm beginning to realize that we are not compatible.
And this, as I wrote briefly yesterday, puts me in a very uncomfortable position to be with her and her family. I'm not one to put on a front. Since I'm not happy with Cherise, I'm not going to pretend to be happy to be with her. I'm absolutely certain that her family is aware of this since I barely talk at all to anyone unless I'm spoken to first, I'm not holding Cherise's hand, I'm not walking next to her, I'm not laughing with her, and I'm not having much of any kind of contact or interaction with her. Now it seems that everyone is coming along to Paris this Sunday. This only reinforces my anticipation of arriving in Spain. Although I will focus on my surroundings and enjoying the reality of being in London and Paris, I think I will consider my trip really beginning once I get to Spain. It will be the type of trip I want: sleeping in hostels not on the floor of a nice hotel, having independence in exploring a city, being happy and smiling. For now, I'll bide my time. I'll be as civil as possible, even though I won't put on any fronts. As much as possible, I'll remain in the shadows. Nevertheless, I look forward to getting out of this hotel room and seeing more of London. I came here to see this part of the world.
Thursday, July 1, 2004
London, England -- night
Today was simultaneously good and bad. The good part was that I saw many of London's well-known sites. The bad part was that I was not happy to be with Cherise.
I may not have much time to write now since I'm sleeping on the floor in Cherise's family's hotel room, and they are now getting ready for bed.
First thing this morning, I was ready to leave on my own, but then Cherise got angry at that proposal. So, in order to show respect to her and her family, I decided to stay with her and her family. Although I ended up doing most of what I would have liked to have done, I would have preferred to be alone. That way Cherise could have spent time with her family without me, and I wouldn't have to deal with her in any way.
As for the sites, I saw the Monument, a 202 foot obelisk memorializing the Great Fire of 1666. Later, I actually climbed to the top, where I got a great photo of the Tower Bridge. From about 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., we took one of the London walks, which led us through the narrow lanes (e.g. Pudding Lane, Lovat Lane) of old central London. We also saw the site of where the Great Fire began and the site of London's first-ever coffee-house. The tour ended at St. Paul's Cathedral, which is one of the tallest buildings in the city. Many business-people were eating their lunches on the grounds of the Cathedral when we arrived there. The end of our walk went through what seemed to be London's business/financial district. Most men were wearing really nice shirts and suits. Also during the tour, we went to the Guildhall, which is the center of London city government. For some reason, we couldn't go inside.
After the tour, we walked over to the Tower of London, which we decided not to enter since it was a bit expensive. From the outside, however, it looked impressive. It was a castle with a moat (sans water) around the perimeter, tall colonnades, and several drawbridges. It seemed to be a large complex, covering a lot of area. Adjacent to the Tower of London was the Tower Bridge, which we walked across.
Since everyone is now going to bed, I'll stop writing. I saw many other sites, and I want to write too of the negative aspects of the day to sort through the causes and effects. I'll do some writing tomorrow morning when everyone is getting ready. Now it's time to sleep on the floor, and escape to my dreams, where I'll be happy.
I may not have much time to write now since I'm sleeping on the floor in Cherise's family's hotel room, and they are now getting ready for bed.
First thing this morning, I was ready to leave on my own, but then Cherise got angry at that proposal. So, in order to show respect to her and her family, I decided to stay with her and her family. Although I ended up doing most of what I would have liked to have done, I would have preferred to be alone. That way Cherise could have spent time with her family without me, and I wouldn't have to deal with her in any way.
As for the sites, I saw the Monument, a 202 foot obelisk memorializing the Great Fire of 1666. Later, I actually climbed to the top, where I got a great photo of the Tower Bridge. From about 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., we took one of the London walks, which led us through the narrow lanes (e.g. Pudding Lane, Lovat Lane) of old central London. We also saw the site of where the Great Fire began and the site of London's first-ever coffee-house. The tour ended at St. Paul's Cathedral, which is one of the tallest buildings in the city. Many business-people were eating their lunches on the grounds of the Cathedral when we arrived there. The end of our walk went through what seemed to be London's business/financial district. Most men were wearing really nice shirts and suits. Also during the tour, we went to the Guildhall, which is the center of London city government. For some reason, we couldn't go inside.
After the tour, we walked over to the Tower of London, which we decided not to enter since it was a bit expensive. From the outside, however, it looked impressive. It was a castle with a moat (sans water) around the perimeter, tall colonnades, and several drawbridges. It seemed to be a large complex, covering a lot of area. Adjacent to the Tower of London was the Tower Bridge, which we walked across.
Since everyone is now going to bed, I'll stop writing. I saw many other sites, and I want to write too of the negative aspects of the day to sort through the causes and effects. I'll do some writing tomorrow morning when everyone is getting ready. Now it's time to sleep on the floor, and escape to my dreams, where I'll be happy.
London, England -- early morning
I arrived in London earlier today at about 7:30 a.m. local time. Cherise and I made the flight from JFK in New York. I've been exhausted for most of the day, especially after a brief visit to the British Museum. It didn't help that we arrived on a day when the Tube was shut down due to a strike. Fortunately, its set to re-open tomorrow.
I'm not going to write too much now. I want some time to just relax, think, and develop a plan for tomorrow. I want to get an early start, and I'm not sure to what extent I'll be with Cherise's family. I prefer to have my independence and freedom, but I have to spend some time with Cherise's family. I need to find the most delicate balance to show respect, while maintaining a great degree of autonomy to enjoy my choices.
I'm not going to write too much now. I want some time to just relax, think, and develop a plan for tomorrow. I want to get an early start, and I'm not sure to what extent I'll be with Cherise's family. I prefer to have my independence and freedom, but I have to spend some time with Cherise's family. I need to find the most delicate balance to show respect, while maintaining a great degree of autonomy to enjoy my choices.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Reflection, Gratitude, and Anticipation
Friday, June 25, 2004 is my last day as a Legal Services paralegal. Later this summer, I will begin my next challenge as a law student at Temple University, Beasley School of Law.
Since I began this term of service on February 5, 2001 (minus a four-month hiatus in early 2003 for a trip to visit family in Costa Rica), I have met with 1700 clients. That is 1700 low-income, economically-disadvantaged men and women of Philadelphia. They come from all backgrounds: Americans of African or European or Asian or Latino descent; immigrants from all parts of the world, including Asia, Africa, Eastern Europe, Latin America and the Middle East. Although the great majority spoke English (or perhaps the Philadelphia version of it), I used interpreters to communicate with other clients in French, Creole, Amharic, Arabic, Vietnamese, Polish, Russian, Thai, and other languages. I even met with a couple of deaf clients who needed a Sign interpreter to communicate.
Through my position at Philadelphia Legal Assistance (PLA), I was able to directly experience the beauty of our country: the diversity of languages, cultures, ethnicities, and even different Philadelphia neighborhoods, and all the pride that comes along with each of those "ingredients." If we lined up all of my clients, we would see a reflection of the polychromatic world we live in, made up of men and women each striving for a better life for themselves and their children.
Many times, people focus so much on another's socioeconomic status that they jump to automatic conclusions about the values and personality of the other person. That error in logic applies in both directions, as much from low-income to upper-income as from upper-income to low-income. Aside from my primary professional responsibility to give quality legal advice and assistance, it was this human tendency to judge others that I intended to combat through daily direct interaction with the low-income people of Philadelphia. How often does a poor man or poor woman of Latino or African-American descent (those two demographics are the majority of the clients that come to our office) meet for a one-on-one conversation in a closed room with a "white, tie-wearing guy from the suburbs" (all political correctness and my actual background aside)?
There are two themes that guided my work, and will continue to guide me through life, regardless of time, place or surroundings. Each one can be embodied in a quote.
First, throughout my term at PLA I kept a quote posted on the file folder on top of my desk; the printed quote was easily in view during interviews with clients, and I would sometimes take advantage of that by glancing at it during an interview. The quote is from Ernesto "Che" Guevara: "Let me say, with the risk of appearing ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by strong feelings of love. It is impossible to think of an authentic revolutionary without this quality."
The second quote is something I read just yesterday evening, but it applies to the work we do at PLA: "[...] for this little boy whom you have met, his life is just as important, to him, as your life is to you. No matter how insufficient or how shabby it may seem to some, it is the only one he has [...]". This quote comes from Amazing Grace: Children's Lives and the Conscience of a Nation, by Jonathan Kozol.
The two themes embodied in those quotes, and which I hope I have emulated in my work, are those of love and respect.
For those reading this who are not familiar, the work we do at Legal Services is very important work. In fact, without it, the premise upon which the United States of America was founded simply does not exist in reality. That premise is justice, and the equal access to justice. Justice is what sets this country apart from the many corrupt governments of Latin America, Africa, and Asia. Justice is what sets this country apart from the plutocracies in many parts of the Middle East. Justice based on 'the rights of man' (as Thomas Paine so passionately wrote) is what makes this country so special.
Our objective at Legal Services is not one of correcting the misfortune of poverty, nor is it one of providing charity to those who do not have. Our work, and the work of any true public servant, is not a matter of misfortune or charity, but is one of working actively against injustice.
Working in the trenches of family law, injustice appears on a microcosmic, case-by-case basis; for example, an unjust relationship based on the power and control of domestic violence, or the injustice of a parent not providing child support for a child born into an already unfortunate socioeconomic environment, or the injustice of a parent denying a child contact with that child's other parent purely due to the spite and resentment of a failed relationship.
In addition to providing legal assistance, I tried to infuse clients with the two themes of love and respect to prevent a civil war of emotions between (or sometimes within) parents, between whom was caught a child or children. Although many clients are already conscious of this, I hope that my method provided a positive example.
I will provide individual gratitude in a direct, more personal environment on my last day at PLA, but be assured that I have the deepest gratitude to everyone there. For now, I will offer individual thanks to my mother and my father, without whose example and love I would not be who I am today.
I end with two final quotes: "My lawyer is a rebel, a revolutionary who is alienated fundamentally from the status quo, probably with as great an intensity, conviction, and irretrievability as I am alienated from it -- and probably with more intelligence, compassion, and humanity" (Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice). My only qualification of this quote is that I do not intend to be alienated from the reality of life and the world we live in. Instead, replace "alienated fundamentally from the status quo" with "opposed fundamentally to the injustices of the status quo." I will consider myself successful if my clients use this quote one day to describe me.
Finally, any reference to revolution is only meant in the literal sense of 'turning over' a new example and form of human interaction; a revolution in the social sense, as people interact with each other in society, regardless of whether in a professional or an informal setting. This definition, and this hope for a better future, is easily summed up in a quote by someone who also began his career as a lawyer: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world": Mohandas K. Gandhi.
Thank you.
*
Since I began this term of service on February 5, 2001 (minus a four-month hiatus in early 2003 for a trip to visit family in Costa Rica), I have met with 1700 clients. That is 1700 low-income, economically-disadvantaged men and women of Philadelphia. They come from all backgrounds: Americans of African or European or Asian or Latino descent; immigrants from all parts of the world, including Asia, Africa, Eastern Europe, Latin America and the Middle East. Although the great majority spoke English (or perhaps the Philadelphia version of it), I used interpreters to communicate with other clients in French, Creole, Amharic, Arabic, Vietnamese, Polish, Russian, Thai, and other languages. I even met with a couple of deaf clients who needed a Sign interpreter to communicate.
Through my position at Philadelphia Legal Assistance (PLA), I was able to directly experience the beauty of our country: the diversity of languages, cultures, ethnicities, and even different Philadelphia neighborhoods, and all the pride that comes along with each of those "ingredients." If we lined up all of my clients, we would see a reflection of the polychromatic world we live in, made up of men and women each striving for a better life for themselves and their children.
Many times, people focus so much on another's socioeconomic status that they jump to automatic conclusions about the values and personality of the other person. That error in logic applies in both directions, as much from low-income to upper-income as from upper-income to low-income. Aside from my primary professional responsibility to give quality legal advice and assistance, it was this human tendency to judge others that I intended to combat through daily direct interaction with the low-income people of Philadelphia. How often does a poor man or poor woman of Latino or African-American descent (those two demographics are the majority of the clients that come to our office) meet for a one-on-one conversation in a closed room with a "white, tie-wearing guy from the suburbs" (all political correctness and my actual background aside)?
There are two themes that guided my work, and will continue to guide me through life, regardless of time, place or surroundings. Each one can be embodied in a quote.
First, throughout my term at PLA I kept a quote posted on the file folder on top of my desk; the printed quote was easily in view during interviews with clients, and I would sometimes take advantage of that by glancing at it during an interview. The quote is from Ernesto "Che" Guevara: "Let me say, with the risk of appearing ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by strong feelings of love. It is impossible to think of an authentic revolutionary without this quality."
The second quote is something I read just yesterday evening, but it applies to the work we do at PLA: "[...] for this little boy whom you have met, his life is just as important, to him, as your life is to you. No matter how insufficient or how shabby it may seem to some, it is the only one he has [...]". This quote comes from Amazing Grace: Children's Lives and the Conscience of a Nation, by Jonathan Kozol.
