Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- early morning

I'm feeling okay these days. I really can't complain, but of course the grass is always greener on the other side. I have all these desires which I think will bring me greater happiness, but then I often think I'm deluding myself. For instance, I'm really digging a girl I met about a month ago (my entry on September 22, 2003 obliquely refers to my meeting her). Her name is Cherise, and she's currently dancing in a show at the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City. A first reaction would be that she must have a great body; no doubt about it. But I really like her for much more than that. It was very apparent to me early on that she is a very sweet, caring, and compassionate person. This is the type of girl I want to be with.

There's just a couple of problems, probably interconnected, that worry me. And this is what's on my mind these days, this excitement yet definite frustration. Cherise, who's also 25 (she's just about six months younger than me), had only been in Atlantic City for three weeks when I had met her. Prior to that, she had been living in Brooklyn with her 32 year old boyfriend. She tells me that it didn't work because he put too much pressure on her to stay by his side. Essentially, he was going to hold her down, and she really resented that. She was naturally recovering (or maybe still considering?) from that when I entered her life. I presented a totally different philosophy and respect, and she seems to be genuinely attracted to me.

But this past weekend, she told me that she needs some time - probably just a couple of weeks - to fully stabilize herself, before getting to a point where she can completely commit to me. This request of hers would explain her behavior a couple of other occasions when she made plans with me but then let me down. That behavior and those actions really disappointed me, and truthfully, put me slightly in a cautious mode. But I really like her nevertheless, and I can see that this is why I've felt uneasy a little bit these days.

But her current proposal also puts me in something of a compromising position. I now have to be patient while she gets herself straight. Although the timing is not bad, since Evan's bachelor party is this weekend, and then the wedding is two weeks later, I still dislike that feeling of waiting, and knowing that anything is possible in a couple of weeks. I remind myself that I must maintain faith in the natural course of events, but its not always reassuring at every moment. But perhaps this time will also give me a chance to reflect.

My main concern now is that one of my biggest lessons from my relationship with Heather is that long-distance relationships are generally not practical or functional. Of course Cherise is a different girl and I'm now living under different circumstances at a different point in my life. But the general point may still be legitimate, and quite relevant.

For now, I'm just playing it cool; avoiding any rash decisions. I really do like Cherise though. It might be nice to give this a shot. But, as always, as a dancer like Cherise surely knows, it takes two to tango.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

I'm listening to some Bob Marley, and I figured I'd write a little bit in my journal. I know I never followed up my last entry, but that's no surprise. It's quite typical of me.

Since that time, I"ve been seeing and talking with this girl named Cherise. I guess you would call that dating. I've really developed an attraction for her, but she's not really in a position to be in a relationship. Objectively speaking, I'm probably not either. I really need to get my ass in gear to start my applications for law school. I've already called to request applications from all the schools I think I'm going to apply to. Now its just a matter of applying myself to getting the ball rolling.

In other news, I've been taking a class in French. I've been picking it up pretty well. I think I'm one of the better students in the class, especially with regard to my accent. But I've always had a pretty good ear for languages and accents.

Last night, I finally finished reading "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. It's the refutation to "The Bell Curve" the prime text espousing biological determinism, or scientific racism. "The Mismeasure of Man" was a bit difficult to understand at times because it was so laden with scientific lingo and logic. But, despite its sometimes difficulty, it made sense and I appreciated it. Now I'm reading "The Catcher in the Rye" which was given to me by Richard. So far, I'm cruising through it. It's much easier to read a fiction novel than to read scientific non-fiction.

Well, to move away from the superficial, I will comment on my mindset these days. I feel this stagnancy more and more in my life. I love my job, but I feel like I'm doing the same thing everyday. I'm falling way short of my potential, my abilities. And I'm feeling the pressure to do something that is more meaningful. That's why I have to get my shit together for law school. As fas as I can see right now, that's my next logical step, the step that I'm best-suited for.

But this inertia in my life is sometimes affecting my social life too. I have really enjoyed my time and feelings with Cherise, but I'm trying to check myself now, so as not to get ahead of myself. I must remain realistic. But its easy to fall into these feelings when it provides the only present challenge in my life. Also, obviously, it is very nice to spend quality time with a good woman. However, Cherise's career as a dancer is too transient to have any legitimate expectations. On my side too, if I get my shit together, I can't say with certainty where I'll be either. So for now I'm stuck. But I'll keep a good head on my shoulders and get disciplined to begin moving toward my goals.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

There has been so much going on that I'm not necessarily sure where to begin. I'll start with what is probably most significant, especially in terms of who I am today.

Yesterday afternoon, while hanging out on Walnut Street with Paul and Corey, Paul spotted someone who he thought he recognized across the street. It was Heather, my ex-girlfriend. I'm sure I hesitated because of the initial shock of a moment that I could never prepare for. Then, I jogged across the street to catch up with her at the southeast corner of 17th and Walnut. I called her name and she turned around, with a look of surprise on her face. I immediately kissed her on the cheek and gave her a hug. And then I asked here where she was and what she was doing. She told me that she had just started classes at UPenn in their social work program; she said she was living on-campus in University City.

I had already said hello to her aunt Donna and younger cousin Rebecca, and Corey and Paul had come up to us too. Heather asked me what I was up to these days. I told her that I was still working at PLA, and that I was once again beginning the application process for law schools. Then, fortunately for me, Corey intervened to ask Heather about the program at Penn. It got me off the hook because I really had nothing else to ask nor anything else to offer.

After a couple minutes of that, Donna and Rebecca pulled slightly away, as did Paul and Corey. I guess that was their way of giving us a moment of private conversation. Heather seemed dumbfounded, or else just allowing me the initiative. I simply said with sincerity that it was really nice to see her. Then, I said I would see her around. And finally, I hesitatingly took a step backward while giving a short, quick wave. I turned around and walked away to catch up with Paul and Corey. I didn't ask for her phone number or address, so that was that.

Despite the to-be-expected surprise and bit of awkwardness, it went just as I would have hoped it would. I've gotta be thankful that I was with two of my boys to support me through that. On the flipside, I've gotta be thankful that she was with the only two family members who actually seemed to like me. And lastly, I've gotta be thankful that I was in a good psychological frame of mind. My social life, specifically with regard to women, has been on an upswing for about two months. But this weekend was especially solid. I couldn't have asked for a higher confidence level to see Heather. That may seem either selfish or shallow, but it really is important.

But I'll re-cap my other activities in my next entry, which I hope to make later this week. I'm just feeling beat right now. I've gotta get ready for bed to rest up and feel better tomorrow. But it was all worth it. No doubt about it.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

These past couple of days there have been the vaguest hints of the onset of autumn. The slightest chill in the air, especially of course at nighttime, brings with it the next set of aggregated memories, which for me consist of my keenest nostalgia.

There's just something about fall that brings me back to feelings of my childhood and adolescence. Furthermore, this year specifically, this cooler weather signals for me the official end of my latest chapter, which was embodied in my trip to Costa Rica and Nicaragua. The return to cooler weather signifies my return to North American weather. The sentient feeling on my skin impels my mind to the constant memory that I am far away from the Equator. And so it goes.

I must set my sights on new horizons, be they domestic or foreign, literal or figurative. For now all continues to seem stagnant, which is not necessarily a bad thing at present: I have been desiring some stability for the time being. But life always seems stagnant when looking outward with a short-sighted vision.

Extending my vision, my considerations primarily include law school, but I'm still reluctant to voluntarily enter a form of economic enslavement. It's diametric counterpart is the consideration of travelling extensively through Europe. But that idea always carries with it the fear of an unstable life that is not moving toward any productive end. Nevertheless, the allure of travel and adventure calls out to me seductively enough.

At this point in time, I am content to accept that this decision, as with all others, will be made at its appropriate time, when the context and circumstances surrounding it may be totally difficult. That is partly the nature of existentialism, to which I faithfully adhere. Essentially, I am not presently in the position to have to make a decision, and so I am free to ponder, either dreamily or stressfully, all of the possibilities. What the future may hold I am eager to find out. When it comes to action, I will advance confidently in the direction of my dreams, to paraphrase Thoreau. The rest will naturally fall into place.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- afternoon

I'm sitting here in a coffee shop, writing, because I'm too exhausted to continue my reading. I've read a few pages, but it's been difficult to concentrate. The reason for my sleepiness is my extended weekend, which is now coming to a close.

Today is Labor Day. Only two hours ago, I returned here to Philadelphia from a trip south to Baltimore and Washington, D.C. This weekend was a good one.

On Friday evening, I left shortly after work with Paul and Corey for a car ride to Baltimore. On the way down, we had good conversation, listened to some hype music, and smoke cigars. We got to Bmore at about 8:30 p.m., at Evan's house. I took a shower, and we started pre-gaming. Evan showed up about an hour later, and from there we went to the bars in Federal Hill. I got a chance to see my friend, Mike, but I spent much of the night in brief conversations with strangers (girls) or just chilling solo. At one point, I grabbed a seat by the entrance of a lounge/bar and actually carded a couple people. For better or for worse, that was my highlight for that night. But it was a pretty funny thing, so it was good. I got a slice of pizza at Maria D's before sauntering back to Evan's place to sleep on the floor for the night. Before I made it back, though, I met two girls on the sidewalk near the Cross Street Market. Somewhat insistent, I convinced a girl to kiss me. It was kind of terrible, but I just felt like kissing a girl. After that, I just walked away.

The next morning, Paul, Evan, Corey, and I walked to a bagel shop for breakfast, then walked to the Inner Harbor to pass the early afternoon. It was a nice day, so I enjoyed my time. I drank a big lemonade to re-hydrate. The four of us got a photo sitting on a bench at the Inner Harbor. Most of the time I spent there was walking and talking with Evan. It was a really good conversation; looking back, its amazing how Evan and I have become good friends, not that's its shocking, but it's just interesting to reflect on the development of a relationship. We eventually walked back to Evan's hosue to pack up for the short trip south from Bmore to D.C.

We arrived at the hotel that Paul's dad hooked us up with at about 4:30 p.m. Paul, Corey, and I checked-in, then went out to find a restaurant for our lunch/dinner. Already half-starving, it was an agonizing mission to find a decent place that was open at that time. Eventually we found a place where I got a good burger.

