Introvert

When I was in law school, I took the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) for one of my courses.  I came out as ISFP (Introversion, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving), as opposed to ENTJ (Extraversion, Intuition, Thinking, Judging).  The description of ISFP, which I'm typing directly from the back of the MBTI worksheet that I got in that law school course, is as follows:

"Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind.  Enjoy the present moment, what's going on around them.  Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame.  Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them.  Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others."

I largely agree with that statement as it applies to me.  I definitely like to have my own space and to work within my own time frame.  The latter has been very apparent during my current stint at PLA, during which I've preferred to come in late, then stay late into the evening or even into the night.  (For example, I didn't leave work last night until about 8:40pm, since Jeannie was at a "girls' night" at her friend Erica's house in East Falls).  I've gotten in trouble with management for setting my own schedule and coming and going as I please.  Let me make it clear to you, the reader, that I work hard; it's not as if I'm skimping on my work or my duties or responsibilities.  Especially during the first three (3) years as an attorney there, I worked my ass off, causing me a lot of stress and unhappiness at times, since I felt that others got more credit and recognition for doing less.  In part in reaction to the latter, and also now that I'm married and expecting our baby girl, I've scaled back my tendency to work long and hard.  Lately, I've been working steadily for the 45 hours or so per week that are expected of me.

Anyway, getting back to my personality type, I strongly agree that I'm very committed to my values, to the point that I'm willing to distance myself from relationships with anybody who demonstrates values that are somehow unjust or unfair.  For example, I work with an attorney now, who I strongly suspect doesn't like white people as a race.  She's a sweet and caring person otherwise, but that dissonance with my value for equality has led me to distance myself from what could be a closer friendship.  Another attorney, my direct supervisor, seems to dislike, if not hate, almost all men.  This bullshit inequality and prejudice, and my resentment that management has allowed her to remain in her position, with all the influence (especially over our young paralegals) that comes with it, has been the wedge between me and the rest of the unit.  This is a perfect example of how my commitment to my values trumps all (or at least nearly all) other commitments.

Going back to the "I" in the ISFP, I contrast myself with Jeannie, who often starts many days talking on the phone with her dad, her birth mother, or others, while I, on the other hand, would never want to talk to someone on the phone until I'm at work and hopefully begun drinking my morning cup of coffee.  In the mornings, I prefer to listen to music or news radio or, most of the time, just remain in my own thoughts.  That's one of the times of the day that I can think in peace, without distractions, and just let my mind wander wherever it needs to go.  The idea of talking to someone first thing in the morning actually exhausts me.

I remember growing up, both as a younger child and later in my adolescence, preferring to be alone in my reading.  I remember being in my bedroom in Medford, with the door closed but not shut, sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed, reading a book.  I also remember doing the same thing in my first apartment at 2008 Walnut Street, when I lived with Corey.  Although I enjoy a stimulating intellectual conversation with others, my mind really gets activated when I'm reading in silence.  I can concentrate on what I'm reading and let my mind, even subconsciously, apply what I'm reading to other ideas and areas of my brain.

Finally, although I'm a lawyer, it's true that I don't like disagreements and conflicts.  I try my best in my cases to resolve the matter by agreement (and I have a pretty good track record doing so).  In my personal life, I often avoid conflict, and I admit that this tendency is a sin and a weakness, because there are situations where the avoidance of disagreement or conflict leads to stagnation and lack of resolution.  I think this is a big part of why my relationship with my father is so sad and unstable; neither one of us is willing to start a conversation and open up about our feelings, for fear of conflict.  I can also apply this to my situation at PLA now, where after my initial conflict with the unit over its gender bias in favor of women and against men has now led to a prolonged period of detente, where I've basically avoided dealing with the unit, except when necessary.  I have no problem with anyone on a one-on-one basis, but vis-a-vis the unit I've removed myself, since I don't see any acceptable resolution and I prefer to avoid further disagreement or conflict.

So, that's a big part of my personality and who I am and how I operate.  I'm largely an introvert.  I am who I am.