The two themes embodied in those quotes, and which I hope I have emulated in my work, are those of love and respect.
For those reading this who are not familiar, the work we do at Legal Services is very important work. In fact, without it, the premise upon which the United States of America was founded simply does not exist in reality. That premise is justice, and the equal access to justice. Justice is what sets this country apart from the many corrupt governments of Latin America, Africa, and Asia. Justice is what sets this country apart from the plutocracies in many parts of the Middle East. Justice based on 'the rights of man' (as Thomas Paine so passionately wrote) is what makes this country so special.
Our objective at Legal Services is not one of correcting the misfortune of poverty, nor is it one of providing charity to those who do not have. Our work, and the work of any true public servant, is not a matter of misfortune or charity, but is one of working actively against injustice.
Working in the trenches of family law, injustice appears on a microcosmic, case-by-case basis; for example, an unjust relationship based on the power and control of domestic violence, or the injustice of a parent not providing child support for a child born into an already unfortunate socioeconomic environment, or the injustice of a parent denying a child contact with that child's other parent purely due to the spite and resentment of a failed relationship.
In addition to providing legal assistance, I tried to infuse clients with the two themes of love and respect to prevent a civil war of emotions between (or sometimes within) parents, between whom was caught a child or children. Although many clients are already conscious of this, I hope that my method provided a positive example.
I will provide individual gratitude in a direct, more personal environment on my last day at PLA, but be assured that I have the deepest gratitude to everyone there. For now, I will offer individual thanks to my mother and my father, without whose example and love I would not be who I am today.
I end with two final quotes: "My lawyer is a rebel, a revolutionary who is alienated fundamentally from the status quo, probably with as great an intensity, conviction, and irretrievability as I am alienated from it -- and probably with more intelligence, compassion, and humanity" (Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice). My only qualification of this quote is that I do not intend to be alienated from the reality of life and the world we live in. Instead, replace "alienated fundamentally from the status quo" with "opposed fundamentally to the injustices of the status quo." I will consider myself successful if my clients use this quote one day to describe me.
Finally, any reference to revolution is only meant in the literal sense of 'turning over' a new example and form of human interaction; a revolution in the social sense, as people interact with each other in society, regardless of whether in a professional or an informal setting. This definition, and this hope for a better future, is easily summed up in a quote by someone who also began his career as a lawyer: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world": Mohandas K. Gandhi.
Thank you.
*
Friday, June 18, 2004
Saw the Y100 Feztival, featuring Beastie Boys as headliner, at the Tweeter Center, Camden for $35.50.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
Everything is pointing toward my attendance at Rutgers-Camden School of Law this coming August. Not only did they offer me admission as a full-time day student, but they are allowing me New Jersey in-state tuition by using Mita's address as my own permanent residence. The clincher, however, is their offer of a scholarship which will reduce the tuition by $4000 each year, as long as I maintain a GPA of 3.5 or higher. I'm honored they offered the scholarship, but I'm just as happy that it presents me with a very real challenge. That makes me even more excited for law school.
So Corey leaves the United States on June 6 for Armenia. Over the past three years, he's definitely become my best friend. When we hang out, its always a guaranteed good conversation, and its never a bad time. I think its fortunate that Cherise and I are leaving for a month in Europe on June 28. And then, shortly after my return, I'll be tackling the challenge of law school. I anticipate that those two events will ease the transition to my life in Philly without having Corey to hang out with.
But its obvious that a new chapter of my life is about to begin. Just as my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua last December through March 2003 was an interlude between two well-defined chapters of my life, so will my impending trip to Europe seem to be another interlude between two chapters in my life. I embrace the opportunity and privilege to encounter challenges and hence new chances for development and personal improvement. Fear arises from the unknown. But the confrontation with the unknown will force me to step-up; it will be a test of myself and my personality traits. I consider myself fortunate to be in a position to travel, to be in a position to further my education, and to be in a position to move onward and upward toward new horizons, new challenges, and new successes.
So Corey leaves the United States on June 6 for Armenia. Over the past three years, he's definitely become my best friend. When we hang out, its always a guaranteed good conversation, and its never a bad time. I think its fortunate that Cherise and I are leaving for a month in Europe on June 28. And then, shortly after my return, I'll be tackling the challenge of law school. I anticipate that those two events will ease the transition to my life in Philly without having Corey to hang out with.
But its obvious that a new chapter of my life is about to begin. Just as my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua last December through March 2003 was an interlude between two well-defined chapters of my life, so will my impending trip to Europe seem to be another interlude between two chapters in my life. I embrace the opportunity and privilege to encounter challenges and hence new chances for development and personal improvement. Fear arises from the unknown. But the confrontation with the unknown will force me to step-up; it will be a test of myself and my personality traits. I consider myself fortunate to be in a position to travel, to be in a position to further my education, and to be in a position to move onward and upward toward new horizons, new challenges, and new successes.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- afternoon
It's beautiful outside. Today is the first day of 2004 that is forecast to have a high temperature of 70*F or higher. I'm happy that spring seems to be arriving for good. I'm also happy to be looking forward to going to law school this coming fall.
There's a few important things that have changed since I last wrote almost four months ago. But there is another feeling that has impelled me to write this early afternoon. I just received a letter this morning from the University of Pennsylvania Law School, which denied my application for admission. Since the beginning of the application process, I had mixed feelings about applying to Penn Law. But I ended up applying since it had the best reputation of the ten law schools I applied to. I did this despite my reservations regarding the high tuition, and more significantly, the impression of Penn Law students and graduates. More specifically, with few exceptions, Penn Law students and grads are arrogant and unfriendly (moreso the former), either because they come from upper class families or because they are excessively proud of their academic achievement. The record, however, shows that there are a significant number of Penn Law students that are some combination of incompetent, clueless, and unmotivated. Add to these traits the arrogance mentioned above, and it becomes plain the disgust which I feel derives from being rejected from Penn Law.
But then, I step back and listen to what I just said, and then explore my original sentiments. Did I really want to go there? Yes and no. My only hope for Penn Law was its reputation; I would only have used it for that reason. I believe I would have been discontent in every other way. So when its all said and done, as always, I must have faith that it happens for a reason. It's reasonable to assume that it would have brought me much unhappiness, at least for three years. I don't need that; I never need to accept unhappiness.
Furthermore, I keep in mind that those who make history, who make a difference in this world, are not those who attend premier colleges and universities; they are not those who score highest on standardized tests; and quite often they are not those who come from the upper economic echelon of society. Those people that make a positive, lasting contribution to humankind are those that are determined, passionate, intelligent (in a general sense, not necessarily related to tests), moral, compassionate, and faithful. Once these positive characteristics translate into direct action, the world is never the same. It is this conviction, this truth, which maintains my faith.
There's a few important things that have changed since I last wrote almost four months ago. But there is another feeling that has impelled me to write this early afternoon. I just received a letter this morning from the University of Pennsylvania Law School, which denied my application for admission. Since the beginning of the application process, I had mixed feelings about applying to Penn Law. But I ended up applying since it had the best reputation of the ten law schools I applied to. I did this despite my reservations regarding the high tuition, and more significantly, the impression of Penn Law students and graduates. More specifically, with few exceptions, Penn Law students and grads are arrogant and unfriendly (moreso the former), either because they come from upper class families or because they are excessively proud of their academic achievement. The record, however, shows that there are a significant number of Penn Law students that are some combination of incompetent, clueless, and unmotivated. Add to these traits the arrogance mentioned above, and it becomes plain the disgust which I feel derives from being rejected from Penn Law.
But then, I step back and listen to what I just said, and then explore my original sentiments. Did I really want to go there? Yes and no. My only hope for Penn Law was its reputation; I would only have used it for that reason. I believe I would have been discontent in every other way. So when its all said and done, as always, I must have faith that it happens for a reason. It's reasonable to assume that it would have brought me much unhappiness, at least for three years. I don't need that; I never need to accept unhappiness.
Furthermore, I keep in mind that those who make history, who make a difference in this world, are not those who attend premier colleges and universities; they are not those who score highest on standardized tests; and quite often they are not those who come from the upper economic echelon of society. Those people that make a positive, lasting contribution to humankind are those that are determined, passionate, intelligent (in a general sense, not necessarily related to tests), moral, compassionate, and faithful. Once these positive characteristics translate into direct action, the world is never the same. It is this conviction, this truth, which maintains my faith.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Application for Edward V. Sparer Public Interest Law Fellowship -- Brooklyn Law School
1. Why are you interested in a public interest law career?
My mission is to serve that sector of society which is most vulnerable: those people with limited economic means, who oftentimes face other challenges due to their educational background, language skills, or ethnic/racial background. Assessing my own experiences, strengths, and skills, my goal is to be an effective lawyer working in the public interest.
As a Legal Services paralegal, it has become apparent that my hands are metaphorically tied behind my back. Like a carpenter who lacks a hammer, I lack the tool necessary to fulfill my ultimate commitment: a law degree, the symbol and culmination of a quality legal education. With this tool, I will honor my commitment to help those in need, and in doing so, effect immediate positive change in the low-income community. My admission into law school is a requisite for my continued integrity to those whom I serve, as well as to my own ambitions.
2. What experiences have shaped your interest and commitment to public interest law?
From February 2001 through the present, I have worked as a paralegal in the family law unit of Philadelphia Legal Assistance. My work entails interviewing low-income clients to analyze legal matters relating to various domestic relations matters. Upon gathering all pertinent information (including reviewing pleadings and notices) and analyzing the matter, I provide direct legal advice and assistance to the client. Appropriate and eligible cases for representation are referred to our staff of family law attorneys at the conclusion of each week.
In the spring of 2001, 2002 and 2004, I volunteered to prepare income tax returns at the Philadelphia Legal Assistance/Philadelphia Volunteers for the Indigent Program Low Income Tax Clinic in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. The clinic prepares tax returns without cost to low-income clients. My fluency in the Spanish language was utilized since most of the clinic’s clients are Spanish-speaking farmworkers.
Through these experiences (and others), I have observed the vulnerabilities of the indigent associated with - and arising from - their low-income status, including a deficient education or difficulty with the English language. These difficulties exacerbate the average litigant’s ability to access justice.
The reward I receive is the satisfaction of a victim gaining protection from her abuser, a child’s parent receiving the support necessary to raise him properly, a hard-working farmworker receiving his due income tax return which he will send to support his wife and children. The reward I receive is the practical proof that my part in our justice system is helping to create a better, more just society, one family, or even one person at a time.
3. In what area(s) of public interest law are you particularly interested?
I am primarily interested in two areas of public interest law: immigration law and labor law. This interest is a response to the changing demographics of our country, in which there is an increasing number of Latino citizens and Latin American immigrants. Practice in either area of public interest law is important in order to protect the legal rights of an under-represented population, and to serve them within a justice system which - for many - is foreign, both literally and figuratively.
My mission is to serve that sector of society which is most vulnerable: those people with limited economic means, who oftentimes face other challenges due to their educational background, language skills, or ethnic/racial background. Assessing my own experiences, strengths, and skills, my goal is to be an effective lawyer working in the public interest.
As a Legal Services paralegal, it has become apparent that my hands are metaphorically tied behind my back. Like a carpenter who lacks a hammer, I lack the tool necessary to fulfill my ultimate commitment: a law degree, the symbol and culmination of a quality legal education. With this tool, I will honor my commitment to help those in need, and in doing so, effect immediate positive change in the low-income community. My admission into law school is a requisite for my continued integrity to those whom I serve, as well as to my own ambitions.
2. What experiences have shaped your interest and commitment to public interest law?
From February 2001 through the present, I have worked as a paralegal in the family law unit of Philadelphia Legal Assistance. My work entails interviewing low-income clients to analyze legal matters relating to various domestic relations matters. Upon gathering all pertinent information (including reviewing pleadings and notices) and analyzing the matter, I provide direct legal advice and assistance to the client. Appropriate and eligible cases for representation are referred to our staff of family law attorneys at the conclusion of each week.
In the spring of 2001, 2002 and 2004, I volunteered to prepare income tax returns at the Philadelphia Legal Assistance/Philadelphia Volunteers for the Indigent Program Low Income Tax Clinic in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. The clinic prepares tax returns without cost to low-income clients. My fluency in the Spanish language was utilized since most of the clinic’s clients are Spanish-speaking farmworkers.
Through these experiences (and others), I have observed the vulnerabilities of the indigent associated with - and arising from - their low-income status, including a deficient education or difficulty with the English language. These difficulties exacerbate the average litigant’s ability to access justice.
The reward I receive is the satisfaction of a victim gaining protection from her abuser, a child’s parent receiving the support necessary to raise him properly, a hard-working farmworker receiving his due income tax return which he will send to support his wife and children. The reward I receive is the practical proof that my part in our justice system is helping to create a better, more just society, one family, or even one person at a time.
