Competition

I just finished playing a few games of Uno with Jeannie.  She got on a pretty good run and won a few games in a row.  I realized that she was playing very aggressive in her tactics and so I had to adjust.  I hate losing, at anything really.  I'm very competitive and I've probably always been this way.  Whenever I set out to do anything, especially after my consciousness and sense of identity began to develop into adult form, probably when I was at Shawnee High School, I set out to be the best, at least the best that I could be, but hopefully the best compared to all others.

As I've gotten older, I realize that an overly developed sense of competition is not healthy.  And so I've tried to be aware of this, and toned down my sense of competition when I can.  In my job, I do so by isolating myself from others to a great degree, so I'm not even tempted to be in a position where I will compare myself to others.

I feel like being a lawyer, then, was very likely in the cards for me from the beginning.  There's a side of me that wants to help others.  And I've always sided with the underdog, the underprivileged, the downtrodden, the needy.  And I'm quite empathetic.  That's why I often cry when I watch a touching movie.  But that side (or those sides) need to be reconciled with the side (or sides) of me that intend to be the best at everything I set my mind to do, the part of me that wants to win.  When I look at these major aspects of what I want to do and what makes me happy, I see that being a lawyer seems to be a fitting field for me.

On the topic of competition, my economic philosophy is that the core of a society's economy should certainly be based on the premise that competition is good, in that it brings the best of productivity and ideas out of people and increases the pace of gains in efficiency and development.  I strongly believe, then, that the core of our economy should be capitalist.  And that core should comprise most of the people in society.  Surrounding that large inner circle of competitive capitalism should be a socialist band, which provides for the needs of those who are in need -- the elderly, children, the physically disabled but unproductive, the mentally ill or disabled but unproductive, and those who are temporarily unemployed due to injury or pregnancy or downturns in economic cycles. But allow me to return to the point that I believe that competition, within the context of that framework, is good for society.

So, bringing it back to the personal level, feeling that I am, have been, and will hopefully continue to be in the productive phase of my life, I intend to compete.  And I think this aching to stretch and test my skills in the larger economic field is what is pulling me and calling me away from my current employment.  I'm ready to compete.  I'm ready to see what I'm worth.  I'm ready to help others, and win.