It's kind of an eerie feeling. It's almost as if time has stopped, at least temporarily, as oxymoronic as that is. I've been alone here in Tia Zahyra's house for about the past two hours. Besides the phone ringing just once, it has been a nearly uninterrupted stagnation.
Of course, as I write this though, Mita and Tia Zahyra are walking in the door. Mita is a little upset for some reason: either because Jessica may be alone this Christmas, or that Jessica is not with us here, or that Mita is not here with Jessica, any or all of the above. For better or for worse, I have to admit that I'm surprised; Mita seemed so wrapped up in being here, barely paying me any attention. I figured that everything left in the United States was for the most part out of sight, out of mind.
But when I think about it, I believe Mita's putting on something of a front, for the purpose of convincing herself that Costa Rica is better than the United States in every possible way. But under that surface, there are apparently deeper currents. I remember being depressed when I spent Christmas here in Costa Rica two years ago. It was very difficult to be apart from my close family and friends for Christmas, and it made it even more difficult to be in a warm climate for the holidays. I felt like a stranger in a strange land. It's not a good feeling.
I hope for Jessica's sake that Pito is spending Christmas with her. So far I've been pretty stoic about the holidays this time around. Perhaps I'm putting up my defenses after my experience two years ago. Or maybe it's easier because Mita is here. I don't think it's really the latter, but I could be wrong. Or maybe it's the difference that in only 8 days Cherise will be here. I think that makes a huge difference; to look forward to something in the short-term.
Well, I should have some coffee and socialize now that there's some life here, some reassurance of time and reality.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Thursday, December 23, 2004
San Jose, Costa Rica -- afternoon
I really shouldn't be surprised, but I'm sick. It's such a pain in the ass that - it seems - every time I come to Costa Rica, I get sick. And this time I took precautions like washing my hand frequently and getting to bed early while sleeping-in in the morning. I think I would have been fine if not for the fact that Yorlen was sick on the day we got here. Then, a couple days later, with Yorlen still sick, Mita got sick too. Mita's defenses were definitely down since she didn't sleep for two nights prior to getting here, and she was barely sleeping when we got here. So I guess just being around two sick people, and since the bacteria/viruses here are different than those in the States, I also inevitably got sick. I had a terrible fever last night, sweating so much in bed that my body was stuck to the sheets. Talk about a shitty feeling, feeling trapped like that.
Today I also feel like shit, but I think its already breaking up since I've got a lot of mucus coming out of my nose, and I have that gut feeling that I really am getting better, despite - or perhaps because of - the symptoms. So on account of my sickness, I've done nothing but hang around Zahyra's house. The only thing to speak of is that yesterday morning Yorlen and I went to the Mercado Central in San Jose to buy a bunch of vegetables and other ingredients for her to make tamales navidenos. I went along to keep her company and to help her carry the ton of stuff we picked up. It was towards the end of that outting that I really started feeling sick and weak. I paid for a taxi, which was less than $3, and since then I've been holed up here like a hermit.
Mita is having a blast here. She seems to be the happiest I've seen her in a long while. Even now that she's here she continues to talk about buying property here in Costa Rica. And it seems like every five minutes she's making a comparison with the United States, where of course Costa Rica is better, or else she'll just make a general, disparaging comment about some aspect of life in the United States. I think half the time she's exaggerating, but I don't say anything.
She changed her mind, though, about wanting to live in Alajuela once she saw how steep the roads are there. Then when I told her that she would have to learn to drive stick if she lived in Alajuela, she gave up the idea. But even despite an obstacle like that, I think she's better off living down here. In the U.S., I live only half-an-hour from her, and there's no way for her to visit me unless Jessica picks her up. And that's not a realistic option any more now that Jess lives two hours north of Mita. I just get the impression that Mita's condition would be much subdued here in Costa Rica. Even though she's seemingly between a rock and a hard place, I think the choice - although difficult - is obvious. But I've gotta try not to say anything; Mita's a grown woman who has to make her own decisions.
In the meantime, I'm gonna take a backseat on this trip. Everyone is excited to see Mita, so I'll just come along for the ride.
