Saturday, July 3, 2004
London, England -- night
I just realized in answering a question that Cherise just asked me that I have been giving a standard response that I don't care. More specifically, Cherise asked me if I was excited to be going to Paris. As I write this, I'm sitting on a bus that will take me to Paris. I said that I don't care. Reflecting on my response, I realize that I say this because I won't be sharing my experiences with anyone. This really saddens me. All of my photos have been of major sites, but I haven't been in any of those photos. They're basically postcards. I have nothing to show that I was actually here in London. I hope that Paris is different. I have to risk going off on my own in Paris. It'll be more money, but its worth my happiness and independence.
London, England -- afternoon
Things seem to be coming to a head with Cherise and me. Since arriving in London, I have been very aloof from Cherise and her family. Cherise told me that her family has noticed, as I'm not surprised.
In the weeks leading up to our trip, and especially since we've been here, I realize in high definition that most of who Cherise is and what she does actually irritates me. Very simply, we are not compatible. I think what has kept us together this long is out opposite schedules, and so the fact that we see each other for only short periods of time, and our physical-sexual attraction for each other, which undoubtedly exists.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent to me that Cherise has little to no interest in anything historical or political, which are my two main areas of interest. Conversely, I have little to no interest in the world of musical productions, which is Cherise's main area of interest. Last night's viewing of Chicago solidified that belief.
Also, Cherise's sense of humor really irritates me. She likes to do dramatic impersonations of the people around her. The dramatic way in which she does them really annoys me. Conversely, Cherise has told me that she doesn't appreciate my sometimes sarcastic sense of humor.
Cherise just came with our flight information from Paris to Barcelona, and she wants me to get the flight information from Barcelona to Rome. I should really write this out, think out this whole situation. I'll come back to this very soon.
In the weeks leading up to our trip, and especially since we've been here, I realize in high definition that most of who Cherise is and what she does actually irritates me. Very simply, we are not compatible. I think what has kept us together this long is out opposite schedules, and so the fact that we see each other for only short periods of time, and our physical-sexual attraction for each other, which undoubtedly exists.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent to me that Cherise has little to no interest in anything historical or political, which are my two main areas of interest. Conversely, I have little to no interest in the world of musical productions, which is Cherise's main area of interest. Last night's viewing of Chicago solidified that belief.
Also, Cherise's sense of humor really irritates me. She likes to do dramatic impersonations of the people around her. The dramatic way in which she does them really annoys me. Conversely, Cherise has told me that she doesn't appreciate my sometimes sarcastic sense of humor.
Cherise just came with our flight information from Paris to Barcelona, and she wants me to get the flight information from Barcelona to Rome. I should really write this out, think out this whole situation. I'll come back to this very soon.
London, England -- afternoon
So here I am, another day. Look's like we're getting a late start. I really can't control when we leave since I'm following the group. I actually woke up much earlier today, but no one was awake, so I decided to just fall asleep.
Cherise's mother just came back to the room with bus tickets to Paris. We'll be leaving later tonight. Right now, I have no idea what we're doing today. Although I have a few ideas, I'll just follow along with everyone else. We'll have to carry our backpacks today since we'll have to check-out of the hotel in just a little bit.
The weather here has been cool, windy, and sometimes rainy. The very stereotype of London. Paris will be a change of temperature, as well as culture, language, and environment. I'm looking forward to the change, as much as I'd like to do some exploring of my own in London. As with any world-class city, I'm sure there's so much more to see. At least I can say that I saw all of the major sites in London.
The one thing that I need to figure out is how to reimburse Cherise's mother for the bus ticket, which was L32. All I have left is about L17. And I don't want to change one of my traveller's checks for pounds when we'll be leaving England in less than twelve hours. I'll just give her what I have, then give her some euros when we get to Paris and I can change a traveller's check for euros.
I'll make some brief reflections of London now while I have a chance. London is a very clean city despite having very few trash cans in public. The architecture is very noticeably Old World, very intricate, very beautiful. The city reminds me of Philly in that it is a generally flat city, that is very few high-rises. The difference is that all of Philly's high-rises are concentrated in center-city, whereas here in London they are dispersed. The tube is easy to understand and easy to use. It is also very clean and user-friendly, unlike the subways of New York and Philly. The tube rides very smoothly. I only saw two mice in the tube here, and they were much smaller than those in New York. All in all, London has been great. I wouldn't mind living here if I could deal with the weather. But now time for Paris.
Cherise's mother just came back to the room with bus tickets to Paris. We'll be leaving later tonight. Right now, I have no idea what we're doing today. Although I have a few ideas, I'll just follow along with everyone else. We'll have to carry our backpacks today since we'll have to check-out of the hotel in just a little bit.
The weather here has been cool, windy, and sometimes rainy. The very stereotype of London. Paris will be a change of temperature, as well as culture, language, and environment. I'm looking forward to the change, as much as I'd like to do some exploring of my own in London. As with any world-class city, I'm sure there's so much more to see. At least I can say that I saw all of the major sites in London.
The one thing that I need to figure out is how to reimburse Cherise's mother for the bus ticket, which was L32. All I have left is about L17. And I don't want to change one of my traveller's checks for pounds when we'll be leaving England in less than twelve hours. I'll just give her what I have, then give her some euros when we get to Paris and I can change a traveller's check for euros.
I'll make some brief reflections of London now while I have a chance. London is a very clean city despite having very few trash cans in public. The architecture is very noticeably Old World, very intricate, very beautiful. The city reminds me of Philly in that it is a generally flat city, that is very few high-rises. The difference is that all of Philly's high-rises are concentrated in center-city, whereas here in London they are dispersed. The tube is easy to understand and easy to use. It is also very clean and user-friendly, unlike the subways of New York and Philly. The tube rides very smoothly. I only saw two mice in the tube here, and they were much smaller than those in New York. All in all, London has been great. I wouldn't mind living here if I could deal with the weather. But now time for Paris.
London, England -- early morning
Today was a stereotypical day in London: rainy. Fortunately, though, it didn't rain all day.
We started the day by seeing the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Afterwards, we walked to the Houses of Parliament, and stood in line for about forty-five minutes in the rain to get into the House of Lords. But we couldn't get in, so I just got really wet. Then, we walked past another long line for Westminster Abbey, which was a very impressive structure.
Before I forget, I have to rewind. Immediately after leaving Buckingham Palace, we crossed over the River Thames to look at what I think is called the London Eye, a very-tall ferris wheel. It looked impressive, but it was too expensive to be worth going onto.
Fast-forwarding back to Westminster Abbey, we waited out the rain, then walked through Swiss Court and over to Piccadilly Circus. Cherise's family went into a lot of stores, but each time I waited outside and watched people walk by. Piccadilly Circus reminded me of a much smaller version of Times Square, New York. We also went into the London Trocadero, which is actually a mall, and so nothing like the Troc in Philly.
After a few hours of that, we took the tube back to the hotel to rest for a couple of hours. I actually took a nap, which was much-needed.
After the rest, we rode back to Strand Street to watch a production of Chicago. This experience solidified my belief that I do not like musicals.
I'm going to wrap this up now since it's late and time to wind down to sleep. If I have time to write in the morning, I should mention that Cherise got really angry at my apathy toward her, and by proxy, her family. I can explain my reaction and the rest of the day.
We started the day by seeing the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Afterwards, we walked to the Houses of Parliament, and stood in line for about forty-five minutes in the rain to get into the House of Lords. But we couldn't get in, so I just got really wet. Then, we walked past another long line for Westminster Abbey, which was a very impressive structure.
Before I forget, I have to rewind. Immediately after leaving Buckingham Palace, we crossed over the River Thames to look at what I think is called the London Eye, a very-tall ferris wheel. It looked impressive, but it was too expensive to be worth going onto.
Fast-forwarding back to Westminster Abbey, we waited out the rain, then walked through Swiss Court and over to Piccadilly Circus. Cherise's family went into a lot of stores, but each time I waited outside and watched people walk by. Piccadilly Circus reminded me of a much smaller version of Times Square, New York. We also went into the London Trocadero, which is actually a mall, and so nothing like the Troc in Philly.
After a few hours of that, we took the tube back to the hotel to rest for a couple of hours. I actually took a nap, which was much-needed.
After the rest, we rode back to Strand Street to watch a production of Chicago. This experience solidified my belief that I do not like musicals.
I'm going to wrap this up now since it's late and time to wind down to sleep. If I have time to write in the morning, I should mention that Cherise got really angry at my apathy toward her, and by proxy, her family. I can explain my reaction and the rest of the day.
Friday, July 2, 2004
London, England -- morning
As I expected, I am able to write this morning. This is good because I'm taking advantage of the free time. This is also good because I can keep my interaction to a minimum. In this way, I can keep to myself.
Now, as I see looking back to yesterday's entry, I had walked across the Tower Bridge. We crossed to the other side of the Thames to try going to the Globe Theater. It took a little bit of walking (including passing a long line for the London Dungeon) before we eventually arrived at the Globe. Although most museums in London are free, this was another site that had an entrance fee. So we only went into the gift store.