After returning to the hotel to shower, prepare, and pre-game, we hit the town at Adams Morgan. I don't particular want to condense the events, but I'll do so in the interests of time and length. On our way to Tom-Tom, a couple of Swedish girls began talking with us. Immediately, the very good-looking one drew herself near me to begin a conversation. After getting in the bar, I continued the conversation to establish a good foundation. Through the course of the rest of the night, I would mingle and talk with other girls, but occasionally meeting up with the Swedish girls to continue our connection. Towards the end of the night, I found myself on a couch with the Swedish girl. Needless to say, we started kissing; she was a good kisser. I invited them back to our hotel room, but being good girls they declined. They only have three more weeks in the U.S. I got Annika's phone number, but I won't see her again unless I can see her in Europe. Oh well, it was a good experience, and perhaps she'll be a pen-pal.

Sunday morning, Paul, Corey, and I did the tourist thing. We saw the White House and Washington Monument, with less proximate views of the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building. Then, we got on the Metro to ride to George Washington University, where we had to wait for a bus for Georgetown. Now, for me, Georgetown can hardly be put into words: there were so many good-looking girls that I nearly got whip-lash and did eventually have a mental overload, so that I couldn't really think any more. But before that happened, I engaged in a short sidewalk conversation with a Tunisian diplomat to Canada, who was in D.C. visiting his daughter. We spoke briefly about work in international politics. And I dropped the usual basic French phrases. From there, I went to American Eagle to get a couple of nice, collared, long-sleeve shirts for nightlife. After walking around for a while longer we got a little tired, so we decided to walk down to the river to sit down to smoke some cigars. After sitting there for a while, we walked back to the main strip to get coffee for a boost, then we rode to Metro back to downtown to go back to the hotel.

Sunday night was okay. Corey and I went to a bar off of Dupont Circle which was not that good. Corey had to meet a girl there. About an hour or so later, Paul met up with us with his English girl and I left with them immediately for Adams Morgan again. There were two highlights there. First, Corey, Mike, and I made our way to an Eritrean/African bar, where we were almost the only white people. We gravitated to a table of three black women, and chatted them up for a long while. We stayed until just about closing when Mike and I walked out to the opposite sidewalk. I began initiating conversations with as many women as possible. Eventually, the odds paid off and a tandem of Jamie and Amy talked with us. Corey later met us when I spotted him from across the street and called him over. I had everyone in stitches for most of the time, as I was apparently on point with humor. Again, I invited the girls back to the hotel, and again they declined. I did, however, get a weak sidewalk hook-up. A couple brief kisses. And so it goes.

We got up early this morning so that Paul could hit the road to get back to NYC at a decent hour. It was a smooth ride and I got to my apartment at 2pm. And now I am here at Cosi, happily re-capping my weekend. It was fun and it was good. That's what life is all about.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

Today is the first full day I've taken off from work in the past four and a half months, since my return from Costa Rica. I spent almost the entire day sleeping. I wasn't sick at all, and not really even exhausted; my body was just greedy for a day of inactivity. The reason I was kinda tired, though, can be traced back to the weekend.

Friday night was a good time. I hit the town with Evan and Corey. After drinking a bunch of gin-and-tonic's at McGlinchey's, we went to Olde City to: Paradigm, then Lucy's Hat Shop, then to after-hours at Mirage, where I ended up dancing for a while with this black girl. I felt like I was in a music video. I finally got in to my place at 4:30 a.m.

Saturday was spent chilling and recovering a little. Then later, Corey and I drove back to Medford for a house party. Julie had invited me and told me there would be a crowd of about 10-15. The party itself was only okay, but immediately after getting there a really good-looking girl sat down at the table where Corey and I were eating some burgers. We got into a conversation; the whole time I kept things cool.

Later, Corey wanted to go back to Philly, and I said I'd go too, but then Julie said I should stay to have fun with the girl, Heather. I said I'd probably still leave, but then Heather told me to stay. She said she wanted to take me on a tour of the house, so I said sure. When we got to the landing at the top of the second floor, we started talking and flirting. So I suddenly moved in to kiss her and she responded well. After a few minutes, we went back down to the party. I told Corey I'd stay; he left back for Philly about an hour later.

A little bit later after that, Heather and I went upstairs to a guest bedroom. Needless to say, I ended my period of nine months abstinence. Her body was amazing and fortunately, I had the endurance to keep her going for four hours straight, thereby keeping the whole house awake. We had a great time together.

The next morning I went with Justin and his girl, Alice, to drop off Heather at the airport to pick-up her rental car to drive back to her home in Charlotte, North Carolina. We flirted and kissed the whole way. It was kinda disappointing to drop her off since we definitely had a connection. We decided we'd keep in touch and just see what happened.

The whole thing was good for a lot of reasons. Primarily, I was happy and I had fun. But I also proved I can still attract a very attractive girl and impress her. This makes me very happy and surely gives me hope for the future.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

So another weekend has passed, this being a Sunday night. Its times like this that I feel I'm stuck in samsara, destined to eternally live for the weekends but always wondering at their conclusion how long the cycle will last.

And of course, I look back and wonder 'how' and 'why' I spent so much money. I have to be mindful of my spending since my rent here is higher than it had been at 2008. So far, I seem to be stuck in a financial quagmire, generally the same amount going out as is coming in. That's a very precarious way of living and I really need to consider curtailing my consumption (both the alcoholic and financial types since they go hand-in-hand). I have to put more focus toward my goals of furnishing and finishing my apartment, and then making a somewhat costly investment in purchasing a personal computer. But these are all material desires.

I am quite happy these days, but sometimes when I am alone, I am confronted with the seeds of my discontent: the loneliness in which I contemplate and the instability of life itself. I wonder what its all about. I ponder my purported goals and then wonder what my goals should be. I think about what is really important in life. And eventually I drive myself to the point of feeling lost and alone. From there, my thoughts drift toward the trivial tasks of tomorrow, toward women and lust, or toward lofty dreams of a glorious future. And one of those three, then, usually carries me into temporary unconsciousness. And so it goes.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- early morning

Earlier this evening, I left 2008 Walnut Street for the last time. Corey and I had to clean it in order to get our security deposit back. It is interesting to think that I moved into the city two years ago. It's also interesting to think back to all the memories from 2008: from my first weekends in the city to pre-gaming sessions just about every weekend to my going-away party and everything in between. To think of all the meals that I cooked in that kitchen. To think of all the hours of reading books and the hours of watching television there. To think of all the deep, late night conversations I've had with Corey and other guests. Perhaps just as much as everything combined, though, I think of my experiences with several different women: the young 19-year old sophomore girl to the experienced 34 year-old attorney to the 23 year-old physical therapy student to the 19 year-old Filipina girl. More than anyone else, though, my memories are dominated by Heather, the girl that I loved and wanted so much, but was just not to be.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania -- night

It has been just over two months since I've last written. There's no need to make excuses since I have no obligation to write. But then again, I feel that writing is important, so I do feel bad that I haven't kept up.

I moved in my apartment here in Philly on the first weekend of June. In some ways, the transition to living on my own has been more difficult than I expected, partly on a materialistic (and hence financial) level, but even a bit on the emotional level. I thought I would be well-prepared to live on my own from my solo travels in Central America. But there was always that sense of excitement and newness when on the road. Being alone in a stable environment has proved to be a different game. Nevertheless, I still think it was helpful that I travelled solo in order to transition to this new experience.

In material terms, there is much work to be done, most especially with regards to living room furniture and decorations for the walls. But since I have all the essentials I have inevitably lost much motivation to complete my settling-in. I am a simple man, so I don't as much for coffee tables and rugs. Perhaps only my love of color, and the life it brings, is impelling me to decorate the walls. Even still, I have been slow to take initiative in the area of interior design.

Now, I could catch things up on my life at the office, or my educational ambitions, or my social life, but right now I don't feel moved to do so. Probably next time. Before ending this long-awaited entry, I'll re-cap a very interesting experience of the past two days, a two-part journey through the city of brotherly love.

On both Saturday and Sunday afternoons, at 4:00 p.m. to be exact, I left center-city for a tour of a different section of the city. On Saturday, I left for West Philly, travelling west on Walnut Street, then Spruce Street, then Market Street before eventually reaching 69th Street, the city's western limit and its border with Upper Darby. During my tour, I saw more than a handful of block parties, where residents blocked off roads at their own discretion, and set up barbecues, loud music, and games for their children. The smells in the air and the sights of young and old alike having fun were enough to light up the soul. I was also impressed by the stateliness and grandeur of the architecture in West Philly, which evidenced that it had once been the wealthy suburban section of the city. Much of it has been kept up nicely, despite a more middle-class character. It was depressing, though, to see some buildings falling apart as a result of poverty and lack of maintenance: a snapshot of the long, slow death of the beautiful architecture of an age long past. I also rode my bicycle past Malcolm X park; I was slightly surprised to find out that a park would be named in his honor. It makes sense due to the predominantly black population of West Philly. But for the city government to recognize that name surprised me a little bit. On the ride back into University City, I stopped at Abner's for a decent cheesesteak. From there, I crossed back over the Schuylkill River to finish Saturday's journey.

Earlier today, I set off on a similar voyage, but in a different direction: south. I started off down Broad Street until I turned left on to Washington Avenue. Then I turned right on to 10th Street. I took that as far as I could go, before getting back on to Broad Street to eventually reach my destination: FDR park, right by the stadiums. Once there, I dismounted my bike to walk the circuit, passing by all the picnic areas and pavillions. Most of the groups there were either black or Southeast Asian, either Vietnamese or Cambodian. I was really impressed with the groups of southeast Asians since some groups were as large or larger than 50 people. It was amazing. It was great to see everyone having a good time. After walking the circuit, I hopped my bike to ride back to my apartment. I couldn't stay out as long as yesterday since I was really hungry for lunch. I rode back most of the way on 16th Street. It was nice to see other parts of the city. I hope to do it again.