3. In what area(s) of public interest law are you particularly interested?
I am primarily interested in two areas of public interest law: immigration law and labor law. This interest is a response to the changing demographics of our country, in which there is an increasing number of Latino citizens and Latin American immigrants. Practice in either area of public interest law is important in order to protect the legal rights of an under-represented population, and to serve them within a justice system which - for many - is foreign, both literally and figuratively.
Saturday, January 3, 2004
San Diego, California -- early morning
Well, reading over the last entry before writing this one, I can see that much has happened since then. As I write this, I sit in Cherise's bed at her mother's home in San Diego. I arrived in California (for the first time in my life) on December 27, 2003. I'll be flying out of San Diego to New York tomorrow night. So I've been here for a week.
I've met Cherise's entire immediate family. I believe my best connection has been with her mother, which I realize is really the most important connection that I need to make. But I've also definitely gotten along well with the rest of her family.
We've done so many things this week: Old Town, Balboa Park, the San Diego zoo, Mission Beach, the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, University of California at Irvine, Seaport Village, Coronado Island, Point Loma, and downtown San Diego.
I've enjoyed my time here, but I'm looking forward to returning to Philly, primarily to get back on track with my foremost New Year's resolution: get into law school. I must take advantage of the week I'll have before Cherise returns to Philly in order to finalize the application process. This is imperative. Once this is complete, I will be freer to devote myself to my relationship with Cherise. I've fallen in love with her, and I really love being with her. The characteristics that I noticed early on were true. I now also realize too, though, that she will surely challenge me. As she is also a first-born with much experience of independence, our strong personalities may clash at times. As long as we communicate respectfully and effectively, this will only help us to grow. I can say so far, so good. And I am hopeful that we will continue to grow together. I know she feels the same way.
Now, looking back at the end of 2003, I can say that Evan is now married and Ethan is now engaged. And Cherise began living with me as of her last show in Atlantic City on Thanksgiving Day. And looking forward to 2004, I have already mentioned my commitment to my primary resolution, as well as continuing my relationship with Cherise. I also hope to travel to DC, Florida, and Europe, most certainly in that order. And come September, I sincerely and deeply hope to be beginning classes at a law school. My God hear my prayers. And may I serve God. I hope for a year of health and happiness, for myself and my loved ones. Perhaps I should resolve to write more often, but then again, I think I say that every time.
I've met Cherise's entire immediate family. I believe my best connection has been with her mother, which I realize is really the most important connection that I need to make. But I've also definitely gotten along well with the rest of her family.
We've done so many things this week: Old Town, Balboa Park, the San Diego zoo, Mission Beach, the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, University of California at Irvine, Seaport Village, Coronado Island, Point Loma, and downtown San Diego.
I've enjoyed my time here, but I'm looking forward to returning to Philly, primarily to get back on track with my foremost New Year's resolution: get into law school. I must take advantage of the week I'll have before Cherise returns to Philly in order to finalize the application process. This is imperative. Once this is complete, I will be freer to devote myself to my relationship with Cherise. I've fallen in love with her, and I really love being with her. The characteristics that I noticed early on were true. I now also realize too, though, that she will surely challenge me. As she is also a first-born with much experience of independence, our strong personalities may clash at times. As long as we communicate respectfully and effectively, this will only help us to grow. I can say so far, so good. And I am hopeful that we will continue to grow together. I know she feels the same way.
Now, looking back at the end of 2003, I can say that Evan is now married and Ethan is now engaged. And Cherise began living with me as of her last show in Atlantic City on Thanksgiving Day. And looking forward to 2004, I have already mentioned my commitment to my primary resolution, as well as continuing my relationship with Cherise. I also hope to travel to DC, Florida, and Europe, most certainly in that order. And come September, I sincerely and deeply hope to be beginning classes at a law school. My God hear my prayers. And may I serve God. I hope for a year of health and happiness, for myself and my loved ones. Perhaps I should resolve to write more often, but then again, I think I say that every time.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- early morning
I'm feeling okay these days. I really can't complain, but of course the grass is always greener on the other side. I have all these desires which I think will bring me greater happiness, but then I often think I'm deluding myself. For instance, I'm really digging a girl I met about a month ago (my entry on September 22, 2003 obliquely refers to my meeting her). Her name is Cherise, and she's currently dancing in a show at the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City. A first reaction would be that she must have a great body; no doubt about it. But I really like her for much more than that. It was very apparent to me early on that she is a very sweet, caring, and compassionate person. This is the type of girl I want to be with.
There's just a couple of problems, probably interconnected, that worry me. And this is what's on my mind these days, this excitement yet definite frustration. Cherise, who's also 25 (she's just about six months younger than me), had only been in Atlantic City for three weeks when I had met her. Prior to that, she had been living in Brooklyn with her 32 year old boyfriend. She tells me that it didn't work because he put too much pressure on her to stay by his side. Essentially, he was going to hold her down, and she really resented that. She was naturally recovering (or maybe still considering?) from that when I entered her life. I presented a totally different philosophy and respect, and she seems to be genuinely attracted to me.
But this past weekend, she told me that she needs some time - probably just a couple of weeks - to fully stabilize herself, before getting to a point where she can completely commit to me. This request of hers would explain her behavior a couple of other occasions when she made plans with me but then let me down. That behavior and those actions really disappointed me, and truthfully, put me slightly in a cautious mode. But I really like her nevertheless, and I can see that this is why I've felt uneasy a little bit these days.
But her current proposal also puts me in something of a compromising position. I now have to be patient while she gets herself straight. Although the timing is not bad, since Evan's bachelor party is this weekend, and then the wedding is two weeks later, I still dislike that feeling of waiting, and knowing that anything is possible in a couple of weeks. I remind myself that I must maintain faith in the natural course of events, but its not always reassuring at every moment. But perhaps this time will also give me a chance to reflect.
My main concern now is that one of my biggest lessons from my relationship with Heather is that long-distance relationships are generally not practical or functional. Of course Cherise is a different girl and I'm now living under different circumstances at a different point in my life. But the general point may still be legitimate, and quite relevant.
For now, I'm just playing it cool; avoiding any rash decisions. I really do like Cherise though. It might be nice to give this a shot. But, as always, as a dancer like Cherise surely knows, it takes two to tango.
There's just a couple of problems, probably interconnected, that worry me. And this is what's on my mind these days, this excitement yet definite frustration. Cherise, who's also 25 (she's just about six months younger than me), had only been in Atlantic City for three weeks when I had met her. Prior to that, she had been living in Brooklyn with her 32 year old boyfriend. She tells me that it didn't work because he put too much pressure on her to stay by his side. Essentially, he was going to hold her down, and she really resented that. She was naturally recovering (or maybe still considering?) from that when I entered her life. I presented a totally different philosophy and respect, and she seems to be genuinely attracted to me.
But this past weekend, she told me that she needs some time - probably just a couple of weeks - to fully stabilize herself, before getting to a point where she can completely commit to me. This request of hers would explain her behavior a couple of other occasions when she made plans with me but then let me down. That behavior and those actions really disappointed me, and truthfully, put me slightly in a cautious mode. But I really like her nevertheless, and I can see that this is why I've felt uneasy a little bit these days.
But her current proposal also puts me in something of a compromising position. I now have to be patient while she gets herself straight. Although the timing is not bad, since Evan's bachelor party is this weekend, and then the wedding is two weeks later, I still dislike that feeling of waiting, and knowing that anything is possible in a couple of weeks. I remind myself that I must maintain faith in the natural course of events, but its not always reassuring at every moment. But perhaps this time will also give me a chance to reflect.
My main concern now is that one of my biggest lessons from my relationship with Heather is that long-distance relationships are generally not practical or functional. Of course Cherise is a different girl and I'm now living under different circumstances at a different point in my life. But the general point may still be legitimate, and quite relevant.
For now, I'm just playing it cool; avoiding any rash decisions. I really do like Cherise though. It might be nice to give this a shot. But, as always, as a dancer like Cherise surely knows, it takes two to tango.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
I'm listening to some Bob Marley, and I figured I'd write a little bit in my journal. I know I never followed up my last entry, but that's no surprise. It's quite typical of me.
Since that time, I"ve been seeing and talking with this girl named Cherise. I guess you would call that dating. I've really developed an attraction for her, but she's not really in a position to be in a relationship. Objectively speaking, I'm probably not either. I really need to get my ass in gear to start my applications for law school. I've already called to request applications from all the schools I think I'm going to apply to. Now its just a matter of applying myself to getting the ball rolling.
In other news, I've been taking a class in French. I've been picking it up pretty well. I think I'm one of the better students in the class, especially with regard to my accent. But I've always had a pretty good ear for languages and accents.
Last night, I finally finished reading "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. It's the refutation to "The Bell Curve" the prime text espousing biological determinism, or scientific racism. "The Mismeasure of Man" was a bit difficult to understand at times because it was so laden with scientific lingo and logic. But, despite its sometimes difficulty, it made sense and I appreciated it. Now I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" which was given to me by Richard. So far, I'm cruising through it. It's much easier to read a fiction novel than to read scientific non-fiction.
Well, to move away from the superficial, I will comment on my mindset these days. I feel this stagnancy more and more in my life. I love my job, but I feel like I'm doing the same thing everyday. I'm falling way short of my potential, my abilities. And I'm feeling the pressure to do something that is more meaningful. That's why I have to get my shit together for law school. As fas as I can see right now, that's my next logical step, the step that I'm best-suited for.
But this inertia in my life is sometimes affecting my social life too. I have really enjoyed my time and feelings with Cherise, but I'm trying to check myself now, so as not to get ahead of myself. I must remain realistic. But its easy to fall into these feelings when it provides the only present challenge in my life. Also, obviously, it is very nice to spend quality time with a good woman. However, Cherise's career as a dancer is too transient to have any legitimate expectations. On my side too, if I get my shit together, I can't say with certainty where I'll be either. So for now I'm stuck. But I'll keep a good head on my shoulders and get disciplined to begin moving toward my goals.
Since that time, I"ve been seeing and talking with this girl named Cherise. I guess you would call that dating. I've really developed an attraction for her, but she's not really in a position to be in a relationship. Objectively speaking, I'm probably not either. I really need to get my ass in gear to start my applications for law school. I've already called to request applications from all the schools I think I'm going to apply to. Now its just a matter of applying myself to getting the ball rolling.
In other news, I've been taking a class in French. I've been picking it up pretty well. I think I'm one of the better students in the class, especially with regard to my accent. But I've always had a pretty good ear for languages and accents.
Last night, I finally finished reading "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. It's the refutation to "The Bell Curve" the prime text espousing biological determinism, or scientific racism. "The Mismeasure of Man" was a bit difficult to understand at times because it was so laden with scientific lingo and logic. But, despite its sometimes difficulty, it made sense and I appreciated it. Now I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" which was given to me by Richard. So far, I'm cruising through it. It's much easier to read a fiction novel than to read scientific non-fiction.
Well, to move away from the superficial, I will comment on my mindset these days. I feel this stagnancy more and more in my life. I love my job, but I feel like I'm doing the same thing everyday. I'm falling way short of my potential, my abilities. And I'm feeling the pressure to do something that is more meaningful. That's why I have to get my shit together for law school. As fas as I can see right now, that's my next logical step, the step that I'm best-suited for.
But this inertia in my life is sometimes affecting my social life too. I have really enjoyed my time and feelings with Cherise, but I'm trying to check myself now, so as not to get ahead of myself. I must remain realistic. But its easy to fall into these feelings when it provides the only present challenge in my life. Also, obviously, it is very nice to spend quality time with a good woman. However, Cherise's career as a dancer is too transient to have any legitimate expectations. On my side too, if I get my shit together, I can't say with certainty where I'll be either. So for now I'm stuck. But I'll keep a good head on my shoulders and get disciplined to begin moving toward my goals.
Monday, September 22, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
There has been so much going on that I'm not necessarily sure where to begin. I'll start with what is probably most significant, especially in terms of who I am today.
Yesterday afternoon, while hanging out on Walnut Street with Paul and Corey, Paul spotted someone who he thought he recognized across the street. It was Heather, my ex-girlfriend. I'm sure I hesitated because of the initial shock of a moment that I could never prepare for. Then, I jogged across the street to catch up with her at the southeast corner of 17th and Walnut. I called her name and she turned around, with a look of surprise on her face. I immediately kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug. And then I asked here where she was and what she was doing. She told me that she had just started classes at UPenn in their social work program; she said she was living on-campus in University City.
I had already said hello to her aunt Donna and younger cousin Rebecca, and Corey and Paul had come up to us too. Heather asked me what I was up to these days. I told her that I was still working at PLA, and that I was once again beginning the application process for law schools. Then, fortunately for me, Corey intervened to ask Heather about the program at Penn. It got me off the hook because I really had nothing else to ask nor anything else to offer.