Today I also feel like shit, but I think its already breaking up since I've got a lot of mucus coming out of my nose, and I have that gut feeling that I really am getting better, despite - or perhaps because of - the symptoms. So on account of my sickness, I've done nothing but hang around Zahyra's house. The only thing to speak of is that yesterday morning Yorlen and I went to the Mercado Central in San Jose to buy a bunch of vegetables and other ingredients for her to make tamales navidenos. I went along to keep her company and to help her carry the ton of stuff we picked up. It was towards the end of that outting that I really started feeling sick and weak. I paid for a taxi, which was less than $3, and since then I've been holed up here like a hermit.
Mita is having a blast here. She seems to be the happiest I've seen her in a long while. Even now that she's here she continues to talk about buying property here in Costa Rica. And it seems like every five minutes she's making a comparison with the United States, where of course Costa Rica is better, or else she'll just make a general, disparaging comment about some aspect of life in the United States. I think half the time she's exaggerating, but I don't say anything.
She changed her mind, though, about wanting to live in Alajuela once she saw how steep the roads are there. Then when I told her that she would have to learn to drive stick if she lived in Alajuela, she gave up the idea. But even despite an obstacle like that, I think she's better off living down here. In the U.S., I live only half-an-hour from her, and there's no way for her to visit me unless Jessica picks her up. And that's not a realistic option any more now that Jess lives two hours north of Mita. I just get the impression that Mita's condition would be much subdued here in Costa Rica. Even though she's seemingly between a rock and a hard place, I think the choice - although difficult - is obvious. But I've gotta try not to say anything; Mita's a grown woman who has to make her own decisions.
In the meantime, I'm gonna take a backseat on this trip. Everyone is excited to see Mita, so I'll just come along for the ride.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
San Jose, Costa Rica -- evening
Here I am, once again in Costa Rica. Back where this journal began. I guess maybe that's how life operates: in cycles. The biggest difference, I suppose, is that I'm two years older. Of course I don't really know if I feel like I'm 27 years old as compared to 25 years old. But then again, when I came last time, I was drinking a shitload of alcohol. Life was a party for me then. Anything that happened in between drinking sessions was simply an intermission. Now I've become greatly accustomed to not drinking at all, or at least drinking very infrequently. Every once in a blue moon, I get the itch to drink my ass off, but I think that's okay as long as it really is once in a blue moon. I drank a bunch of Concha y Toro red wine last night; it gave me just enough of a kick. It was just what the doctor ordered and gave Tia Zahyra's crazy comments an extra dimension.
However, it seems that even if I wanted to go out, it really wouldn't be happening. That's because Carlos is working from 10am to 10pm, 7 days per week. That leaves him with no time and even less energy to hit the town. I don't even expect to see him until the reunion on the 25th.
A second difference from my last visit is perhaps just as important as the first. That is, I'm here with Mita this time, whereas I was alone last time. In other words, last trip was mine, this trip is hers. Of course, my disposition resents any type of impediment on my independence. For better or for worse, I've resigned myself to keeping my mouth shut and just going with the flow. Only when I'm in a one-on-one situation do I really engage in conversation. That'll likely be the status quo until Cherise arrives here on January 1st. I'll keep my spending to a bare minimum until then, then we'll blow it out for 6 days, 5 nights.
Being here has already helped me to appreciate the relationship. I'll be really happy to see Cherise on the 1st. But for now, I'll hold off on that aside.
To continue on the second point above, I also has much less time here and much less money. For all intents and purposes, that means I'm basically attached to Mita, at least until Cherise gets here. Its tough, too, because I can only take so much of Mita at a time. She never seems to be paying attention to what she's doing, it seems to me that she sometimes puts on a 'clueless' act for whatever reason, and she's constantly trying to put on a comedy show. I guess she's having fun, and that's great. But I can only take so much.