At that point, I went off on my own, being told that Cherise's mother and sister would actually go into the Globe (I found out later that they didn't actually go in). I walked along the Thames and then went up a path leading away from the river to find a bench with a rubber covering. I took the opportunity to lie down and relax. Finally I had a chance to be alone. The sun was out at first so it felt very good. But then the winds became blustery, and I even started getting cold. I think this probably has something to do with the fact that I'm eating very little, in an attempt to keep expenses down in this very expensive city. The dollar-pound exchange rate is horrible, being nearly two to one. I'm sure I'm already losing weight. But I'm not complaining since I expected as much.
Right now, I'm sitting in front of a mirror. My hair is buzzed, slightly shorter on the sides and the back. My eyes look tired and a little red. My facial hair is growing out to stubble right now, and I'll let it keep growing. My mouth seems smaller than usual. All in all, I don't look too happy. The reason for this is that I am almost constantly irritated by Cherise. Her sense of humor consists of impersonations, not the celebrity kind, but just re-enacting, in an exaggerated sort of way, someone else's behavior. I find it really quite annoying. When I speak, she doesn't seem to listen or pay attention over half the time. She doesn't seem to have any sense of appreciation for the historical, becoming animated only when we got to Oxford Circus, the main shopping district in London. She initiates very little conversation with me, unless she wants to try to hold my hand. But by that point, I don't want to have anything to do with her. I'm not going to hold hands with someone who doesn't talk with me most of the time. And I believe the reason we don't talk is because our interests are so divergent. We just don't appreciate the same things and so there a not many common topics of conversation. For example, if I try to give a historical background of something, she just nods her head then immediately moves on to the next thought. I realize very clearly in this type of situation that Cherise is not really a friend. She's a good person, but I'm beginning to realize that we are not compatible.
And this, as I wrote briefly yesterday, puts me in a very uncomfortable position to be with her and her family. I'm not one to put on a front. Since I'm not happy with Cherise, I'm not going to pretend to be happy to be with her. I'm absolutely certain that her family is aware of this since I barely talk at all to anyone unless I'm spoken to first, I'm not holding Cherise's hand, I'm not walking next to her, I'm not laughing with her, and I'm not having much of any kind of contact or interaction with her. Now it seems that everyone is coming along to Paris this Sunday. This only reinforces my anticipation of arriving in Spain. Although I will focus on my surroundings and enjoying the reality of being in London and Paris, I think I will consider my trip really beginning once I get to Spain. It will be the type of trip I want: sleeping in hostels not on the floor of a nice hotel, having independence in exploring a city, being happy and smiling. For now, I'll bide my time. I'll be as civil as possible, even though I won't put on any fronts. As much as possible, I'll remain in the shadows. Nevertheless, I look forward to getting out of this hotel room and seeing more of London. I came here to see this part of the world.
Now, as I see looking back to yesterday's entry, I had walked across the Tower Bridge. We crossed to the other side of the Thames to try going to the Globe Theater. It took a little bit of walking (including passing a long line for the London Dungeon) before we eventually arrived at the Globe. Although most museums in London are free, this was another site that had an entrance fee. So we only went into the gift store.
At that point, I went off on my own, being told that Cherise's mother and sister would actually go into the Globe (I found out later that they didn't actually go in). I walked along the Thames and then went up a path leading away from the river to find a bench with a rubber covering. I took the opportunity to lie down and relax. Finally I had a chance to be alone. The sun was out at first so it felt very good. But then the winds became blustery, and I even started getting cold. I think this probably has something to do with the fact that I'm eating very little, in an attempt to keep expenses down in this very expensive city. The dollar-pound exchange rate is horrible, being nearly two to one. I'm sure I'm already losing weight. But I'm not complaining since I expected as much.
Right now, I'm sitting in front of a mirror. My hair is buzzed, slightly shorter on the sides and the back. My eyes look tired and a little red. My facial hair is growing out to stubble right now, and I'll let it keep growing. My mouth seems smaller than usual. All in all, I don't look too happy. The reason for this is that I am almost constantly irritated by Cherise. Her sense of humor consists of impersonations, not the celebrity kind, but just re-enacting, in an exaggerated sort of way, someone else's behavior. I find it really quite annoying. When I speak, she doesn't seem to listen or pay attention over half the time. She doesn't seem to have any sense of appreciation for the historical, becoming animated only when we got to Oxford Circus, the main shopping district in London. She initiates very little conversation with me, unless she wants to try to hold my hand. But by that point, I don't want to have anything to do with her. I'm not going to hold hands with someone who doesn't talk with me most of the time. And I believe the reason we don't talk is because our interests are so divergent. We just don't appreciate the same things and so there a not many common topics of conversation. For example, if I try to give a historical background of something, she just nods her head then immediately moves on to the next thought. I realize very clearly in this type of situation that Cherise is not really a friend. She's a good person, but I'm beginning to realize that we are not compatible.
And this, as I wrote briefly yesterday, puts me in a very uncomfortable position to be with her and her family. I'm not one to put on a front. Since I'm not happy with Cherise, I'm not going to pretend to be happy to be with her. I'm absolutely certain that her family is aware of this since I barely talk at all to anyone unless I'm spoken to first, I'm not holding Cherise's hand, I'm not walking next to her, I'm not laughing with her, and I'm not having much of any kind of contact or interaction with her. Now it seems that everyone is coming along to Paris this Sunday. This only reinforces my anticipation of arriving in Spain. Although I will focus on my surroundings and enjoying the reality of being in London and Paris, I think I will consider my trip really beginning once I get to Spain. It will be the type of trip I want: sleeping in hostels not on the floor of a nice hotel, having independence in exploring a city, being happy and smiling. For now, I'll bide my time. I'll be as civil as possible, even though I won't put on any fronts. As much as possible, I'll remain in the shadows. Nevertheless, I look forward to getting out of this hotel room and seeing more of London. I came here to see this part of the world.
Thursday, July 1, 2004
London, England -- night
Today was simultaneously good and bad. The good part was that I saw many of London's well-known sites. The bad part was that I was not happy to be with Cherise.
I may not have much time to write now since I'm sleeping on the floor in Cherise's family's hotel room, and they are now getting ready for bed.
First thing this morning, I was ready to leave on my own, but then Cherise got angry at that proposal. So, in order to show respect to her and her family, I decided to stay with her and her family. Although I ended up doing most of what I would have liked to have done, I would have preferred to be alone. That way Cherise could have spent time with her family without me, and I wouldn't have to deal with her in any way.
As for the sites, I saw the Monument, a 202 foot obelisk memorializing the Great Fire of 1666. Later, I actually climbed to the top, where I got a great photo of the Tower Bridge. From about 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., we took one of the London walks, which led us through the narrow lanes (e.g. Pudding Lane, Lovat Lane) of old central London. We also saw the site of where the Great Fire began and the site of London's first-ever coffee-house. The tour ended at St. Paul's Cathedral, which is one of the tallest buildings in the city. Many business-people were eating their lunches on the grounds of the Cathedral when we arrived there. The end of our walk went through what seemed to be London's business/financial district. Most men were wearing really nice shirts and suits. Also during the tour, we went to the Guildhall, which is the center of London city government. For some reason, we couldn't go inside.
After the tour, we walked over to the Tower of London, which we decided not to enter since it was a bit expensive. From the outside, however, it looked impressive. It was a castle with a moat (sans water) around the perimeter, tall colonnades, and several drawbridges. It seemed to be a large complex, covering a lot of area. Adjacent to the Tower of London was the Tower Bridge, which we walked across.
Since everyone is now going to bed, I'll stop writing. I saw many other sites, and I want to write too of the negative aspects of the day to sort through the causes and effects. I'll do some writing tomorrow morning when everyone is getting ready. Now it's time to sleep on the floor, and escape to my dreams, where I'll be happy.
I may not have much time to write now since I'm sleeping on the floor in Cherise's family's hotel room, and they are now getting ready for bed.
First thing this morning, I was ready to leave on my own, but then Cherise got angry at that proposal. So, in order to show respect to her and her family, I decided to stay with her and her family. Although I ended up doing most of what I would have liked to have done, I would have preferred to be alone. That way Cherise could have spent time with her family without me, and I wouldn't have to deal with her in any way.
As for the sites, I saw the Monument, a 202 foot obelisk memorializing the Great Fire of 1666. Later, I actually climbed to the top, where I got a great photo of the Tower Bridge. From about 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m., we took one of the London walks, which led us through the narrow lanes (e.g. Pudding Lane, Lovat Lane) of old central London. We also saw the site of where the Great Fire began and the site of London's first-ever coffee-house. The tour ended at St. Paul's Cathedral, which is one of the tallest buildings in the city. Many business-people were eating their lunches on the grounds of the Cathedral when we arrived there. The end of our walk went through what seemed to be London's business/financial district. Most men were wearing really nice shirts and suits. Also during the tour, we went to the Guildhall, which is the center of London city government. For some reason, we couldn't go inside.
After the tour, we walked over to the Tower of London, which we decided not to enter since it was a bit expensive. From the outside, however, it looked impressive. It was a castle with a moat (sans water) around the perimeter, tall colonnades, and several drawbridges. It seemed to be a large complex, covering a lot of area. Adjacent to the Tower of London was the Tower Bridge, which we walked across.
Since everyone is now going to bed, I'll stop writing. I saw many other sites, and I want to write too of the negative aspects of the day to sort through the causes and effects. I'll do some writing tomorrow morning when everyone is getting ready. Now it's time to sleep on the floor, and escape to my dreams, where I'll be happy.