After a couple minutes of that, Donna and Rebecca pulled slightly away, as did Paul and Corey. I guess that was their way of giving us a moment of private conversation. Heather seemed dumbfounded, or else just allowing me the initiative. I simply said with sincerity that it was really nice to see her. Then, I said I would see her around. And finally, I hesitatingly took a step backward while giving a short, quick wave. I turned around and walked away to catch up with Paul and Corey. I didn't ask for her phone number or address, so that was that.
Despite the to-be-expected surprise and bit of awkwardness, it went just as I would have hoped it would. I've gotta be thankful that I was with two of my boys to support me through that. On the flipside, I've gotta be thankful that she was with the only two family members who actually seemed to like me. And lastly, I've gotta be thankful that I was in a good psychological frame of mind. My social life, specifically with regard to women, has been on an upswing for about two months. But this weekend was especially solid. I couldn't have asked for a higher confidence level to see Heather. That may seem either selfish or shallow, but it really is important.
But I'll re-cap my other activities in my next entry, which I hope to make later this week. I'm just feeling beat right now. I've gotta get ready for bed to rest up and feel better tomorrow. But it was all worth it. No doubt about it.
Yesterday afternoon, while hanging out on Walnut Street with Paul and Corey, Paul spotted someone who he thought he recognized across the street. It was Heather, my ex-girlfriend. I'm sure I hesitated because of the initial shock of a moment that I could never prepare for. Then, I jogged across the street to catch up with her at the southeast corner of 17th and Walnut. I called her name and she turned around, with a look of surprise on her face. I immediately kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug. And then I asked here where she was and what she was doing. She told me that she had just started classes at UPenn in their social work program; she said she was living on-campus in University City.
I had already said hello to her aunt Donna and younger cousin Rebecca, and Corey and Paul had come up to us too. Heather asked me what I was up to these days. I told her that I was still working at PLA, and that I was once again beginning the application process for law schools. Then, fortunately for me, Corey intervened to ask Heather about the program at Penn. It got me off the hook because I really had nothing else to ask nor anything else to offer.
After a couple minutes of that, Donna and Rebecca pulled slightly away, as did Paul and Corey. I guess that was their way of giving us a moment of private conversation. Heather seemed dumbfounded, or else just allowing me the initiative. I simply said with sincerity that it was really nice to see her. Then, I said I would see her around. And finally, I hesitatingly took a step backward while giving a short, quick wave. I turned around and walked away to catch up with Paul and Corey. I didn't ask for her phone number or address, so that was that.
Despite the to-be-expected surprise and bit of awkwardness, it went just as I would have hoped it would. I've gotta be thankful that I was with two of my boys to support me through that. On the flipside, I've gotta be thankful that she was with the only two family members who actually seemed to like me. And lastly, I've gotta be thankful that I was in a good psychological frame of mind. My social life, specifically with regard to women, has been on an upswing for about two months. But this weekend was especially solid. I couldn't have asked for a higher confidence level to see Heather. That may seem either selfish or shallow, but it really is important.
But I'll re-cap my other activities in my next entry, which I hope to make later this week. I'm just feeling beat right now. I've gotta get ready for bed to rest up and feel better tomorrow. But it was all worth it. No doubt about it.
Tuesday, September 9, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
These past couple of days there have been the vaguest hints of the onset of autumn. The slightest chill in the air, especially of course at nighttime, brings with it the next set of aggregated memories, which for me consist of my keenest nostalgia.
There's just something about fall that brings me back to feelings of my childhood and adolescence. Furthermore, this year specifically, this cooler weather signals for me the official end of my latest chapter, which was embodied in my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua. The return to cooler weather signifies my return to North American weather. The sentient feeling on my skin impels my mind to the constant memory that I am far away from the Equator. And so it goes.
I must set my sights on new horizons, be they domestic or foreign, literal or figurative. For now all continues to seem stagnant, which is not necessarily a bad thing at present: I have been desiring some stability for the time being. But life always seems stagnant when looking outward with a short-sighted vision.
Extending my vision, my considerations primarily include law school, but I'm still reluctant to voluntarily enter a form of economic enslavement. It's diametric counterpart is the consideration of travelling extensively through Europe. But that idea always carries with it the fear of an unstable life that is not moving toward any productive end. Nevertheless, the allure of travel and adventure calls out to me seductively enough.
At this point in time, I am content to accept that this decision, as with all others, will be made at its appropriate time, when the context and circumstances surrounding it may be totally difficult. That is partly the nature of existentialism, to which I faithfully adhere. Essentially, I am not presently in the position to have to make a decision, and so I am free to ponder, either dreamily or stressfully, all of the possibilities. What the future may hold I am eager to find out. When it comes to action, I will advance confidently in the direction of my dreams, to paraphrase Thoreau. The rest will naturally fall into place.
There's just something about fall that brings me back to feelings of my childhood and adolescence. Furthermore, this year specifically, this cooler weather signals for me the official end of my latest chapter, which was embodied in my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua. The return to cooler weather signifies my return to North American weather. The sentient feeling on my skin impels my mind to the constant memory that I am far away from the Equator. And so it goes.
I must set my sights on new horizons, be they domestic or foreign, literal or figurative. For now all continues to seem stagnant, which is not necessarily a bad thing at present: I have been desiring some stability for the time being. But life always seems stagnant when looking outward with a short-sighted vision.
Extending my vision, my considerations primarily include law school, but I'm still reluctant to voluntarily enter a form of economic enslavement. It's diametric counterpart is the consideration of travelling extensively through Europe. But that idea always carries with it the fear of an unstable life that is not moving toward any productive end. Nevertheless, the allure of travel and adventure calls out to me seductively enough.
At this point in time, I am content to accept that this decision, as with all others, will be made at its appropriate time, when the context and circumstances surrounding it may be totally difficult. That is partly the nature of existentialism, to which I faithfully adhere. Essentially, I am not presently in the position to have to make a decision, and so I am free to ponder, either dreamily or stressfully, all of the possibilities. What the future may hold I am eager to find out. When it comes to action, I will advance confidently in the direction of my dreams, to paraphrase Thoreau. The rest will naturally fall into place.
Monday, September 1, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- afternoon
I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, writing, because I'm too exhausted to continue my reading. I've read a few pages, but it's been difficult to concentrate. The reason for my sleepiness is my extended weekend, which is now coming to a close.
Today is Labor Day. Only two hours ago, I returned here to Philadelphia from a trip south to Baltimore and Washington, D.C. This weekend was a good one.
On Friday evening, I left shortly after work with Paul and Corey for a car ride to Baltimore. On the way down, we had good conversation, listened to some hype music, and smoke cigars. We got to Bmore at about 8:30 p.m., at Evan's house. I took a shower, and we started pre-gaming. Evan showed up about an hour later, and from there we went to the bars in Federal Hill. I got a chance to see my friend, Mike, but I spent much of the night in brief conversations with strangers (girls) or just chilling solo. At one point, I grabbed a seat by the entrance of a lounge/bar and actually carded a couple people. For better or for worse, that was my highlight for that night. But it was a pretty funny thing, so it was good. I got a slice of pizza at Maria D's before sauntering back to Evan's place to sleep on the floor for the night. Before I made it back, though, I met two girls on the sidewalk near the Cross Street Market. Somewhat insistent, I convinced a girl to kiss me. It was kind of terrible, but I just felt like kissing a girl. After that, I just walked away.
The next morning, Paul, Evan, Corey, and I walked to a bagel shop for breakfast, then walked to the Inner Harbor to pass the early afternoon. It was a nice day, so I enjoyed my time. I drank a big lemonade to re-hydrate. The four of us got a photo sitting on a bench at the Inner Harbor. Most of the time I spent there was walking and talking with Evan. It was a really good conversation; looking back, its amazing how Evan and I have become good friends, not that's its shocking, but it's just interesting to reflect on the development of a relationship. We eventually walked back to Evan's hosue to pack up for the short trip south from Bmore to D.C.
We arrived at the hotel that Paul's dad hooked us up with at about 4:30 p.m. Paul, Corey, and I checked-in, then went out to find a restaurant for our lunch/dinner. Already half-starving, it was an agonizing mission to find a decent place that was open at that time. Eventually we found a place where I got a good burger.
After returning to the hotel to shower, prepare, and pre-game, we hit the town at Adams Morgan. I don't particular want to condense the events, but I'll do so in the interests of time and length. On our way to Tom-Tom, a couple of Swedish girls began talking with us. Immediately, the very good-looking one drew herself near me to begin a conversation. After getting in the bar, I continued the conversation to establish a good foundation. Through the course of the rest of the night, I would mingle and talk with other girls, but occasionally meeting up with the Swedish girls to continue our connection. Towards the end of the night, I found myself on a couch with the Swedish girl. Needless to say, we started kissing; she was a good kisser. I invited them back to our hotel room, but being good girls they declined. They only have three more weeks in the U.S. I got Annika's phone number, but I won't see her again unless I can see her in Europe. Oh well, it was a good experience, and perhaps she'll be a pen-pal.
Sunday morning, Paul, Corey, and I did the tourist thing. We saw the White House and Washington Monument, with less proximate views of the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building. Then, we got on the Metro to ride to George Washington University, where we had to wait for a bus for Georgetown. Now, for me, Georgetown can hardly be put into words: there were so many good-looking girls that I nearly got whip-lash and did eventually have a mental overload, so that I couldn't really think any more. But before that happened, I engaged in a short sidewalk conversation with a Tunisian diplomat to Canada, who was in D.C. visiting his daughter. We spoke briefly about work in international politics. And I dropped the usual basic French phrases. From there, I went to American Eagle to get a couple of nice, collared, long-sleeve shirts for nightlife. After walking around for a while longer we got a little tired, so we decided to walk down to the river to sit down to smoke some cigars. After sitting there for a while, we walked back to the main strip to get coffee for a boost, then we rode to Metro back to downtown to go back to the hotel.
Sunday night was okay. Corey and I went to a bar off of Dupont Circle which was not that good. Corey had to meet a girl there. About an hour or so later, Paul met up with us with his English girl and I left with them immediately for Adams Morgan again. There were two highlights there. First, Corey, Mike, and I made our way to an Eritrean/African bar, where we were almost the only white people. We gravitated to a table of three black women, and chatted them up for a long while. We stayed until just about closing when Mike and I walked out to the opposite sidewalk. I began initiating conversations with as many women as possible. Eventually, the odds paid off and a tandem of Jamie and Amy talked with us. Corey later met us when I spotted him from across the street and called him over. I had everyone in stitches for most of the time, as I was apparently on point with humor. Again, I invited the girls back to the hotel, and again they declined. I did, however, get a weak sidewalk hook-up. A couple brief kisses. And so it goes.
We got up early this morning so that Paul could hit the road to get back to NYC at a decent hour. It was a smooth ride and I got to my apartment at 2pm. And now I am here at Cosi, happily re-capping my weekend. It was fun and it was good. That's what life is all about.
Today is Labor Day. Only two hours ago, I returned here to Philadelphia from a trip south to Baltimore and Washington, D.C. This weekend was a good one.
On Friday evening, I left shortly after work with Paul and Corey for a car ride to Baltimore. On the way down, we had good conversation, listened to some hype music, and smoke cigars. We got to Bmore at about 8:30 p.m., at Evan's house. I took a shower, and we started pre-gaming. Evan showed up about an hour later, and from there we went to the bars in Federal Hill. I got a chance to see my friend, Mike, but I spent much of the night in brief conversations with strangers (girls) or just chilling solo. At one point, I grabbed a seat by the entrance of a lounge/bar and actually carded a couple people. For better or for worse, that was my highlight for that night. But it was a pretty funny thing, so it was good. I got a slice of pizza at Maria D's before sauntering back to Evan's place to sleep on the floor for the night. Before I made it back, though, I met two girls on the sidewalk near the Cross Street Market. Somewhat insistent, I convinced a girl to kiss me. It was kind of terrible, but I just felt like kissing a girl. After that, I just walked away.
The next morning, Paul, Evan, Corey, and I walked to a bagel shop for breakfast, then walked to the Inner Harbor to pass the early afternoon. It was a nice day, so I enjoyed my time. I drank a big lemonade to re-hydrate. The four of us got a photo sitting on a bench at the Inner Harbor. Most of the time I spent there was walking and talking with Evan. It was a really good conversation; looking back, its amazing how Evan and I have become good friends, not that's its shocking, but it's just interesting to reflect on the development of a relationship. We eventually walked back to Evan's hosue to pack up for the short trip south from Bmore to D.C.
We arrived at the hotel that Paul's dad hooked us up with at about 4:30 p.m. Paul, Corey, and I checked-in, then went out to find a restaurant for our lunch/dinner. Already half-starving, it was an agonizing mission to find a decent place that was open at that time. Eventually we found a place where I got a good burger.