Medford, New Jersey -- night

This past Thursday night, I took Mita to the Juanes concert in Philadelphia. When we got there, we met up with Karim, her two sisters, two other girls, and two guys from Costa Rica. I really only talked with Karim and one of her girlfriends. Mita seemed to have a good time talking with a few of the girls.

The concert itself was great. The venue was sold-out and the demographic was largely Latino, a really interesting feel for being in Philadelphia. With everyone talking Spanish before the concert and the concert itself being in Spanish, I almost felt like I was back in Costa Rica. Juanes put on a very good show, and I enjoyed singing along with some songs and even dancing a little bit too. It was a good night.

Friday day was notable for lunch. I went with Sue and Karim to an Afghan Kabob House on the 1500 block of Sansom Street. It was delicious food and nice conversation too.

After work, I went to my old apartment to meet up with Corey. That was actually after I had gotten a haircut. We chatted for a little bit before I took a shower to wash off all the loose hairs. Then, we went to a coffee-shop to chill out and converse. We were there for about an hour and a half before we went back to his apartment.

It wasn't much later that Amber came to meet me. Ok, Amber. I met her two weekends back on a Saturday night with Corey, Bill, and Nancy at Kaleidoscope Kafe, just off South Street. We weren't able to meet last weekend because she went back to Lycoming College for graduation weekend to see some friends. So, we set up plans to get together this past Friday night. When she pulled in to the parking lot behind my old apartment, I ran out to get in her Jeep Cherokee. Then, we spent about the next forty-five minutes driving around looking for a parking spot. In the meantime, we had good conversation. It was towards the end of that that I presented her with two options for dinner, yet in a vague sort of way. I wanted her choice to be something of a surprise. She chose Monk's on 16th Street near Spruce. We gave up on looking for a parking spot as hunger impelled us to just park in a parking garage.

As usual, the wait for a table in Monk's was about forty-five minutes. But that was ok since I ordered a round of beers from the bar, and we began another conversation in more depth. Early on, I went on a ten-minute discourse about the public education system in the United States. She was impressed and had clearly not considered anything I had said previously. We ate dinner, and afterwards went to Copa II for margaritas. Throughout it all, we had pretty good conversation. Then, we actually stopped in to see Corey. We drank wine and watched a program about Indian fashion and culture in the U.S.

About an hour later, we went back to Amber's apartment, kissed for a little while, and went to sleep. I slept on the futon, and Amber slept on the couch near me. All in all, it was a very nice time. I'm not sure that she is sufficiently revolutionary to have a relationship. I think we'll date for a while, but just keep it pretty basic. I would like to be friends, and as I said in my last entry, it will be nice to have a girl to spend time with.

The rest of the weekend was spent reading a lot of Lenin. And that's about it for now. Future dates will be much more convenient when I have my apartment in the city. I look forward to the move.

Medford, New Jersey -- night

Now, today must be marked as the day that I signed for my apartment at 2124 Spruce Street. After several weeks of searching desperately, yet patiently, for an apartment in Philly, I have met with success. After nearly a month and a half after returning from Costa Rica to my mother's home in Medford, New Jersey, I will once again embrace independence. In this case, though, in contrast to my time in Costa Rica, this independence and self-reliance will be stationary and not mobile. For the first time in my life, I will live alone. This will surely be another important stage in my own personal development. And so, upon embarking on this next definable chapter, I will probably reference my latest chapter - my journey to Central America - less and less.

These past several weeks have only been a transitional, preparatory stage. So now I must begin to look ahead to my next goals. In practical terms, I must furnish my new apartment. This I will probably do over time, hopefully to be completed by the end of the summer. In other matters, I will like to enroll to take a course in the second summer session of either the Community College of Philadelphia or Temple University. I am considering taking a language course, either French, Arabic, or Portuguese. Or perhaps I will begin to take a course in International politics. In other purchases, I will begin to save to buy a new bicycle, which will serve for both recreation and transportation. I hope to make this purchase by mid-summer.

From there, in the long-term, I will save to buy a personal computer; this I will expect to purchase by December 2003. I will use this primarily to catalog all my political essays, as well as poetry. In a much larger project, I would like to retype all my college papers to save on disc and on hard drive. As soon as I move into the city, I will also subscribe to "The Economist." This will supplement my own self-education in international political economy.

In the meantime, professionally, I will continue to work as a paralegal at Philadelphia Legal Assistance. I soon anticipate being transferred out of the family law unit to another unit. I hope to hear word of that by the beginning of the summer next month. I am undoubtedly prepared for a new challenge in the professional realm.

With regard to girls, I have little to say. I will maintain my expectations at a low level since I clearly have other priorities at this time in my life. Nevertheless, this does not mean that I won't socialize or date if an opportunity presents itself. I am a man after all. Companionship is a nice thing to break the silence. It also usually renders life more meaningful, at least insofar as living new experiences. Happiness will always remain the ultimate objective. Of course.

Finally, in a quick overview of upcoming events, I will be doing a five kilometer walk for breast cancer this Sunday; also, Sunday is Mother's Day and the day before Jessica's birthday. So both will have to be celebrated on Sunday afternoon. Then, this coming Thursday, I will see Juanes in concert at the TLA in Philly. At the end of the month, I'll go to State College for the annual Pennsylvania Legal Services conference. And, some time in mid-June, I expect Ronald to come from Europe to visit me. We will do a tour of the Northeastern United States. So there it is!

Medford, New Jersey -- night

Well, its a Friday night, and I'm staying in. Depending on which way you spin it, I'm either becoming more mature or else I'm just getting old. Either way, here I am. And I'm totally exhausted. Commuting is really draining my energy. For that reason, I look forward to moving back into the city. But on the other hand, it has been a strange comfort to be here in Medford. I think I'm even a bit scared to live on my own. Not out of any fear of danger. But out of a fear of being lonely. I imagine that living a solitary life demands much discipline, especially self-discipline. And really what that means is keeping a steady head on one's shoulders. It will be an interesting challenge.

I thought it was amazing - sitting and talking with Ethan in Rittenhouse Square - earlier this evening - that he was bitching so much about not being able to talk to his girlfriend tonight, and also how he hates seeing other couples when he's not with his girlfriend. I told him gently that he should be grateful that he has a girlfriend, and that he should have faith in the relationship that they will one day have much more time together. I implied also that others' happiness really has nothing to do with his own happiness, or sometime lack thereof. My advice was very mature, but I was quick to temper it by saying that I understand how one can get caught up in feelings, desires, and expectations. I've made plenty of mistakes by thinking too emotionally like that. I hope I've learned my lesson, and can keep a cool head when I'm in a situation like Ethan was today.

Well, since Ethan has been giving me rides to get to and from work, I invited into the city after work today to treat him to dinner. We went to Monk's at 16th and Spruce. I drank a Chimay Triple to go along with my bacon and cheddar burger and basket of fries. It was great and definitely hit the spot as I had hoped.

Now, on to work; this week was especially productive. And I proved to myself that I have all the skills that I had prior to my hiatus. Nearly every case from this week was determined to be perfect advice upon review by Stephanie. I only really had a question on one case, a divorce matter. So far, work has been pretty good. Nevertheless, I'm still looking to be transferred to a new position, and all the challenges that will entail, and hence all the experience it will offer.

Now, in terms of recent activities, I will say that Corey and I went to a Chivas scotch whiskey event at the Union League this past Wednesday. Really, when it comes down to it, there's not much to say about it. It was a nice opportunity to see the inside of the Union League, which is not surprisingly lavish and luxurious. I had just a few drinks of whiskey, which was terrible. But, oh well, it was all free, so nothing lost there. Well, I'm really exhausted now, so I'll stop here.

Medford, New Jersey -- night

Okay, its been a while again since I've written here, I should just accept the fact that life here is much faster, and despite all the technology to make life easier, I'm busier than ever (at least in recent times). Also, although there are special moments almost every day, it just seems more hum-drum here. Nothing compares to fording the Rio Bongo, getting chased by an angry bull, or travelling every other day to a new town to meet new people.

In recent news, this past Friday I sat down with Anita, the executive director of PLA, to discuss my desire to transfer to another unit. As I explained to her, I know I could be a good family law practitioner. But I want to be better than good; I want to be great. So, as I said, I will not go to law school until I have found an area of law in which I can be not only committed, but passionate. In family law, I love helping people. But I have no motive to drive me day in and day out to fight for other people's rights in the areas of custody, support, divorce, paternity, and protection from abuse. I think my feelings and thoughts of not having a family of my own has something to do with that lack of drive. Really, I don't even care to have a girlfriend. Other things are just too important. My time, energy, and money are all better put toward other objectives. I'm sure I'm a bit cynical still too. A relationship just doesn't appeal to me. This sentiment may not last, but I don't foresee any change any time soon.

Anyway, getting back to PLA, Anita said that she has some ideas (in the area of community-based lawyering) and that she will keep me posted. The meeting was very positive. I'm interested to see what she comes up with. Very simply, I'm ready for a new challenge. I want to test myself and diversify my skills, professionally and personally.

Okay, in the area of self-education, I finished "Lituma en los Andes" by the Peruvian writer Mario Vargas Llosa. For the past few days, I have been reading "The Lenin Anthology." Perhaps lessons in revolutionary politics, specifically in practical activism, will provide me with examples of leadership in action. I hope so. We shall see.

This past Saturday, I had a house party in which all the guys (Corey, Ethan, Evan, Bill, Paul) showed up. It was only the second time ever that we all ever hung out. It was less of a party, though, than a chill get-together. Evan came with Amy. Ethan came with Christine. And Bill came with Nancy. Paul, Corey, and I were rolling solo. Mita did the great majority of work in preparing a Tico meal; I finished it up. Only Evan and Amy didn't eat. Everyone else loved the food. Of course the Salsa Lizano put it all over the top.

After dinner, we sat around the table and talked. The two main topics were Evan and Amy's wedding, and my beard. Talking about the latter was hilarious because it dominated about half an hour of conversation. Later, we played one game of mushroom, a beer-drinking game. Then, we all broke off into little groups, with Paul and Corey joining me one the back deck to smoke Tico "Flor Real" cigars. I drank a good amount, but even still, I was surprised to wake up at sunrise the next morning passed-out on the couch downstairs. I certainly don't plan on drinking like that again any time soon. But even though I passed-out, I was chill through the whole night. All in all, it was a very nice time. So, I guess that's all for now.