London, England -- early morning
I arrived in London earlier today at about 7:30 a.m. local time. Cherise and I made the flight from JFK in New York. I've been exhausted for most of the day, especially after a brief visit to the British Museum. It didn't help that we arrived on a day when the Tube was shut down due to a strike. Fortunately, its set to re-open tomorrow.
I'm not going to write too much now. I want some time to just relax, think, and develop a plan for tomorrow. I want to get an early start, and I'm not sure to what extent I'll be with Cherise's family. I prefer to have my independence and freedom, but I have to spend some time with Cherise's family. I need to find the most delicate balance to show respect, while maintaining a great degree of autonomy to enjoy my choices.
I'm not going to write too much now. I want some time to just relax, think, and develop a plan for tomorrow. I want to get an early start, and I'm not sure to what extent I'll be with Cherise's family. I prefer to have my independence and freedom, but I have to spend some time with Cherise's family. I need to find the most delicate balance to show respect, while maintaining a great degree of autonomy to enjoy my choices.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Reflection, Gratitude, and Anticipation
Friday, June 25, 2004 is my last day as a Legal Services paralegal. Later this summer, I will begin my next challenge as a law student at Temple University, Beasley School of Law.
Since I began this term of service on February 5, 2001 (minus a four-month hiatus in early 2003 for a trip to visit family in Costa Rica), I have met with 1700 clients. That is 1700 low-income, economically-disadvantaged men and women of Philadelphia. They come from all backgrounds: Americans of African or European or Asian or Latino descent; immigrants from all parts of the world, including Asia, Africa, Eastern Europe, Latin America and the Middle East. Although the great majority spoke English (or perhaps the Philadelphia version of it), I used interpreters to communicate with other clients in French, Creole, Amharic, Arabic, Vietnamese, Polish, Russian, Thai, and other languages. I even met with a couple of deaf clients who needed a Sign interpreter to communicate.
Through my position at Philadelphia Legal Assistance (PLA), I was able to directly experience the beauty of our country: the diversity of languages, cultures, ethnicities, and even different Philadelphia neighborhoods, and all the pride that comes along with each of those "ingredients." If we lined up all of my clients, we would see a reflection of the polychromatic world we live in, made up of men and women each striving for a better life for themselves and their children.
Many times, people focus so much on another's socioeconomic status that they jump to automatic conclusions about the values and personality of the other person. That error in logic applies in both directions, as much from low-income to upper-income as from upper-income to low-income. Aside from my primary professional responsibility to give quality legal advice and assistance, it was this human tendency to judge others that I intended to combat through daily direct interaction with the low-income people of Philadelphia. How often does a poor man or poor woman of Latino or African-American descent (those two demographics are the majority of the clients that come to our office) meet for a one-on-one conversation in a closed room with a "white, tie-wearing guy from the suburbs" (all political correctness and my actual background aside)?
There are two themes that guided my work, and will continue to guide me through life, regardless of time, place or surroundings. Each one can be embodied in a quote.
First, throughout my term at PLA I kept a quote posted on the file folder on top of my desk; the printed quote was easily in view during interviews with clients, and I would sometimes take advantage of that by glancing at it during an interview. The quote is from Ernesto "Che" Guevara: "Let me say, with the risk of appearing ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by strong feelings of love. It is impossible to think of an authentic revolutionary without this quality."
The second quote is something I read just yesterday evening, but it applies to the work we do at PLA: "[...] for this little boy whom you have met, his life is just as important, to him, as your life is to you. No matter how insufficient or how shabby it may seem to some, it is the only one he has [...]". This quote comes from Amazing Grace: Children's Lives and the Conscience of a Nation, by Jonathan Kozol.
The two themes embodied in those quotes, and which I hope I have emulated in my work, are those of love and respect.
For those reading this who are not familiar, the work we do at Legal Services is very important work. In fact, without it, the premise upon which the United States of America was founded simply does not exist in reality. That premise is justice, and the equal access to justice. Justice is what sets this country apart from the many corrupt governments of Latin America, Africa, and Asia. Justice is what sets this country apart from the plutocracies in many parts of the Middle East. Justice based on 'the rights of man' (as Thomas Paine so passionately wrote) is what makes this country so special.
Our objective at Legal Services is not one of correcting the misfortune of poverty, nor is it one of providing charity to those who do not have. Our work, and the work of any true public servant, is not a matter of misfortune or charity, but is one of working actively against injustice.
Working in the trenches of family law, injustice appears on a microcosmic, case-by-case basis; for example, an unjust relationship based on the power and control of domestic violence, or the injustice of a parent not providing child support for a child born into an already unfortunate socioeconomic environment, or the injustice of a parent denying a child contact with that child's other parent purely due to the spite and resentment of a failed relationship.
In addition to providing legal assistance, I tried to infuse clients with the two themes of love and respect to prevent a civil war of emotions between (or sometimes within) parents, between whom was caught a child or children. Although many clients are already conscious of this, I hope that my method provided a positive example.
I will provide individual gratitude in a direct, more personal environment on my last day at PLA, but be assured that I have the deepest gratitude to everyone there. For now, I will offer individual thanks to my mother and my father, without whose example and love I would not be who I am today.
I end with two final quotes: "My lawyer is a rebel, a revolutionary who is alienated fundamentally from the status quo, probably with as great an intensity, conviction, and irretrievability as I am alienated from it -- and probably with more intelligence, compassion, and humanity" (Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice). My only qualification of this quote is that I do not intend to be alienated from the reality of life and the world we live in. Instead, replace "alienated fundamentally from the status quo" with "opposed fundamentally to the injustices of the status quo." I will consider myself successful if my clients use this quote one day to describe me.
Finally, any reference to revolution is only meant in the literal sense of 'turning over' a new example and form of human interaction; a revolution in the social sense, as people interact with each other in society, regardless of whether in a professional or an informal setting. This definition, and this hope for a better future, is easily summed up in a quote by someone who also began his career as a lawyer: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world": Mohandas K. Gandhi.
Thank you.
*
Since I began this term of service on February 5, 2001 (minus a four-month hiatus in early 2003 for a trip to visit family in Costa Rica), I have met with 1700 clients. That is 1700 low-income, economically-disadvantaged men and women of Philadelphia. They come from all backgrounds: Americans of African or European or Asian or Latino descent; immigrants from all parts of the world, including Asia, Africa, Eastern Europe, Latin America and the Middle East. Although the great majority spoke English (or perhaps the Philadelphia version of it), I used interpreters to communicate with other clients in French, Creole, Amharic, Arabic, Vietnamese, Polish, Russian, Thai, and other languages. I even met with a couple of deaf clients who needed a Sign interpreter to communicate.
Through my position at Philadelphia Legal Assistance (PLA), I was able to directly experience the beauty of our country: the diversity of languages, cultures, ethnicities, and even different Philadelphia neighborhoods, and all the pride that comes along with each of those "ingredients." If we lined up all of my clients, we would see a reflection of the polychromatic world we live in, made up of men and women each striving for a better life for themselves and their children.
Many times, people focus so much on another's socioeconomic status that they jump to automatic conclusions about the values and personality of the other person. That error in logic applies in both directions, as much from low-income to upper-income as from upper-income to low-income. Aside from my primary professional responsibility to give quality legal advice and assistance, it was this human tendency to judge others that I intended to combat through daily direct interaction with the low-income people of Philadelphia. How often does a poor man or poor woman of Latino or African-American descent (those two demographics are the majority of the clients that come to our office) meet for a one-on-one conversation in a closed room with a "white, tie-wearing guy from the suburbs" (all political correctness and my actual background aside)?
There are two themes that guided my work, and will continue to guide me through life, regardless of time, place or surroundings. Each one can be embodied in a quote.
First, throughout my term at PLA I kept a quote posted on the file folder on top of my desk; the printed quote was easily in view during interviews with clients, and I would sometimes take advantage of that by glancing at it during an interview. The quote is from Ernesto "Che" Guevara: "Let me say, with the risk of appearing ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided by strong feelings of love. It is impossible to think of an authentic revolutionary without this quality."
The second quote is something I read just yesterday evening, but it applies to the work we do at PLA: "[...] for this little boy whom you have met, his life is just as important, to him, as your life is to you. No matter how insufficient or how shabby it may seem to some, it is the only one he has [...]". This quote comes from Amazing Grace: Children's Lives and the Conscience of a Nation, by Jonathan Kozol.
The two themes embodied in those quotes, and which I hope I have emulated in my work, are those of love and respect.
For those reading this who are not familiar, the work we do at Legal Services is very important work. In fact, without it, the premise upon which the United States of America was founded simply does not exist in reality. That premise is justice, and the equal access to justice. Justice is what sets this country apart from the many corrupt governments of Latin America, Africa, and Asia. Justice is what sets this country apart from the plutocracies in many parts of the Middle East. Justice based on 'the rights of man' (as Thomas Paine so passionately wrote) is what makes this country so special.
Our objective at Legal Services is not one of correcting the misfortune of poverty, nor is it one of providing charity to those who do not have. Our work, and the work of any true public servant, is not a matter of misfortune or charity, but is one of working actively against injustice.
Working in the trenches of family law, injustice appears on a microcosmic, case-by-case basis; for example, an unjust relationship based on the power and control of domestic violence, or the injustice of a parent not providing child support for a child born into an already unfortunate socioeconomic environment, or the injustice of a parent denying a child contact with that child's other parent purely due to the spite and resentment of a failed relationship.
