Birds

Lying in bed yesterday morning, with the door between the bedroom and living room half-open, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a small, dark shape moving quickly alongside the wall. For a few minutes before that, I had been hearing what sounded like someone throwing a pebble at my living room or kitchen window, and was confused at the sound. Now that I noticed this fleeting object, I quickly got out of bed, put on shorts and a t-shirt, and went out into the living room to investigate. A small, brown sparrow had gotten into the apartment and was flying around frantically, trying to get out. The night before, in order to let some fresh air in, I'd left the kitchen window cracked-open only about two or three inches. Somehow our small winged friend had found his way in through that opening. And now he wanted to get out. I opened the kitchen window as far wide as possible. I moved the hanging plant from that window to the open walkway between the kitchen and the living room. And I moved the large plant on the kitchen windowsill to the coffee table in the living room. By doing all of this, there was now a large, unobstructed passage to the open window. And of course the bird was too scared to come low because of Rocky and the Baby. So, I put Rocky in the bedroom and closed the door. And the Baby just stayed put in the living room, a little too unsettled by this strange creature that was flying around her living space. At this point, I tried to usher the bird towards the open window, but it was obviously too freaked-out by the large human waving his hands. I decided that I would just eat my breakfast in the living room and ignore the bird, hoping that it would eventually find its way out. After about five minutes, there was silence. I looked for the bird, but it was nowhere to be found. Happily, our brown sparrow had found his freedom.

Earlier today, on my walk from the office to the Criminal Justice Center, as I was walking north down 15th Street towards Market, I felt something hit my left hand. I raised it toward my face and saw that a round splatter of white goo had landed on the part of my hand behind my thumb and forefinger. I went right up to a food vendor and asked for napkins to wipe my hand. The woman I had been speaking with told me that I now had good luck, and she asked me to give her three numbers to play the lottery. I obliged and gave her three random numbers. Hopefully I truly have been blessed with good fortune. Let's see.

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Ozomatli, at World Cafe Live, one week from tonight.

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It's sunny in Philadelphia.

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Happy April, fools.

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Today is Cesar Chavez Day: "All my life, I have been driven by one dream, one goal, one vision: to overthrow a farm labor system in this nation that treats farm workers as if they were not important human beings. Farm workers are not agricultural implements; they are not beasts of burden to be used and discarded."

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I strongly oppose Attorney General Tom Corbett's lawsuit against the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Healthcare reform is necessary for our nation's best interests. A healthy workforce is a productive workforce, and a productive workforce is key to a robust economy.

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Hoy es "Dia de la Memoria por la Verdad y la Justicia" en Argentina, siempre recordamos los que perdieron sus vidas y fueron desaparecidos en la Guerra Sucia y apoyamos siempre la lucha contra la injusticia en cualquier forma y en cualquier parte del mundo.

Saw Temple vs. Richmond in the championship game of the 2010 Atlantic 10 men's basketball tournament at Boardwalk Hall, Atlantic City, section 219, row L, seat 20, for $40.00.

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The American poet Walt Whitman once portrayed a sunset over Philadelphia as "...a broad tumble of clouds, with much golden haze and profusion of beaming shaft and dazzle."

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salsa dancing tonight

Saw Temple vs. Dayton at the Liacouras Center, section 114, row F, seat 6, for $35.00.

Saw Temple vs. Rhode Island at the Liacouras Center, section 102, row R, seat 9, for $35.00.

Friday update

So here I am, sitting at my desk, looking out the window to bright blue skies on a Friday morning. I just got back from a short trip to Family Court, where I had to drop-off some papers to a law student volunteer at the domestic violence unit. Walking down Chestnut Street, with tall snow drifts on the side of the road, icy spots on the sidewalk, and narrow passageways at each corner where previous pedestrians blazed their way through the snow, I began dreaming. I pictured myself at my favorite beach in the world, Playa Samara, on the Pacific coast of Costa Rica. I can see myself sitting there in an open-air restaurant, drinking a guanabana con leche, after a filling breakfast of gallo pinto. I'm there with a beautiful girlfriend and I'm looking forward to a lazy day with no appointments, no worries, no preoccupations. I'm looking forward to swimming in the clear, blue water of the Pacific, to taking a nap on the warm sand under some palm trees, to taking a walk hand-in-hand to the end of the beach, to kissing while the sun sets over the ocean, to eating a delicious dinner at the edge of the sand, to going to a beachfront bar for cervezas Imperiales and a few games of pool, while listening to reggae music playing in the background, to going to bed with a ceiling fan buzzing coolly overhead while lying on top of the sheets, a pleasant buzz from the beer and the pleasure of a girl best friend at my side, lazily dozing off to sleep feeling content and easy . . .

And here I am in Philly, hoping at least to get a good buzz tonight.

blast from the past

in order to keep myself busy for a while, i dug up my files of papers that i'd written in high school and typed a few of them on to the blog here. reading the eighteen year old version of myself writing was quite amusing. i was a good writer, if i say so myself! but just reading the way i wrote, or to put it better, hearing the voice of a young me, really made me feel a bit bittersweet. i sounded so idealistic and innocent, so intelligent and so confident but understated in approach to the world. there are certainly remmants of that personality still within myself, but my evolution has taken me away from that clean archetype. and the weight of years of experiences and disappointments, and yes, certainly heartbreak, has undoubtedly etched indelible scars into my skin of my soul. i've become pragmatic to the point where things don't seem worthwhile. the focus of my life has moved away from internal sources of happiness, like reading and football, to external sources of sometimes happiness, sometimes unhappiness, like relationships with imperfect girls and the monotony of a job that doesn't truly exploit my talents. how did i go from a guy that was sought my most of the ivies to a single guy hopelessly waiting for love and still living in a one bedroom apartment with two cats? and yet i still feel hopeful. even despite the wistful despair at seeing my own transformation. really, hearing my young voice makes me feel that i deserve so much better than i have, and i now wonder what i can possibly do to change that. does the life of an adult necessarily demand this hardening, this pragmatization, this realization that we march towards death, and the likelihood of internal sources of pleasure and happiness becoming evermore fleeting and rare? i also wonder if i will ever find a girl who is both beautiful and intelligent and who will love me completely. does this girl exist? must i be dependent on external sources of happiness since i've seemingly exhausted my own innocence, except perhaps during rare moments of silliness and immaturity, at which time i'm usually told that i'm being weird or that i have a strange sense of humor? nowadays i'm most happy when i'm reading, because reading is something that i've always loved, ever since i was a boy, according to my own memories and what my dad has told me. also, reading provides me an escape from all the despair of mundane life. even for all my reminiscing tonight, i feel relatively good. the goal of life is to keep on living, because one simply never knows exactly what to expect. i think back to a year ago. i flew out to san diego for a 24 hour trip to visit cherise on valentine's day. it was a final hurrah, a last ditch effort at what i thought was worthwhile. of course it was a revelatory trip, so much more as a result of what was not expressed as what was. and that seems to be my predilection, to attract those that are incapable of expression. or maybe that's the grave that i've dug, that my own love for words, as i've developed through my reading, my love for expresssion, which i do through my everyday speech and writing, has created certain unusual expectations that are not likely to be fulfilled by the modern woman, who has been braindirtied by society to be independent, sovereign, self sufficient. conversely, perhaps my hatred for the way i was raised, by a mother and father who, although they undoubtedly did love me, never, not once, ever said so or gave a hug or a kiss or a simple "i love you" has made me particularly sensitive to that condition, as i consider it a deficiency, so that i cannot trust or stand anyone who fits that personality type. and then i wonder to myself whether, at the age i'm at, i'm still in the process of figuring out who i am and what i need and why this process is still taking place when others seem to have figured everything out so long ago. am i really that complex? or is it that i've been that ignorant of myself for so long? or maybe i'm self-deceiving, a quality that i absolutely loathe in others, because for me it's dishonorable to lie to others, but downright detestable to lie to oneself. i don't know. anyway, to the extent that i continue to have free time at home, i'd like to continue typing in old papers on to this blog. besides being entertaining, hopefully, they may help me to find my true self, or at least recover a part of a more innocent and pure version of me. and now, since it's late, i'm going to have some dinner, some leftovers of tilapia, rice and beans from last night. and then i'll finish the night with some reading, because that sounds like a nice way to end the evening before going to bed. by the way, the snow ended last night and left us with 16 inches of snow, on top of the already 28.5 on the ground, officially making this the snowiest winter on record in philadelphia. when the snow eventually melts, hopefully it can wash away all the uncertainty with it.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

I just checked the website for 6abc news, and they're calling for 18 to 24 inches of snow in Philadelphia! If we really get as much snow as they're predicting, it's really gonna shut-down the city. The office is already closed for tomorrow, and it may be closed on Thursday too. I just can't imagine how another two feet of snow, on top of the two feet that's still on the ground from this past Saturday, is gonna be plowed. Even SEPTA is announcing that it will quite likely shut-down service.

So, the moral of the story is that I've gotta be prepared. I just finished my latest book last night, "The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems," a collection of fifty of Pablo Neruda's poems. I think he is an amazing poet, and just reading his poetry got me thinking in poetic terms, and hoping that I can be inspired to write some of my own poetry again. Maybe the day off tomorrow may afford me the opportunity, if only I am blessed with inspiration. Anyway, on my walk home today I'm going to stop by Barnes & Noble to use the remaining value on a gift card (given to me on my birthday by my mom's boyfriend, Eric) to get a new book. I already have a few titles in mind; we'll see what I actually get.

