Movietime

It's another overcast and relatively cool day for July in Philly. I played with the idea of pulling an all-nighter last night, just for the hell of it, but I ultimately decided against it around 6 in the morning. So, as one might guess, I slept in until 3pm this afternoon. The day is totally lost, which I'm only slightly bitter about.

For the past half-hour, I've been catching-up on washing dishes. And for some reason I got to thinking about Cherise, and about how I still harbor some bitterness from flying all the way out to San Diego in order to spend only 8 hours on Valentine's Day with Cherise, and how all I got at the end of the day was a weak kiss on the lips -- the kind of kiss that a grandmother would give to her grandchild. It was total bullshit. But I realize that I needed that in order to feel convinced that, despite anything Cherise says or does, she simply does not love me. And I need to move on from her. For the most part, I've done that. But on occasions like the one just now, while washing the dishes, that bitterness bubbles to the surface. It's as much anger directed toward her -- for having strung me along for so long, for not having the dignity to admit her lack of love for me and thus for not having the courage to end our relationship years ago; as much as it's anger also directed at myself -- at my own ignorance, self-imposed much of the time, that allowed me to continue in an unfulfilling and fruitless relationship, all for the love of a body and an image. Oh well, it's all part of living and learning, I guess.

Recently Cherise will periodically "poke" me on facebook, but I always remove the "poke" instead of responding to it. If she has something to say to me, she can write it in an email or pick-up the phone and call me. If she merely wants to provoke the attention of a guy who fucked her for four years, then she's wasting her time. I'm much more interested in the girls that I know now and any girl that I may meet tomorrow.

Well, that's all the venting that I'm gonna do today. It was on my mind, so I figured that I would spill it out here. And, you know what, I feel better for getting it out.

As a postscript, the title to this post refers to the fact that I'm gonna watch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in just a little bit. I hope its good.