In addition to providing legal assistance, I tried to infuse clients with the two themes of love and respect to prevent a civil war of emotions between (or sometimes within) parents, between whom was caught a child or children. Although many clients are already conscious of this, I hope that my method provided a positive example.
I will provide individual gratitude in a direct, more personal environment on my last day at PLA, but be assured that I have the deepest gratitude to everyone there. For now, I will offer individual thanks to my mother and my father, without whose example and love I would not be who I am today.
I end with two final quotes: "My lawyer is a rebel, a revolutionary who is alienated fundamentally from the status quo, probably with as great an intensity, conviction, and irretrievability as I am alienated from it -- and probably with more intelligence, compassion, and humanity" (Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice). My only qualification of this quote is that I do not intend to be alienated from the reality of life and the world we live in. Instead, replace "alienated fundamentally from the status quo" with "opposed fundamentally to the injustices of the status quo." I will consider myself successful if my clients use this quote one day to describe me.
Finally, any reference to revolution is only meant in the literal sense of 'turning over' a new example and form of human interaction; a revolution in the social sense, as people interact with each other in society, regardless of whether in a professional or an informal setting. This definition, and this hope for a better future, is easily summed up in a quote by someone who also began his career as a lawyer: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world": Mohandas K. Gandhi.
Thank you.
*
Friday, June 18, 2004
Saw the Y100 Feztival, featuring Beastie Boys as headliner, at the Tweeter Center, Camden for $35.50.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
Everything is pointing toward my attendance at Rutgers-Camden School of Law this coming August. Not only did they offer me admission as a full-time day student, but they are allowing me New Jersey in-state tuition by using Mita's address as my own permanent residence. The clincher, however, is their offer of a scholarship which will reduce the tuition by $4000 each year, as long as I maintain a GPA of 3.5 or higher. I'm honored they offered the scholarship, but I'm just as happy that it presents me with a very real challenge. That makes me even more excited for law school.
So Corey leaves the United States on June 6 for Armenia. Over the past three years, he's definitely become my best friend. When we hang out, its always a guaranteed good conversation, and its never a bad time. I think its fortunate that Cherise and I are leaving for a month in Europe on June 28. And then, shortly after my return, I'll be tackling the challenge of law school. I anticipate that those two events will ease the transition to my life in Philly without having Corey to hang out with.
But its obvious that a new chapter of my life is about to begin. Just as my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua last December through March 2003 was an interlude between two well-defined chapters of my life, so will my impending trip to Europe seem to be another interlude between two chapters in my life. I embrace the opportunity and privilege to encounter challenges and hence new chances for development and personal improvement. Fear arises from the unknown. But the confrontation with the unknown will force me to step-up; it will be a test of myself and my personality traits. I consider myself fortunate to be in a position to travel, to be in a position to further my education, and to be in a position to move onward and upward toward new horizons, new challenges, and new successes.
So Corey leaves the United States on June 6 for Armenia. Over the past three years, he's definitely become my best friend. When we hang out, its always a guaranteed good conversation, and its never a bad time. I think its fortunate that Cherise and I are leaving for a month in Europe on June 28. And then, shortly after my return, I'll be tackling the challenge of law school. I anticipate that those two events will ease the transition to my life in Philly without having Corey to hang out with.
But its obvious that a new chapter of my life is about to begin. Just as my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua last December through March 2003 was an interlude between two well-defined chapters of my life, so will my impending trip to Europe seem to be another interlude between two chapters in my life. I embrace the opportunity and privilege to encounter challenges and hence new chances for development and personal improvement. Fear arises from the unknown. But the confrontation with the unknown will force me to step-up; it will be a test of myself and my personality traits. I consider myself fortunate to be in a position to travel, to be in a position to further my education, and to be in a position to move onward and upward toward new horizons, new challenges, and new successes.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- afternoon
It's beautiful outside. Today is the first day of 2004 that is forecast to have a high temperature of 70*F or higher. I'm happy that spring seems to be arriving for good. I'm also happy to be looking forward to going to law school this coming fall.
There's a few important things that have changed since I last wrote almost four months ago. But there is another feeling that has impelled me to write this early afternoon. I just received a letter this morning from the University of Pennsylvania Law School, which denied my application for admission. Since the beginning of the application process, I had mixed feelings about applying to Penn Law. But I ended up applying since it had the best reputation of the ten law schools I applied to. I did this despite my reservations regarding the high tuition, and more significantly, the impression of Penn Law students and graduates. More specifically, with few exceptions, Penn Law students and grads are arrogant and unfriendly (moreso the former), either because they come from upper class families or because they are excessively proud of their academic achievement. The record, however, shows that there are a significant number of Penn Law students that are some combination of incompetent, clueless, and unmotivated. Add to these traits the arrogance mentioned above, and it becomes plain the disgust which I feel derives from being rejected from Penn Law.
But then, I step back and listen to what I just said, and then explore my original sentiments. Did I really want to go there? Yes and no. My only hope for Penn Law was its reputation; I would only have used it for that reason. I believe I would have been discontent in every other way. So when its all said and done, as always, I must have faith that it happens for a reason. It's reasonable to assume that it would have brought me much unhappiness, at least for three years. I don't need that; I never need to accept unhappiness.
Furthermore, I keep in mind that those who make history, who make a difference in this world, are not those who attend premier colleges and universities; they are not those who score highest on standardized tests; and quite often they are not those who come from the upper economic echelon of society. Those people that make a positive, lasting contribution to humankind are those that are determined, passionate, intelligent (in a general sense, not necessarily related to tests), moral, compassionate, and faithful. Once these positive characteristics translate into direct action, the world is never the same. It is this conviction, this truth, which maintains my faith.
There's a few important things that have changed since I last wrote almost four months ago. But there is another feeling that has impelled me to write this early afternoon. I just received a letter this morning from the University of Pennsylvania Law School, which denied my application for admission. Since the beginning of the application process, I had mixed feelings about applying to Penn Law. But I ended up applying since it had the best reputation of the ten law schools I applied to. I did this despite my reservations regarding the high tuition, and more significantly, the impression of Penn Law students and graduates. More specifically, with few exceptions, Penn Law students and grads are arrogant and unfriendly (moreso the former), either because they come from upper class families or because they are excessively proud of their academic achievement. The record, however, shows that there are a significant number of Penn Law students that are some combination of incompetent, clueless, and unmotivated. Add to these traits the arrogance mentioned above, and it becomes plain the disgust which I feel derives from being rejected from Penn Law.
But then, I step back and listen to what I just said, and then explore my original sentiments. Did I really want to go there? Yes and no. My only hope for Penn Law was its reputation; I would only have used it for that reason. I believe I would have been discontent in every other way. So when its all said and done, as always, I must have faith that it happens for a reason. It's reasonable to assume that it would have brought me much unhappiness, at least for three years. I don't need that; I never need to accept unhappiness.
Furthermore, I keep in mind that those who make history, who make a difference in this world, are not those who attend premier colleges and universities; they are not those who score highest on standardized tests; and quite often they are not those who come from the upper economic echelon of society. Those people that make a positive, lasting contribution to humankind are those that are determined, passionate, intelligent (in a general sense, not necessarily related to tests), moral, compassionate, and faithful. Once these positive characteristics translate into direct action, the world is never the same. It is this conviction, this truth, which maintains my faith.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Application for Edward V. Sparer Public Interest Law Fellowship -- Brooklyn Law School
1. Why are you interested in a public interest law career?
My mission is to serve that sector of society which is most vulnerable: those people with limited economic means, who oftentimes face other challenges due to their educational background, language skills, or ethnic/racial background. Assessing my own experiences, strengths, and skills, my goal is to be an effective lawyer working in the public interest.
As a Legal Services paralegal, it has become apparent that my hands are metaphorically tied behind my back. Like a carpenter who lacks a hammer, I lack the tool necessary to fulfill my ultimate commitment: a law degree, the symbol and culmination of a quality legal education. With this tool, I will honor my commitment to help those in need, and in doing so, effect immediate positive change in the low-income community. My admission into law school is a requisite for my continued integrity to those whom I serve, as well as to my own ambitions.
2. What experiences have shaped your interest and commitment to public interest law?
From February 2001 through the present, I have worked as a paralegal in the family law unit of Philadelphia Legal Assistance. My work entails interviewing low-income clients to analyze legal matters relating to various domestic relations matters. Upon gathering all pertinent information (including reviewing pleadings and notices) and analyzing the matter, I provide direct legal advice and assistance to the client. Appropriate and eligible cases for representation are referred to our staff of family law attorneys at the conclusion of each week.
In the spring of 2001, 2002 and 2004, I volunteered to prepare income tax returns at the Philadelphia Legal Assistance/Philadelphia Volunteers for the Indigent Program Low Income Tax Clinic in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. The clinic prepares tax returns without cost to low-income clients. My fluency in the Spanish language was utilized since most of the clinic’s clients are Spanish-speaking farmworkers.
Through these experiences (and others), I have observed the vulnerabilities of the indigent associated with - and arising from - their low-income status, including a deficient education or difficulty with the English language. These difficulties exacerbate the average litigant’s ability to access justice.