Reaction to An Opinion

The United States did not get involved in Iraq for purely humanitarian reasons. In fact, the justifications put forth by the President were that Iraq had nuclear and biological weapons that needed to be eliminated. So far, of course, nothing has been found, making this war a mistake according to its stated purpose. But many supporters of the war proudly point to the 'liberation' of Iraq from a tyrannical despot, Saddam Hussein. Although I am not against this end (especially since Iraq was widely known to be a leading human rights offender), there is something to be said for the respect of the sovereignty of a nation. And if the human rights situation in any nation becomes so oppressive and death-dealing that it merits international intervention (overriding that respect for a nation's sovereignty), it should be exactly that: "international." That is, the United Nations must take initiative to intervene on behalf of the rights of all humankind.

Some pro-war advocates have also been pushing the philosophy that the United States must act proactively for its interests and security. [...] In this specific case, however, the justifications seem unwarranted. In the previous paragraph, I grant you that Saddam Hussein is a threat to his own people. But there is yet to be clear evidence that he is a direct threat to the United States. As of this writing, there have been no nuclear or biological weapons found in Iraq, and furthermore, even if there were, Iraq does not have long-range missile capability, and therefore cannot threaten United States land/territory.

To be proactive - specifically militarily proactive - is very dangerous when one cannot present valid, solid justifications. Although the outcome of Gulf War II may appear positive, at least insofar as it will liberate the Iraqi people from a dictator, it presents a dangerous precedent (and a dangerous example) to the rest of the world: that anyone can pre-emptively attack anyone else in an unprovoked situation.

In the case of Gulf War II, this is being seen by the rest of the world as arrogance on the part of the United States government. Please understand how dangerous this is. The United States (with the exception of only Great Britain and Spain) has no support in the world. Again, although the outcome of Gulf War II may appear positive, the long-reaching consequences may severely and negatively impact the United States. To lose the international popular support that had been gained as a result of the September 11, 2001 tragedy is a failure of the current administration. Even more unfortunate is that the consequences will very likely outlive this administration.

In this brief summary, I have not touched on economic or geopolitical reasons for the war; perhaps some other time. To sum up, I cannot say that I am completely anti-war because of the humanitarian aspect of the war. However, to be cold and calculating for a minute, that is beside the point. I say this because this war was not fought for humanitarian reasons. And so, in this context, I do not support this war.

Medford, New Jersey -- night

Tomorrow is Mita's birthday, but we celebrated it tonight. Mita, Jessica, and I just got back from dinner at El Azteca on Rt. 73 in Mt. Laurel; I paid the bill. The food was pretty good and I used the opportunity to speak Spanish.

As I write this, I'm leaning on my left elbow while listening to a radio program on Temple University Public Radio, 90.1 FM, which runs every Saturday night from 9pm to 12 midnight. The program is all latin music, mostly salsa.

This past week at work I was supposed to do workshops at halfway houses around the city each evening on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Since the trainings each evening were scheduled from 6pm to 7pm, Richard invited me to live with him for the week. The two experiences, at the halfway houses and with Richard, were interesting.

I'll start first by reflecting on my visits to the halfway houses. On Tuesday evening, I led a training to a group of four ex-prisoners at 15th and Cecil B. Moore, right by Temple University. It was my first training, and definitely a test of my knowledge of family law, after just returning from four months away. I was fairly informal in the presentation, but still presented the information quite clearly. I talked to the ex-prisoners using their first names. And of course, whenever I got the chance, I threw in a funny remark or comment to keep things light. At the end of the presentation, I spoke for a few minutes with Gilbert Coleman, from the Mayor's Office of Community Services. We had a nice conversation, and as I found out the next day from his colleague, he was impressed by my presentation.

Unfortunately, though, the next two evenings were not as rewarding. Each of the next two evenings, not one ex-prisoner showed up. It ended up being nearly a complete waste of time. On Wednesday evening, the only redeeming event was listening to one of the wardens at the halfway house speak his opinion (which he stressed was from the "old school"), and then the ride I got from Shareef El-Amin and our conversation from 407 North 8th Street to the intersection of Broad and Erie.

Since I had gotten a ride, I arrived earlier than expected and had to wait for Richard to arrive. While I was sitting on a cement ledge, I noticed a black woman approaching me from behind. Quite abruptly, she says to me without any sort of introduction: "We will call you Fernandez." Of course she was all by herself. So it was very apparent that she was either a mental health patient or a drug abuser. In that area, and based on her appearance, it was probably the latter. I acknowledged her by saying that I liked the name. But she just kept on walking, even while continuing her public conversation. Just a couple minutes later, Richard pulled up in his black Cadillac.

Thursday night was not much better. I went to the halfway house at 1221 Bainbridge Street. When I got there, I got into a basic, but good conversation with an ex-prisoner while waiting for the guy from the Mayor's Office to show up. The guy was 41 years old, and seemed to have finally gotten his head on straight. He cared a lot for his kid, and says his only addiction was to buying clothes. I hope that is the truth, not only for his sake but also for his kid's sake. When the guy from the Mayor's Office arrived, there were no prisoners there that had interest in a legal presentation. For the second night in a row, I did not present anything. The extent of my involvement was responding to a couple of hypothetical scenarios presented by another assistant from the Mayor's Office. So, all in all, it was a disappointing experience and a lost challenge.

A somewhat bright spot, though, was staying with Richard for the week. Although I was exhausted every night, we did spend solid time together out of the office. Surprisingly though, we did not have any long or deep conversations. So in that aspect too, this past week fell short of what it could have been. Those things happen though, so no sweat.

I believe I'm starting to realize a re-orientation, a re-direction, in my professional interests. I have certain goals which I am seriously considering. I will save this for my next entry, though, since I am feeling very tired. Corey and I hit the town last night, so I think I used all my reserves then. Well, I hope to write again tomorrow. We shall see.

Medford, New Jersey -- night

It's still crazy to see 'Medford, New Jersey' in the caption. Although being back still feels quite bittersweet, there have already been some touching, positive moments.

Later in the work day today, I had a chance to talk with Michael, my 15-year old Ukrainian friend. He told me that the first Monday at work after I had left for my trip, he had felt very sad. He told me that later that same night, he felt so depressed that he took a few drinks from a bottle of whiskey to put him to sleep. From that point on, he would tap my door every day when passing as a far-away gesture of friendship; it was his way of making daily contact with me despite the distance. He told me that before I had left, I had been his best friend. I had always tried to bring Michael under my wing to provide him a good example of a good man who treats everyone with love and respect. His admissions really touched me, especially that he had the strength and sensitivity to open up to me. I felt very honored.

Soon after, when I had left work, I stopped to talk to the black homeless man on 15th and Chestnut, always sitting on an upturned bucket next to the blue mailboxes. I had promised him a good conversation. But very quickly into it, he told me about how so many times he had considered killing himself by throwing himself in front of a bus or a Mack truck. What he said stopped him were his friendships. Then, he told me how much he missed me while I was gone. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he had to wipe his eyes. I told him my thoughts, that I respected him very much to remain so strong in his position. I also pointed out that during our conversation, at least several people had said 'hello' to him. I said that is the purpose of life: to spread love, and then to wait for it to come back to you. I told him that I considered him my friend, as I consider everyone. And I said that each person has a purpose in this lifetime, although one may never discover it while walking on this earth. I told him that he is effecting other people's lives, whether he realizes it or not. For that reason, he must continue to live, and to spread love. And that as long as the sun shall rise each day, so shall I. And hence, so must he. I told him to always have faith in God, and to live and love. His feelings and expressions really touched me. It made me feel good to help someone. And I feel better for the day when I will need help.

Besides that, the only other big news is that I spoke with Evan tonight, and he asked me to be a part of his groom's party. Of course I accepted.

Also, I met with my first client in person since my return. It was a complex case comprising of custody, child support, and protection from abuse. I took the facts, analyzed them, and advised her. To verify my skills, I checked with Stephanie to check my advice. She told me that I hadn't lost my touch. It felt good to know that. Although I wasn't really surprised, it was a nice challenge.

Well, tomorrow I go to court with Richard, dressed in shirt, tie, and jacket, whereas that time last week I was walking down the main street of Samara, Costa Rica in just a bathing suit and flip-flops. Oh well, it's all good. There's a reason for all of this. Just gotta have faith and keep on moving.

Medford, New Jersey -- night

Today is April Fool's Day, but it's no joke that I'm back in the United States. My initial feelings at being here are of sadness and disappointment; I really wish I was still in Costa Rica. Of course I had to come back to take care of Mita. I also had to return to resume my position at PLA. However, if Mita ws completely healthy and happy, I think I would have considered - and quite probably decided to stay - in Costa Rica. But, oh well, here I am.

I kept my beard today when I went to work, partly for the expected humorous shock, but really primarily as a loud, yet unspoken message of where I am now coming from and who I am. More than ever, I feel totally out of place in the corporate world and its morning and evening commuters. If only they knew. The prospect of re-capping my days with Paul may be looking slim, but I hope to find time this weekend to sit down and write.

So to quickly re-cap today (since I am very tired), I spent most of the day either talking to co-workers about my travels or catching up on my email. I also took some time to clean and organize my office, as well as review all the files and programs on my computer. As always, I demand order to facilitate the most effective work and service possible. Tomorrow I will begin calling clients; so I will be back in the swing of things that quickly. I sense that my confidence and ease have both increased significantly; through that I will gain more respect and more trust.

Well, the time has come to put my pen down. I'll do some reading before hitting the sack. The excitement of today's first day at work has worn off; I really don't look forward to going to work tomorrow.

Playa del Coco, Costa Rica -- evening

Today has also been another good day. I woke up at 6am to shower and then eat breakfast of gallo pinto con huevos picados.

Even though our appointment at Sky Trek in Santa Elena Reserve was at 7:30am, we left Dona Virginia's house at that time. I trucked going over the dirt and gravel road to arrive at the entrance to Sky Trek at 7:40am; we were right on time. The Sky Trek was absolutely amazing. We hiked some trails and went down about eight ziplines, some of which were either really long or really high off the ground. We got some great action photos. Of course I was yelling and cheering and letting my hands off the bars. It was a blast.