Enough about that, though. The reality is that this trip will be different. Besides seeing family and getting some time in a comfortable climate, this trip is a much-needed break from Temple Law, which sucks most of my energy, and not even because of the studies. The social atmosphere at Temple is still so repressive to me that it drains me sometimes. I began to feel a tiny bit more comfortable at the end of the semester. Nevertheless, I definitely needed a break. I have to make a concerted effort to keep up with my work, especially early in the semester, and set an early standard of class participation, albeit at a moderate level. I need to be more assertive at the outset. I think that will make me more accessible to my classmates. And my confidence will feed off of both the cause and the effects.
For now, though, I'll try to chill out down here. Law school has only crossed my mind a couple of times, and only to give me appreciation of my temporary repose. So despite any difficulties (e.g. American Airlines losing our luggage for one day) and annoyances, this trip is just what I needed.
In the short-term, I'm looking forward to the 25th to see more family. Then I'll look forward to what will hopefully be a good 31st. Then, of course, I'll really be excited to see Cherise. Of course I'm already looking forward to seeing her.
And finally, to review really quickly, today we drove all the way into the mountains of Alajuela, near Volcan Poas, to pick-up Tia Tere, then drive back to the town-center of Alajuela. I should say that I drove the whole day. For what it was worth, it felt good to actually be in control of something. And I got to see much of the countryside.
Alright, I'll write again soon, probably tomorrow, since writing gives me a chance to be left alone to my own thoughts and reflections. This and reading allow me my only real methods of enjoying the independence that I normally enjoy back home.
However, it seems that even if I wanted to go out, it really wouldn't be happening. That's because Carlos is working from 10am to 10pm, 7 days per week. That leaves him with no time and even less energy to hit the town. I don't even expect to see him until the reunion on the 25th.
A second difference from my last visit is perhaps just as important as the first. That is, I'm here with Mita this time, whereas I was alone last time. In other words, last trip was mine, this trip is hers. Of course, my disposition resents any type of impediment on my independence. For better or for worse, I've resigned myself to keeping my mouth shut and just going with the flow. Only when I'm in a one-on-one situation do I really engage in conversation. That'll likely be the status quo until Cherise arrives here on January 1st. I'll keep my spending to a bare minimum until then, then we'll blow it out for 6 days, 5 nights.
Being here has already helped me to appreciate the relationship. I'll be really happy to see Cherise on the 1st. But for now, I'll hold off on that aside.
To continue on the second point above, I also has much less time here and much less money. For all intents and purposes, that means I'm basically attached to Mita, at least until Cherise gets here. Its tough, too, because I can only take so much of Mita at a time. She never seems to be paying attention to what she's doing, it seems to me that she sometimes puts on a 'clueless' act for whatever reason, and she's constantly trying to put on a comedy show. I guess she's having fun, and that's great. But I can only take so much.
Enough about that, though. The reality is that this trip will be different. Besides seeing family and getting some time in a comfortable climate, this trip is a much-needed break from Temple Law, which sucks most of my energy, and not even because of the studies. The social atmosphere at Temple is still so repressive to me that it drains me sometimes. I began to feel a tiny bit more comfortable at the end of the semester. Nevertheless, I definitely needed a break. I have to make a concerted effort to keep up with my work, especially early in the semester, and set an early standard of class participation, albeit at a moderate level. I need to be more assertive at the outset. I think that will make me more accessible to my classmates. And my confidence will feed off of both the cause and the effects.
For now, though, I'll try to chill out down here. Law school has only crossed my mind a couple of times, and only to give me appreciation of my temporary repose. So despite any difficulties (e.g. American Airlines losing our luggage for one day) and annoyances, this trip is just what I needed.
In the short-term, I'm looking forward to the 25th to see more family. Then I'll look forward to what will hopefully be a good 31st. Then, of course, I'll really be excited to see Cherise. Of course I'm already looking forward to seeing her.
And finally, to review really quickly, today we drove all the way into the mountains of Alajuela, near Volcan Poas, to pick-up Tia Tere, then drive back to the town-center of Alajuela. I should say that I drove the whole day. For what it was worth, it felt good to actually be in control of something. And I got to see much of the countryside.
Alright, I'll write again soon, probably tomorrow, since writing gives me a chance to be left alone to my own thoughts and reflections. This and reading allow me my only real methods of enjoying the independence that I normally enjoy back home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