The reward I receive is the satisfaction of a victim gaining protection from her abuser, a child’s parent receiving the support necessary to raise him properly, a hard-working farmworker receiving his due income tax return which he will send to support his wife and children. The reward I receive is the practical proof that my part in our justice system is helping to create a better, more just society, one family, or even one person at a time.
3. In what area(s) of public interest law are you particularly interested?
I am primarily interested in two areas of public interest law: immigration law and labor law. This interest is a response to the changing demographics of our country, in which there is an increasing number of Latino citizens and Latin American immigrants. Practice in either area of public interest law is important in order to protect the legal rights of an under-represented population, and to serve them within a justice system which - for many - is foreign, both literally and figuratively.
My mission is to serve that sector of society which is most vulnerable: those people with limited economic means, who oftentimes face other challenges due to their educational background, language skills, or ethnic/racial background. Assessing my own experiences, strengths, and skills, my goal is to be an effective lawyer working in the public interest.
As a Legal Services paralegal, it has become apparent that my hands are metaphorically tied behind my back. Like a carpenter who lacks a hammer, I lack the tool necessary to fulfill my ultimate commitment: a law degree, the symbol and culmination of a quality legal education. With this tool, I will honor my commitment to help those in need, and in doing so, effect immediate positive change in the low-income community. My admission into law school is a requisite for my continued integrity to those whom I serve, as well as to my own ambitions.
2. What experiences have shaped your interest and commitment to public interest law?
From February 2001 through the present, I have worked as a paralegal in the family law unit of Philadelphia Legal Assistance. My work entails interviewing low-income clients to analyze legal matters relating to various domestic relations matters. Upon gathering all pertinent information (including reviewing pleadings and notices) and analyzing the matter, I provide direct legal advice and assistance to the client. Appropriate and eligible cases for representation are referred to our staff of family law attorneys at the conclusion of each week.
In the spring of 2001, 2002 and 2004, I volunteered to prepare income tax returns at the Philadelphia Legal Assistance/Philadelphia Volunteers for the Indigent Program Low Income Tax Clinic in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania. The clinic prepares tax returns without cost to low-income clients. My fluency in the Spanish language was utilized since most of the clinic’s clients are Spanish-speaking farmworkers.
Through these experiences (and others), I have observed the vulnerabilities of the indigent associated with - and arising from - their low-income status, including a deficient education or difficulty with the English language. These difficulties exacerbate the average litigant’s ability to access justice.
The reward I receive is the satisfaction of a victim gaining protection from her abuser, a child’s parent receiving the support necessary to raise him properly, a hard-working farmworker receiving his due income tax return which he will send to support his wife and children. The reward I receive is the practical proof that my part in our justice system is helping to create a better, more just society, one family, or even one person at a time.
3. In what area(s) of public interest law are you particularly interested?
I am primarily interested in two areas of public interest law: immigration law and labor law. This interest is a response to the changing demographics of our country, in which there is an increasing number of Latino citizens and Latin American immigrants. Practice in either area of public interest law is important in order to protect the legal rights of an under-represented population, and to serve them within a justice system which - for many - is foreign, both literally and figuratively.
Saturday, January 3, 2004
San Diego, California -- early morning
Well, reading over the last entry before writing this one, I can see that much has happened since then. As I write this, I sit in Cherise's bed at her mother's home in San Diego. I arrived in California (for the first time in my life) on December 27, 2003. I'll be flying out of San Diego to New York tomorrow night. So I've been here for a week.
I've met Cherise's entire immediate family. I believe my best connection has been with her mother, which I realize is really the most important connection that I need to make. But I've also definitely gotten along well with the rest of her family.
We've done so many things this week: Old Town, Balboa Park, the San Diego zoo, Mission Beach, the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, University of California at Irvine, Seaport Village, Coronado Island, Point Loma, and downtown San Diego.
I've enjoyed my time here, but I'm looking forward to returning to Philly, primarily to get back on track with my foremost New Year's resolution: get into law school. I must take advantage of the week I'll have before Cherise returns to Philly in order to finalize the application process. This is imperative. Once this is complete, I will be freer to devote myself to my relationship with Cherise. I've fallen in love with her, and I really love being with her. The characteristics that I noticed early on were true. I now also realize too, though, that she will surely challenge me. As she is also a first-born with much experience of independence, our strong personalities may clash at times. As long as we communicate respectfully and effectively, this will only help us to grow. I can say so far, so good. And I am hopeful that we will continue to grow together. I know she feels the same way.
Now, looking back at the end of 2003, I can say that Evan is now married and Ethan is now engaged. And Cherise began living with me as of her last show in Atlantic City on Thanksgiving Day. And looking forward to 2004, I have already mentioned my commitment to my primary resolution, as well as continuing my relationship with Cherise. I also hope to travel to DC, Florida, and Europe, most certainly in that order. And come September, I sincerely and deeply hope to be beginning classes at a law school. My God hear my prayers. And may I serve God. I hope for a year of health and happiness, for myself and my loved ones. Perhaps I should resolve to write more often, but then again, I think I say that every time.
I've met Cherise's entire immediate family. I believe my best connection has been with her mother, which I realize is really the most important connection that I need to make. But I've also definitely gotten along well with the rest of her family.
We've done so many things this week: Old Town, Balboa Park, the San Diego zoo, Mission Beach, the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, University of California at Irvine, Seaport Village, Coronado Island, Point Loma, and downtown San Diego.
I've enjoyed my time here, but I'm looking forward to returning to Philly, primarily to get back on track with my foremost New Year's resolution: get into law school. I must take advantage of the week I'll have before Cherise returns to Philly in order to finalize the application process. This is imperative. Once this is complete, I will be freer to devote myself to my relationship with Cherise. I've fallen in love with her, and I really love being with her. The characteristics that I noticed early on were true. I now also realize too, though, that she will surely challenge me. As she is also a first-born with much experience of independence, our strong personalities may clash at times. As long as we communicate respectfully and effectively, this will only help us to grow. I can say so far, so good. And I am hopeful that we will continue to grow together. I know she feels the same way.
Now, looking back at the end of 2003, I can say that Evan is now married and Ethan is now engaged. And Cherise began living with me as of her last show in Atlantic City on Thanksgiving Day. And looking forward to 2004, I have already mentioned my commitment to my primary resolution, as well as continuing my relationship with Cherise. I also hope to travel to DC, Florida, and Europe, most certainly in that order. And come September, I sincerely and deeply hope to be beginning classes at a law school. My God hear my prayers. And may I serve God. I hope for a year of health and happiness, for myself and my loved ones. Perhaps I should resolve to write more often, but then again, I think I say that every time.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- early morning
I'm feeling okay these days. I really can't complain, but of course the grass is always greener on the other side. I have all these desires which I think will bring me greater happiness, but then I often think I'm deluding myself. For instance, I'm really digging a girl I met about a month ago (my entry on September 22, 2003 obliquely refers to my meeting her). Her name is Cherise, and she's currently dancing in a show at the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City. A first reaction would be that she must have a great body; no doubt about it. But I really like her for much more than that. It was very apparent to me early on that she is a very sweet, caring, and compassionate person. This is the type of girl I want to be with.
There's just a couple of problems, probably interconnected, that worry me. And this is what's on my mind these days, this excitement yet definite frustration. Cherise, who's also 25 (she's just about six months younger than me), had only been in Atlantic City for three weeks when I had met her. Prior to that, she had been living in Brooklyn with her 32 year old boyfriend. She tells me that it didn't work because he put too much pressure on her to stay by his side. Essentially, he was going to hold her down, and she really resented that. She was naturally recovering (or maybe still considering?) from that when I entered her life. I presented a totally different philosophy and respect, and she seems to be genuinely attracted to me.
But this past weekend, she told me that she needs some time - probably just a couple of weeks - to fully stabilize herself, before getting to a point where she can completely commit to me. This request of hers would explain her behavior a couple of other occasions when she made plans with me but then let me down. That behavior and those actions really disappointed me, and truthfully, put me slightly in a cautious mode. But I really like her nevertheless, and I can see that this is why I've felt uneasy a little bit these days.
But her current proposal also puts me in something of a compromising position. I now have to be patient while she gets herself straight. Although the timing is not bad, since Evan's bachelor party is this weekend, and then the wedding is two weeks later, I still dislike that feeling of waiting, and knowing that anything is possible in a couple of weeks. I remind myself that I must maintain faith in the natural course of events, but its not always reassuring at every moment. But perhaps this time will also give me a chance to reflect.
My main concern now is that one of my biggest lessons from my relationship with Heather is that long-distance relationships are generally not practical or functional. Of course Cherise is a different girl and I'm now living under different circumstances at a different point in my life. But the general point may still be legitimate, and quite relevant.
For now, I'm just playing it cool; avoiding any rash decisions. I really do like Cherise though. It might be nice to give this a shot. But, as always, as a dancer like Cherise surely knows, it takes two to tango.
There's just a couple of problems, probably interconnected, that worry me. And this is what's on my mind these days, this excitement yet definite frustration. Cherise, who's also 25 (she's just about six months younger than me), had only been in Atlantic City for three weeks when I had met her. Prior to that, she had been living in Brooklyn with her 32 year old boyfriend. She tells me that it didn't work because he put too much pressure on her to stay by his side. Essentially, he was going to hold her down, and she really resented that. She was naturally recovering (or maybe still considering?) from that when I entered her life. I presented a totally different philosophy and respect, and she seems to be genuinely attracted to me.
