I just finished playing a few games of Uno with Jeannie. She got on a pretty good run and won a few games in a row. I realized that she was playing very aggressive in her tactics and so I had to adjust. I hate losing, at anything really. I'm very competitive and I've probably always been this way. Whenever I set out to do anything, especially after my consciousness and sense of identity began to develop into adult form, probably when I was at Shawnee High School, I set out to be the best, at least the best that I could be, but hopefully the best compared to all others.
As I've gotten older, I realize that an overly developed sense of competition is not healthy. And so I've tried to be aware of this, and toned down my sense of competition when I can. In my job, I do so by isolating myself from others to a great degree, so I'm not even tempted to be in a position where I will compare myself to others.
I feel like being a lawyer, then, was very likely in the cards for me from the beginning. There's a side of me that wants to help others. And I've always sided with the underdog, the underprivileged, the downtrodden, the needy. And I'm quite empathetic. That's why I often cry when I watch a touching movie. But that side (or those sides) need to be reconciled with the side (or sides) of me that intend to be the best at everything I set my mind to do, the part of me that wants to win. When I look at these major aspects of what I want to do and what makes me happy, I see that being a lawyer seems to be a fitting field for me.
On the topic of competition, my economic philosophy is that the core of a society's economy should certainly be based on the premise that competition is good, in that it brings the best of productivity and ideas out of people and increases the pace of gains in efficiency and development. I strongly believe, then, that the core of our economy should be capitalist. And that core should comprise most of the people in society. Surrounding that large inner circle of competitive capitalism should be a socialist band, which provides for the needs of those who are in need -- the elderly, children, the physically disabled but unproductive, the mentally ill or disabled but unproductive, and those who are temporarily unemployed due to injury or pregnancy or downturns in economic cycles. But allow me to return to the point that I believe that competition, within the context of that framework, is good for society.
So, bringing it back to the personal level, feeling that I am, have been, and will hopefully continue to be in the productive phase of my life, I intend to compete. And I think this aching to stretch and test my skills in the larger economic field is what is pulling me and calling me away from my current employment. I'm ready to compete. I'm ready to see what I'm worth. I'm ready to help others, and win.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Snowy night
It's a snowy night in Philadelphia. We had 9.8 inches of snow fall late last night into this morning. Then there was a lull for most of the day up until now, as I write this. But we're expected to get the back end of the nor'easter tonight, which will give us another 1 to 3 inches of snow. I just got the email that the office will be closed tomorrow. Taking into account that I was off today and we're off on Monday for Presidents' Day, I'm in a 5-day weekend.
Today is notable for more than the snow. Jeannie is 33 weeks pregnant today. Meaning that, if that calculation is accurate, we'll be the proud parents of a baby girl in about 7 weeks, give or take, depending on when our little girl decides to arrive. The expected due date is April 3rd.
Although I see with my own eyes how Jeannie's belly is getting bigger every day, it doesn't seem quite real to me. There are, however, those moments when it hits me and I feel very excited. For example, I almost always walk north on 18th Street for a good part of my walk to work in the morning. And I daydream about walking with the baby to Rittenhouse Square when the weather is warmer in a few months. I'm looking forward to being a father. And I'm so happy that Jeannie will be the mother of my child (maybe, hopefully, some day: children). Although no one can ever be totally prepared to be a parent, I think we're both in a good place in our lives that this is the time. I feel good about it and I have faith in everything about it.
Speaking of faith, since just about a year ago, we've been attending mass at St. Charles Borromeo Church very regularly. We've grown to love the feeling of warmth and community there. It's where Jeannie and I got married just two months ago, on Saturday, December 14, 2013. Father Ed is a great guy and I really like how down-to-earth he is, which translates to his style of homily. The fact that it's just a couple blocks up the road makes it really easy for us to get there on Sunday mornings. It's one of those things that may seem insignificant at first blush, but it's one of the greatest sources of happiness and stability in my life over the past year. And I hope and intend that we'll continue to attend and become more a part of the community.
Rocky and the Baby are healthy and doing well. Rocky was just on my lap a few minutes ago as I was typing the early part of this note. The Baby is on the couch with Jeannie, who happened to fall asleep there about a half-hour ago. As hard as it is to believe, Rocky and the Baby turned 9 years old this past Christmas (2013). I got them just past Valentine's Day 2005, so at this point they've been in my life for nearly 9 years. It's amazing. Talk about family, they've been a part of my daily life for 9 years, seen me through changes of relationships, been with me through moves to new residences, seen me happy and sad, and been with me throughout it all. I love them so much. I hope they can feel it or know it somehow. I'm just so thankful to God that Rocky and the Baby are in my life. Every Sunday at church, I pray for their good health and happiness.