Another form of preparation is picking-up a couple movies. Just a few nights ago, I got a month-long movie pass from the video store on 20th Street. Ileana and I watched District 9 and (500) Days of Summer. But I'd like to stop by this evening to replace those two with two new ones, so that I have something to watch tomorrow during the day or in the evening.

And finally, I should definitely stop off at Trader Joe's to restock on some food and drink. I'm sure Trader Joe's is gonna be a madhouse, but I really have no choice because I'm running low on a bunch of stuff. I would've had to go there today, even if there was no impending snowstorm.

Somehow I have to do all of these things and get out to Ileana's place in West Philly before the new episode of Lost begins at 9:00 p.m. tonight! Oh man, this doesn't look good.

Mission Accomplished

I feel a sense of accomplishment. I finally mailed out my 2008 tax return. I owed $2.00 in taxes, for which I wrote out a check to the Pennsylvania Department of Revenue. I had been meaning to finish it up and send it out for months, since last April really, but I kept putting it off. Finally, with a little free time yesterday afternoon, I resolved to focus on getting it done. I'm glad it's out of the way now. I'd had a post-it note hanging from my computer monitor for the past three months with the word "taxes" scribbled on to it as a reminder. That post-it note is now in the trash. Just in time for me to look forward to tackling my 2009 federal and state tax returns.

So this is the calm before the storm. Today's dry skies and calm wind belie the approaching deluge of snow; the latest predictions (at 3:30am from the National Weather Service) are for 10 to 18 inches in Philadelphia. And this on top of this past Saturday's 28.5 inches, which have barely been cleared, if at all, from roads and sidewalks. From what I recall seeing on the news, Philadelphia only needs 9 more inches to make this the snowiest winter on record. In little over 24 hours, we'll see if we're on our way to that dubious mark.

I read a comment to a news article on philly.com that global warming is causing the greater snowfalls, as a result of massive glacial melting in the North Atlantic, off the coast of Greenland, which cools the waters there and backs up the normally warm flow from the Caribbean, which has always offset, to a degree, the cold air from the Arctic in the winter months. I'm no meteorologist, of course, but that (long-winded) explanation does seem to make sense.

Class bias

On Facebook, a user can become a "fan" of certain groups. There are thousands of groups for all sorts of interests. The overwhelming majority are non-controversial and harmless. One of them that has always gotten under my skin, though, is a group called "Making Drug Tests Required to Get Welfare." Presumably, "fans" of this group favor a government policy requiring an applicant for public assistance to get a negative result from a mandated drug test in order to be eligible to receive assistance from the Department of Public Welfare.

"Making Drug Tests Required to Get Welfare" would be a waste of taxpayer dollars, not to mention an institutionalization of class bias. Today, courts do not order a drug test unless there is reasonable cause to do so. Requiring drug tests to get welfare would eliminate reasonable cause and replace it with a prejudice against someone simply for being poor.

Groups that advocate this kind of position really anger me. They exemplify one more type of bias that still exists in this world. Stupid people continue to exist and promote policies and programs that reflect their own stupidity.

Winter wonderland

A major snowstorm hit Philadelphia. The snow began falling late Friday night, and it didn't stop until some time Saturday night. When it was all said and done, there were 28.5 inches of snow on the ground. That's the official snowfall for Philadelphia, according to the news. And based on that, it's the second biggest single snowfall in the recorded history of the city. But from what I can estimate at the double-deuce and Spruce, I think the snow total was less than two feet. Don't get me wrong though. Even now, on Monday morning, there is still a ton of snow on the streets. Even the sidewalks of major streets, like Walnut, are not completely clear. It's times like this that I really wish I had a digital camera that worked, and a notebook computer that had sufficient memory to allow me to upload photos. Those are two things (a camera and a computer) on my list of things to get. Anyway, with temperatures not really expected to exceed the freezing mark, it will be very difficult to remove the snow before the next major snowstorm, which is predicted for this coming Wednesday.

On Saturday night, I took the Baby out on to the front stoop to let her see the snow. She was her typical self: a bit timid, but curious. We stayed outside for not much more than five minutes to let her do just a little bit of exploring.

Well, having a weekend where I mostly stayed indoors allowed me to do some reading. Last week I finished "Revolutionary Suicide" by Huey P. Newton. And although I've been meaning to make it to Borders or Barnes and Noble to get a new book, I simply haven't done so. Luckily, I still had the book that Ileana gave me as a gift for my birthday, a collection of poems by Pablo Neruda, which I've been reading for the past week. I've got a little more than 40 pages left, so perhaps I can finish it tonight.

I think Sue's husband, George, looks like Jeremy Shockey, of the New Orleans Saints. Last night the Saints won Super Bowl 44 over the Indianapolis Colts. I'd been routing for the Colts, who looked good in the first quarter. But the Saints staved off the Colts' momentum by eating up tons of clock in the second quarter, thereby keeping Peyton Manning (and the Colts offense) from getting into a groove. And by doing that, it allowed Drew Brees and the Saints offense to shake off any rust and/or nerves to get into their own groove. Despite that, the game was close, it was anyone's game, until late in the fourth quarter, when Peyton Manning threw an interception that was run back for a Saints' touchdown. Besides the points margin, it was a shift of momentum, a game-changer. Oh well, I guess I'm happy for the NFC to have won a championship. And I guess for the city of New Orleans too, as non-sportcasters in the news are making such a big deal about. As if the Super Bowl victory will do anything to rebuild a city or prevent the potential effects of another major hurricane in New Orleans. But maybe I'm being a little cynical. The Saints franchise has never won a Super Bowl, and there are no other major sports in that city, so if anyone deserves to win the big game, why not them?

Well, things seem pretty quiet today, with the snow and all. So I may write again later today, when my mind begins wandering, and I have some random thoughts that merit mention.

Good vibes

cuz i'm in the mood for some uplifting music to refocus me . . . gotta hope for the best . . .



"sometimes life it seems to stall
but never be ungrateful y'all"

i'm thankful that i have all the necessities of life and the education, tools, credentials, experience, etc. to allow me to look for opportunities. i guess i just wish that things were a little more stable, in terms of employment. but as i've reasoned to myself in the past, not having a wife or children, not having a mortgage, not having anything really permanent, simply means that i have freedom: freedom to go wherever i like, freedom to work as i wish, freedom to find my own definition of happiness. it's just that the idea of a permanent job, with my own office and my own cases and my own clients, and with all the perquisites of a job, like health insurance and the assurance of a regular paycheck, would really make me happy, despite whatever "freedom" i may metaphysically be giving up. i guess this rolling stone is just gonna have to keep on rolling...

Job prospects

I'd really like to be able to stay on at Philadelphia Legal Assistance on a permanent basis. I spoke very briefly with our executive director this afternoon, who told me that they're applying for funding from the Department of Justice to staff a family law attorney to focus on serving immigrant clients. That's right up my alley, considering my language and cultural background, as well as my travel experience, and ability to build rapport quickly with people of various cultures. The problem, though, is that the funding may not be available until the end of the year. And we're only in January now. The executive director told me that I should reach out to a particular private attorney, who she's friends with and who I happen to know, to discuss the possibility of getting together for lunch, with the ostensible purpose of talking about going in with him, at least on a temporary basis. My initial reaction is one of disappointment, because I'd like to stay on here at PLA. But I'm gonna have to sit down to talk more in detail about these possibilities with our executive director. And then I'll just have to take it from there. I don't like the idea of once again leaving a position after just a few months, but if I have no choice in the matter, then what else can I do?

Questions

Last night Ileana and I played the questions game. That's where we take turns asking one question at at time to each other as a way of getting to know each other better. As I said last night, the questions she asked me, and my answers to them, are probably more interesting than most of what I normally write about on here. So hopefully I can remember some of those questions as topics for future posts here.

Question: skydive or bungee jump?

My answer: In reality, neither one. But if I had to choose for the sake of this hypothetical question, I think I'd have to go with skydiving. The idea of jumping off the side of a bridge, putting all my hope on a rubber cord, seems crazy. At least skydiving involves not only the parachute, but an emergency parachute, and you're accompanied by a skydiving instructor. Also, I would hope that being so high up in the air would make it seem more surreal, thus better able to confront, whereas jumping off a bridge the ground comes up at you in the blink of an eye.

capitalism/socialism

Capitalism is good when it promotes competition -- which creates better products, more efficiency, and generally pushes everyone -- as individuals and corporations -- to work better.

Socialism is good when it provides essential services to individuals and families who are adversely effected by economic forces beyond their control.

A healthy economy is the positive, mutually beneficial intersection of these two basic goals.

The part of Dr. King's quote that is critical is its reference to those living "in abject, deadening poverty." That's because the existence of those with "superfluous, inordinate wealth" is only really a problem when there exist those who continue to live "in abject, deadening poverty."

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"Para mi solo recorrer los caminos que tienen corazon, cualquier camino que tenga corazon. Por ahi yo recorro, y la unica prueba que vale es atravesar todo su largo. Y por ahi yo recorro mirando, mirando, sin aliento." -- don Juan Matus

a short week

Because of the MLK holiday yesterday, today is the beginning of a short week. As I said a couple posts ago, I'm looking forward to a much quieter week than last week.