But this past weekend, she told me that she needs some time - probably just a couple of weeks - to fully stabilize herself, before getting to a point where she can completely commit to me. This request of hers would explain her behavior a couple of other occasions when she made plans with me but then let me down. That behavior and those actions really disappointed me, and truthfully, put me slightly in a cautious mode. But I really like her nevertheless, and I can see that this is why I've felt uneasy a little bit these days.
But her current proposal also puts me in something of a compromising position. I now have to be patient while she gets herself straight. Although the timing is not bad, since Evan's bachelor party is this weekend, and then the wedding is two weeks later, I still dislike that feeling of waiting, and knowing that anything is possible in a couple of weeks. I remind myself that I must maintain faith in the natural course of events, but its not always reassuring at every moment. But perhaps this time will also give me a chance to reflect.
My main concern now is that one of my biggest lessons from my relationship with Heather is that long-distance relationships are generally not practical or functional. Of course Cherise is a different girl and I'm now living under different circumstances at a different point in my life. But the general point may still be legitimate, and quite relevant.
For now, I'm just playing it cool; avoiding any rash decisions. I really do like Cherise though. It might be nice to give this a shot. But, as always, as a dancer like Cherise surely knows, it takes two to tango.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
I'm listening to some Bob Marley, and I figured I'd write a little bit in my journal. I know I never followed up my last entry, but that's no surprise. It's quite typical of me.
Since that time, I"ve been seeing and talking with this girl named Cherise. I guess you would call that dating. I've really developed an attraction for her, but she's not really in a position to be in a relationship. Objectively speaking, I'm probably not either. I really need to get my ass in gear to start my applications for law school. I've already called to request applications from all the schools I think I'm going to apply to. Now its just a matter of applying myself to getting the ball rolling.
In other news, I've been taking a class in French. I've been picking it up pretty well. I think I'm one of the better students in the class, especially with regard to my accent. But I've always had a pretty good ear for languages and accents.
Last night, I finally finished reading "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. It's the refutation to "The Bell Curve" the prime text espousing biological determinism, or scientific racism. "The Mismeasure of Man" was a bit difficult to understand at times because it was so laden with scientific lingo and logic. But, despite its sometimes difficulty, it made sense and I appreciated it. Now I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" which was given to me by Richard. So far, I'm cruising through it. It's much easier to read a fiction novel than to read scientific non-fiction.
Well, to move away from the superficial, I will comment on my mindset these days. I feel this stagnancy more and more in my life. I love my job, but I feel like I'm doing the same thing everyday. I'm falling way short of my potential, my abilities. And I'm feeling the pressure to do something that is more meaningful. That's why I have to get my shit together for law school. As fas as I can see right now, that's my next logical step, the step that I'm best-suited for.
But this inertia in my life is sometimes affecting my social life too. I have really enjoyed my time and feelings with Cherise, but I'm trying to check myself now, so as not to get ahead of myself. I must remain realistic. But its easy to fall into these feelings when it provides the only present challenge in my life. Also, obviously, it is very nice to spend quality time with a good woman. However, Cherise's career as a dancer is too transient to have any legitimate expectations. On my side too, if I get my shit together, I can't say with certainty where I'll be either. So for now I'm stuck. But I'll keep a good head on my shoulders and get disciplined to begin moving toward my goals.
Since that time, I"ve been seeing and talking with this girl named Cherise. I guess you would call that dating. I've really developed an attraction for her, but she's not really in a position to be in a relationship. Objectively speaking, I'm probably not either. I really need to get my ass in gear to start my applications for law school. I've already called to request applications from all the schools I think I'm going to apply to. Now its just a matter of applying myself to getting the ball rolling.
In other news, I've been taking a class in French. I've been picking it up pretty well. I think I'm one of the better students in the class, especially with regard to my accent. But I've always had a pretty good ear for languages and accents.
Last night, I finally finished reading "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. It's the refutation to "The Bell Curve" the prime text espousing biological determinism, or scientific racism. "The Mismeasure of Man" was a bit difficult to understand at times because it was so laden with scientific lingo and logic. But, despite its sometimes difficulty, it made sense and I appreciated it. Now I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" which was given to me by Richard. So far, I'm cruising through it. It's much easier to read a fiction novel than to read scientific non-fiction.
Well, to move away from the superficial, I will comment on my mindset these days. I feel this stagnancy more and more in my life. I love my job, but I feel like I'm doing the same thing everyday. I'm falling way short of my potential, my abilities. And I'm feeling the pressure to do something that is more meaningful. That's why I have to get my shit together for law school. As fas as I can see right now, that's my next logical step, the step that I'm best-suited for.
But this inertia in my life is sometimes affecting my social life too. I have really enjoyed my time and feelings with Cherise, but I'm trying to check myself now, so as not to get ahead of myself. I must remain realistic. But its easy to fall into these feelings when it provides the only present challenge in my life. Also, obviously, it is very nice to spend quality time with a good woman. However, Cherise's career as a dancer is too transient to have any legitimate expectations. On my side too, if I get my shit together, I can't say with certainty where I'll be either. So for now I'm stuck. But I'll keep a good head on my shoulders and get disciplined to begin moving toward my goals.
Monday, September 22, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
There has been so much going on that I'm not necessarily sure where to begin. I'll start with what is probably most significant, especially in terms of who I am today.
Yesterday afternoon, while hanging out on Walnut Street with Paul and Corey, Paul spotted someone who he thought he recognized across the street. It was Heather, my ex-girlfriend. I'm sure I hesitated because of the initial shock of a moment that I could never prepare for. Then, I jogged across the street to catch up with her at the southeast corner of 17th and Walnut. I called her name and she turned around, with a look of surprise on her face. I immediately kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug. And then I asked here where she was and what she was doing. She told me that she had just started classes at UPenn in their social work program; she said she was living on-campus in University City.
I had already said hello to her aunt Donna and younger cousin Rebecca, and Corey and Paul had come up to us too. Heather asked me what I was up to these days. I told her that I was still working at PLA, and that I was once again beginning the application process for law schools. Then, fortunately for me, Corey intervened to ask Heather about the program at Penn. It got me off the hook because I really had nothing else to ask nor anything else to offer.
After a couple minutes of that, Donna and Rebecca pulled slightly away, as did Paul and Corey. I guess that was their way of giving us a moment of private conversation. Heather seemed dumbfounded, or else just allowing me the initiative. I simply said with sincerity that it was really nice to see her. Then, I said I would see her around. And finally, I hesitatingly took a step backward while giving a short, quick wave. I turned around and walked away to catch up with Paul and Corey. I didn't ask for her phone number or address, so that was that.
Despite the to-be-expected surprise and bit of awkwardness, it went just as I would have hoped it would. I've gotta be thankful that I was with two of my boys to support me through that. On the flipside, I've gotta be thankful that she was with the only two family members who actually seemed to like me. And lastly, I've gotta be thankful that I was in a good psychological frame of mind. My social life, specifically with regard to women, has been on an upswing for about two months. But this weekend was especially solid. I couldn't have asked for a higher confidence level to see Heather. That may seem either selfish or shallow, but it really is important.
But I'll re-cap my other activities in my next entry, which I hope to make later this week. I'm just feeling beat right now. I've gotta get ready for bed to rest up and feel better tomorrow. But it was all worth it. No doubt about it.
Yesterday afternoon, while hanging out on Walnut Street with Paul and Corey, Paul spotted someone who he thought he recognized across the street. It was Heather, my ex-girlfriend. I'm sure I hesitated because of the initial shock of a moment that I could never prepare for. Then, I jogged across the street to catch up with her at the southeast corner of 17th and Walnut. I called her name and she turned around, with a look of surprise on her face. I immediately kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug. And then I asked here where she was and what she was doing. She told me that she had just started classes at UPenn in their social work program; she said she was living on-campus in University City.
I had already said hello to her aunt Donna and younger cousin Rebecca, and Corey and Paul had come up to us too. Heather asked me what I was up to these days. I told her that I was still working at PLA, and that I was once again beginning the application process for law schools. Then, fortunately for me, Corey intervened to ask Heather about the program at Penn. It got me off the hook because I really had nothing else to ask nor anything else to offer.
After a couple minutes of that, Donna and Rebecca pulled slightly away, as did Paul and Corey. I guess that was their way of giving us a moment of private conversation. Heather seemed dumbfounded, or else just allowing me the initiative. I simply said with sincerity that it was really nice to see her. Then, I said I would see her around. And finally, I hesitatingly took a step backward while giving a short, quick wave. I turned around and walked away to catch up with Paul and Corey. I didn't ask for her phone number or address, so that was that.
Despite the to-be-expected surprise and bit of awkwardness, it went just as I would have hoped it would. I've gotta be thankful that I was with two of my boys to support me through that. On the flipside, I've gotta be thankful that she was with the only two family members who actually seemed to like me. And lastly, I've gotta be thankful that I was in a good psychological frame of mind. My social life, specifically with regard to women, has been on an upswing for about two months. But this weekend was especially solid. I couldn't have asked for a higher confidence level to see Heather. That may seem either selfish or shallow, but it really is important.
But I'll re-cap my other activities in my next entry, which I hope to make later this week. I'm just feeling beat right now. I've gotta get ready for bed to rest up and feel better tomorrow. But it was all worth it. No doubt about it.