The chapter of my life at PLA is likely coming to an end later this year. It's something that I hesitate to put in writing, even here, because of my concerns of keeping my intentions known to only a very small circle of loved ones. I mention it only so when I look back I'll see that it was something already in the works as of this date, and sooner I assure you.
Jeannie and I recently came back from India. Initially, Jeannie was going there for work and I was just going to take advantage and tag along. When Jeannie's employer (who happens to be my friend) found out we were getting married, he very graciously offered Jeannie the first week off there, so she and I could effectively have a honeymoon, which we hadn't planned or really intended to take. We were very happy to take the opportunity. For the first three days or so, we were in Delhi. I had the blessing to see the Taj Mahal for the first time in my life. Then, for my last seven days there, we stayed in Bengaluru, in the south of India. On the first two days in Bengaluru, I went out for daylong pilgrimages, in which I roamed the city, mostly on foot, but also by public bus. Those two days, away from the routine of my everyday life and accompanied only by my solitude, allowed my mind to roam as freely as my legs were taking my body. By the grace of God, I received a lot of inspiration, in terms of concrete ideas for my next professional chapter, as well as the even more important feeling of confidence or dare I say destiny. The shining example of the latter was a date that came to my mind that I must launch my next chapter. That date is my target. I have a goal, and so now the time from now until then shall be dedicated to the details that must be filled in so I can feel as prepared as I possibly can be.
I sometimes struggle with resisting the temptation to judge others who I consider to be unjust or self-centered or biased. For example, I believe one of the lawyers I work with has a big ego and likes to draw attention to herself. But the thing that irritates me more than that simple point is that others seem to have bought in to her "brand," so to speak. They've bought in to her ego, which I believe is bigger than her actual value or talent, not to take away from or underestimate that the talent and skills that she does have. In another example, there's this community activist in South Philadelphia who, numerically at least, has a large following on facebook. I believe that she is racist; to put it bluntly, I believe she hates white people. Being "white" in color and mostly European in heritage, I take offense to some of what she writes online. Up until now, I've swallowed my thoughts and not responded, but just a couple weeks ago, I finally wrote a sharp reply to her online. Similar to my first example above, it bothers me when someone has too much influence, too loud of a voice, for a position that's either biased or too self-centered. I really can't stand it. But I know I have no control over how people, these people in particular, act or what they say. And I have no control over how others receive their message or consider their personality. I can only be me. Recently, perhaps in part looking ahead to changes later this year, I've started to be just a bit more vocal on facebook, in terms of what I write for my own posts and also in reply to others. I've been mindful not to come across as too overly confident (which would be ironic) or too critical of others. I hope I've succeeded on those counts.
Finally, just as an update, I'm currently reading the New Testament. For the second time ever. A couple years ago, from around December 2011 to maybe May or June 2012, I read the Bible from cover to cover, Old Testament through New Testament. This time I'm just reading the New Testament. As of now, I'm at 2 Corinthians. Not to be cliche, but it's a good book. It's helped to give confidence to me in my daily life, especially professionally. Overall, my faith is stronger, although I know that I need to be careful not to take anything for granted, faith in particular.
Today is notable for more than the snow. Jeannie is 33 weeks pregnant today. Meaning that, if that calculation is accurate, we'll be the proud parents of a baby girl in about 7 weeks, give or take, depending on when our little girl decides to arrive. The expected due date is April 3rd.
Although I see with my own eyes how Jeannie's belly is getting bigger every day, it doesn't seem quite real to me. There are, however, those moments when it hits me and I feel very excited. For example, I almost always walk north on 18th Street for a good part of my walk to work in the morning. And I daydream about walking with the baby to Rittenhouse Square when the weather is warmer in a few months. I'm looking forward to being a father. And I'm so happy that Jeannie will be the mother of my child (maybe, hopefully, some day: children). Although no one can ever be totally prepared to be a parent, I think we're both in a good place in our lives that this is the time. I feel good about it and I have faith in everything about it.