As a follow-up, I'd like to report that my irrational, and admittedly stupid, worries dissipated on Sunday night. They began to calm down a bit just from listening to music, which almost always seems to help me feel better and put things in perspective. But they dissipated completely when I got a phone call from Ileana late Sunday night. To my surprise, she actually read what I'd written here earlier that evening, so she picked up the phone and called me. We talked for a little while and everything was fine. I realize that there are certain reflex reactions I have, probably a combination of my personality as well as patterns from previous relationships (I guess that may be the downside to having experience). And that I must be very aware of not blindly giving in to those impulses, especially when there's no real reason to do so. As I admitted to Ileana, it's not necessarily going to be easy. But she gives me good reason to grow and become a more mature person in how I handle the downpoints in a relationship. I'm gonna give it my best shot. And I'm very, very thankful to be with someone who is caring and understanding of me. Besides that, I'll say simply that Ileana and I spent a really nice time together yesterday, highlighted by lunch at Pod (3636 Sansom Street in University City) and a really delicious, home-cooked dinner of penne pasta in alfredo sauce with chicken and broccoli.

Well, that's enough for now. I have other thoughts in mind on various other topics, but I'll save that for another post, perhaps as early as later this afternoon. Time to finish enjoying my late morning coffee and take care of a few things. Have a great day!

Remembering MLK

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. told his Ebenezer Church congregation:

"If our economic system is to survive, there has to be a better distribution of wealth . . . we can't have a system where some people live in superfluous, inordinate wealth, while others live in abject, deadening poverty."

Today is Martin Luther King Day 2010. I'm happy that I work in public service. Hopefully my six-month stint at Philadelphia Legal Assistance becomes something longer lasting. I hope that an offer for a permanent position is extended to me in the next week or two. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please. Thanks.

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"If our economic system is to survive, there has to be a better distribution of wealth . . . we can't have a system where some people live in superfluous, inordinate wealth, while others live in abject, deadening poverty." -- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

doubts

every once in a while, i get this feeling that i will never settle down into a permanent relationship, not so much as a result of my own choice, but more because of circumstances. this feeling naturally comes up more frequently when i'm single. but this feeling also comes up occasionally when i'm in a relationship with someone. i've got that feeling right now.

yesterday i'd had an idea of how the night was going to turn out. i thought i was going to bring some tilapia to ileana's place, cook it up for us and eat it for dinner, then head to a musical performance at 9pm, and then meet up with some co-workers for karaoke at the trocadero. well, due to cleaning-up around the apartment and watching football on tv, and more than anything else, just from feeling pretty tired, the time flew and the evening went by. by the time i got a hold of ileana on the phone, it was just about 8:30pm, and i was still at home, not yet dressed and trying to figure out how the heck we were going to do everything that we'd had in mind. well, i guess i made an assumption that ileana had in my mind what i'd had in mind. this became clear when ileana told me, in that short phone conversation, that she was going to the show in a few minutes. right then i realized that i wasn't going to her place for dinner, that i'd have to cook the tilapia at my place, and that this whole last-minute change of plans really annoyed me to the point that i knew i wasn't going to want to go out at all. now, as an aside, i have to admit right here that i'd been feeling reluctant all along to doing karaoke with a group of co-workers, a few of which i'm not close with. so admittedly, i may have exploited this sudden change of plans as a reason to avoid going to the troc.

but there were a few deeper feelings going on too. and they reveal my own insecurities involved in my relationship with ileana. two things came to my mind. first, the show that ileana was going to was a brazilian musical performance. and by me having to stay home to cook the tilapia (because i had defrosted it two nights before, i had to either cook it last night or throw it out for fear of it having gone bad), that meant that ileana was going to the show alone. well, here's where i admit to you, the reader, that ileana's immediate ex-boyfriend, whom she was still dating when she and i first started spending time, left for brazil less than four months ago, thereby effectively ending their relationship, and opening the door for me. so for ileana to go alone to a brazilian music show signified to me a chance for ileana -- with me out of sight and out of mind -- to think about and reminisce on her ex-boyfriend. second, to add a bit of credence to this worry was the fact that something from the night before was still on my mind. on friday night, ileana and i stopped into good dog, a bar on 15th street near locust, to see if my friend madhu was still there, as he had texted me a bit earlier. while searching for madhu throughout the bar, ileana saw a guy who she knew. she began talking with him, and after texting madhu that i was there, i approached to introduce myself. the guy seemed very nice, and was obviously gay. then he told ileana that he really liked her ex-boyfriend, although he liked my eyes. i took the back-handed compliment in stride. and a couple minutes later, when ileana apologized to me for the guy's comment, i told her, rightly so, that she had no control over what he said. nevertheless, the seed of insecurity was planted in my mind, and it was sown the next night when ileana went to the brazilian show all by herself, ditching me at home to cook the tilapia.

now, before i go any further, can i admit that my fears are probably irrational? am i being insecure? yes and yes. but can i help myself? not really. it angers me that i began my relationship with ileana at a time when she was still going out with another guy. and although the greater part of me is happy that he's out of the picture by still being in brazil as i write this, a part of me wishes he was back here in philly so that i could feel more assured that ileana was still sticking with me, even with him in town. in other words, my insecurity is that when he comes back, she goes back to be with him, thereby ditching me to cook tilapia every night if i desire. i hate feeling this way. and i'm not sure what to do about it.

notably, after the brazilian musical show, ileana took it upon herself to come by my place to see if she would get me to go out with her or, i assume, stay in with me for the night. and although i give her a little bit of credit for coming here after the show, my overactive mind was already fast at work by that point, and i just wanted her to leave me alone for the night. she respected my wishes, even though she said i was acting like an asshole, and she left, presumably to meet up with all our co-workers as originally planned. i stayed in to finish cooking the tilapia and watch tv for the rest of the night.

it's now almost 24 hours later and i still haven't communicated with ileana all day long. my worst fears are dominating my thoughts. my insecurities are impelling me to solitude. i've stayed in to watch the villanova vs. georgetown basketball game, then cowboys-vikings, and now jets-chargers. up to this point i had decided that i wanted to be alone the rest of the weekend, and not see ileana again until work on tuesday. of course i'm second-guessing that decision now. but my fears remain.

and they remain against the backdrop of ileana's emotions towards me. on the positive, ileana has spent a whole lot of time with me over the past four months; in fact, we've been almost inseparable. and she will periodically kiss me on the cheek, for no reason at all. but on the downside, she's never really talked about a future for us, and she's never told me that she loves me. in the final analysis, to the extent that i can possibly be objective, i know that i have little or nothing to worry about, i know that i'm quite likely being irrational and letting my insecurities get to me. but that's how i feel right now, and i can't help myself. if ileana loves me, then i have nothing to worry about. and that's why i'm just gonna lay low, and wait to hear from her. and in the meantime, hope that my insecurities dissipate at least a little bit.

i'm gonna go back to drinking my beer and watching the end of the jets-chargers game now. it looks like i'm staying in by myself tonight.

the end of a busy week

It's certainly been a very busy week. For the first time, I had three hearings scheduled for one week. It didn't turn out so bad, though, because my client at this morning's hearing had already decided to remit all child support arrears for the defendant and terminate the support order, all by the time I got to court. So in the end, I only had to put on two hearings this past week, on Monday and yesterday. Even besides the hearings and the preparation involved for them, I've been busy trying to catch up on call-backs to clients. I still have a list of about ten calls that I need to make today. And over the course of the day, other things always seem to pop up to slow down any progress. But I realize that it's all part of the ebb and flow of work. Next week should be pretty good. I only have a custody master's conference on Thursday. So that should afford me the opportunity to catch-up on some things that really need to be done.

Anyway, enough about work. This past Wednesday, Wagner and I went to see the Temple men's basketball team take on the UPenn Quakers at the Palestra, the famed basketball arena. The game turned out as we had both hoped: Penn hung around for the first half and into the beginning of the second half, enough to make it an interesting and entertaining game, but then by mid-second half Temple began to pull away en route to their 60-45 victory. For buying tickets right there at the box office about five minutes before tip-off, our seats were not too bad: just behind the Temple student section, behind and slightly to the side of one of the hoops, and not too, too far from the Temple bench. There were no outstanding performances from the Temple players, more of just an overall team effort. As I commented to Wagner during the game, I think Temple played down just a little bit to their competition.

Last night after work, I went out with a few co-workers for happy hour. Diane organized the outting, and we went to the American Pub, underground near the Clothespin on 15th and Market. The atmosphere was decent, though nothing to really go back to in the future. I had a couple Miller Lites. Afterward, knowing that I had nothing at home to make dinner, I invited Ileana out to dinner. We shared some mozzarella sticks and a pizza at Pietro's Coal Oven Pizzeria, on Walnut Street near 18th.

So that's what's been going on. Besides simply reporting my weekly, or even daily, activities, I wanna get back to writing here about random stuff. Maybe if next week isn't so busy at work, I'll be able to take a quick break here and there to post some thoughts on non-personal issues. In the meantime, I hope you don't mind too much reading my online personal diary. Have a great weekend, fellow user of the world wide web!

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Any two individuals should be allowed to marry each other in a civil ceremony. Any civil marriage law that doesn't provide this is contrary to "liberty" and "the pursuit of happiness," and for those who choose to marry, the definition of "life" itself.

the weekend starts here!

I stayed up late last night reading my book, "Revolutionary Suicide," by Huey P. Newton. So that's why I got into work late this morning, which in turn explains why I'm still at work at 7:30pm on a Friday. But I'm about to leave now. I spent most of the day closing out files from 2009. I hadn't done any of that until today, so there was a lot that needed to be done. For the past three hours, I've finally gotten around to calling back clients who had left messages for me.