Tuesday, September 9, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
These past couple of days there have been the vaguest hints of the onset of autumn. The slightest chill in the air, especially of course at nighttime, brings with it the next set of aggregated memories, which for me consist of my keenest nostalgia.
There's just something about fall that brings me back to feelings of my childhood and adolescence. Furthermore, this year specifically, this cooler weather signals for me the official end of my latest chapter, which was embodied in my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua. The return to cooler weather signifies my return to North American weather. The sentient feeling on my skin impels my mind to the constant memory that I am far away from the Equator. And so it goes.
I must set my sights on new horizons, be they domestic or foreign, literal or figurative. For now all continues to seem stagnant, which is not necessarily a bad thing at present: I have been desiring some stability for the time being. But life always seems stagnant when looking outward with a short-sighted vision.
Extending my vision, my considerations primarily include law school, but I'm still reluctant to voluntarily enter a form of economic enslavement. It's diametric counterpart is the consideration of travelling extensively through Europe. But that idea always carries with it the fear of an unstable life that is not moving toward any productive end. Nevertheless, the allure of travel and adventure calls out to me seductively enough.
At this point in time, I am content to accept that this decision, as with all others, will be made at its appropriate time, when the context and circumstances surrounding it may be totally difficult. That is partly the nature of existentialism, to which I faithfully adhere. Essentially, I am not presently in the position to have to make a decision, and so I am free to ponder, either dreamily or stressfully, all of the possibilities. What the future may hold I am eager to find out. When it comes to action, I will advance confidently in the direction of my dreams, to paraphrase Thoreau. The rest will naturally fall into place.
There's just something about fall that brings me back to feelings of my childhood and adolescence. Furthermore, this year specifically, this cooler weather signals for me the official end of my latest chapter, which was embodied in my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua. The return to cooler weather signifies my return to North American weather. The sentient feeling on my skin impels my mind to the constant memory that I am far away from the Equator. And so it goes.
I must set my sights on new horizons, be they domestic or foreign, literal or figurative. For now all continues to seem stagnant, which is not necessarily a bad thing at present: I have been desiring some stability for the time being. But life always seems stagnant when looking outward with a short-sighted vision.
Extending my vision, my considerations primarily include law school, but I'm still reluctant to voluntarily enter a form of economic enslavement. It's diametric counterpart is the consideration of travelling extensively through Europe. But that idea always carries with it the fear of an unstable life that is not moving toward any productive end. Nevertheless, the allure of travel and adventure calls out to me seductively enough.
At this point in time, I am content to accept that this decision, as with all others, will be made at its appropriate time, when the context and circumstances surrounding it may be totally difficult. That is partly the nature of existentialism, to which I faithfully adhere. Essentially, I am not presently in the position to have to make a decision, and so I am free to ponder, either dreamily or stressfully, all of the possibilities. What the future may hold I am eager to find out. When it comes to action, I will advance confidently in the direction of my dreams, to paraphrase Thoreau. The rest will naturally fall into place.
Monday, September 1, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- afternoon
I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, writing, because I'm too exhausted to continue my reading. I've read a few pages, but it's been difficult to concentrate. The reason for my sleepiness is my extended weekend, which is now coming to a close.
Today is Labor Day. Only two hours ago, I returned here to Philadelphia from a trip south to Baltimore and Washington, D.C. This weekend was a good one.
On Friday evening, I left shortly after work with Paul and Corey for a car ride to Baltimore. On the way down, we had good conversation, listened to some hype music, and smoke cigars. We got to Bmore at about 8:30 p.m., at Evan's house. I took a shower, and we started pre-gaming. Evan showed up about an hour later, and from there we went to the bars in Federal Hill. I got a chance to see my friend, Mike, but I spent much of the night in brief conversations with strangers (girls) or just chilling solo. At one point, I grabbed a seat by the entrance of a lounge/bar and actually carded a couple people. For better or for worse, that was my highlight for that night. But it was a pretty funny thing, so it was good. I got a slice of pizza at Maria D's before sauntering back to Evan's place to sleep on the floor for the night. Before I made it back, though, I met two girls on the sidewalk near the Cross Street Market. Somewhat insistent, I convinced a girl to kiss me. It was kind of terrible, but I just felt like kissing a girl. After that, I just walked away.
The next morning, Paul, Evan, Corey, and I walked to a bagel shop for breakfast, then walked to the Inner Harbor to pass the early afternoon. It was a nice day, so I enjoyed my time. I drank a big lemonade to re-hydrate. The four of us got a photo sitting on a bench at the Inner Harbor. Most of the time I spent there was walking and talking with Evan. It was a really good conversation; looking back, its amazing how Evan and I have become good friends, not that's its shocking, but it's just interesting to reflect on the development of a relationship. We eventually walked back to Evan's hosue to pack up for the short trip south from Bmore to D.C.
We arrived at the hotel that Paul's dad hooked us up with at about 4:30 p.m. Paul, Corey, and I checked-in, then went out to find a restaurant for our lunch/dinner. Already half-starving, it was an agonizing mission to find a decent place that was open at that time. Eventually we found a place where I got a good burger.
After returning to the hotel to shower, prepare, and pre-game, we hit the town at Adams Morgan. I don't particular want to condense the events, but I'll do so in the interests of time and length. On our way to Tom-Tom, a couple of Swedish girls began talking with us. Immediately, the very good-looking one drew herself near me to begin a conversation. After getting in the bar, I continued the conversation to establish a good foundation. Through the course of the rest of the night, I would mingle and talk with other girls, but occasionally meeting up with the Swedish girls to continue our connection. Towards the end of the night, I found myself on a couch with the Swedish girl. Needless to say, we started kissing; she was a good kisser. I invited them back to our hotel room, but being good girls they declined. They only have three more weeks in the U.S. I got Annika's phone number, but I won't see her again unless I can see her in Europe. Oh well, it was a good experience, and perhaps she'll be a pen-pal.
Sunday morning, Paul, Corey, and I did the tourist thing. We saw the White House and Washington Monument, with less proximate views of the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building. Then, we got on the Metro to ride to George Washington University, where we had to wait for a bus for Georgetown. Now, for me, Georgetown can hardly be put into words: there were so many good-looking girls that I nearly got whip-lash and did eventually have a mental overload, so that I couldn't really think any more. But before that happened, I engaged in a short sidewalk conversation with a Tunisian diplomat to Canada, who was in D.C. visiting his daughter. We spoke briefly about work in international politics. And I dropped the usual basic French phrases. From there, I went to American Eagle to get a couple of nice, collared, long-sleeve shirts for nightlife. After walking around for a while longer we got a little tired, so we decided to walk down to the river to sit down to smoke some cigars. After sitting there for a while, we walked back to the main strip to get coffee for a boost, then we rode to Metro back to downtown to go back to the hotel.
Sunday night was okay. Corey and I went to a bar off of Dupont Circle which was not that good. Corey had to meet a girl there. About an hour or so later, Paul met up with us with his English girl and I left with them immediately for Adams Morgan again. There were two highlights there. First, Corey, Mike, and I made our way to an Eritrean/African bar, where we were almost the only white people. We gravitated to a table of three black women, and chatted them up for a long while. We stayed until just about closing when Mike and I walked out to the opposite sidewalk. I began initiating conversations with as many women as possible. Eventually, the odds paid off and a tandem of Jamie and Amy talked with us. Corey later met us when I spotted him from across the street and called him over. I had everyone in stitches for most of the time, as I was apparently on point with humor. Again, I invited the girls back to the hotel, and again they declined. I did, however, get a weak sidewalk hook-up. A couple brief kisses. And so it goes.
We got up early this morning so that Paul could hit the road to get back to NYC at a decent hour. It was a smooth ride and I got to my apartment at 2pm. And now I am here at Cosi, happily re-capping my weekend. It was fun and it was good. That's what life is all about.
Today is Labor Day. Only two hours ago, I returned here to Philadelphia from a trip south to Baltimore and Washington, D.C. This weekend was a good one.
On Friday evening, I left shortly after work with Paul and Corey for a car ride to Baltimore. On the way down, we had good conversation, listened to some hype music, and smoke cigars. We got to Bmore at about 8:30 p.m., at Evan's house. I took a shower, and we started pre-gaming. Evan showed up about an hour later, and from there we went to the bars in Federal Hill. I got a chance to see my friend, Mike, but I spent much of the night in brief conversations with strangers (girls) or just chilling solo. At one point, I grabbed a seat by the entrance of a lounge/bar and actually carded a couple people. For better or for worse, that was my highlight for that night. But it was a pretty funny thing, so it was good. I got a slice of pizza at Maria D's before sauntering back to Evan's place to sleep on the floor for the night. Before I made it back, though, I met two girls on the sidewalk near the Cross Street Market. Somewhat insistent, I convinced a girl to kiss me. It was kind of terrible, but I just felt like kissing a girl. After that, I just walked away.
The next morning, Paul, Evan, Corey, and I walked to a bagel shop for breakfast, then walked to the Inner Harbor to pass the early afternoon. It was a nice day, so I enjoyed my time. I drank a big lemonade to re-hydrate. The four of us got a photo sitting on a bench at the Inner Harbor. Most of the time I spent there was walking and talking with Evan. It was a really good conversation; looking back, its amazing how Evan and I have become good friends, not that's its shocking, but it's just interesting to reflect on the development of a relationship. We eventually walked back to Evan's hosue to pack up for the short trip south from Bmore to D.C.