So after about two and half hours of that, we began the Sky Walk, which is a series of suspension bridges connected by hiking trails. Again, we got some great action shots, including one of me hanging upside down from a tree branch.

That brought us to about 11:30am, when we drove back to Dona Virginia's house. After we packed the car, a Suzuki Ignis, we ate lunch with Dona Virginia. We ate rice, beans, fried cheese, green beans with egg batter, and hard shell tortillas. This was accompanied by a drink of fresco de chan, which is made by soaking chan seeds in water.

At 1:30pm, we hit the road to Guanacaste. I was cruising once we hit the PanAmerican Highway, averaging about 100 km per hour. Of course, I got stopped by la Fuerza Publica when they clocked me at 102 km/hr. I bribed the cops by paying them 6000 colones to avoid any other problems. We continued on our journey after that minor incident.

Ok, it's evening right now in Playa del Coco, and Paul and I have been drinking and having a good conversation. I'll stop here and pick up later.

Santa Elena, Costa Rica -- night

It has gotten to the point where so much has happened that it will be difficult to review everything.

I'll start with today's events. We arrived in Santa Elena at a little after 2pm, at which time we looked and eventually found Dona Virginia Zamora. Yorlen had recommended that we stay here since it was cheap and we would get some good home-cooking. After arriving and settling in for a few minutes, Dona Virginia prepared a nice, big lunch, with rice, beans, sardines, yucca, chayote, accompanied by a glass of the juice of maranon. After the long four-hour drive from La Fortuna around the Lago Arenal to Tilaran, and then on dirt roads up and down the mountains to eventually reach Santa Elena, I was definitely hungry for a heavy meal.

After eating, Paul and I drove up to the center of town to buy tickets for Sky Trek and Sky Walk at 7:30am tomorrow morning, then went to get a cup of coffee to give us some energy for the afternoon and evening. We then drove up to the Reserva Biologica in Monteverde, only to find out that it was closed. So we went to a hummingbird gallery to take some photos of hummingbirds. We tried to climb a trail behind the building (which wasn't allowed), but we got stuck when the way became too steep and too dense.

So we went back in the car to descend towards Santa Elena. I stopped three times at different places to ask local residents if they knew the Sanfords. Supposedly, this was a dairy-farming family that lived in Monteverde. Vicente had lived with them for a time, and Vicente's sister had visited them just a few years ago. I figured I would look for them to get a possible tour of a Costa Rican dairy farm, but not one person recognized the last name. And I talked with people who had lived here for many, many years: one Tica and two Quakers. It became apparent that I wasn't going to find the Sanfords.

So Paul and I continued descending the slope to Santa Elena. On the way, we saw a sign for some trails; we turned in. When we approached the entrance, we quickly walked onto the trail instead of paying the entrance fee. And so began our arduous evening. To put it simply and quickly, we walked so far down the trails that the sun set on us while quite far from the entrance/exit. Our only source of light was the light from Paul's digital camera, which was not strong, but was nevertheless very much better than nothing. Many times we found ourselves going off the trail, unintentionally of course. To add to the pressure, we would occasionally see two glowing green eyes either on or near the trail. Those eyes belonged to snakes. Several times we encountered barbed wire fences, which we sometimes jumped and sometimes turned away from. On several occasions, due to the lack of light, I lost my footing and fell to the ground. After about an hour of stumbling our way through the dark trails, along with sweating bullets, we finally found out way to an exit (which was not where we entered). I felt absolutely thrilled, but I was spent. I walked out onto the main road breathing heavily and sweating heavily. My relief was nearly immeasurable.

We returned to a delicious meal with Dona Virginia; she cooked rice and beans with a very tasty chuleta, accompanied with string beans and broccoli. It was exactly what I needed.

Now, I've spent the rest of the night calling Yorlen and Rosaura, and writing this entry. It's now about 10:30pm, and I have to wake up at 6am to go to the Sky Trek and Sky Walk tours. Once again, I unfortunately cannot review the events since Paul's arrival and our experiences in San Jose, Guapiles, Puerto Viejo, Manzanillo, Jaco, Quepos, Manuel Antonio, and La Fortuna and Arenal. I hope to find time tomorrow to at least chip away at these writings.

La Fortuna, Costa Rica -- early morning

The town is named appropriately since tonight we had good fortune.

Today, in general, has been a great day. It can likely be considered to be one of the best days of my life. Making into the ocean at Manuel Antonio by 8am, then ending the night now at 2:30am after watching Volcan Arenal spew forth lava all night long.

Today must be captured as freshly as possible into letters and words. Although I can't write much more due to tiredness and the effects of other substances, I will quickly comment on the highs of the day. Manuel Antonio was great; really nice waves to bodysurf. And just now, the sight of lava flowing, rolling, and bouncing down the slope of the volcano. And just as impressive, the sound of the volcano: like the hammering of a carpenter in a hollow shop very distant. The beat was sometimes non-existent, but at other times quite fast and incessant, calling out the building of pressure.

Although the sights can be re-lived, the sounds must live on in memory. This is why I must write immediately to reflect the thoughts and visions of my life, to capture those sounds so they may reverberate every time I read these words again. To say the hammering was amazing is an understatement. It was deep and imposing, just as was the sight of the silhouette of the volcano against the clear, starlit night was also imposing and very impressive. It is the memory of that beat that will now lead me into sleep, soothing me, yet urging me to the content state of unconsciousness.

San Jose, Costa Rica -- morning

So right now it's just a matter of hours until Paul arrives. I'm writing to kill a few minutes while Marlen is vacuuming the car. When she's done, I'll be driving to Tia Zahrya's house to pick up some clothes, then - depending on the time - either come back here to organize my backpack or else go straight to the airport to pick up Paul. But I've got to find a solid half-hour to call around to rent-a-car companies. I could do it now, but I'm set on hitting the road while it's still kinda early. This will be a challenge to drive alone from one side of San Jose to another. Of course I will overcome. That really goes without saying.

San Jose, Costa Rica -- night

I'm now writing from the house of Tia Luisa in Jardines de Moravia. I won't write too much since I want to get in bed early to sleep well for tomorrow. Paul should be arriving at the airport at 3:05pm.

In the morning, I want to call around to different rent-a-car agencies to check prices. Also, I have to go to Tia Zahrya's house to pick up some clothes that I left there. I'll try to time it so that I can eat lunch there. Also, at some point tomorrow morning, I want to organize my backpack again. But maybe I'll do that later at night. We'll see.

Anyway, last night I went out with Carlos and his girlfriend, Angie, first to Big Dog's in Escazu, then to El Cuartel in Barrio Escalante in San Jose. Big Dog's was cool because I got to tell Carlos and Angie a bunch of great stories from my solo journey. And then, el Cuartel was banging, of course. Nice atmosphere. Good live music. And at least a few really nice-looking women. We didn't get back to crash here until almost 3am.

Today, Carlos and I got up at about 7am to run errands all day long. I had to go to Banco San Jose to change two traveller's cheques, one to dollars and the other to colones. I needed the $100 to then go to Grupo Taca to pay the fine to change my flight date and confirm my flight for March 30. And the 37,000 colones and change were because I was down to my last colones from the last cheque. Now, I think I'm all set for the next two weeks of certain fun and escapades with Paul.

San Jose, Costa Rica -- afternoon

Today is St. Patrick's Day. I would have forgotten if Mita hadn't told me in our conversation yesterday. It makes sense that they don't celebrate that holiday here since there probably aren't too many people with Irish blood. For my part, I doubt I will celebrate since I've decided today will be a day of rest. With so much travelling and so many buses in the past month or more, I feel like it will be nice to just stay here in Tia Zahyra's house all day long. Also, another consideration is that I have just 2100 colones now, and I'd like to wait to go to the bank until Wednesday, when Paul gets here. Of course, I'll go to the bank tomorrow, but only to exchange one traveller's cheque for dollars, not colones, to pay the $100 fee to change my flight date and reserve my seat for March 30.

So my errands tomorrow will be bank, then the office of Grupo Taca. Afterwards, I think I'll wander through the mercado of San Jose to look for t-shirts and local artwork. I probably won't buy anything until I'm with Paul, but the trip will be more of a scouting mission to know where to find certain items.

So today I'll just take it easy. I'll finish writing here and I'll do some reading. I'll also review the itinerary which Yorlen helped me with last night. Our two-week tour of Costa Rica should be really fun. To say that I'm really looking forward is an understatement.

Finally, in retrospect, I'm glad I left Nosara a day or two earlier. I'm giving my body a well-needed rest. The skin on my nose and shoulders is peeling a little bit from the excessive, strong sun. And the bruises on my abdomen are healing nicely; they should be all healed in just a couple days. Also, the blisters and cuts on my feet are definitely taking advantage of the rest.

San Jose, Costa Rica -- afternoon

The trip from Nosara to San Jose was a long one. I left Nosara at 12:45pm and arrived at San Jose at about 7:30pm. Along the way, we crossed the Gulf of Nicoya on the Tempisque Ferry; it was really cheap, only 30 colones. Surprisingly, I was awake for the whole trip. I read a section of my current book, "Lituma en los Andes" by Mario Vargas Llosa, a Peruvian author.

But most of the trip, I just looked out the window. I observed that many parts, Guanacaste especially, are very dry as a result of the hot summer sun. Actually, the trees on the mountains and many on level ground have lost their leaves dut to the dryness. It gives the appearance of late autumn in the northeastern United States. It is only the very warm temperature that quickly reminds one that you're in Costa Rica.

During the long trip, I also noticed a postcard-size picture of Jesus. It really caught my attention and got me thinking. I wondered about what it was like when Jesus walked on earth. And I wondered whether he brushed his teeth, or ever got a haircut, or disliked a type of food. I wondered what he thought about when he took a shit, or if he even had to in the first place. I wondered if he ever noticed a beautiful woman, or if there was any chance that he ever had a boner. I wondered if he ever had to sleep, and if so, for how long. I wondered if he ever felt bored. I also wondered if he ever wanted to tell the Israelis about the Americas, since he surely knew about the Western Hemisphere. I wondered what language he spoke, and if he knew many more. It may seem crazy that I thought about these things, but I really pondered what it was like when he walked on earth.