After returning to the hotel to shower, prepare, and pre-game, we hit the town at Adams Morgan. I don't particular want to condense the events, but I'll do so in the interests of time and length. On our way to Tom-Tom, a couple of Swedish girls began talking with us. Immediately, the very good-looking one drew herself near me to begin a conversation. After getting in the bar, I continued the conversation to establish a good foundation. Through the course of the rest of the night, I would mingle and talk with other girls, but occasionally meeting up with the Swedish girls to continue our connection. Towards the end of the night, I found myself on a couch with the Swedish girl. Needless to say, we started kissing; she was a good kisser. I invited them back to our hotel room, but being good girls they declined. They only have three more weeks in the U.S. I got Annika's phone number, but I won't see her again unless I can see her in Europe. Oh well, it was a good experience, and perhaps she'll be a pen-pal.
Sunday morning, Paul, Corey, and I did the tourist thing. We saw the White House and Washington Monument, with less proximate views of the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building. Then, we got on the Metro to ride to George Washington University, where we had to wait for a bus for Georgetown. Now, for me, Georgetown can hardly be put into words: there were so many good-looking girls that I nearly got whip-lash and did eventually have a mental overload, so that I couldn't really think any more. But before that happened, I engaged in a short sidewalk conversation with a Tunisian diplomat to Canada, who was in D.C. visiting his daughter. We spoke briefly about work in international politics. And I dropped the usual basic French phrases. From there, I went to American Eagle to get a couple of nice, collared, long-sleeve shirts for nightlife. After walking around for a while longer we got a little tired, so we decided to walk down to the river to sit down to smoke some cigars. After sitting there for a while, we walked back to the main strip to get coffee for a boost, then we rode to Metro back to downtown to go back to the hotel.
Sunday night was okay. Corey and I went to a bar off of Dupont Circle which was not that good. Corey had to meet a girl there. About an hour or so later, Paul met up with us with his English girl and I left with them immediately for Adams Morgan again. There were two highlights there. First, Corey, Mike, and I made our way to an Eritrean/African bar, where we were almost the only white people. We gravitated to a table of three black women, and chatted them up for a long while. We stayed until just about closing when Mike and I walked out to the opposite sidewalk. I began initiating conversations with as many women as possible. Eventually, the odds paid off and a tandem of Jamie and Amy talked with us. Corey later met us when I spotted him from across the street and called him over. I had everyone in stitches for most of the time, as I was apparently on point with humor. Again, I invited the girls back to the hotel, and again they declined. I did, however, get a weak sidewalk hook-up. A couple brief kisses. And so it goes.
We got up early this morning so that Paul could hit the road to get back to NYC at a decent hour. It was a smooth ride and I got to my apartment at 2pm. And now I am here at Cosi, happily re-capping my weekend. It was fun and it was good. That's what life is all about.
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
Today is the first full day I've taken off from work in the past four and a half months, since my return from Costa Rica. I spent almost the entire day sleeping. I wasn't sick at all, and not really even exhausted; my body was just greedy for a day of inactivity. The reason I was kinda tired, though, can be traced back to the weekend.
Friday night was a good time. I hit the town with Evan and Corey. After drinking a bunch of gin-and-tonic's at McGlinchey's, we went to Olde City to: Paradigm, then Lucy's Hat Shop, then to after-hours at Mirage, where I ended up dancing for a while with this black girl. I felt like I was in a music video. I finally got in to my place at 4:30 a.m.
Saturday was spent chilling and recovering a little. Then later, Corey and I drove back to Medford for a house party. Julie had invited me and told me there would be a crowd of about 10-15. The party itself was only okay, but immediately after getting there a really good-looking girl sat down at the table where Corey and I were eating some burgers. We got into a conversation; the whole time I kept things cool.
Later, Corey wanted to go back to Philly, and I said I'd go too, but then Julie said I should stay to have fun with the girl, Heather. I said I'd probably still leave, but then Heather told me to stay. She said she wanted to take me on a tour of the house, so I said sure. When we got to the landing at the top of the second floor, we started talking and flirting. So I suddenly moved in to kiss her and she responded well. After a few minutes, we went back down to the party. I told Corey I'd stay; he left back for Philly about an hour later.
A little bit later after that, Heather and I went upstairs to a guest bedroom. Needless to say, I ended my period of nine months abstinence. Her body was amazing and fortunately, I had the endurance to keep her going for four hours straight, thereby keeping the whole house awake. We had a great time together.
The next morning I went with Justin and his girl, Alice, to drop off Heather at the airport to pick-up her rental car to drive back to her home in Charlotte, North Carolina. We flirted and kissed the whole way. It was kinda disappointing to drop her off since we definitely had a connection. We decided we'd keep in touch and just see what happened.
The whole thing was good for a lot of reasons. Primarily, I was happy and I had fun. But I also proved I can still attract a very attractive girl and impress her. This makes me very happy and surely gives me hope for the future.
Friday night was a good time. I hit the town with Evan and Corey. After drinking a bunch of gin-and-tonic's at McGlinchey's, we went to Olde City to: Paradigm, then Lucy's Hat Shop, then to after-hours at Mirage, where I ended up dancing for a while with this black girl. I felt like I was in a music video. I finally got in to my place at 4:30 a.m.
Saturday was spent chilling and recovering a little. Then later, Corey and I drove back to Medford for a house party. Julie had invited me and told me there would be a crowd of about 10-15. The party itself was only okay, but immediately after getting there a really good-looking girl sat down at the table where Corey and I were eating some burgers. We got into a conversation; the whole time I kept things cool.
Later, Corey wanted to go back to Philly, and I said I'd go too, but then Julie said I should stay to have fun with the girl, Heather. I said I'd probably still leave, but then Heather told me to stay. She said she wanted to take me on a tour of the house, so I said sure. When we got to the landing at the top of the second floor, we started talking and flirting. So I suddenly moved in to kiss her and she responded well. After a few minutes, we went back down to the party. I told Corey I'd stay; he left back for Philly about an hour later.
A little bit later after that, Heather and I went upstairs to a guest bedroom. Needless to say, I ended my period of nine months abstinence. Her body was amazing and fortunately, I had the endurance to keep her going for four hours straight, thereby keeping the whole house awake. We had a great time together.
The next morning I went with Justin and his girl, Alice, to drop off Heather at the airport to pick-up her rental car to drive back to her home in Charlotte, North Carolina. We flirted and kissed the whole way. It was kinda disappointing to drop her off since we definitely had a connection. We decided we'd keep in touch and just see what happened.
The whole thing was good for a lot of reasons. Primarily, I was happy and I had fun. But I also proved I can still attract a very attractive girl and impress her. This makes me very happy and surely gives me hope for the future.
Sunday, August 3, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
So another weekend has passed, this being a Sunday night. Its times like this that I feel I'm stuck in samsara, destined to eternally live for the weekends but always wondering at their conclusion how long the cycle will last.
And of course, I look back and wonder 'how' and 'why' I spent so much money. I have to be mindful of my spending since my rent here is higher than it had been at 2008. So far, I seem to be stuck in a financial quagmire, generally the same amount going out as is coming in. That's a very precarious way of living and I really need to consider curtailing my consumption (both the alcoholic and financial types since they go hand-in-hand). I have to put more focus toward my goals of furnishing and finishing my apartment, and then making a somewhat costly investment in purchasing a personal computer. But these are all material desires.
I am quite happy these days, but sometimes when I am alone, I am confronted with the seeds of my discontent: the loneliness in which I contemplate and the instability of life itself. I wonder what its all about. I ponder my purported goals and then wonder what my goals should be. I think about what is really important in life. And eventually I drive myself to the point of feeling lost and alone. From there, my thoughts drift toward the trivial tasks of tomorrow, toward women and lust, or toward lofty dreams of a glorious future. And one of those three, then, usually carries me into temporary unconsciousness. And so it goes.
And of course, I look back and wonder 'how' and 'why' I spent so much money. I have to be mindful of my spending since my rent here is higher than it had been at 2008. So far, I seem to be stuck in a financial quagmire, generally the same amount going out as is coming in. That's a very precarious way of living and I really need to consider curtailing my consumption (both the alcoholic and financial types since they go hand-in-hand). I have to put more focus toward my goals of furnishing and finishing my apartment, and then making a somewhat costly investment in purchasing a personal computer. But these are all material desires.
I am quite happy these days, but sometimes when I am alone, I am confronted with the seeds of my discontent: the loneliness in which I contemplate and the instability of life itself. I wonder what its all about. I ponder my purported goals and then wonder what my goals should be. I think about what is really important in life. And eventually I drive myself to the point of feeling lost and alone. From there, my thoughts drift toward the trivial tasks of tomorrow, toward women and lust, or toward lofty dreams of a glorious future. And one of those three, then, usually carries me into temporary unconsciousness. And so it goes.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- early morning
Earlier this evening, I left 2008 Walnut Street for the last time. Corey and I had to clean it in order to get our security deposit back. It is interesting to think that I moved into the city two years ago. It's also interesting to think back to all the memories from 2008: from my first weekends in the city to pre-gaming sessions just about every weekend to my going-away party and everything in between. To think of all the meals that I cooked in that kitchen. To think of all the hours of reading books and the hours of watching television there. To think of all the deep, late night conversations I've had with Corey and other guests. Perhaps just as much as everything combined, though, I think of my experiences with several different women: the young 19-year old sophomore girl to the experienced 34 year-old attorney to the 23 year-old physical therapy student to the 19 year-old Filipina girl. More than anyone else, though, my memories are dominated by Heather, the girl that I loved and wanted so much, but was just not to be.
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
It has been just over two months since I've last written. There's no need to make excuses since I have no obligation to write. But then again, I feel that writing is important, so I do feel bad that I haven't kept up.
I moved in my apartment here in Philly on the first weekend of June. In some ways, the transition to living on my own has been more difficult than I expected, partly on a materialistic (and hence financial) level, but even a bit on the emotional level. I thought I would be well-prepared to live on my own from my solo travels in Central America. But there was always that sense of excitement and newness when on the road. Being alone in a stable environment has proved to be a different game. Nevertheless, I still think it was helpful that I travelled solo in order to transition to this new experience.
In material terms, there is much work to be done, most especially with regards to living room furniture and decorations for the walls. But since I have all the essentials I have inevitably lost much motivation to complete my settling-in. I am a simple man, so I don't as much for coffee tables and rugs. Perhaps only my love of color, and the life it brings, is impelling me to decorate the walls. Even still, I have been slow to take initiative in the area of interior design.
Now, I could catch things up on my life at the office, or my educational ambitions, or my social life, but right now I don't feel moved to do so. Probably next time. Before ending this long-awaited entry, I'll re-cap a very interesting experience of the past two days, a two-part journey through the city of brotherly love.
On both Saturday and Sunday afternoons, at 4:00 p.m. to be exact, I left center-city for a tour of a different section of the city. On Saturday, I left for West Philly, travelling west on Walnut Street, then Spruce Street, then Market Street before eventually reaching 69th Street, the city's western limit and its border with Upper Darby. During my tour, I saw more than a handful of block parties, where residents blocked off roads at their own discretion, and set up barbecues, loud music, and games for their children. The smells in the air and the sights of young and old alike having fun were enough to light up the soul. I was also impressed by the stateliness and grandeur of the architecture in West Philly, which evidenced that it had once been the wealthy suburban section of the city. Much of it has been kept up nicely, despite a more middle-class character. It was depressing, though, to see some buildings falling apart as a result of poverty and lack of maintenance: a snapshot of the long, slow death of the beautiful architecture of an age long past. I also rode my bicycle past Malcolm X park; I was slightly surprised to find out that a park would be named in his honor. It makes sense due to the predominantly black population of West Philly. But for the city government to recognize that name surprised me a little bit. On the ride back into University City, I stopped at Abner's for a decent cheesesteak. From there, I crossed back over the Schuylkill River to finish Saturday's journey.
Earlier today, I set off on a similar voyage, but in a different direction: south. I started off down Broad Street until I turned left on to Washington Avenue. Then I turned right on to 10th Street. I took that as far as I could go, before getting back on to Broad Street to eventually reach my destination: FDR park, right by the stadiums. Once there, I dismounted my bike to walk the circuit, passing by all the picnic areas and pavillions. Most of the groups there were either black or Southeast Asian, either Vietnamese or Cambodian. I was really impressed with the groups of southeast Asians since some groups were as large or larger than 50 people. It was amazing. It was great to see everyone having a good time. After walking the circuit, I hopped my bike to ride back to my apartment. I couldn't stay out as long as yesterday since I was really hungry for lunch. I rode back most of the way on 16th Street. It was nice to see other parts of the city. I hope to do it again.
I moved in my apartment here in Philly on the first weekend of June. In some ways, the transition to living on my own has been more difficult than I expected, partly on a materialistic (and hence financial) level, but even a bit on the emotional level. I thought I would be well-prepared to live on my own from my solo travels in Central America. But there was always that sense of excitement and newness when on the road. Being alone in a stable environment has proved to be a different game. Nevertheless, I still think it was helpful that I travelled solo in order to transition to this new experience.