We arrived at the hotel that Paul's dad hooked us up with at about 4:30 p.m. Paul, Corey, and I checked-in, then went out to find a restaurant for our lunch/dinner. Already half-starving, it was an agonizing mission to find a decent place that was open at that time. Eventually we found a place where I got a good burger.
After returning to the hotel to shower, prepare, and pre-game, we hit the town at Adams Morgan. I don't particular want to condense the events, but I'll do so in the interests of time and length. On our way to Tom-Tom, a couple of Swedish girls began talking with us. Immediately, the very good-looking one drew herself near me to begin a conversation. After getting in the bar, I continued the conversation to establish a good foundation. Through the course of the rest of the night, I would mingle and talk with other girls, but occasionally meeting up with the Swedish girls to continue our connection. Towards the end of the night, I found myself on a couch with the Swedish girl. Needless to say, we started kissing; she was a good kisser. I invited them back to our hotel room, but being good girls they declined. They only have three more weeks in the U.S. I got Annika's phone number, but I won't see her again unless I can see her in Europe. Oh well, it was a good experience, and perhaps she'll be a pen-pal.
Sunday morning, Paul, Corey, and I did the tourist thing. We saw the White House and Washington Monument, with less proximate views of the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building. Then, we got on the Metro to ride to George Washington University, where we had to wait for a bus for Georgetown. Now, for me, Georgetown can hardly be put into words: there were so many good-looking girls that I nearly got whip-lash and did eventually have a mental overload, so that I couldn't really think any more. But before that happened, I engaged in a short sidewalk conversation with a Tunisian diplomat to Canada, who was in D.C. visiting his daughter. We spoke briefly about work in international politics. And I dropped the usual basic French phrases. From there, I went to American Eagle to get a couple of nice, collared, long-sleeve shirts for nightlife. After walking around for a while longer we got a little tired, so we decided to walk down to the river to sit down to smoke some cigars. After sitting there for a while, we walked back to the main strip to get coffee for a boost, then we rode to Metro back to downtown to go back to the hotel.
Sunday night was okay. Corey and I went to a bar off of Dupont Circle which was not that good. Corey had to meet a girl there. About an hour or so later, Paul met up with us with his English girl and I left with them immediately for Adams Morgan again. There were two highlights there. First, Corey, Mike, and I made our way to an Eritrean/African bar, where we were almost the only white people. We gravitated to a table of three black women, and chatted them up for a long while. We stayed until just about closing when Mike and I walked out to the opposite sidewalk. I began initiating conversations with as many women as possible. Eventually, the odds paid off and a tandem of Jamie and Amy talked with us. Corey later met us when I spotted him from across the street and called him over. I had everyone in stitches for most of the time, as I was apparently on point with humor. Again, I invited the girls back to the hotel, and again they declined. I did, however, get a weak sidewalk hook-up. A couple brief kisses. And so it goes.
We got up early this morning so that Paul could hit the road to get back to NYC at a decent hour. It was a smooth ride and I got to my apartment at 2pm. And now I am here at Cosi, happily re-capping my weekend. It was fun and it was good. That's what life is all about.
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
Today is the first full day I've taken off from work in the past four and a half months, since my return from Costa Rica. I spent almost the entire day sleeping. I wasn't sick at all, and not really even exhausted; my body was just greedy for a day of inactivity. The reason I was kinda tired, though, can be traced back to the weekend.
Friday night was a good time. I hit the town with Evan and Corey. After drinking a bunch of gin-and-tonic's at McGlinchey's, we went to Olde City to: Paradigm, then Lucy's Hat Shop, then to after-hours at Mirage, where I ended up dancing for a while with this black girl. I felt like I was in a music video. I finally got in to my place at 4:30 a.m.
Saturday was spent chilling and recovering a little. Then later, Corey and I drove back to Medford for a house party. Julie had invited me and told me there would be a crowd of about 10-15. The party itself was only okay, but immediately after getting there a really good-looking girl sat down at the table where Corey and I were eating some burgers. We got into a conversation; the whole time I kept things cool.
Later, Corey wanted to go back to Philly, and I said I'd go too, but then Julie said I should stay to have fun with the girl, Heather. I said I'd probably still leave, but then Heather told me to stay. She said she wanted to take me on a tour of the house, so I said sure. When we got to the landing at the top of the second floor, we started talking and flirting. So I suddenly moved in to kiss her and she responded well. After a few minutes, we went back down to the party. I told Corey I'd stay; he left back for Philly about an hour later.
A little bit later after that, Heather and I went upstairs to a guest bedroom. Needless to say, I ended my period of nine months abstinence. Her body was amazing and fortunately, I had the endurance to keep her going for four hours straight, thereby keeping the whole house awake. We had a great time together.
The next morning I went with Justin and his girl, Alice, to drop off Heather at the airport to pick-up her rental car to drive back to her home in Charlotte, North Carolina. We flirted and kissed the whole way. It was kinda disappointing to drop her off since we definitely had a connection. We decided we'd keep in touch and just see what happened.
The whole thing was good for a lot of reasons. Primarily, I was happy and I had fun. But I also proved I can still attract a very attractive girl and impress her. This makes me very happy and surely gives me hope for the future.
Friday night was a good time. I hit the town with Evan and Corey. After drinking a bunch of gin-and-tonic's at McGlinchey's, we went to Olde City to: Paradigm, then Lucy's Hat Shop, then to after-hours at Mirage, where I ended up dancing for a while with this black girl. I felt like I was in a music video. I finally got in to my place at 4:30 a.m.
Saturday was spent chilling and recovering a little. Then later, Corey and I drove back to Medford for a house party. Julie had invited me and told me there would be a crowd of about 10-15. The party itself was only okay, but immediately after getting there a really good-looking girl sat down at the table where Corey and I were eating some burgers. We got into a conversation; the whole time I kept things cool.
Later, Corey wanted to go back to Philly, and I said I'd go too, but then Julie said I should stay to have fun with the girl, Heather. I said I'd probably still leave, but then Heather told me to stay. She said she wanted to take me on a tour of the house, so I said sure. When we got to the landing at the top of the second floor, we started talking and flirting. So I suddenly moved in to kiss her and she responded well. After a few minutes, we went back down to the party. I told Corey I'd stay; he left back for Philly about an hour later.
A little bit later after that, Heather and I went upstairs to a guest bedroom. Needless to say, I ended my period of nine months abstinence. Her body was amazing and fortunately, I had the endurance to keep her going for four hours straight, thereby keeping the whole house awake. We had a great time together.
The next morning I went with Justin and his girl, Alice, to drop off Heather at the airport to pick-up her rental car to drive back to her home in Charlotte, North Carolina. We flirted and kissed the whole way. It was kinda disappointing to drop her off since we definitely had a connection. We decided we'd keep in touch and just see what happened.
The whole thing was good for a lot of reasons. Primarily, I was happy and I had fun. But I also proved I can still attract a very attractive girl and impress her. This makes me very happy and surely gives me hope for the future.
Sunday, August 3, 2003
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night
So another weekend has passed, this being a Sunday night. Its times like this that I feel I'm stuck in samsara, destined to eternally live for the weekends but always wondering at their conclusion how long the cycle will last.
And of course, I look back and wonder 'how' and 'why' I spent so much money. I have to be mindful of my spending since my rent here is higher than it had been at 2008. So far, I seem to be stuck in a financial quagmire, generally the same amount going out as is coming in. That's a very precarious way of living and I really need to consider curtailing my consumption (both the alcoholic and financial types since they go hand-in-hand). I have to put more focus toward my goals of furnishing and finishing my apartment, and then making a somewhat costly investment in purchasing a personal computer. But these are all material desires.
I am quite happy these days, but sometimes when I am alone, I am confronted with the seeds of my discontent: the loneliness in which I contemplate and the instability of life itself. I wonder what its all about. I ponder my purported goals and then wonder what my goals should be. I think about what is really important in life. And eventually I drive myself to the point of feeling lost and alone. From there, my thoughts drift toward the trivial tasks of tomorrow, toward women and lust, or toward lofty dreams of a glorious future. And one of those three, then, usually carries me into temporary unconsciousness. And so it goes.
And of course, I look back and wonder 'how' and 'why' I spent so much money. I have to be mindful of my spending since my rent here is higher than it had been at 2008. So far, I seem to be stuck in a financial quagmire, generally the same amount going out as is coming in. That's a very precarious way of living and I really need to consider curtailing my consumption (both the alcoholic and financial types since they go hand-in-hand). I have to put more focus toward my goals of furnishing and finishing my apartment, and then making a somewhat costly investment in purchasing a personal computer. But these are all material desires.
I am quite happy these days, but sometimes when I am alone, I am confronted with the seeds of my discontent: the loneliness in which I contemplate and the instability of life itself. I wonder what its all about. I ponder my purported goals and then wonder what my goals should be. I think about what is really important in life. And eventually I drive myself to the point of feeling lost and alone. From there, my thoughts drift toward the trivial tasks of tomorrow, toward women and lust, or toward lofty dreams of a glorious future. And one of those three, then, usually carries me into temporary unconsciousness. And so it goes.
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