After conversations with the American, Joe, in Manzanillo, and then Alex, the German, in Samara, I have an interest in Jesus and the Bible. I want to read the Bible soon after returning to the United States. Also, to better understand the Muslim perspective, especially with regard to global political events as effected by religion, I'd like to read the Koran.

Anyway, catching up to my present location, I'm staying again with Tia Zahyra in San Antonio de Desamparados. By the time I got the local bus from the center of San Jose to arrive here, I reached the front gate at about 8:30pm. No one was home, but luckily just five seconds later, Tia Zahyra and Yorlen came walking down the street after a day of shopping in San Pedro.

Last night, I went out with Yorlen to watch a local soccer rivalry between la Liga Deportiva Alajuelense and Saprissa. Of course la Liga won four to one. Afterwards, some of Yorlen's friends were asking me about my trip. I gave some brief highlights, along with the usual generalities. Then, somehow the conversation got to talking about the possible war of the United States against Iraq. No one understood the U.S. motives for war, and the opinion was nearly of anti-American sentiment. It made me wonder what international opinion must be in other less-U.S.-friendly nations. For my part, I remained quiet. I had no inclination at that moment to provide my analysis of the reasons for the potential war. It was more interesting to hear what the Ticos had to say about the war. They realized that Bush has personal incentives with the oil industry. But besides that point, they didn't seem to present any other motive for war.

I was just happy to get back to Tia Zahrya's house to fall asleep on the couch after a long day of travel.

Nosara, Costa Rica -- morning

The Ides of March. Well, I just bought my ticket to return to San Jose today. It was a close decision, but I think it was a good one. With the deep cut on my left big toe, and the two bruises on my abdomen, I could use a few days without walking on sand and in the heat of the sun.

Also, I realized I have to consider the bus fare to Desamparados as part of my financial analysis since all banks are now closed until Monday (today is Saturday). Plus, in general, I don't enjoy being in such a tight, stressful monetary situation.

And finally Nosara just doesn't hold my attention. Tonight there will be a live concert at the only discoteque, so everyone will be there. Of course I won't be there, which is perfectly fine. My chances of getting into a conversation in that kind of atmosphere are slim. I know this from plenty of experience in discoteques in the States and here in Costa Rica.

Also, I just visited the local shop for tourist information. They confirmed that the closest beach is Playa Pelada. I don't look forward to that long trek again. Also, Pelada is the nicest beach, and there will be many more people there today, since it is Saturday. But the beach is not that big. I don't look forward to being in the ocean surrounded by a bunch of other people; even yesterday there was a big group of Spring Breakers. So just imagine today. I just don't have any desire to re-enact the Jersey shore. I'll experience plenty of that this summer in the States. And to top it all off, I know I will be back to the beaches soon with Paul, so its no big deal to leave here.

I guess it would also be good to see family again before setting off so soon with Paul. So that's settled! When I write again, I should be in San Jose.

Nosara, Costa Rica -- night

My plans may very well be moved up. The town of Nosara is nothing like Samara. Nosara is located about five kilometers from the beaches, which means that I had a long walk to the beach and a long walk from the beach today. Although the beach is nice as I said earlier, I'm not sure its worth the long walk now. My legs are pretty tired now, to the point where it was a bit uncomfortable to explore the town after getting back and taking a shower. Luckily for my legs, but unluckily for a good time, there is nothing to the town of Nosara. I ate dinner at one of the two bars, which was surprisingly expensive for being inland and lacking a heavy, visible tourism.

Actually, I'm now down to just over 10,000 colones, so I have decided to leave on Sunday morning. But because of the lack of social life, and the resulting boredom, I am now considering leaving tomorrow for San Jose. Its been over a month that I've been travelling solo, and I could use a return to 'civilization,' so to speak. But, more specifically, I would like to get three full meals a day, and have some nice conversations with my aunts and cousins.

Right at this moment, a frog is hopping by on the gravel in front of the bench I'm sitting on. Anyway, its probably about 9pm right now, and I'll likely be going to bed soon. This, for lack of a better option.

I've already read a section of my book, smoked a Costa Rican cigar, and now written in my journal. One of this afternoon's redeeming events was a conversation I began when coming upon a man walking towards me on the dirt road when I was walking to Playa Pelada. I began with the simple, but sincere question of the time of day. From there, he asked the usual questions, like where I was from and what I was doing here. He ended by saying that I was very nice and very friendly and that Costa Rica would be a better place if everyone acted like me. It was a very nice compliment.

I agree that I wish more people were friendlier. I have no problem beginning conversations in situations like that. But when I'm alone at a bar, where there's always a group of buddies there, its too imposing to cut in. It would be nice if others would reach out to start a conversation. I look forward to travelling with somebody, so as to have a better chance for us to reach out to others, or else, to speak between ourselves.

I'll be happy to reach San Jose. I'll make a decision tomorrow morning over breakfast as to what to do and where to go. Without an alarm clock, I hope I wake up early on my own.

Playa Pelada, Costa Rica -- afternoon

I'm sitting on a log while writing this, facing the ocean, wearing only the bathing suit that I've borrowed from Carlos for this whole trip. I'm in a pensive mood, thinking about the past. Oftentimes I wonder how things could have been different. But to no avail, because here I am all alone. I'm sure its for the best, but there are still times when thats hard to accept. Its during moments like these that I wonder where she is and what she's doing. And I also wonder if she ever thinks of me. I can only imagine, and sometimes that's scary.

Anyway, here I am at one of the three beaches of Nosara. This is the only one, though, that received 'la bandera azul,' which means that it is at the highest level of environmental cleanliness. Of course that's why I came. The water looks darker blue from the shore, but is very clear once you're inside. I could see my feet the entire time I was in. Also, the waves are pretty calm. It's very nice.

I wanted to stay until Monday morning, but I may leave on Sunday. There are two factors. First, money. I have 15,000 colones, but with 2000 colones per night for a room and a tight budget of 2000 colones per day for food, I'm left with only 3000 colones to make it to at least Nicoya, if not all the way to San Jose. That scenario is if I stay until Monday. The second factor is fun. I like the beach here, but it may get old quick, especially after two days straight. I may go to one of the other two beaches, but we shall see.

But the real clincher is what to do during the night-time. Without meeting anyone to talk to, I am relegated to writing or reading my book. These two are just fine in their respective doses, but too much may drive me to leave for San Jose. But all of this I counter with the prospect of what I will be doing in San Jose; probably much of the same. Of course I'll play it by ear.

Samara, Costa Rica -- night

I had a discussion this evening before dinner with the girl, Jess, about the Vietnam War. My main conclusion now from that conversation is that my analytical skills have slowed and my rhetorical skills are poor. The content of the conversation was interesting, but not important now in comparison to my conclusions. I need to focus more energy to reading reflectively to gain new information, and then apply it directly to engaging intellectual conversations. I must challenge myself mentally and intellectually. Since my activity in college, I feel I have become dull as a butter knife. I also feel that my ability for retention has diminished really since high school. It may or may not be related, but I will continue my minimal alcohol consumption. Also, I will attempt to write more as a form of reflection. Perhaps I can organize monthly or weekly meetings to discuss new topics each session. I must use this trip as a springboard to improve myself in as many ways as possible. I think I will also send Jess an email later, clarifying my opinion on the Vietnam War and also the hippie movement, and the causes and factors of each.

Well, in a brief re-cap of tonight, we had a dinner of fish and potatoes, with a dessert of cantaloupe. It was delicious. Then, Ronald, Jess, and I went into the ocean under the moon and stars. It was really fun to be in the water while having difficulty seeing the next wave: it made for an interesting, exciting experience. I laughed a lot and had a great time.

Well, tomorrow, I meet Ronald and Jess for breakfast, then we each go our separate way. I will go to Nosara, and hope to be there by lunchtime. As always, it is exciting and curious to be hitting the road to a new place, to meet new people, and to live new adventures.

Samara, Costa Rica -- afternoon

Today is a day to take it easy. The skin on my upper back is tender from being in the sun and the water all day yesterday. So I'm hanging out in the shade of Clara's house with Ronald. I just opened a can of tuna with my knife while Ronald cut slices of bread for our lunch. We ended the meal with pieces of fresh watermelon.

After writing this, I'll do some reading, then walk down the beach to get a guanabana con leche. Then around 4pm, when the sun is not so strong, I'll get into the water.

My plan now is to leave for Nosara tomorrow morning, and stay there until Monday morning, when I will return to San Jose, thereby ending my solo trip. I left San Jose on February 13th, so I've been on the road for a month. However, in a lot of ways, its seemed longer. I really enjoyed the trip, despite a few difficulties. But that is to be expected.

My desire to travel has only grown. And now I have solid experience to learn for my next trip. I would like to go to Europe, and I would also like to visit the northwestern part of South America: Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, and Bolivia. And I also want to complete a tour of Central America, also visiting some southern parts of Mexico. For all this, I need time and money. My goal now is to devise a plan to realize these aspirations. Presently, I'm thinking of going to Europe in a year, around next May 2004. That will give me a solid year to save money and accumulate vacation time. Of course, anything is possible.

But returning to my feelings from this trip, it is strange to think that this chapter is nearly over. If all goes according to plan, Paul will arrive in San Jose this coming Wednesday, and we'll tour Costa Rica. But of course it will be different to travel with someone else. In many ways, I'm looking forward to it. However, to take full advantage of his 10-day vacation, the time must be more regimented. So, in that way, I'm losing the freedom and flexibility that I have enjoyed for the past month.

And now, in just over two weeks, I return to the United States. I look forward to that for two reasons: for Mita and for stability. But I absolutely can't deny that I will miss this current lifestyle. There have been so many occasions where I have felt so happy and so free; it is an amazing feeling. When I experience the pure beauty of nature, or a cool tropical drink, or an enlightening conversation with a Tico or Nica or European, or the excitement of hitting the road to a new place: all these things make me feel so good, so alive. The purpose of life must be one's happiness, without threatening or denying the happiness of another. If this definition is correct, then I am fulfilling life's purpose here. However, perhaps there is more to life. I shall now sit on the cliff overlooking the ocean to ponder that point. And all the while, I will be happy.