In material terms, there is much work to be done, most especially with regards to living room furniture and decorations for the walls. But since I have all the essentials I have inevitably lost much motivation to complete my settling-in. I am a simple man, so I don't as much for coffee tables and rugs. Perhaps only my love of color, and the life it brings, is impelling me to decorate the walls. Even still, I have been slow to take initiative in the area of interior design.
Now, I could catch things up on my life at the office, or my educational ambitions, or my social life, but right now I don't feel moved to do so. Probably next time. Before ending this long-awaited entry, I'll re-cap a very interesting experience of the past two days, a two-part journey through the city of brotherly love.
On both Saturday and Sunday afternoons, at 4:00 p.m. to be exact, I left center-city for a tour of a different section of the city. On Saturday, I left for West Philly, travelling west on Walnut Street, then Spruce Street, then Market Street before eventually reaching 69th Street, the city's western limit and its border with Upper Darby. During my tour, I saw more than a handful of block parties, where residents blocked off roads at their own discretion, and set up barbecues, loud music, and games for their children. The smells in the air and the sights of young and old alike having fun were enough to light up the soul. I was also impressed by the stateliness and grandeur of the architecture in West Philly, which evidenced that it had once been the wealthy suburban section of the city. Much of it has been kept up nicely, despite a more middle-class character. It was depressing, though, to see some buildings falling apart as a result of poverty and lack of maintenance: a snapshot of the long, slow death of the beautiful architecture of an age long past. I also rode my bicycle past Malcolm X park; I was slightly surprised to find out that a park would be named in his honor. It makes sense due to the predominantly black population of West Philly. But for the city government to recognize that name surprised me a little bit. On the ride back into University City, I stopped at Abner's for a decent cheesesteak. From there, I crossed back over the Schuylkill River to finish Saturday's journey.
Earlier today, I set off on a similar voyage, but in a different direction: south. I started off down Broad Street until I turned left on to Washington Avenue. Then I turned right on to 10th Street. I took that as far as I could go, before getting back on to Broad Street to eventually reach my destination: FDR park, right by the stadiums. Once there, I dismounted my bike to walk the circuit, passing by all the picnic areas and pavillions. Most of the groups there were either black or Southeast Asian, either Vietnamese or Cambodian. I was really impressed with the groups of southeast Asians since some groups were as large or larger than 50 people. It was amazing. It was great to see everyone having a good time. After walking the circuit, I hopped my bike to ride back to my apartment. I couldn't stay out as long as yesterday since I was really hungry for lunch. I rode back most of the way on 16th Street. It was nice to see other parts of the city. I hope to do it again.
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
This past Thursday night, I took Mita to the Juanes concert in Philadelphia. When we got there, we met up with Karim, her two sisters, two other girls, and two guys from Costa Rica. I really only talked with Karim and one of her girlfriends. Mita seemed to have a good time talking with a few of the girls.
The concert itself was great. The venue was sold-out and the demographic was largely Latino, a really interesting feel for being in Philadelphia. With everyone talking Spanish before the concert and the concert itself being in Spanish, I almost felt like I was back in Costa Rica. Juanes put on a very good show, and I enjoyed singing along with some songs and even dancing a little bit too. It was a good night.
Friday day was notable for lunch. I went with Sue and Karim to an Afghan Kabob House on the 1500 block of Sansom Street. It was delicious food and nice conversation too.
After work, I went to my old apartment to meet up with Corey. That was actually after I had gotten a haircut. We chatted for a little bit before I took a shower to wash off all the loose hairs. Then, we went to a coffee-shop to chill out and converse. We were there for about an hour and a half before we went back to his apartment.
It wasn't much later that Amber came to meet me. Ok, Amber. I met her two weekends back on a Saturday night with Corey, Bill, and Nancy at Kaleidoscope Kafe, just off South Street. We weren't able to meet last weekend because she went back to Lycoming College for graduation weekend to see some friends. So, we set up plans to get together this past Friday night. When she pulled in to the parking lot behind my old apartment, I ran out to get in her Jeep Cherokee. Then, we spent about the next forty-five minutes driving around looking for a parking spot. In the meantime, we had good conversation. It was towards the end of that that I presented her with two options for dinner, yet in a vague sort of way. I wanted her choice to be something of a surprise. She chose Monk's on 16th Street near Spruce. We gave up on looking for a parking spot as hunger impelled us to just park in a parking garage.
As usual, the wait for a table in Monk's was about forty-five minutes. But that was ok since I ordered a round of beers from the bar, and we began another conversation in more depth. Early on, I went on a ten-minute discourse about the public education system in the United States. She was impressed and had clearly not considered anything I had said previously. We ate dinner, and afterwards went to Copa II for margaritas. Throughout it all, we had pretty good conversation. Then, we actually stopped in to see Corey. We drank wine and watched a program about Indian fashion and culture in the U.S.
About an hour later, we went back to Amber's apartment, kissed for a little while, and went to sleep. I slept on the futon, and Amber slept on the couch near me. All in all, it was a very nice time. I'm not sure that she is sufficiently revolutionary to have a relationship. I think we'll date for a while, but just keep it pretty basic. I would like to be friends, and as I said in my last entry, it will be nice to have a girl to spend time with.
The rest of the weekend was spent reading a lot of Lenin. And that's about it for now. Future dates will be much more convenient when I have my apartment in the city. I look forward to the move.
The concert itself was great. The venue was sold-out and the demographic was largely Latino, a really interesting feel for being in Philadelphia. With everyone talking Spanish before the concert and the concert itself being in Spanish, I almost felt like I was back in Costa Rica. Juanes put on a very good show, and I enjoyed singing along with some songs and even dancing a little bit too. It was a good night.
Friday day was notable for lunch. I went with Sue and Karim to an Afghan Kabob House on the 1500 block of Sansom Street. It was delicious food and nice conversation too.
After work, I went to my old apartment to meet up with Corey. That was actually after I had gotten a haircut. We chatted for a little bit before I took a shower to wash off all the loose hairs. Then, we went to a coffee-shop to chill out and converse. We were there for about an hour and a half before we went back to his apartment.
It wasn't much later that Amber came to meet me. Ok, Amber. I met her two weekends back on a Saturday night with Corey, Bill, and Nancy at Kaleidoscope Kafe, just off South Street. We weren't able to meet last weekend because she went back to Lycoming College for graduation weekend to see some friends. So, we set up plans to get together this past Friday night. When she pulled in to the parking lot behind my old apartment, I ran out to get in her Jeep Cherokee. Then, we spent about the next forty-five minutes driving around looking for a parking spot. In the meantime, we had good conversation. It was towards the end of that that I presented her with two options for dinner, yet in a vague sort of way. I wanted her choice to be something of a surprise. She chose Monk's on 16th Street near Spruce. We gave up on looking for a parking spot as hunger impelled us to just park in a parking garage.
As usual, the wait for a table in Monk's was about forty-five minutes. But that was ok since I ordered a round of beers from the bar, and we began another conversation in more depth. Early on, I went on a ten-minute discourse about the public education system in the United States. She was impressed and had clearly not considered anything I had said previously. We ate dinner, and afterwards went to Copa II for margaritas. Throughout it all, we had pretty good conversation. Then, we actually stopped in to see Corey. We drank wine and watched a program about Indian fashion and culture in the U.S.
About an hour later, we went back to Amber's apartment, kissed for a little while, and went to sleep. I slept on the futon, and Amber slept on the couch near me. All in all, it was a very nice time. I'm not sure that she is sufficiently revolutionary to have a relationship. I think we'll date for a while, but just keep it pretty basic. I would like to be friends, and as I said in my last entry, it will be nice to have a girl to spend time with.
The rest of the weekend was spent reading a lot of Lenin. And that's about it for now. Future dates will be much more convenient when I have my apartment in the city. I look forward to the move.
Friday, May 9, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
Now, today must be marked as the day that I signed for my apartment at 2124 Spruce Street. After several weeks of searching desperately, yet patiently, for an apartment in Philly, I have met with success. After nearly a month and a half after returning from Costa Rica to my mother's home in Medford, New Jersey, I will once again embrace independence. In this case, though, in contrast to my time in Costa Rica, this independence and self-reliance will be stationary and not mobile. For the first time in my life, I will live alone. This will surely be another important stage in my own personal development. And so, upon embarking on this next definable chapter, I will probably reference my latest chapter - my journey to Central America - less and less.
These past several weeks have only been a transitional, preparatory stage. So now I must begin to look ahead to my next goals. In practical terms, I must furnish my new apartment. This I will probably do over time, hopefully to be completed by the end of the summer. In other matters, I will like to enroll to take a course in the second summer session of either the Community College of Philadelphia or Temple University. I am considering taking a language course, either French, Arabic, or Portuguese. Or perhaps I will begin to take a course in International politics. In other purchases, I will begin to save to buy a new bicycle, which will serve for both recreation and transportation. I hope to make this purchase by mid-summer.
From there, in the long-term, I will save to buy a personal computer; this I will expect to purchase by December 2003. I will use this primarily to catalog all my political essays, as well as poetry. In a much larger project, I would like to retype all my college papers to save on disc and on hard drive. As soon as I move into the city, I will also subscribe to "The Economist." This will supplement my own self-education in international political economy.
In the meantime, professionally, I will continue to work as a paralegal at Philadelphia Legal Assistance. I soon anticipate being transferred out of the family law unit to another unit. I hope to hear word of that by the beginning of the summer next month. I am undoubtedly prepared for a new challenge in the professional realm.
With regard to girls, I have little to say. I will maintain my expectations at a low level since I clearly have other priorities at this time in my life. Nevertheless, this does not mean that I won't socialize or date if an opportunity presents itself. I am a man after all. Companionship is a nice thing to break the silence. It also usually renders life more meaningful, at least insofar as living new experiences. Happiness will always remain the ultimate objective. Of course.
Finally, in a quick overview of upcoming events, I will be doing a five kilometer walk for breast cancer this Sunday; also, Sunday is Mother's Day and the day before Jessica's birthday. So both will have to be celebrated on Sunday afternoon. Then, this coming Thursday, I will see Juanes in concert at the TLA in Philly. At the end of the month, I'll go to State College for the annual Pennsylvania Legal Services conference. And, some time in mid-June, I expect Ronald to come from Europe to visit me. We will do a tour of the Northeastern United States. So there it is!
These past several weeks have only been a transitional, preparatory stage. So now I must begin to look ahead to my next goals. In practical terms, I must furnish my new apartment. This I will probably do over time, hopefully to be completed by the end of the summer. In other matters, I will like to enroll to take a course in the second summer session of either the Community College of Philadelphia or Temple University. I am considering taking a language course, either French, Arabic, or Portuguese. Or perhaps I will begin to take a course in International politics. In other purchases, I will begin to save to buy a new bicycle, which will serve for both recreation and transportation. I hope to make this purchase by mid-summer.
From there, in the long-term, I will save to buy a personal computer; this I will expect to purchase by December 2003. I will use this primarily to catalog all my political essays, as well as poetry. In a much larger project, I would like to retype all my college papers to save on disc and on hard drive. As soon as I move into the city, I will also subscribe to "The Economist." This will supplement my own self-education in international political economy.
In the meantime, professionally, I will continue to work as a paralegal at Philadelphia Legal Assistance. I soon anticipate being transferred out of the family law unit to another unit. I hope to hear word of that by the beginning of the summer next month. I am undoubtedly prepared for a new challenge in the professional realm.
With regard to girls, I have little to say. I will maintain my expectations at a low level since I clearly have other priorities at this time in my life. Nevertheless, this does not mean that I won't socialize or date if an opportunity presents itself. I am a man after all. Companionship is a nice thing to break the silence. It also usually renders life more meaningful, at least insofar as living new experiences. Happiness will always remain the ultimate objective. Of course.
Finally, in a quick overview of upcoming events, I will be doing a five kilometer walk for breast cancer this Sunday; also, Sunday is Mother's Day and the day before Jessica's birthday. So both will have to be celebrated on Sunday afternoon. Then, this coming Thursday, I will see Juanes in concert at the TLA in Philly. At the end of the month, I'll go to State College for the annual Pennsylvania Legal Services conference. And, some time in mid-June, I expect Ronald to come from Europe to visit me. We will do a tour of the Northeastern United States. So there it is!
Friday, April 25, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
Well, its a Friday night, and I'm staying in. Depending on which way you spin it, I'm either becoming more mature or else I'm just getting old. Either way, here I am. And I'm totally exhausted. Commuting is really draining my energy. For that reason, I look forward to moving back into the city. But on the other hand, it has been a strange comfort to be here in Medford. I think I'm even a bit scared to live on my own. Not out of any fear of danger. But out of a fear of being lonely. I imagine that living a solitary life demands much discipline, especially self-discipline. And really what that means is keeping a steady head on one's shoulders. It will be an interesting challenge.