Well, I'm happy that the weekend is about to begin. I was surprised when I got into work today, even though I got in late, to see Ileana walk into my office, having already gotten here a half-hour before me. She had been up in New York all week because her uncle passed away suddenly this past Monday. I knew that she was coming back to Philly today, but I didn't think that she'd beat me into work, especially coming in all the way from New York! I guess it was a function of me being so late this morning, and Ileana being so early leaving her mom's place when her mom had to leave early for her own work this morning. So, although I'm a little tired, I'm really happy that Ileana is back.

Anyway, I'm looking for this weekend to be on the quiet side. I have to do at least a couple loads of laundry and I absolutely have to make a trip to Target to re-stock on a bunch of necessary home supplies. Besides that, I'll probably have a few drinks at some point, probably tomorrow night, but we'll see what develops. Or maybe I'll even have a drink tonight, who knows? If I do, I'll toast one to you! "Wait," you say, "how do you know who's reading this?" I guess I can't be sure, but the important thing is that I have a drink in someone's honor. Right? right. Alright, have a beautiful weekend. Peace out!

Facebook status update

When it's going to snow, the streets should be coated not only with salt, but with pepper too. Never good to have one without the other.

BCS National Championship

Tonight is the big game between Alabama and Texas. I have no plans tonight other than to chill out and watch the game at home. Hopefully it's a close, entertaining game; wouldn't want to end this college football season with a flop.

Earlier today I filed exceptions in a child support case. I thought the master did a really shitty job of calculating the child support. And I think she was motivated to prove me wrong since during the hearing I refused to settle with the other side for a meager monthly sum on behalf of my client. I insisted on a hearing, and the master became visibly angry that she'd actually have to put on a full hearing. That's why I think she wanted to tweak the numbers in whatever way possible to make the final order for less than the other side was offering to settle for. The exceptions were due today, and I got them done just in time. I found plenty of caselaw to support my position. But as with anything else, there's no way to know how the court will resolve my exceptions. With the court, as on the football field, it's "any given Sunday." But as I instant messaged to Ileana earlier today, while I was putting the finishing touches on the exceptions: "my legal arguments are swift and painlessly painful." That was my way of saying that I think I did a good job in preparing my exceptions, i.e., making my arguments. Now we'll just have to wait for a hearing date.

Besides that, all is quiet on the western front. I've been super-busy at work and that has been the main focus of my life these past few days. The only other thing that I'll comment on now is that the weather has been really cold. I think I heard that it may snow tonight, which is hard to believe since we've had perfectly clear (yet cold) skies all day long today. But hey, it is winter, so what else should we expect? That's all for now, folks, hope all is well and quiet on your front and back too. Peace.

Marathon

I came back just a little while ago from a late lunch at Marathon Grill, near Broad & Chestnut Streets. Several of us from work went there to have lunch with our old co-worker Sue, who's out on maternity leave; in fact, Sue is who I'm filling in for here at PLA. Meeting everyone for lunch worked out perfectly since I didn't have time to make lunch this morning to bring to work.

As we were about to leave, I heard a great song by Beck, "Gamma Ray." Check out the video:


Wherever you are, I hope you're staying warm. It's pretty cold these days in Philly! Check ya later.

Happy new year!

A new year has begun! 2009 is in the past, 2010 is the present and the future. Hopefully it's a good year filled with good health and happiness.

The New Year's Eve weekend was pretty good. My sister Jessica came down from Easton to hang out with Ileana and me for the night. Jess picked me up and we drove out to West Philly to meet up with Ileana and her roommate Jess. Ileana warmed up some dinner that she had cooked earlier in the evening: yellow rice with shrimp and vegetables. It was really good, although it would've been better if it had been warmed up more. The highlight was the sangria that Ileana made from a recipe that she got online; she used a bottle of malbec and mixed in a bunch of fruit. It was really good.

After that, the four of us walked the block and a half or so to a house party on 45th and Locust. Even though we didn't get there until around 10pm, people were still showing up around that time. We milled around for a while, chatting it up with a few people and eating some of the appetizers laid out on a table in the dining room. Mostly I just talked with Ileana, while Jess talked with this guy John who sorta looked like the actor Ryan Reynolds. Finally midnight approached, so everyone gathered in the living room, where a smaller television was set-up to watch the ball drop. At a few minutes before midnight, John and I psyched everyone out by shouting out a countdown "ten, nine, eight..."; everyone's surprise reaction at being caught off-guard was pretty funny. Finally midnight struck and I realized that there may not have been any couples there at all, which Jess told me later, made her happy. We all toasted small plastic cups of champagne and the new year began!

The next morning, Ileana and I cooked eggs with green pepper and onions for ourselves, with english muffins on the side. Then Jess and I drove back to my place so that I could clean-up my apartment while Jess went out to do reading at Cosi in the afternoon. Later, I walked over to meet her, and then Ileana took a bus to come meet us there too. From there, the three of us walked back to Jess's car and we drove to have a late lunch / early dinner at Bar Ferdinand in Northern Liberties. Because there was a happy hour special when we got there, we were able to have two carafes of sangria. And we all split 8 tapas and 2 bowls of soup. Overall the food was delicious; nothing like empanadas to hit the spot. After dinner, Jess drove us out to West Philly so that Ileana could pick-up her passport (to use as ID for the night), then dropped us off at Drinker's in Center City so that we could hang-out with my friend Mike and his girlfriend Christine. Before that, though, Ileana and I ran in to buy tickets for the movie Avatar, playing later that night. Ileana and I split a pitcher of Bud Light at Drinker's, while chatting with Mike and Christine, and then booked it just in time to catch a cab out to the Bridge at 40th and Walnut. The movie Avatar was awesome. Upon the advice of Ethan (who texted me earlier that day for new year's), we decided to pay the extra money to watch it in 3-D; so worth it! The special effects were amazing and the visual picture was just beautiful. Ileana and I really related to the storyline, especially as it paralleled the Conquest of the Americas, a topic that we had spoken a lot of while I read the book "Open Veins of Latin America" by Eduardo Galeano, which I had just finished reading a few days earlier. The only bummer was having to wait for 20 minutes on the corner of 40th and Chestnut for a bus back to Center City on a night when it was freezing cold and windy. Despite the cold weather, though, we were both buzzing from the after-effects of watching Avatar.

Saturday, we took our time getting the day started. We finally made it out in the mid-afternoon to take a walk to a coffee shop. We tried going first to Good Karma, but every table was taken, so we kept walking until we got to La Va Cafe, on 21st and South Streets. We got a table there and sipped our coffee while reading: she with Song of Solomon (by Toni Morrison) and me with Revolutionary Suicide (by Huey P. Newton). From there we stopped back at my place to pick-up a Trader Joe's gift card, which my mom had given to me for Christmas, and we went food-shopping together. We had a lunch of California rolls and crackers with Iberico cheese and salami. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching television, including some college football, which I tried to explain to Ileana. Later in the evening we cooked some organic spaghetti with spinach mixed into the red sauce, and then Ileana left to go home to get ready for the night. Although I was feeling pretty tired, I had promised Ileana that we would go out dancing. So when she texted to say that she was in a cab on her way down to the Walnut Room, I left my place and walked over there. There was a pretty decent crowd there and I took a few minutes to ease in to the atmosphere by drinking a couple PBR's and feeling the music, which was mostly 90's to more recent hip-hop. Ileana was dancing pretty much right from the get-go, and eventually I started dancing too. After a little while, I had gotten into it. Towards the end of the night, the dj played a merengue song, and I could see that Ileana was impressed that my dancing skills (at least when it comes to merengue) were better than I had let on. Even though I was tired throughout much of the night, the music energized me just enough and we had a really fun night dancing together.

Sunday was a very lazy day. We got up at 11:30am, only to migrate to the couch for breakfast and then a nap that lasted until around 2pm. After getting up and having lunch, we finally went out later in the afternoon for a coffee at La Colombe. I did a little more reading in my book, while Ileana read from Citypaper and Philadelphia Weekly. We went back to my place so I could drop-off my stuff before going to church, while Ileana stayed behind and did some reading. When I got back from church, we cooked a dinner of pollo asado (pre-seasoned courtesy of Trader Joe's), white rice with coconut milk, and black beans. It was a good dinner, enjoyed while watching episodes of Lost, season five. Our Lost marathon lasted until past midnight. And so, our long New Year's weekend finally came to an end.

And so now, it's back to the grind. In this new year, I'd like to do a much better job of getting to work on-time, getting to the gym more regularly, and keeping in touch with my friends more, all things that sound easy, but I find ways to make difficult. That being said, I wish you the very best in 2010!

Facebook status update

facebook is the tip. i am the iceberg.

Wow, two days in a row!

Okay, so I'm actually back again. I was surprised to look out the window this morning and see some snow on the ground outside. It's a half-day at work, being that today is New Year's Eve. Today at work I only have a couple of complaints (divorce and support) to file at the Clerk and then make a couple phone calls.