Speaking of faith, since just about a year ago, we've been attending mass at St. Charles Borromeo Church very regularly. We've grown to love the feeling of warmth and community there. It's where Jeannie and I got married just two months ago, on Saturday, December 14, 2013. Father Ed is a great guy and I really like how down-to-earth he is, which translates to his style of homily. The fact that it's just a couple blocks up the road makes it really easy for us to get there on Sunday mornings. It's one of those things that may seem insignificant at first blush, but it's one of the greatest sources of happiness and stability in my life over the past year. And I hope and intend that we'll continue to attend and become more a part of the community.
Rocky and the Baby are healthy and doing well. Rocky was just on my lap a few minutes ago as I was typing the early part of this note. The Baby is on the couch with Jeannie, who happened to fall asleep there about a half-hour ago. As hard as it is to believe, Rocky and the Baby turned 9 years old this past Christmas (2013). I got them just past Valentine's Day 2005, so at this point they've been in my life for nearly 9 years. It's amazing. Talk about family, they've been a part of my daily life for 9 years, seen me through changes of relationships, been with me through moves to new residences, seen me happy and sad, and been with me throughout it all. I love them so much. I hope they can feel it or know it somehow. I'm just so thankful to God that Rocky and the Baby are in my life. Every Sunday at church, I pray for their good health and happiness.
The chapter of my life at PLA is likely coming to an end later this year. It's something that I hesitate to put in writing, even here, because of my concerns of keeping my intentions known to only a very small circle of loved ones. I mention it only so when I look back I'll see that it was something already in the works as of this date, and sooner I assure you.
Jeannie and I recently came back from India. Initially, Jeannie was going there for work and I was just going to take advantage and tag along. When Jeannie's employer (who happens to be my friend) found out we were getting married, he very graciously offered Jeannie the first week off there, so she and I could effectively have a honeymoon, which we hadn't planned or really intended to take. We were very happy to take the opportunity. For the first three days or so, we were in Delhi. I had the blessing to see the Taj Mahal for the first time in my life. Then, for my last seven days there, we stayed in Bengaluru, in the south of India. On the first two days in Bengaluru, I went out for daylong pilgrimages, in which I roamed the city, mostly on foot, but also by public bus. Those two days, away from the routine of my everyday life and accompanied only by my solitude, allowed my mind to roam as freely as my legs were taking my body. By the grace of God, I received a lot of inspiration, in terms of concrete ideas for my next professional chapter, as well as the even more important feeling of confidence or dare I say destiny. The shining example of the latter was a date that came to my mind that I must launch my next chapter. That date is my target. I have a goal, and so now the time from now until then shall be dedicated to the details that must be filled in so I can feel as prepared as I possibly can be.
I sometimes struggle with resisting the temptation to judge others who I consider to be unjust or self-centered or biased. For example, I believe one of the lawyers I work with has a big ego and likes to draw attention to herself. But the thing that irritates me more than that simple point is that others seem to have bought in to her "brand," so to speak. They've bought in to her ego, which I believe is bigger than her actual value or talent, not to take away from or underestimate that the talent and skills that she does have. In another example, there's this community activist in South Philadelphia who, numerically at least, has a large following on facebook. I believe that she is racist; to put it bluntly, I believe she hates white people. Being "white" in color and mostly European in heritage, I take offense to some of what she writes online. Up until now, I've swallowed my thoughts and not responded, but just a couple weeks ago, I finally wrote a sharp reply to her online. Similar to my first example above, it bothers me when someone has too much influence, too loud of a voice, for a position that's either biased or too self-centered. I really can't stand it. But I know I have no control over how people, these people in particular, act or what they say. And I have no control over how others receive their message or consider their personality. I can only be me. Recently, perhaps in part looking ahead to changes later this year, I've started to be just a bit more vocal on facebook, in terms of what I write for my own posts and also in reply to others. I've been mindful not to come across as too overly confident (which would be ironic) or too critical of others. I hope I've succeeded on those counts.
Finally, just as an update, I'm currently reading the New Testament. For the second time ever. A couple years ago, from around December 2011 to maybe May or June 2012, I read the Bible from cover to cover, Old Testament through New Testament. This time I'm just reading the New Testament. As of now, I'm at 2 Corinthians. Not to be cliche, but it's a good book. It's helped to give confidence to me in my daily life, especially professionally. Overall, my faith is stronger, although I know that I need to be careful not to take anything for granted, faith in particular.
Labels:
books,
faith,
family,
India,
love,
racism,
Rittenhouse Square,
Rocky and the Baby,
South Philly,
travel,
work
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