I thought it was amazing - sitting and talking with Ethan in Rittenhouse Square - earlier this evening - that he was bitching so much about not being able to talk to his girlfriend tonight, and also how he hates seeing other couples when he's not with his girlfriend. I told him gently that he should be grateful that he has a girlfriend, and that he should have faith in the relationship that they will one day have much more time together. I implied also that others' happiness really has nothing to do with his own happiness, or sometime lack thereof. My advice was very mature, but I was quick to temper it by saying that I understand how one can get caught up in feelings, desires, and expectations. I've made plenty of mistakes by thinking too emotionally like that. I hope I've learned my lesson, and can keep a cool head when I'm in a situation like Ethan was today.
Well, since Ethan has been giving me rides to get to and from work, I invited into the city after work today to treat him to dinner. We went to Monk's at 16th and Spruce. I drank a Chimay Triple to go along with my bacon and cheddar burger and basket of fries. It was great and definitely hit the spot as I had hoped.
Now, on to work; this week was especially productive. And I proved to myself that I have all the skills that I had prior to my hiatus. Nearly every case from this week was determined to be perfect advice upon review by Stephanie. I only really had a question on one case, a divorce matter. So far, work has been pretty good. Nevertheless, I'm still looking to be transferred to a new position, and all the challenges that will entail, and hence all the experience it will offer.
Now, in terms of recent activities, I will say that Corey and I went to a Chivas scotch whiskey event at the Union League this past Wednesday. Really, when it comes down to it, there's not much to say about it. It was a nice opportunity to see the inside of the Union League, which is not surprisingly lavish and luxurious. I had just a few drinks of whiskey, which was terrible. But, oh well, it was all free, so nothing lost there. Well, I'm really exhausted now, so I'll stop here.
I thought it was amazing - sitting and talking with Ethan in Rittenhouse Square - earlier this evening - that he was bitching so much about not being able to talk to his girlfriend tonight, and also how he hates seeing other couples when he's not with his girlfriend. I told him gently that he should be grateful that he has a girlfriend, and that he should have faith in the relationship that they will one day have much more time together. I implied also that others' happiness really has nothing to do with his own happiness, or sometime lack thereof. My advice was very mature, but I was quick to temper it by saying that I understand how one can get caught up in feelings, desires, and expectations. I've made plenty of mistakes by thinking too emotionally like that. I hope I've learned my lesson, and can keep a cool head when I'm in a situation like Ethan was today.
Well, since Ethan has been giving me rides to get to and from work, I invited into the city after work today to treat him to dinner. We went to Monk's at 16th and Spruce. I drank a Chimay Triple to go along with my bacon and cheddar burger and basket of fries. It was great and definitely hit the spot as I had hoped.
Now, on to work; this week was especially productive. And I proved to myself that I have all the skills that I had prior to my hiatus. Nearly every case from this week was determined to be perfect advice upon review by Stephanie. I only really had a question on one case, a divorce matter. So far, work has been pretty good. Nevertheless, I'm still looking to be transferred to a new position, and all the challenges that will entail, and hence all the experience it will offer.
Now, in terms of recent activities, I will say that Corey and I went to a Chivas scotch whiskey event at the Union League this past Wednesday. Really, when it comes down to it, there's not much to say about it. It was a nice opportunity to see the inside of the Union League, which is not surprisingly lavish and luxurious. I had just a few drinks of whiskey, which was terrible. But, oh well, it was all free, so nothing lost there. Well, I'm really exhausted now, so I'll stop here.
Monday, April 21, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
Okay, its been a while again since I've written here, I should just accept the fact that life here is much faster, and despite all the technology to make life easier, I'm busier than ever (at least in recent times). Also, although there are special moments almost every day, it just seems more hum-drum here. Nothing compares to fording the Rio Bongo, getting chased by an angry bull, or travelling every other day to a new town to meet new people.
In recent news, this past Friday I sat down with Anita, the executive director of PLA, to discuss my desire to transfer to another unit. As I explained to her, I know I could be a good family law practitioner. But I want to be better than good; I want to be great. So, as I said, I will not go to law school until I have found an area of law in which I can be not only committed, but passionate. In family law, I love helping people. But I have no motive to drive me day in and day out to fight for other people's rights in the areas of custody, support, divorce, paternity, and protection from abuse. I think my feelings and thoughts of not having a family of my own has something to do with that lack of drive. Really, I don't even care to have a girlfriend. Other things are just too important. My time, energy, and money are all better put toward other objectives. I'm sure I'm a bit cynical still too. A relationship just doesn't appeal to me. This sentiment may not last, but I don't foresee any change any time soon.
Anyway, getting back to PLA, Anita said that she has some ideas (in the area of community-based lawyering) and that she will keep me posted. The meeting was very positive. I'm interested to see what she comes up with. Very simply, I'm ready for a new challenge. I want to test myself and diversify my skills, professionally and personally.
Okay, in the area of self-education, I finished "Lituma en los Andes" by the Peruvian writer Mario Vargas Llosa. For the past few days, I have been reading "The Lenin Anthology." Perhaps lessons in revolutionary politics, specifically in practical activism, will provide me with examples of leadership in action. I hope so. We shall see.
This past Saturday, I had a house party in which all the guys (Corey, Ethan, Evan, Bill, Paul) showed up. It was only the second time ever that we all ever hung out. It was less of a party, though, than a chill get-together. Evan came with Amy. Ethan came with Christine. And Bill came with Nancy. Paul, Corey, and I were rolling solo. Mita did the great majority of work in preparing a Tico meal; I finished it up. Only Evan and Amy didn't eat. Everyone else loved the food. Of course the Salsa Lizano put it all over the top.
After dinner, we sat around the table and talked. The two main topics were Evan and Amy's wedding, and my beard. Talking about the latter was hilarious because it dominated about half an hour of conversation. Later, we played one game of mushroom, a beer-drinking game. Then, we all broke off into little groups, with Paul and Corey joining me one the back deck to smoke Tico "Flor Real" cigars. I drank a good amount, but even still, I was surprised to wake up at sunrise the next morning passed-out on the couch downstairs. I certainly don't plan on drinking like that again any time soon. But even though I passed-out, I was chill through the whole night. All in all, it was a very nice time. So, I guess that's all for now.
In recent news, this past Friday I sat down with Anita, the executive director of PLA, to discuss my desire to transfer to another unit. As I explained to her, I know I could be a good family law practitioner. But I want to be better than good; I want to be great. So, as I said, I will not go to law school until I have found an area of law in which I can be not only committed, but passionate. In family law, I love helping people. But I have no motive to drive me day in and day out to fight for other people's rights in the areas of custody, support, divorce, paternity, and protection from abuse. I think my feelings and thoughts of not having a family of my own has something to do with that lack of drive. Really, I don't even care to have a girlfriend. Other things are just too important. My time, energy, and money are all better put toward other objectives. I'm sure I'm a bit cynical still too. A relationship just doesn't appeal to me. This sentiment may not last, but I don't foresee any change any time soon.
Anyway, getting back to PLA, Anita said that she has some ideas (in the area of community-based lawyering) and that she will keep me posted. The meeting was very positive. I'm interested to see what she comes up with. Very simply, I'm ready for a new challenge. I want to test myself and diversify my skills, professionally and personally.
Okay, in the area of self-education, I finished "Lituma en los Andes" by the Peruvian writer Mario Vargas Llosa. For the past few days, I have been reading "The Lenin Anthology." Perhaps lessons in revolutionary politics, specifically in practical activism, will provide me with examples of leadership in action. I hope so. We shall see.
This past Saturday, I had a house party in which all the guys (Corey, Ethan, Evan, Bill, Paul) showed up. It was only the second time ever that we all ever hung out. It was less of a party, though, than a chill get-together. Evan came with Amy. Ethan came with Christine. And Bill came with Nancy. Paul, Corey, and I were rolling solo. Mita did the great majority of work in preparing a Tico meal; I finished it up. Only Evan and Amy didn't eat. Everyone else loved the food. Of course the Salsa Lizano put it all over the top.
After dinner, we sat around the table and talked. The two main topics were Evan and Amy's wedding, and my beard. Talking about the latter was hilarious because it dominated about half an hour of conversation. Later, we played one game of mushroom, a beer-drinking game. Then, we all broke off into little groups, with Paul and Corey joining me one the back deck to smoke Tico "Flor Real" cigars. I drank a good amount, but even still, I was surprised to wake up at sunrise the next morning passed-out on the couch downstairs. I certainly don't plan on drinking like that again any time soon. But even though I passed-out, I was chill through the whole night. All in all, it was a very nice time. So, I guess that's all for now.
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Reaction to An Opinion
The United States did not get involved in Iraq for purely humanitarian reasons. In fact, the justifications put forth by the President were that Iraq had nuclear and biological weapons that needed to be eliminated. So far, of course, nothing has been found, making this war a mistake according to its stated purpose. But many supporters of the war proudly point to the 'liberation' of Iraq from a tyrannical despot, Saddam Hussein. Although I am not against this end (especially since Iraq was widely known to be a leading human rights offender), there is something to be said for the respect of the sovereignty of a nation. And if the human rights situation in any nation becomes so oppressive and death-dealing that it merits international intervention (overriding that respect for a nation's sovereignty), it should be exactly that: "international." That is, the United Nations must take initiative to intervene on behalf of the rights of all humankind.
Some pro-war advocates have also been pushing the philosophy that the United States must act proactively for its interests and security. [...] In this specific case, however, the justifications seem unwarranted. In the previous paragraph, I grant you that Saddam Hussein is a threat to his own people. But there is yet to be clear evidence that he is a direct threat to the United States. As of this writing, there have been no nuclear or biological weapons found in Iraq, and furthermore, even if there were, Iraq does not have long-range missile capability, and therefore cannot threaten United States land/territory.
To be proactive - specifically militarily proactive - is very dangerous when one cannot present valid, solid justifications. Although the outcome of Gulf War II may appear positive, at least insofar as it will liberate the Iraqi people from a dictator, it presents a dangerous precedent (and a dangerous example) to the rest of the world: that anyone can pre-emptively attack anyone else in an unprovoked situation.
In the case of Gulf War II, this is being seen by the rest of the world as arrogance on the part of the United States government. Please understand how dangerous this is. The United States (with the exception of only Great Britain and Spain) has no support in the world. Again, although the outcome of Gulf War II may appear positive, the long-reaching consequences may severely and negatively impact the United States. To lose the international popular support that had been gained as a result of the September 11, 2001 tragedy is a failure of the current administration. Even more unfortunate is that the consequences will very likely outlive this administration.
In this brief summary, I have not touched on economic or geopolitical reasons for the war; perhaps some other time. To sum up, I cannot say that I am completely anti-war because of the humanitarian aspect of the war. However, to be cold and calculating for a minute, that is beside the point. I say this because this war was not fought for humanitarian reasons. And so, in this context, I do not support this war.
Some pro-war advocates have also been pushing the philosophy that the United States must act proactively for its interests and security. [...] In this specific case, however, the justifications seem unwarranted. In the previous paragraph, I grant you that Saddam Hussein is a threat to his own people. But there is yet to be clear evidence that he is a direct threat to the United States. As of this writing, there have been no nuclear or biological weapons found in Iraq, and furthermore, even if there were, Iraq does not have long-range missile capability, and therefore cannot threaten United States land/territory.
To be proactive - specifically militarily proactive - is very dangerous when one cannot present valid, solid justifications. Although the outcome of Gulf War II may appear positive, at least insofar as it will liberate the Iraqi people from a dictator, it presents a dangerous precedent (and a dangerous example) to the rest of the world: that anyone can pre-emptively attack anyone else in an unprovoked situation.
In the case of Gulf War II, this is being seen by the rest of the world as arrogance on the part of the United States government. Please understand how dangerous this is. The United States (with the exception of only Great Britain and Spain) has no support in the world. Again, although the outcome of Gulf War II may appear positive, the long-reaching consequences may severely and negatively impact the United States. To lose the international popular support that had been gained as a result of the September 11, 2001 tragedy is a failure of the current administration. Even more unfortunate is that the consequences will very likely outlive this administration.
In this brief summary, I have not touched on economic or geopolitical reasons for the war; perhaps some other time. To sum up, I cannot say that I am completely anti-war because of the humanitarian aspect of the war. However, to be cold and calculating for a minute, that is beside the point. I say this because this war was not fought for humanitarian reasons. And so, in this context, I do not support this war.
Saturday, April 12, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
Tomorrow is Mita's birthday, but we celebrated it tonight. Mita, Jessica, and I just got back from dinner at El Azteca on Rt. 73 in Mt. Laurel; I paid the bill. The food was pretty good and I used the opportunity to speak Spanish.
As I write this, I'm leaning on my left elbow while listening to a radio program on Temple University Public Radio, 90.1 FM, which runs every Saturday night from 9pm to 12 midnight. The program is all latin music, mostly salsa.
This past week at work I was supposed to do workshops at halfway houses around the city each evening on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Since the trainings each evening were scheduled from 6pm to 7pm, Richard invited me to live with him for the week. The two experiences, at the halfway houses and with Richard, were interesting.