Last night was nice. Ileana and I wanted to go out to eat. So we first walked to Erawan, where I was hoping my friend Laddie would be working. But since she wasn't there, we left and walked to Grace Tavern. But there weren't any open seats there. So we walked a block down South Street and decided to give L2 a try. We walked to the dining room in the back, which had sofa benches with dark red satin all along the walls. There was swing music and other 1940s-sounding music playing. The room was dimly-lit and there were large framed paintings of portraits of women on each wall. The vibe was somewhat Eastern European or perhaps Parisian. So we had hopes that it would be a good meal. Things became a bit disappointing right off the bat when the waiter said that they didn't have many wines to choose from. Of course I wanted malbec, which they didn't have. So we had to settle for two glasses of merlot. Then when Ileana ordered a pasta dish, the guy came back and said they didn't have pasta! and that she would have to order something else. Despite his explanation that they had been closed for five days for the holidays, the idea of such a sparse menu seemed preposterous and shoddy. To top things off, when I got my chicken parmesan, the red sauce was so thin that I think they must have bought the sauce on sale at Shoprite. We really enjoyed the atmosphere (music and ambience) and the appetizers (pita with hummus and shrimp wrapped in bacon) were good enough for us to enjoy our time there. But everything else was disappointing enough that we decided that we're never going back there.

After wrapping up the check, we decided it was still too early to go home. So we walked another block down South Street to Ten Stone. We had a couple rounds of beers: two Palm Belgian Ambers for Ileana, and one Palm Belgian Amber and one Hoegaarden for me. I watched the Sixers-Kings basketball game while we talked.

Well, I hope you have a wonderful New Year's Eve tonight. Be safe. And may the new year bring you good health and happiness!

Did you miss me?

It's been over three months since I last wrote anything here. I give credit to Wagner for reminding me about the blog and, in turn, for reviving my interest in preserving my very weak memory. So the question: where do I begin?

Well, things have come full circle, at least professionally speaking. Before going to law school, I worked for nearly four years as a family law paralegal at Philadelphia Legal Assistance. Back in mid-October, there was word that one of the attorneys was suddenly going out on maternity leave, after finally being approved to adopt a baby girl. I was asked to interview for the temporary, six-month position. I did so, and was hired to begin working on Monday, November 2nd. Since then, I've enjoyed being back with a group of people that I truly consider to be my second family. And I've really enjoyed practicing law in the way that I believe I was meant to practice: client-based, client-centered, and in the courtroom.

Now, some highlights from the past three months that I will simply list for the benefit of my own memory:

• throwing a birthday party at the double-deuce and Spruce, to which my sister and a bunch of my friends came, and even my mom made a surprise appearance
• watching the Temple basketball team upset #3-ranked Villanova at the Liacouras Center, to the dismay of Wagner who was there with me to witness history
• going to a live music performance by Sara Tavares at the Kimmel Center, then going to dinner at Valanni's and then drinks at El Vez
• going bowling at Strikes in University City, and even playing a little ping-pong afterwards
• being snowed-in by the 23.2 inches of snow on Saturday, December 19th, and staying in the apartment that day to watch "The Hangover" and then "Up", then venturing out later in the afternoon to have a late lunch at Continental Midtown
• going out to West Philly a lot, including a pleasant afternoon lounging in the grass at Clark Park and nights at Local 44
• speaking of going out to West Philly, having to walk Walnut Street all the way out to 44th Street, because the buses weren't running as a result of the SEPTA strike back in late October
• taking a stroll arm-in-arm from the double-deuce and Spruce all the way down to Mixto for a first date

. . . and other stuff I can't remember right now. I'm gonna start writing here more regularly, so that way I can actually keep track of everything that I'm doing. In spite of the bigger picture (e.g., the economy), 2009 was a pretty good year. And I feel that things are on an upswing as we head into 2010. I hope that the new year brings you good health and happiness. And, if it's not too much to ask, I hope the same thing for myself. Let's see if I can write again tomorrow . . .

Facebook status update

I'm happy that you and I are friends!

Facebook status update

"Chaque homme porte en lui sa dose d'opium naturel, incessamment secretee et renouvelee, et, de la naissance a la mort, combien comptons-nous d'heures remplies par la jouissance positive, par l'action reussie et decidee?"

Facebook status update

Phillies si, Yanqui no.

Facebook status update

"Be true to yourself and you will never fall."

Facebook status update

"Where your treasure is, there also will be your heart."

Facebook status update

Let's go Phillies!!!

Facebook status update

I'm doing an upside-down handstand.

Mojitos

Yesterday afternoon I met up with my ex-girlfriend Heather. The last time I saw her was six years ago, and that was merely a brief, chance encounter on Walnut Street. The last time that I spent any real time with her was seven years ago. So needless to say, despite not having any intentions of anything beyond seeing her to catch up, I was still a bit excited to see her. We met at 3pm in Rittenhouse Square. Since I usually attend evening mass at 6:30pm, I figured a little more than three hours should be enough to catch up on most everything. The weather was sunny and dry and simply beautiful. Our meeting went exactly as I had hoped; I felt good that we had reconnected as friends. Now that I've seen her, though, my pre-meeting intentions have not changed. I'll be happy for she and I to be friends. Of the girls that I've dated for more than a month or so, there's now only one that I don't communicate with. All of rest care about me, just as I care about them, and they're mature enough to maintain a friendship with me. When I was younger (i.e., around the time when I broke up with Heather), I had a rigid philosophy of cutting all contact if a relationship didn't work out. But I don't feel that way any more: life is too short to hold grudges or exert mental/emotional energy to keep a wall up. Unless something really egregious happens to end a relationship, there's not much reason to turn your back on someone who you were compatible with to have a relationship with, even if it wasn't long-lasting. The reality is that the overwhelming majority of all relationships fail; relationships are the classic live-and-learn experience. So anyway, to bring it all the way back around, I'm glad that Heather and I can now be friends.

This past Saturday night was great. Wagner came by the double-deuce and Spruce to help me move out my old television and put it curbside. I had a few beers in the fridge, so we hung here for a little while. I took the opportunity to ask him some serious questions about his vision and goals for his law career. Since he's becoming one of my good friends here in Philly, I wanted to know if he would ever consider going into practice for himself, since that is my goal/hope/ambition. He said he had never really considered it, but said that he would now that I put the thought out there. It was a good, refreshing conversation before hitting the town.

Originally I had wanted to go to a new spot near me (at 20th and Sansom) called Village Whiskey. As we were walking out of my place, Wagner called up Tobin to let him know where we were going. At that moment, I took the opportunity to check my phone, lo and behold to discover that I'd missed a text message just a minute earlier. It was from Ileana, a girl who works with some of my friends at one of my old workplaces. She was out with her roommate and was inviting me to stop by if I wasn't busy. So the timing was perfect; Wagner's and my plan changed and we went to Rum Bar to meet up with them. It was a nice atmosphere in there, as there was a pretty good crowd, several of whom were wearing an eye-patch in honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day; it was pretty funny. We all spent the rest of the evening drinking mojitos. I was really happy to have the chance to talk to Ileana, since I'd only really talked to her once before for not much more than ten minutes. I kept being happily surprised to find out that we had a lot in common. So between the (strong) mojitos and the good conversation, I had a very good Saturday night.

The next morning, Sunday, I forced myself out of bed early in order to volunteer at a community event in South Philly: la Fiesta de San Mateo de Ozolco. For those of you who may not know, San Mateo de Ozolco is a village in the state of Puebla, in Mexico. And interestingly, anywhere from one-quarter to one-third of that village resides for at least part of the year in Philadelphia. Thus, to honor their community's community here in the 2-1-5, they hold an annual fiesta, with a traditional misa and dancing by los moros y cristianos and by traditional Aztecs. It was a fun cultural event to be at, although I had to leave early in order to make it back in time to meet up with Heather in Rittenhouse Square. But I have to admit that my Spanish-speaking skills were dulled as a result of all the mojitos I drank the night before. It was all worth it though.

Alright, that's all for now, folks. I hope things are well in your little part of the world, wherever that may be.

Quiet night

Today was a pretty quiet day, and tonight has been a quiet night. Being a night person, I got up late today. There are some days where I feel guilty for getting up late. Not today. Today I felt fine about getting up late. I had already set it in my mind that today was gonna be low-key. So I took the time to clean-up all the dishes and pots and utensils in the sink. I spoke on the phone with Evan for a while. And I made a call to an insurance company on behalf of one of my clients, but I only had to leave a voicemail there since no one picked up the phone.

Besides running out to Radio Shack to buy a power strip (to organize all the electrical cords now behind my television stand and to finally have an extra outlet to plug-in the antenna amplifier), I was inside all day. But I'm glad that I did run out for that quick errand, because on the walk home, coming up Walnut Street, I heard my name being called. I looked around and then across the street to the other sidewalk, and I saw my friend Nayami. So I ran across to say hi and give her a hug. We ended up walking together through Rittenhouse Square, she invited me to see her music group, PhillyBloco, perform at World Cafe Live on Halloween, and I gave her the gift of one of my two new power strips, since I only needed one. It was good to see Nayami, she's a really nice girl.

Tonight I just chilled out at home, drank a couple of my new favorite beers, Victory Whirlwind Witbier, and ate some spaghetti with sweet apple flavored chicken sausage and spinach mixed in with the sauce. While I ate, I had the Phillies game on low volume and listened to music from my iPod, played through my stereo. Overall, it was a good, chill night.

Now I think I'm gonna do some reading before going to bed. I hope you had as good a night as I did. See ya soon!

Autumn: coffee, football, and work/out

Today was a pretty good day. I met Michael for lunch today at Coventry Deli (at 20th & Market). Actually, he had lunch while I drank a coffee I had picked-up along the way at La Colombe. We were able to catch-up on some gossip, which is always a lot of fun. Afterwards, I walked across the street to the courtyard at Commerce Square, where Jeanette came down to say hi. It was nice to see her; she looked good. The three of us talked for about 15 minutes before they had to get back to work.

