Sun after the Storm

Although today was Wednesday I used a vacation day to take the day off from work.  I needed it.  Yesterday was one of the most emotional days at work since I've been back as an attorney.  I had exit interviews with two of the outgoing law student interns, the first being terrible, the second fortunately allaying most of the fears and insecurities that arose from the first.  Between the two, I met privately with Diana in my office in what turned out to be total gush of pent-up emotion, then a shorter open door meeting with Diane, which started out as an honest conversation, until the second law student showed up and thus began the second exit interview.  Although Jeannie and I went to Corey and Laura's house for a barbecue later in the evening, I was emotionally spent and my self-esteem had been greatly injured, therefore blunting the effect of what would normally have been a good time hanging out with a good friend and his fiancee.

Today was a much better day, although it started slow as I still had an emotional hangover from yesterday.  I felt tired, groggy, and emotionally weak for the first half of the day.  The fact that I wasn't in the office, which is the source of my low self-esteem and unhappiness, was a good thing and it ended up being a good day.

Jeannie and I stepped out around 9:30am to an absolutely beautiful day: blue skies, cool air, and a crisp breeze, a real precursor of fall even though we're still in mid-August.  We caught a cab to Pennsylvania Hospital for Jeannie's first prenatal appointment.  Jeannie had led me to believe that it was going to be a more comprehensive medical visit, but after waiting for nearly an hour and a half, during which time Jeannie filled out a bunch of paperwork, we eventually met with who I think was a nurse's assistant, who gave us some brief advice on the prenatal process and also scheduled our next appointment.  Then Jeannie had to get some blood taken.  And then we left.  It was sort of anticlimactic based on my assumption what it was going to be, but Jeannie said that she was happy that I went with her.

Next, we walked a couple blocks to Washington Square, where we got a coffee and blueberry scone for me and a cafe latte for Jeannie.  We sat at a sidewalk table in the direct warm sunlight and that's when a lot of the negativity from yesterday finally evaporated into the air.  It felt good to be with my girlfriend on a warm, relaxing summer day.

Next, we walked up Walnut Street to 16th, then walked to Chestnut and doubled back halfway up the block to get to H&R Block, where I finally got my taxes done for years 2009 through 2012.  I was due refunds for federal and state taxes for all years, so despite the hefty fee for the tax preparation, the net gain was worth it, especially to be completed in only about an hour and a half.  I felt content to finally check that task off my to do list.

Next, we walked home to eat lunch out in our back patio.  I warmed up some spaghetti, then ate some yogurt and cherries.  We had just enough time to eat lunch and relax for just a couple minutes, then it was time to see Father Ed.  Jeannie met with him for a little more than an hour.  We talked about preparing to get confirmed.  But most of our conversation was about preparing to get married.  During a minute when Father Ed had to step out of the room to take a phone call, Jeannie whispered to me that she would tell him that she's pregnant, in order to find out if it would effect his advice on our timeline and preparation for getting married.  I'm glad Jeannie did tell him, because he said that we could get married sooner if that's what we chose.  So our conversation led to a tentative decision to at least consider getting married at the end of this year, perhaps in December.  Finally, right before we left, Father Ed recited a prayer for parents-to-be from a prayer book, we all recited the Lord's Prayer, and he blessed us with holy water.  It was a really nice thing.  Writing and thinking about it now, I hope that God truly blesses us.  Insofar as work has been very trying lately, I pray especially to "forgive those who trespass against us" and to "lead us not into temptation" and "deliver us from evil."  Of course in the longer view, and in light of the prayer for parents-to-be, I hope to God that I'll be a good man and a good father.  For that I hope that God blesses me with the Holy Spirit and guides me to where I need to be, with whom, and what I should do and say in every situation.

Now, at the end of the night, I feel a sense of calm and relief, which is a complete 180 degrees from how I felt this time last night.  I have to go back to work tomorrow, though.  I can only hope that somehow some way things have or will turn a corner there.  For my part I know that in some way I probably need to lighten up and not take things too seriously.  Anyway, it's time for bed now...