I'll start first by reflecting on my visits to the halfway houses. On Tuesday evening, I led a training to a group of four ex-prisoners at 15th and Cecil B. Moore, right by Temple University. It was my first training, and definitely a test of my knowledge of family law, after just returning from four months away. I was fairly informal in the presentation, but still presented the information quite clearly. I talked to the ex-prisoners using their first names. And of course, whenever I got the chance, I threw in a funny remark or comment to keep things light. At the end of the presentation, I spoke for a few minutes with Gilbert Coleman, from the Mayor's Office of Community Services. We had a nice conversation, and as I found out the next day from his colleague, he was impressed by my presentation.
Unfortunately, though, the next two evenings were not as rewarding. Each of the next two evenings, not one ex-prisoner showed up. It ended up being nearly a complete waste of time. On Wednesday evening, the only redeeming event was listening to one of the wardens at the halfway house speak his opinion (which he stressed was from the "old school"), and then the ride I got from Shareef El-Amin and our conversation from 407 North 8th Street to the intersection of Broad and Erie.
Since I had gotten a ride, I arrived earlier than expected and had to wait for Richard to arrive. While I was sitting on a cement ledge, I noticed a black woman approaching me from behind. Quite abruptly, she says to me without any sort of introduction: "We will call you Fernandez." Of course she was all by herself. So it was very apparent that she was either a mental health patient or a drug abuser. In that area, and based on her appearance, it was probably the latter. I acknowledged her by saying that I liked the name. But she just kept on walking, even while continuing her public conversation. Just a couple minutes later, Richard pulled up in his black Cadillac.
Thursday night was not much better. I went to the halfway house at 1221 Bainbridge Street. When I got there, I got into a basic, but good conversation with an ex-prisoner while waiting for the guy from the Mayor's Office to show up. The guy was 41 years old, and seemed to have finally gotten his head on straight. He cared a lot for his kid, and says his only addiction was to buying clothes. I hope that is the truth, not only for his sake but also for his kid's sake. When the guy from the Mayor's Office arrived, there were no prisoners there that had interest in a legal presentation. For the second night in a row, I did not present anything. The extent of my involvement was responding to a couple of hypothetical scenarios presented by another assistant from the Mayor's Office. So, all in all, it was a disappointing experience and a lost challenge.
A somewhat bright spot, though, was staying with Richard for the week. Although I was exhausted every night, we did spend solid time together out of the office. Surprisingly though, we did not have any long or deep conversations. So in that aspect too, this past week fell short of what it could have been. Those things happen though, so no sweat.
I believe I'm starting to realize a re-orientation, a re-direction, in my professional interests. I have certain goals which I am seriously considering. I will save this for my next entry, though, since I am feeling very tired. Corey and I hit the town last night, so I think I used all my reserves then. Well, I hope to write again tomorrow. We shall see.
As I write this, I'm leaning on my left elbow while listening to a radio program on Temple University Public Radio, 90.1 FM, which runs every Saturday night from 9pm to 12 midnight. The program is all latin music, mostly salsa.
This past week at work I was supposed to do workshops at halfway houses around the city each evening on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Since the trainings each evening were scheduled from 6pm to 7pm, Richard invited me to live with him for the week. The two experiences, at the halfway houses and with Richard, were interesting.
I'll start first by reflecting on my visits to the halfway houses. On Tuesday evening, I led a training to a group of four ex-prisoners at 15th and Cecil B. Moore, right by Temple University. It was my first training, and definitely a test of my knowledge of family law, after just returning from four months away. I was fairly informal in the presentation, but still presented the information quite clearly. I talked to the ex-prisoners using their first names. And of course, whenever I got the chance, I threw in a funny remark or comment to keep things light. At the end of the presentation, I spoke for a few minutes with Gilbert Coleman, from the Mayor's Office of Community Services. We had a nice conversation, and as I found out the next day from his colleague, he was impressed by my presentation.
Unfortunately, though, the next two evenings were not as rewarding. Each of the next two evenings, not one ex-prisoner showed up. It ended up being nearly a complete waste of time. On Wednesday evening, the only redeeming event was listening to one of the wardens at the halfway house speak his opinion (which he stressed was from the "old school"), and then the ride I got from Shareef El-Amin and our conversation from 407 North 8th Street to the intersection of Broad and Erie.
Since I had gotten a ride, I arrived earlier than expected and had to wait for Richard to arrive. While I was sitting on a cement ledge, I noticed a black woman approaching me from behind. Quite abruptly, she says to me without any sort of introduction: "We will call you Fernandez." Of course she was all by herself. So it was very apparent that she was either a mental health patient or a drug abuser. In that area, and based on her appearance, it was probably the latter. I acknowledged her by saying that I liked the name. But she just kept on walking, even while continuing her public conversation. Just a couple minutes later, Richard pulled up in his black Cadillac.
Thursday night was not much better. I went to the halfway house at 1221 Bainbridge Street. When I got there, I got into a basic, but good conversation with an ex-prisoner while waiting for the guy from the Mayor's Office to show up. The guy was 41 years old, and seemed to have finally gotten his head on straight. He cared a lot for his kid, and says his only addiction was to buying clothes. I hope that is the truth, not only for his sake but also for his kid's sake. When the guy from the Mayor's Office arrived, there were no prisoners there that had interest in a legal presentation. For the second night in a row, I did not present anything. The extent of my involvement was responding to a couple of hypothetical scenarios presented by another assistant from the Mayor's Office. So, all in all, it was a disappointing experience and a lost challenge.
A somewhat bright spot, though, was staying with Richard for the week. Although I was exhausted every night, we did spend solid time together out of the office. Surprisingly though, we did not have any long or deep conversations. So in that aspect too, this past week fell short of what it could have been. Those things happen though, so no sweat.
I believe I'm starting to realize a re-orientation, a re-direction, in my professional interests. I have certain goals which I am seriously considering. I will save this for my next entry, though, since I am feeling very tired. Corey and I hit the town last night, so I think I used all my reserves then. Well, I hope to write again tomorrow. We shall see.
Thursday, April 3, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
It's still crazy to see 'Medford, New Jersey' in the caption. Although being back still feels quite bittersweet, there have already been some touching, positive moments.
Later in the work day today, I had a chance to talk with Michael, my 15-year old Ukrainian friend. He told me that the first Monday at work after I had left for my trip, he had felt very sad. He told me that later that same night, he felt so depressed that he took a few drinks from a bottle of whiskey to put him to sleep. From that point on, he would tap my door every day when passing as a far-away gesture of friendship; it was his way of making daily contact with me despite the distance. He told me that before I had left, I had been his best friend. I had always tried to bring Michael under my wing to provide him a good example of a good man who treats everyone with love and respect. His admissions really touched me, especially that he had the strength and sensitivity to open up to me. I felt very honored.
Soon after, when I had left work, I stopped to talk to the black homeless man on 15th and Chestnut, always sitting on an upturned bucket next to the blue mailboxes. I had promised him a good conversation. But very quickly into it, he told me about how so many times he had considered killing himself by throwing himself in front of a bus or a Mack truck. What he said stopped him were his friendships. Then, he told me how much he missed me while I was gone. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he had to wipe his eyes. I told him my thoughts, that I respected him very much to remain so strong in his position. I also pointed out that during our conversation, at least several people had said 'hello' to him. I said that is the purpose of life: to spread love, and then to wait for it to come back to you. I told him that I considered him my friend, as I consider everyone. And I said that each person has a purpose in this lifetime, although one may never discover it while walking on this earth. I told him that he is effecting other people's lives, whether he realizes it or not. For that reason, he must continue to live, and to spread love. And that as long as the sun shall rise each day, so shall I. And hence, so must he. I told him to always have faith in God, and to live and love. His feelings and expressions really touched me. It made me feel good to help someone. And I feel better for the day when I will need help.
Besides that, the only other big news is that I spoke with Evan tonight, and he asked me to be a part of his groom's party. Of course I accepted.
Also, I met with my first client in person since my return. It was a complex case comprising of custody, child support, and protection from abuse. I took the facts, analyzed them, and advised her. To verify my skills, I checked with Stephanie to check my advice. She told me that I hadn't lost my touch. It felt good to know that. Although I wasn't really surprised, it was a nice challenge.
Well, tomorrow I go to court with Richard, dressed in shirt, tie, and jacket, whereas that time last week I was walking down the main street of Samara, Costa Rica in just a bathing suit and flip-flops. Oh well, it's all good. There's a reason for all of this. Just gotta have faith and keep on moving.
Later in the work day today, I had a chance to talk with Michael, my 15-year old Ukrainian friend. He told me that the first Monday at work after I had left for my trip, he had felt very sad. He told me that later that same night, he felt so depressed that he took a few drinks from a bottle of whiskey to put him to sleep. From that point on, he would tap my door every day when passing as a far-away gesture of friendship; it was his way of making daily contact with me despite the distance. He told me that before I had left, I had been his best friend. I had always tried to bring Michael under my wing to provide him a good example of a good man who treats everyone with love and respect. His admissions really touched me, especially that he had the strength and sensitivity to open up to me. I felt very honored.
Soon after, when I had left work, I stopped to talk to the black homeless man on 15th and Chestnut, always sitting on an upturned bucket next to the blue mailboxes. I had promised him a good conversation. But very quickly into it, he told me about how so many times he had considered killing himself by throwing himself in front of a bus or a Mack truck. What he said stopped him were his friendships. Then, he told me how much he missed me while I was gone. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he had to wipe his eyes. I told him my thoughts, that I respected him very much to remain so strong in his position. I also pointed out that during our conversation, at least several people had said 'hello' to him. I said that is the purpose of life: to spread love, and then to wait for it to come back to you. I told him that I considered him my friend, as I consider everyone. And I said that each person has a purpose in this lifetime, although one may never discover it while walking on this earth. I told him that he is effecting other people's lives, whether he realizes it or not. For that reason, he must continue to live, and to spread love. And that as long as the sun shall rise each day, so shall I. And hence, so must he. I told him to always have faith in God, and to live and love. His feelings and expressions really touched me. It made me feel good to help someone. And I feel better for the day when I will need help.
Besides that, the only other big news is that I spoke with Evan tonight, and he asked me to be a part of his groom's party. Of course I accepted.
Also, I met with my first client in person since my return. It was a complex case comprising of custody, child support, and protection from abuse. I took the facts, analyzed them, and advised her. To verify my skills, I checked with Stephanie to check my advice. She told me that I hadn't lost my touch. It felt good to know that. Although I wasn't really surprised, it was a nice challenge.
Well, tomorrow I go to court with Richard, dressed in shirt, tie, and jacket, whereas that time last week I was walking down the main street of Samara, Costa Rica in just a bathing suit and flip-flops. Oh well, it's all good. There's a reason for all of this. Just gotta have faith and keep on moving.
Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Medford, New Jersey -- night
Today is April Fool's Day, but it's no joke that I'm back in the United States. My initial feelings at being here are of sadness and disappointment; I really wish I was still in Costa Rica. Of course I had to come back to take care of Mita. I also had to return to resume my position at PLA. However, if Mita ws completely healthy and happy, I think I would have considered - and quite probably decided to stay - in Costa Rica. But, oh well, here I am.
I kept my beard today when I went to work, partly for the expected humorous shock, but really primarily as a loud, yet unspoken message of where I am now coming from and who I am. More than ever, I feel totally out of place in the corporate world and its morning and evening commuters. If only they knew. The prospect of re-capping my days with Paul may be looking slim, but I hope to find time this weekend to sit down and write.
So to quickly re-cap today (since I am very tired), I spent most of the day either talking to co-workers about my travels or catching up on my email. I also took some time to clean and organize my office, as well as review all the files and programs on my computer. As always, I demand order to facilitate the most effective work and service possible. Tomorrow I will begin calling clients; so I will be back in the swing of things that quickly. I sense that my confidence and ease have both increased significantly; through that I will gain more respect and more trust.
Well, the time has come to put my pen down. I'll do some reading before hitting the sack. The excitement of today's first day at work has worn off; I really don't look forward to going to work tomorrow.
I kept my beard today when I went to work, partly for the expected humorous shock, but really primarily as a loud, yet unspoken message of where I am now coming from and who I am. More than ever, I feel totally out of place in the corporate world and its morning and evening commuters. If only they knew. The prospect of re-capping my days with Paul may be looking slim, but I hope to find time this weekend to sit down and write.
So to quickly re-cap today (since I am very tired), I spent most of the day either talking to co-workers about my travels or catching up on my email. I also took some time to clean and organize my office, as well as review all the files and programs on my computer. As always, I demand order to facilitate the most effective work and service possible. Tomorrow I will begin calling clients; so I will be back in the swing of things that quickly. I sense that my confidence and ease have both increased significantly; through that I will gain more respect and more trust.
Well, the time has come to put my pen down. I'll do some reading before hitting the sack. The excitement of today's first day at work has worn off; I really don't look forward to going to work tomorrow.
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