After getting back home, I took care of some phone calls (one to a potential client, the other to a current opposing party) -- as you can see, I'm trying to keep busy while I'm in between projects. And then I ran out to mail a bill and deposit my last paycheck at the bank (may it last for long time!). Anyway, I feel like this is turning into a play-by-play of my day, so let's move on to other topics.

The Philadelphia Eagles. Along with so many other people, I'm not expecting much from Kevin Kolb this Sunday against the Saints. I'm predicting that McNabb won't even suit up, now that they have Garcia. I think Garcia will be in by midway through the 2nd quarter. And I actually think that the Eagles will come out with a win, after the offense rallies around Garcia and the defense generally stifles the Saints' offense.

The weather. I love autumn; it's my favorite season. I wore a short-sleeve t-shirt to meet Michael and Jeanette, and I was fine. Tonight the windows are open at the double-deuce & Spruce, and there is a nice chill in the air. The weather reminds me of football. And it reminds me of long walks in the leaf-covered trails of state parks when I was a young boy. Autumn reminds me of growing up, since it reminds me of the excitement of returning to Gettysburg for four consecutive years as an undergraduate. I really love this time of the year.

Now, to return to my daily recap, I finally made it to the gym this evening, my first time there in about a week and a half. The work-out was good; I felt strong. Bench press was solid, dumbell bicep curls, lateral raises, cable tricep push-down, front raises, crunches on the Swiss ball, and an extra set of dips and push-ups at the end for good measure. I saw my recent gym buddy Brian there and talked to him for just a minute, told him that I felt good and wanna do better to make it in there more often. With the way I felt during and after the work-out, I most certainly will.

Good night folks!

Highlights from the weekend

This past Sunday I volunteered at the Mexican Independence Day Fiesta at Penn's Landing. It was a great day: the weather and the girls were beautiful. I helped out Juntos, a South Philly cultural organization, to get a ton of people to sign postcards that will be sent to our congresspeople, asking them to take the initiative to reform the immigration laws. The process by which I did this was simply walking around through the crowd with a clipboard and a bunch of postcards, and asking people to sign. It was a great opportunity to use my Spanish for an entire afternoon. And the feeling I got by approaching people was the same feeling (though perhaps not quite as nerveracking) as I get by approaching girls at a bar: the pressure of capturing someone's attention within just a couple of seconds and trying to hold their attention long enough for them to give you something (here, a signature, at the bar, a phone number). Overall I had a really good day. When I first met with Valeska, the executive director of Juntos, about a month ago, this was the sort of experience I was looking for: something where I felt useful and something that was for a good cause. Hopefully the more I help out, the better chance there may be for greater opportunities to arise, maybe even an opportunity to direct my career in a more fulfilling direction. I leave that in God's hands; but in the meantime I'll do what I can to get more involved.

So I finally have television again. As I mentioned a few posts ago, I went and visited my dad this past Saturday. Our mission for that afternoon was to hook me up with a television antenna, a digital converter box, and a television stand. Check, check, and check. After a long and harrowing afternoon trying to assemble the tv stand and negotiate all the wires, I was finally able to put on the tv by the evening. After Pito had left, I was able to watch, of all things, the women's U.S. Open semifinal between Serena Williams and Kim Clijsters; as fate would have it, it was the match where Serena blew her lid and thus blew the match by threatening to shove a tennis ball down a line-judge's throat. Great drama. Proof that sports has always been and always will be the best form of reality tv.

Finally tonight, I'd like to mention that I finished the book "My Antonia", by Willa Cather, this past Sunday night. It is one of the most beautiful novels that I have ever read. It's about the love between a boy and a girl, who eventually become man and woman, but whose love is never fulfilled, much less consummated, with anything more than a kiss. It showed that true love, as it is really felt and expressed, has very little if anything to do with sex. It showed that true love is truly beautiful. And so, although the main characters' love was never fulfilled with each other in any traditional, logical, or preordained sense, thus giving the novel a tragic feel and the reader a certain feeling of discouragement, it was ultimately a romance of the highest order. Even more than the dynamic between Antonia and Jim Burden, the book really romanticizes, in a non-proselytizing manner, the plains of the American midwest. The imagery and lyrical descriptiveness with which Cather describes the land of Nebraska was incredibly moving and simply beautiful. I'll finish this post with two beautiful quotes from "My Antonia", one of scenic imagery and the other of pure love:

"If there was a road, I could not make it out in the faint starlight. There was nothing but land: not a country at all, but the material out of which countries are made."

"The idea of you is a part of my mind; you influence my likes and dislikes, all my tastes, hundreds of times when I don't realize it. You really are a part of me."

I Can't Help It

It's been a lil' while since I posted some music. Here's "I Can't Help It" by The Roots, off their Rising Down album.

One of my favorite lines, right around the 1:05 minute mark:

"i only do what i got to do 'cause it's possible and climbing over whatever's known as a obstacle."

If this video link eventually goes dead, then I encourage you to check out The Roots website or myspace page in order to listen to this and other tracks.

End of an era . . .

. . . or at least another project. My time at Pepper Hamilton is over, at least for the time being. There was talk that we may be called back in two or three weeks to begin another phase of the case we were working on, or else for a new case. I don't necessarily mind the break, as long as it's only two or three weeks. I have to complete a case for one of my friends. And I've got a couple side projects, personal and professional, that should occupy my time for a couple weeks. I sure hope, though, that by the beginning of October, I've landed another gig. Of course I'll also take this opportunity to scope out the scene for permanent jobs, although I don't hold too much hope on that front, what with the economy and all. But who knows, it's worth a lookie-lookie.

I don't think I fully realize how excited I'm going to be by the end of tomorrow. I'm taking the R7 up to my dad's place in Levittown to have lunch and then head out to the Walmart near him to pick-up a television antenna and digital converter box. Then we'll drive down I-95 south to the Illadelph, and more specifically to the Ikea down on Del Ave so I can hook myself up with a nice television stand. After that, the project will be to put it all together. And hopefully, voila, by the end of the afternoon, I'll be able to kick back and watch some college football. And that's when it'll hit me how excited I'll be. Right now it's just a vague premonition of excitement.

Finally, I'm resolving myself to hitting the gym consistently now that I'll have no excuse. I've been too lax for too long now, and I really gotta get in there. Last time I was there, about a week ago, this guy Brian told me that he would push me back into the gym if he saw me walking around the street. I haven't seen him yet. But I'm not gonna wait to find out if he was serious; I'll get back to the gym on my own. I'm pretty sure that watching football on tv will motivate me to work-out; football fires up the athletic competitiveness within me.

Follow-up on the Baby and no NYC

The Baby is doing fine. As I write this she's sitting on my bed, grooming herself by licking her tummy. Earlier tonight, Rocky and the Baby were chasing each other around the apartment. Rocky cornered her underneath the bicycles leaning against my bedroom wall, the Baby assumed her normal defensive position by lying on her back with her four paws up in the air, trying to stiff-arm Rocky's attempts to nose-dive into her and bite her, and the two of them alternately swiped at each other's paws to create an opening for "attack." It was fun to watch them play.

I was going to go to New York City this weekend, but I think that's no longer gonna happen. First of all, there is a very strong likelihood that the project that I've been working on is going to end tomorrow. The work has simply run out. That translates into once again having to be conservative with my spending. Second, I had hoped to hear back from at least one of two girls: one, Elsa, an El Salvadoran girl I met about a month ago when I last visited New York, and the other, Anne-Sarah, a French girl I met last November when we sat next to each other on a four-hour bus ride from Vang Vieng to Vientiane, Laos. Elsa lives in New York, Anne-Sarah is currently visiting New York. I had been corresponding with both of them a couple weeks ago, and since mentioning to each that I'd be in New York this weekend, neither one has responded. This has seemed to be my luck lately, in a general sense. I write to people and they don't write back at all. Oh well, what can I say, if they haven't thought to write back, then it's probably not really worth my time to go see them, I'll just keep doing my thing here in Philly. Finally, my third reason for staying in Philly this weekend is that my dad has offered to help me pick-up a television stand from Ikea, on which I'll put my new, pre-owned television. I'll also need to buy a digital converter box and an antenna, and then I'll be set to watch football. I've effectively not had television (other than to watch dvd's) for the past three months or so (whenever the digital transition took place). Now that it's starting to get dark early, with the coming of autumn, the nights have seemed just a bit darker and lonelier lately. The distraction of television and the accompanying illusion of other human voices in my apartment will be comforting. Not to mention, watching football is one of my true and simple pleasures in life.

The Baby

I have two cats: Rocky and the Baby. Earlier this summer, when I took both of them to a veterinarian appointment, the vet noticed that the Baby had a lump on the back of her tongue. It was a raised whitish bump about the size of a Tums. Earlier tonight, when the Baby came out from underneath the bed (as she eventually does every night when I come home from work), I picked her up to pet her and to clean out her eyes (as I usually do, because they always have eye gunk collected at the corner of each eye). I noticed that she had dried blood in one of her nostrils. After I cleaned it up, it seemed that there was blood still inside her mouth. I held her for a few minutes, and she was content as always. So I just let her run around the apartment for a while with Rocky. Now, only a minute ago, I come into the bedroom to find that several streaks of blood are on her coat, indicating that she must've been licking her coat with a bloody tongue. I forced open her mouth to examine the back of her tongue, and it looks the same as it has for the past couple months. So I'm not sure what's going on. I just pray to God that it's nothing serious and that she's as healthy as she has been. On a positive note, she's acting as she always does. I'll say a prayer for her tonight when I go to bed.