Samara, Costa Rica -- night

Today was a very good day. After eating a good breakfast of pinto con huevos, I met Ronald on the beach. Then, walking along the beach, I spotted a girl sitting by herself. I guessed that it was the North American girl, Jess, and of course it was. After introductions and a brief conversation, Ronald and I walked nearly to the end of the beach, then entered the water to swim over a kilometer to a very small island off the coast. It was a very difficult swim due to the distance. Since Ronald has an injured knee due to the accident with the machete, he could not swim fast. So I quickly got far ahead of him, but this scared me at times since I sometimes could not see him when I looked back.

But he eventually made it a few minutes after me. He was also very tired. He said that he had been bitten by fish during the voyage, but I don't believe I was ever bitten. When we were both on the island we sat down to relax for about fifteen minutes before beginning the return voyage; but this time taking a shorter route toward the rock cliffs that make up part of the point that separates Samara from Carrillo. It was much faster and much easier, but still a bit difficult due to tiredness from the first swim.

We eventually arrived at the rocky shore, which we walked. Towards the end, I stepped on a tiny stick or stone which became embedded in my back left heel. I didn't realize it right away, but when I did I stooped down to extract it. Ronald watched and winced to see it, since it was embedded about one-half to three-quarters of a centimeter into my heel. It hurt a bit to walk on it afterward, and was bleeding heavily for about a minute. I think I'm fine now though.

So Ronald and I took the long walk along the shore, all the while having good conversation. I treated myself to two guanabana con leche as a reward for my swim; they were delicious. The rest of the afternoon was spent on the beach eating bananas, reading, and relaxing. However, right before this, Ronald, Jess, and I walked to a watermelon farm to eat two out of three small watermelons; again, we had good conversation.

Later in the evening, after showering, I walked to Clara's house (at the northernmost point on the beach, where Ronald and Rogelio are staying) to enjoy a dinner of rice, salsa, and lobster, with pineapple and banana for dessert, all for just 500 colones. It was great to have dinner with very nice people in a home atmosphere, but where all but Clara were guests. Also, the view from the front yard made the evening very special.

To end the night, we ended up playing pool at Lagarto's, in which I turned in a particularly poor performance. Oh wel!

Lastly, on the walk back to the cabina, I saw a man dressed in Arab dress with two women, one of each arm, and a third following behind him with a camera. I greeted them by saying "A salaam alaikum," and was surprised to get a perfectly fluent Arabic response. So they were legitimately Arabs. The women were dressed beautifully in the sensual dress of an Arabian princess. It was an interesting sight to see.

Now, tired of course from the swim, and a whole day under the sun, I am feeling nearly exhausted. I will put down the pen and sleep well I'm sure.

Carrillo, Costa Rica -- afternoon

I think I am now able to write after buying this new pen at a supermercado earlier today. I have wanted to write a lot more these past couple of days, but that last pen just didn't work.

Well, I'm writing this while taking a break from trying to help this family get their pick-up truck out from being stuck in the sand. We have had no luck so far . . . A woman in an Isuzu Trooper came by to provide a hitch. Another man and I pushed from behind while the Trooper pulled. For the most part (other than getting stuck again just for a second), the operation went smoothly.

Now since I'm looking forward to getting back in the water soon, I will keep my re-cap as quick and simple as I possibly can. To pick up where I left off with my last entry in Granada, the gangster-looking Nicaraguan guy came back to sit on my bench. After beginning a conversation, I realized he was essentially homeless, but thrived and enjoyed the friendship of tourists. Perhaps its sounds a bit fishy, but after I explained my financial situation, he offerred to buy me an enchilada. He said that he could get it cheap, and his philosophy - in my rough translation - is that what goes around comes around. So he happily helped me out. It was a really nice thing for which I was very grateful. Immediately after buying the enchilada, he left to find another friend who was to give him a shirt.

Then, one after the other, I had conversations with three more people who came to sit next to me on that bench in el parque central; the first two were men and the last was a woman.

The most interesting conversation was with a man of about forty years in age. He analyzed the failure of the Sandinista revolution and its preceding and following events very well. He said that, before the revolution, each town was run by a "terrateniente", who was in turn run by Somoza from the top-down. So, in essence, Nicaragua was operating under a feudal system which had altered very little since the early colonial encomienda system. Certainly taking note of the international liberation movement in the 1960s, especially Cuba, the people of Nicaragua felt repressed by the feudal system and resentful of the Somoza regime.

The man said that the ideals of the Sandinistas were the opportunity to realize a dream of overcoming that system of Somoza. Hence, the popular support, and eventual victory, of the 1979 Sandinista revolution. However, with the Contra war of the 1980s, funded by the Nicaraguan elite, and also funded and supported by the United States government, the Sandinistas could not put the full, necessary energy to their program. Instead, much man-power was needed to fight the Contra war. In other words, the economy of Nicaragua sufferred greatly because its most-able men were fighting a war, not strengthening an economy. So the people lost faith in the Sandinistas; in the end, some even blaming them for the poor economy.

This sentiment was witnessed in the 1990 election when the Sandinistas were voted out of office. Since then, they are seen as just another political party, lacking any kind of revolutionary front. And now, in 2003, Nicaragua is poorer than it was before the revolution. It is a shame. My conversation, though, was quite informative and enlightening.

I returned to the Bearded Monkey to meet up with Toby to discuss dreams of travelling the world. Then I went to bed early to wake up early the next morning at about 6:15am. By 7am, I was walking to the Granada bus station, where my day-long journey began. I rode five buses yesterday. From Granada to Rivas, from Rivas to Penas Blancas, from Penas Blancas to Liberia, from Liberia to Nicoya, and from Nicoya to Samara.

When I left Granada I had only 41 cordobas and 2000 colones. When I arrived in Liberia, I had only 300 colones; I had not taken into account a $1.00 municipal fee and a $2.00 exit tax to leave Nicaragua. Those, in addition to bus fares. With the 300 colones, I bought a grapefruit soda and then went straight to the bank in Liberia to exchange my next traveller's check. Afterwards, I immediately went to a restaurant to devour a casado con chuleta; that was delicious after not eating a full meal since the morning before, about 28 hours earlier.

Without wasting any time then, I went back to the Liberia bus station to continue my journey, hoping to arrive in Samara to meet the North American girl. When I arrived in Nicoya, I had to walk a few blocks to get to the bus station with buses for Samara. I had to wait for about ten minutes for the bus from San Jose to Samara. When I walked onto the bus, I was surprised and happy to see Ronald, my Dutch friend. He was travelling with a Swiss guy and a German guy. We finally arrived in Samara at about 5:30pm, a long day of travelling for me.

After quickly checking back into Cabinas Magaly, I changed into my bathing suit and treated myself to a relaxing dip in the ocean, just as the sun was setting. Also, the half-moon and the first stars were out. It was a sight which was absolutely beautiful.

Later, after eating a tuna and crackers and pineapple dinner with Ronald, we got the other two guys to go to the bar where the language school students always hang out. I had a great time playing pool (and learning Tico rules). I also met some nice people, including a cool kid from Tennessee named Marcus. He's friends with Tony, the Canadian. All in all, it was a very good night.

To finish it off beautifully, I walked back alone (to the cabina) along the beach; the night-sky was totally clear so the view was beyond words; it was that which inspired me to write my last entry.

Today, after getting up late (about 10:30am), I walked alone to Carrillo to meet Ronald and the other two guys. The beach here is quieter than Samara, and the water is somehow more clear. Its really very nice. Now I will look for a bite to eat, and then get in the water again. When I return to the cabina, I will see if the North American girl has arrived or not.

Samara, Costa Rica -- night

Let me take this opportunity right now to say how great it is to be alive. Whoever may read these words (even if it be only myself) must realize this and strive to never, not for a moment, take life for granted.

Granada, Nicaragua -- night

Well, since that last entry earlier today, I have had a good afternoon and evening, which has almost coincidentally dealt with the topic of the last entry.

After the conversation with the vendor on the shore of el Lago Nicaragua, I was soon after surrounded by a bunch of tiny little green bugs. So I decided to leave to head back to el Parque Central. I sat down at a bench and in a little bit the parade of bench-partners began.

Perhaps there is humidity now or perhaps it is the pen, but this ink is very faint. I think I will try to write again later. And hopefully I can finish this entry . . . ok, so let's give this a try.

I had been sitting on the bench by myself when a young Nica walked by with a bandana rolled and wrapped around his forehead. He looked like a gangster, but we made eye contact, so I nodded as a form of greeting.

Granada, Nicaragua -- afternoon

Its a little bit windy as I sit here on the shore of el Lago Nicaragua. I think that the wind comes off the mountains to the east and then picks up speed as it comes across the surface of the lake. There are a number of locals swimming in the lake, but for me there is little appeal to take a dip.

My time in Granada, and Nicaragua for that matter, will end tomorrow morning when I leave for the border. I have little choice since I am left with only about 45 cordobas right now, at least 23 of which I will need to pay bus fare from Granada to Rivas and from Rivas to Penas Blancas. Unfortunately, it appears I will have to fast until I return to Costa Rica.

In many ways, it is a shame that I must leave here so soon. Granada is a beautiful city. Although it is not as big as Leon, the added features of its lakeside location, and the volcano so nearby overlooking the city, make Granada an attractive city to visit. Also, similar to Leon, its colonial architecture and lay-out make it quaint and comfortable. However, without a doubt, I prefer Leon; this is due to a few initial experiences here in Granada.

First, there seems to be little contact between tourists and locals. The locals have generally been cold to me, and the only ones really initiating contact were the guys pushing to sell marijuana and other drugs. And that is very annoying because they push so hard, that they nearly accost you or else accompany you practically into the bathroom. In a couple of words, they are very insistent. The other locals here seem a bit cold, and even resentful, to the foreigners. And I don't necessarily blame them.

