Journey begins now

Work sucks.  I need to find a new job.  My happiest moments at work are when I feel like I've actually helped someone and/or when I've genuinely connected with a client.  I can't look for a job on the basis of the second source of happiness, so I must look for a job on the basis of the first source: how, where, and in what way can I actually help people?  That will then lead me, naturally, to genuine connections with clients.  My legal experience and work history suggests that I stay in the field of family law, although I've always been interested in getting into immigration law.  Earlier tonight, Jeannie helped to install Microsoft Office on to my new computer (which I'm using to write this).  So, I will very soon start to develop a written plan for what I need to do to find my way to my next job.

Unlike what Anita said to a candidate at an interview today, I don't feel like I work in a collaborative environment.  As I've written about before, I don't feel comfortable at work.  To put it bluntly, I'm a minority: I'm a man in a woman's office.  My first legal job after law school was a contract position for a corporate firm defending a large pharmaceutical corporation in a class action civil suit.  I worked with about 100 other attorneys.  The team I worked on was about 12-15 of us.  Most of us were around the same age, we were mostly fresh or shortly out of law school, most of us had a really good sense of humor, and we were a mixed group (male/female and different skin colors).  Looking back, it was a great work environment.  I didn't like the work itself, but my co-workers really made work enjoyable.  If I could combine that collegiality and camaraderie with the substance of the work I do now, I think I'd be a happy worker.  I'd be motivated to go to work.  I'd feel the good spirit and support of those around me.  I'd feel like I was working with others with whom I share things in common.  I'd feel like I was working with equals.  That's what's missing at PLA, so that's what I want to find elsewhere.

Unlike what Jesse said to a candidate at an interview today, I do not feel energized at work.  The closer I get to the office, the more closed-off I feel, the more repressed I feel.  I don't feel comfortable walking around the hallways at work, because I don't feel supported, I feel that others get more credit than they deserve, I feel that some don't pull their weight, and as a man I feel totally left out.  So, in sum, work doesn't energize me; on the contrary, it drains me of any happiness I have when I get there.

I realize that I'm complaining a lot.  I try to keep these negative thoughts to myself, other than when I share them with Jeannie, or occasionally to my mom, dad, or sister.  I dump all these negative feelings here, because I need to get them off my chest.  I also go to the gym, because I have to release the negative energy through a physical outlet.  I hope to find a job from which I don't absorb negativity which I must later release through complaining, writing, and weight-lifting.  I hope to find a job which fulfills me, energizes me, and brings out the best in me.  May God help me.