Samsara

I feel like I'm stuck in a samsaric cycle, living the same general series of events over and over again. Every job I take is a temporary job, destined to end after a few weeks or months, just as every relationship I begin is a temporary relationship, similarly destined to end after a few weeks or months. After a lively Saturday night on the town, from dinner at Parc, to drinks at Oscar's, Continental Midtown, then down to Old City for drinks at Cuba Libre and Bleu Martini, the rest of my weekend was spent mostly in bed or on the couch, in a frozen stupor, not wanting to get up or get out because to do so would require energy that wouldn't change things anyway. It was a minor period of depression, of course, which looked at objectively is pretty silly, but it happened nonetheless. Oh well, knowing myself, I know that the stable framework and forced interaction of work is a good thing, and I look forward to that tomorrow. I try to step back from my situation, and I remind myself that my life is much better than it was when I was in law school; at least now I have an income and decent savings to fall back on if necessary. For whatever its evils, it's nice to have at least enough money to happily blow-off on a weekend night, and not feel too guilty about it. I'm also pleased with the fact that my evenings and weekends are free from bullshit homework and the resulting anxiety from not feeling sure if I remembered anything of what I just read and thus feeling exposed to potential embarassment in class. So yeah, life is not too bad now compared to my three years of law school. But life is more than avoiding embarassment or having a few bucks to blow. And so I'm back where I begin my thoughts: with the eerie feeling of living in a samsaric cycle, wondering when it will end. I have faith that I made the right decisions when it came to past relationships and, for the most part, I have generally steady faith that things will develop naturally. But on a weekend like this one, where my physical hangover and psychological malaise that resulted from a very drunken Saturday night prevented me, or at least discouraged me, from going out, and thus cubbyholed me in my overly self-reflective thoughts, my faith seemed to waver enough for me to notice and feel a little worried. But hey, what can I do? At least I wrote about it to get it off my chest. After an unproductive Labor Day, I'm ironically looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, with hopes that this project will be rolled-over into another one.

Healthcare now

Squinting his eyes while gazing into the distance,
he thought back to the days of the Pistons:
when Detroit was strong, and days seemed long,
and his wages didn't seem like a pittance.
But now the plant is closed, and so his home is foreclosed,
and all his dreams are nothing but wishes.
To add one more line to this pitiful rhyme:
his efforts at healthcare are fiercely opposed
by forces that seem kinda vicious.

Facebook status update

Congratulations on the successful launch of Space Shuttle Discovery. One of the astronauts is Jose Hernandez, the son of Mexican-born migrant farmworkers. As a child, Hernandez worked alongside his family in the fields throughout California, picking cucumbers and tomatoes. Much respect to him and all the crewmembers. Godspeed!

Facebook status update

Whoomp there it is.

Facebook status update

The hoary woman had many interesting experiences to relate.

Facebook status update

When things started getting heated at the board meeting, I violently popped the collar of my dress shirt, and my "crew" cupped their hands over their moufs and said "ooooohhh" while pointing at the opposing professionals.

Facebook status update

Abington for a CLE course.

Movietime

It's another overcast and relatively cool day for July in Philly. I played with the idea of pulling an all-nighter last night, just for the hell of it, but I ultimately decided against it around 6 in the morning. So, as one might guess, I slept in until 3pm this afternoon. The day is totally lost, which I'm only slightly bitter about.

For the past half-hour, I've been catching-up on washing dishes. And for some reason I got to thinking about Cherise, and about how I still harbor some bitterness from flying all the way out to San Diego in order to spend only 8 hours on Valentine's Day with Cherise, and how all I got at the end of the day was a weak kiss on the lips -- the kind of kiss that a grandmother would give to her grandchild. It was total bullshit. But I realize that I needed that in order to feel convinced that, despite anything Cherise says or does, she simply does not love me. And I need to move on from her. For the most part, I've done that. But on occasions like the one just now, while washing the dishes, that bitterness bubbles to the surface. It's as much anger directed toward her -- for having strung me along for so long, for not having the dignity to admit her lack of love for me and thus for not having the courage to end our relationship years ago; as much as it's anger also directed at myself -- at my own ignorance, self-imposed much of the time, that allowed me to continue in an unfulfilling and fruitless relationship, all for the love of a body and an image. Oh well, it's all part of living and learning, I guess.

Recently Cherise will periodically "poke" me on facebook, but I always remove the "poke" instead of responding to it. If she has something to say to me, she can write it in an email or pick-up the phone and call me. If she merely wants to provoke the attention of a guy who fucked her for four years, then she's wasting her time. I'm much more interested in the girls that I know now and any girl that I may meet tomorrow.

Well, that's all the venting that I'm gonna do today. It was on my mind, so I figured that I would spill it out here. And, you know what, I feel better for getting it out.

As a postscript, the title to this post refers to the fact that I'm gonna watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in just a little bit. I hope its good.

Red, red wine

Last night I finished the book "The Sun Also Rises" by Ernest Hemingway. It was a good book about American and British expatriates in Paris who decide to take a trip to Pamplona, Spain for las fiestas sanfermines, or more popularly, the running of the bulls. Much of the book's action took place in cafes and bars. For that reason, when Julie suggested that we go out for Center City Sips tonight, I told her that I wanted to go to a Hemingway-esque place. We settled on Caribou Cafe, on Walnut Street between 11th & 12th. If you've never been there, the place does a very nice job of recreating a typical Parisian bistro, down to the wicker chairs and "black cat" posters. I drank three red sangrias there. After the first one, I told the waitress to bring the next one without any ice; I knew what I was there for. From Caribou, we walked up Walnut to Rum Bar, where we met Wagner and the girl he's been dating for a couple months, Adrianna. They were there with several of Adrianna's ballerina friends. I drank two red wines, Cabernet Sauvignon, I think. After that I was feeling "pretty tight" (to use a phrase from "The Sun Also Rises"). So, after talking politics and law school with Maggie, an attractive 25 year-old girl who was friends with Adrianna, I suggested to Julie that we take a walk to the park. In Rittenhouse, we found a comfortable spot on the grass to lay down and look up at the one star visible in the city's nighttime sky. It was pretty relaxing. A little while later Wagner and Adrianna found us and we all stood up to talk. Adrianna showed us her two tattoos; I showed-off mine. Those guys took off and Julie and I came back to my place to hang out while I warmed up some spaghetti for dinner. I finished it off with a nice salad of greens, tomatoes, dried cranberries, and crumbled goat cheese. Now, since walking Julie home and then returning back to the double-deuce & Spruce earlier, I've been wasting time on the internet all night long. Only now did I decide to post something on the blog. Although I'm vaguely tired, I'm not in the mood to go to bed. That may not make any sense, but I guess I'm in an obscurely restless mood tonight. With coffee earlier today and a lot of wine later in the evening, along with meeting friends, I felt a bit like Jake Barnes, the protagonist in "The Sun Also Rises." It was a good night.

Overcast

It's overcast and cool in Philly today. I vaguely remember waking up earlier this morning to a healthy rainshower, heard through the windows I leave open for most of the spring-summer-fall. That was probably around 8 or 9am, the time that most everyone else was getting ready and on their way to work. I rolled over in bed and fell back to sleep.

I just got done reading a chapter of "The Sun Also Rises" by Ernest Hemingway. I sat in the reclining chair near the living-room window. For some reason there was an occasional smell of peaches, but not the smell from the actual fruit, it was the smell you'd associate with the peaches-and-cream flavor of Quaker oatmeal. I enjoyed the smell, despite being perplexed at its unknown source.

This past weekend was pretty good. Being temporarily unemployed (or, as my friend Julie calls it: "funemployed"), I decided to take advantage of the free time and take a trip that I haven't done for well over half a decade (as my friend Corey reminded me last week): south to DC and Baltimore. On Friday late afternoon, I walked to 30th Street Station to catch an Amtrak heading to DC. It was a two-hour ride that was pretty pleasant. Somewhere between Wilmington and Baltimore, I started talking to the girl sitting next to me. She was on her way from her Central Park apartment to visit her parents in Phoenix, Maryland, about 45 minutes north of Baltimore, on their multiacre property; she needed to recharge in the peace and quiet of the countryside. We wished each other a nice weekend as she got off the train at Baltimore.

Arriving in Union Station in DC, I was very impressed with the size, architecture, and quality of shops in the station. Philly's 30th Street Station has amazing architecture, but does not come anywhere close to rivaling Union Station's commercial appeal. Mike eventually met me in the food court, where I was eating some rice and bourbon chicken for dinner.

We took the metro to U Street, our destination for the night. We went to Marvin's, Saint-Etas, Gate 54, and Black Cat. My favorite spot, by far, was Gate 54. It had the feeling of an old World War I bunker, complete with street signs and war paraphernalia on the walls. The fact that it was underground and dimly lit gave it a sense of coziness. And the dj really set things right by playing a lot of Motown before eventually transitioning to some old school, jazz-influenced hip-hop. The whole scene brought me back to my early days in Philly, and my favorite spot of all-time: Soma, which no longer exists. I may be going back to DC more frequently, if for no other reason than to soak up the positive, nostalgic vibe that I get at Gate 54.