To provide an example, I went with Toby to a local bar last night. My first impression was that it was very touristy, but in that negative pseudo-bohemian sort of way. I went to the bar to order a gin and tonic, then I asked a second bartender when the live music was to begin. And of course I asked in clear, fluent Spanish, as is natural since we are in Nicaragua, a Spanish-speaking country. The small-statured, pseudo-intellectual-looking brat responded in clear, fluent American English by demanding "English," meaning that he was ordering me to speak his language of English. The cultural superiority exemplified in that act sickens me. It is exactly that sort of condescending attitude that brings the United States a bad name all over the world. To a great extent, it was that cultural inflexibility that impelled Osama bin Laden to make the statement (as horrible as it was) that he did. I remained cool last night in that example, and quickly got my answer in English. That was probably the most peaceful reaction possible. But in retrospect, I almost wish I had punched that ass in the face, and told him to speak Spanish.

As a final observation on this point, Granada seems very touristy, but unfortunately in the sense of tourists who come to get high and have little interest in any sort of true, authentic, respectful intercultural/international experience. And there are many more tourists here than in Leon, making the whole spectacle a zoo of pseudo-bohemians believing that dreadlocks or long hair or beards or rags or ganja or coke or not showering for months will automatically show them or bring them to el camino real. Little do the fools realize that their attitudes and behavior are disrespectful to the culture and to the people here. So it is little, if no, surprise that the local people of Granada are now only interested in contact in the form of money changing hands . . .

Well, incidentally after writing that last sentence, a street vendor walked by with his cart and we started a conversation. He essentially said that the people of Nicaragua simply want to work, in order to eat. In response to my question, he said that Bolanos has done nothing to improve Nicaragua's economic situation. I told him the story above and told him how ashamed I am of those who bring a bad name to the United States, or tourists in general. I also said that it was important to have conversations like ours, between Nicaraguans and foreigners, to open the minds of both and to create a true intercultural exchange.

However, I realized quickly into our conversation that he had a heavy Nicaraguan accent, which tends to slur words by speaking very fast. As the conversation got deeper, it became more difficult for me to remain involved due to his accent. But I did understand a quick story he said later about how a group of bandits attacked a police officer, and did some real damage, about two years ago. He said it was a general response to police brutality, which is common here in Nicaragua.

I told him that the Nicaraguan government should promote more tourism. But I warned of a risk that I have witnessed especially here in Granada: it is not good for the Nicaraguan economy if the tourists only invest and/or spend at foreign-owned businesses. (I now feel a little bad that I'm staying at the Bearded Monkey). And as I said, here in Granada, there is little contact between tourists and locals. Leon, however, seemed much more integrated, therefore positively effecting the Leon economy.

As a final point, it probably seemd hypocritical that I didn't buy a hot dog from him. But I do need to get to the border tomorrow, and I'd rather arrive by bus than by hitchhiking.

Leon, Nicaragua -- morning

I'm now sitting at a cafe on the parque central, with La Catedral to my left-hand side. Its a clear, blue sky with only a few rare clouds.

The weather was the same when I went yesterday to Las Penitas, a beach on the Pacific Coast about half an hour from Leon. I spent the afternoon with a German named Marcos and a Swiss named Toby. We had a lot of fun boogie-boarding, but since I didn't wear a shirt, I had two red friction spots on my abdomen this morning. It hurts a little bit, but it was definitely worth it for the fun of riding waves.

However, I really didn't like Las Penitas that much. There were no trees on the beach to provide any shade. There was a wicked wind blowing from the south; this helped to create some often vicious waves. But the wind was terrible because it blew sand in one's face if facing south. Also, there were strong currents pulling one quickly toward the north, which made it more dangerous because of rocks (hence, "las penitas") lying both on-shore and underwater.

On one occasion, I had been pulled to the north without realizing it. Toby, who was on-shore, whistled to me to advise me of my position. I had to swim hard to make it straight back to shore without getting pulled any farther north. To speed my efforts, I rode a wave in, but landed on a rock that was unseen underwater. Quite luckily, I landed with one leg on each side of the rock, so that I was straddling it. As soon as there was a break in the waves, I quickly swam back to shore, and to safety.

Another highlight was eating a whole fish marinated with sweet-and-sour sauce and vegetables (onions, red peppers, etc.); on the side, there were platano chips. It was very delicious.

Right now, I'm sipping on a papaya con leche while writing these words. Only Toby and I returned to Leon from Las Penitas; I bid farewell of Marcos. I hope we can keep in touch.

Later, last night, I decided to hang out with Toby, and two other Swiss guys: Gianni and Richard. We went to a quaint restaurant, La Taquezal, to hear live music: a man on a guitar and a woman singing. It was nice. The guitarist was very good, and the woman had a nice voice. I drank my first alcohol in over a month. I drank a 'capuccino taquezal,' which was simply a capuccino with rum. It was good, but strong. I had to ask for more coffee to weaken the rum.

Afterwards, when two Dutch girls had joined us, we left to go to another restaurant closer to Via Via, called El Camaleon. We continued good conversation with many jokes and much laughter. I eventually went to bed at 3am. It had been a while since I hung out like that, so it was a good experience.

I woke up early this morning, at about 7:30am, to go to el Museo Insurreccional, but it was closed. However, it was good that I walked around, because I stopped at a bookseller on the sidewalk to buy two small books, one by Carlos Fonseca and the other by Fidel Castro.

I leave soon with Toby to go south to Granada. As always, I'm very excited to hit the road, especially to a new destination. Nevertheless, I will miss Leon. It is a beautiful city in so many ways.

Last night, while at Via Via, I was standing at the bar, waiting for a lemonade. I started a good conversation with a beautiful Nicaraguan woman. She is 23 years old and a third-year law student here in Leon. She asked me if I had a wife or girlfriend, and then said that I should stay more time in Leon. I explained that I had to move on, but that I, too, would have liked to stay. We exchanged email addresses and will certainly keep in touch. I invited her to the United States; perhaps one day we'll meet again.

All in all, my time in Leon has been wonderful. I leave here with a positive attitude and some new friendships. So, speaking of leaving, the time has come to enjoy the rest of my papaya con leche. And then I will go to Via Via to collect my things, to return to meet Toby on the main square, then hit the road once again . . .

As a postscript, I have to note that I just observed two young boys pissing on La Catedral in broad daylight, now at about 10:30am.

Leon, Nicaragua -- night

Earlier this afternoon, I walked over a kilometer from the center of Leon by way of la Calle Ruben Dario to the indigenous area of Subtiava. From there, I walked just a few more blocks to arrive at el Barrio Felipe Santana. Of course my memory served me well, and so I arrived with no problem at the home of Don Clemente and Dona Maria. They were very surprised to see me. And I was nearly as surprised that Dona Maria remembered my name without a second thought. I gave their 9-year-old grandson, Jairo, his gift, a basic but complete world atlas. Later, just before leaving, I wrote my Spanish name ('Tay'), his name, today's date, and an inscription of Marti's lyric from Versos Sencillos, to perhaps impel the boy to one day chase the horizon.

I stayed for a little over three hours, telling stories of my life and job in the States, as well as stories of my adventures in Central America. I also took a walk around the neighborhood, which I saw hans't changed a bit. I wrote down their address, in hopes that I will follow through with a postcard or two in the future. And finally before leaving, I got a photo in the front doorway in the same spot as three years ago with Don Clemente, Dona Maria, Jairo, and Ines.

Later, on my walk back down la Calle Ruben Dario, I stopped back at a vendor whom I had asked directions to reach Felipe Santana. Another younger teenage girl was there, but said that the other woman would return shortly. I asked for a cantaloupe, and she offerred me a seat to eat right there. So I ended up talking with her for about half an hour. After going over the usual trivialities, I asked her specifically about her studies and her goals. She said she is studying to be an accountant, because it is a good job and in demand.

Then, she asked me about my job. That turned the conversation onto the tangent of human rights, specifically women's rights. After explaining that men and women are equal, and Nicaragua must pursue two avenues to realize this: juridically and culturally. The two methods would dissuade machismo, and punish severe cases of machismo. I said that a man and a woman should be in an equal relationship with each other. I made other specific points as well.

But, after a few minutes of elaborating, an older man approached us who had been overhearing our conversation, and he asked me directly where I was from. I replied that I was born in Colombia and that I am medio-tico, medio-gringo. He made a comment about religion and immediately walked away without waiting for a response.

I asked the girl to clarify, but first guessed that the man implied that, according to biblical references, a woman has a place in the home and at the side and service of her husband. I quickly explained that the culture in biblical times was represented in the Bible, but that much time had passed, and hence our present culture is not the same as in biblical times. Furthermore, I explained that if the message of the Bible (namely the teachings of Jesus Christ) could be simplified or summarized, it would be a message of love and respect for all fellow humans, as brothers and sisters alike. In this respect, the mistreatment of women, and hence its Latino manifestation, 'machismo,' is contrary to Christian practice. The girl was in agreement, I believe, with my analysis.

But I concluded by saying that the consciousness - of Latinos in general and Nicaraguans in specific - must be raised. And I countered that by admitting my surprise that the Sandinista revolution did not have more of an effect in that respect. But she clarified that things have definitely changed and improved.

Along somewhat similar lines, I had a good conversation with a German this morning before leaving to visit la "21." Its really too much to get into here, but the theme of the conversation was globalization, with our agreed consensus being international sustainable development. I analyzed this international process, however, as remaining dictate to separate national wills due to the strong identity of sovereignty and the flipside weakness of international organizations such as the United Nations.

Briefly, I said that the people of each nation must first raise their consciousness to the effects - positive and negative - of globalization and methods of international sustainable development. Second, each populace must put pressure - first democratically, then by other means as/if necessary - on its respective government to enforce regulations on trans/multinational corporations, and thereby create a better, viable, healthy world. Third, each government must actually respect its populace and enforce, as just explained. Fourth, the MNC's must respect and follow methods for international sustained development. And fifth, there must be international cooperation to enforce these objectives among nations.

The whole process, granted, is ideal in this simplified form. I believe the United Nations must gain more power and respect to actually achieve the goal. But first and foremost, the first point must be completed. With many nations being isolated, or having limited contact, with the rest of the world, this first point remains difficult until a better diffusion of ideas reaches all corners of the globe via improved communication and transportation. And that last, of course, is the real motor of globalization itself.