Saturday, Mike and I went to downtown Silver Spring for lunch. Then, after stopping back at his place shortly, we hit the road to Baltimore. After patiently hunting down a parking spot near the corner of Charles and Chase streets, we walked to the Metro Art Gallery, where Evan's brother Ryan was playing a gig with his band, Rain the Shining. Mike and I had only missed two songs by the time we got there. The gig was part of the larger event: Artscape. Walking to the gallery, there were tons of artists' booths and displays, and tons of pedestrians crowding Charles Street, which was blocked-off to traffic. The weather was clear and low-humidity; it was perfect.

After the show, we got a jerk chicken dinner from a food vendor under a tent. Then, we drove to Bourbon Street, a club on Guilford Street in Baltimore. We hung out there for the rest of the night, on the roofdeck. I talked to several people over the course of the night. At one point an attractive girl, whose name I later got to be Alexa, walked by, so I waved at her, she said I was "hot," so I waved her over to me, she came directly up to me and we spontaneously exchanged a warm hug; she gave me her phone number without me even asking, and she told me to meet her later at some bar in Towson.

Despite the invitation, and our initial plan to do late-night in Baltimore, Mike and I decided to take the plunge and just drive back to Philly right then, at around 3 in the morning. We drove north up Charles Street, passing through Loyola College (prompting me to send a late-night text to Jess Lauria), and eventually getting on to 695, then on to 95-North. We stopped once at a rest stop to get a large coffee, our fuel to make it the rest of the way back to the double-deuce & Spruce. We finally arrived at around 5am. But I couldn't fall asleep for at least a couple hours, probably because of the caffeine still coursing through my veins.

The rest of the weekend was typical: coffee at La Colombe, hanging out in Rittenhouse Square, going to church at St. Patrick's (Mike joined me for that). So that's that. Now my sleep schedule is still messed up, but I'm trying to get back on track. It was a good weekend and thus totally worth it.

Facebook status update

I'm gonna be more in B-more.

Injuries -- new and old

I hurt my back playing tennis with Priscilla about a month ago. It still hasn't healed completely. When I went in for my yearly physical exam with the doctor a couple weeks ago, I mentioned it to the doctor. He told me it was probably a pulled ligament or muscle in my lower back. He gave me a worksheet with some lumbar stretching exercises, which I have still yet to do. A side effect of the back injury is that I haven't gone to the gym more than a couple times in the past month. So I've lost a few pounds of muscle that I would normally have maintained. I've resolved to start going to the gym on a regular basis again, in spite of the back. If I have to do a lighter work-out, it's still better than nothing.

Another side effect of the back injury is that I haven't played tennis since the evening that I hurt it. I had started getting pretty good, finally learning how to serve and developing a pretty good back-hand stroke with a little bit of back-spin on it. Not playing has also, I believe, affected the dynamic of spending time with Priscilla; before hurting my back, we were playing about once a week. It was a nice way to spend time together and have fun, especially doing something that's an important part of her life. There are deeper issues affecting our dynamic, but I'm aware of the fact that not playing tennis has been a loss. Oh well, I do believe that things happen for a reason. In the end I just pray to God that my back eventually heals completely, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Finally, since I've now resurrected this blog, I've felt a strange compulsion to express this final thought -- apparently picking-up where I had left off several months ago -- I'm really pleased that my short relationship with Diana came to an end. The reaction of her friend, Yadira, even more than Diana's own reaction, exposed to me the truth that I would not want to be part of that circle. It simply wasn't meant to be, and I accept that unequivocally. I expect that they would say the same thing about me, and that's just fine with me. I wish Diana the best, but I'm content to leave that experience behind as a lesson learned: be slow, cautious, and methodical when starting a relationship with a girl, even if it means being conservative about expressing my feelings, until time passes and the relationship solidifies over the course of shared experiences.

Enough said for today . . . I hope you enjoy the video below for "Panic Switch." I heard the song on Radio 104.5 not too long ago, and I pumped up the volume and bass to enjoy it.

Panic Switch

This is one of my favorite new songs, "Panic Switch" by Silversun Pickups. It has a really cool vibe, somehow it conveys smug self-pity while simultaneously conveying a certain rebellious coolness. That probably doesn't make any sense to you, but that's my best attempt at describing what I get from the song.

Also, I love the video because of the drummer. I think the drumming in the song is really good. And (as the comments on Youtube note), the drummer looks like Animal from the Muppet Show.

Enjoy:

Email to Pito

A couple days ago I called every single legal staffing agency in the city. Yesterday I had a registration interview with one of them. And a guy at another agency told me that he has a couple projects slated to begin in early August, although he gives preference to people who have previously been employed through his agency. I'm hooked back in to unemployment compensation, and having already called in my first claim, I should receive my first payment by this coming Monday. Today I went in for a visit to PLA; it always makes me feel good to be received so well by so many people; I don't think there's any better place for that than PLA, so it was really nice. To take advantage of the free time, I'm very likely heading down to DC tomorrow to hang out with Mike from Gettysburg, then going to Ellicott City / Baltimore on Saturday to finally see Evan's house. As Corey reminded me, it's been well over half a decade since I've been down that way, so I'm definitely overdue for a trip, considering the number of times that Mike and Evan have each visited me here in Philly. I may take you up on the pool offer some time after that. I hope things are going well in Newark and Levittown. In the meantime, stay healthy and consider doing something off the beaten path this weekend, it would be good for you.

Saw Los Amigos Invisibles at World Café Live for $15.00.

Facebook status update

District of Columbia.

Facebook status update

One of my favorite groups, Los Amigos Invisibles, is performing at World Cafe Live tomorrow at 8pm. I'm going with some amigos, you should bring your amigos, and we'll see the Amigos! http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/

Email to Pito

Well, about an hour after that last email I sent to you, one of the associates came down to tell us that the case had settled, which of course meant that the project was over. And then last week I got the email that my score was not high enough on the FSOT. I was surprised, but not shocked: the competition is much higher with so many people flocking to recession-proof government jobs. I'm not sure if I'll even bother to request the score breakdown, but I imagine it was my honesty on the biographical section (e.g., I don't volunteer, I don't usually stay late at work, I haven't taken courses to improve my skills) that brought down my score just low enough. Oh well. I'm not too disappointed because I was lukewarm about the idea when I really let myself think about it; the effect on the future of my personal life was a real consideration weighing against the idea. Getting pinkeye a couple nights ago has kept me from going out at all, including to the gym. So I'm trying to clean my apartment, which I'm convinced I'm allergic to, with all the cat hair, mold, etc. Everything else is pretty good, though, so despite the vague depression of being home all the time, it's all good in the hood.

Email to Pito

I stayed at work until 9:30 last night in order to meet a deadline. Fortunately the project has continued to provide a source of employment and income, and with the outlook looking good, hopefully it lasts for a while longer. Last Friday night in Hoboken was a fun time. Paul was non-existent once we were out at the bar, he drank a lot of shots in honor of his own birthday. That's why I made sure that Corey was gonna be around. I met him at Penn Station and from there the two of us took the Path to Hoboken. We stayed at one bar all night, and by the end of the night, we had talked to every group of girls in the place, no exaggeration. I even met a group of really attractive girls from Ramsey. Tonight I'm thinking of going to the Femi Kuti concert at World Cafe Live, but it'll be a game-time decision. Besides that, I'm gonna work a bunch of hours this weekend. I have the movies Into the Wild and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button waiting for me to watch at some point, maybe I'll watch one or both this weekend. Hope you get a chance to get out on the bike this weekend, since the rain may stay away. Consider my three ideas or to hell with them, but you don't need me to tell you that.

Facebook status update

This status update has nothing to do with Michael Jackson.

Facebook status update

U.S. stuns world No. 1 Spain, into the Confederations Cup final!!!

Email to Pito

Hey sorry for the late email this week. Along the same lines, my father's day card for you will likely be a day late in the mail, but keep an eye out for it just the same. Last weekend was pretty good, Evan came in on Saturday afternoon and we played two hours of basketball at the courts at the end of Spruce Street. Then we drove to Cinnaminson for Bill's daughter's first birthday party. We drove back in to Philly to pick-up Corey at his favorite coffeeshop, after he'd taken the bus down from New York, and the three of us had a fun night on the town. I'm leaving directly from work today to head up to Hoboken to celebrate Paul's birthday, should be a fun time. Just to give you a heads-up, in case you wanna make sure you're not around, Jess may try to visit you on Sunday. She and I have wondered why you don't communicate with us. Well, have a great weekend! Hopefully it doesn't rain too much!

Email to Pito

Hey, hopefully you had a nice weekend and things are going well. Yesterday I took the foreign service officer test at the Community College of Philadelphia; it lasted three hours. Despite minimal preparation (some practice questions), I think I did pretty well; I'll get the results in about a month. The true test will be the oral exam, which is brutal and which very few people pass. I played tennis for two hours this past Saturday, was taught how to serve, my fifth try was actually an ace. I'm playing again this evening after work, hopefully my game continues to improve. Jessica and I have been wondering why you don't communicate with us. Hope you're healthy and happy. Take care.

Facebook status update

Today's headline: "Pulled tail, but still looking for black box."

Email to Pito

Hey, hope that June started out well for you. This weekend should be good. Evan comes in for a visit tomorrow night with his wife Amy. Evan's younger cousin is celebrating her 21st birthday in Philly, so we're all going out to support the festivities. I'll probably play tennis on Saturday; it'll be the fourth time in the past two months. Stay resolute with the cold turkey decision. Have a great weekend!