Friday, August 10, 2007
RE: weekend [email to Pito]
things have been going really well. spending most of my time with carlos since his schedule as a fulltime student is the most open to hang out. jumped around where i sleep from zahyra to carlos to fabio. fabio burnt me a couple of cds with photos and one with a bunch of old school, prob 1950s and 60s music, so i'll bring that back to show you. so maybe send something for him. he was telling me that he needs a new electric shaver (like the norelco ones), but that might be too expensive to send down. if not, if you have a copy of buena vista social club that i gave you, then def burn a copy of that for him. been to guapiles twice on day trips, i'll go there for most of next wk since i like the peacefulness out there. haven't been to beach yet, but will go next wkend, aka in 8 days, to dominical. other than that, my spanish has improved a bit since arriving. everyone compliments me on how well i speak. and i even sang karoake in spanish last night, didn't get in until 5am! not sure what i'm doing this wkend, but i'm gonna pay one of carlos' friends $100 to rent his car for the rest of the time that i'm here, so getting around won't be an issue starting today. mita has been doing other stuff, and i've been purposely doing my own thing. like i said about jaco, i don't think i'll go there since everyone says its so bad. but in the off chance that i'm near a computer when yorlen is with me, i'll open up the other email you sent to show her. please take care of rocky & moda, i've been really worried about them the whole time i've been here. thanks for helping out with them. alright, gotta go now. pura vida!
Monday, August 6, 2007
San Jose, Costa Rica -- morning
I'm back! And I guess I mean that in more ways than one. First of all, I'm back writing in this journal. That has a lot to do with the second way: that I'm back in Costa Rica.
I arrived here just three days ago. Today is Monday morning. I just woke up, and since no one else is awake or around, I decide to start writing.
Mita and I landed in San Jose on Friday around noontime. After going through customs and getting our bags, we met Carlos outside the airport. From there we drove to Marlen's workplace so we could all have lunch. I should also say that at that moment that we met Carlos outside the airport, I had to switch gears from English to Spanish. I've realized so far on this trip that at times I've grown tired of expending the energy necessary to speak and listen in Spanish. And unlike other trips in the past, as far as I can remember them, this time I don't feel so pressured to force myself to stay in Spanish mode. I'll either retreat into my own head to take a break or I'll just state that I'm gonna say something in English and then I'll say it. And really, with the level of English that people have here, it's usually cool. So I'll probably stick with that method, even while my Spanish naturally improves a little bit each day.
Anyway, returning to what I've done since getting here. Mita, Carlos, Marlen, and I had a nice lunch at an outdoor restaurant in the strip mall where Marlen works. After that, we drove to Tia Zahrya's house, where we saw her and Yorlen. Carlos had to leave to prepare and then go to his evening English class. So I just stayed at Tia Zahrya's house for coffee and then just chilled out for a while.
Later that night, after eating dinner, Yorlen, Said, Vicky (Yorlen's friend), and I went to a bar called Cavale. It was a really cool atmosphere because they played hip-hop and electronic music. It seems that the owner is some young-looking Swedish guy. I went out even though I felt a bit tired from the trip. But the funny thing is that once I got out, I was energized by the music, the women, and by the fact that I was finally in Costa Rica again. We went out thinking we'd be back easily by midnight. But we stayed until closing. Then, we even went to a late night food stand to get some gallo pinto with salchichon. By the time I went to bed, it was four in the morning.
The next day Tia Luisa, Tio Fabio, his wife Leticia, their little girl Alexandra, and of course Tia Zahrya and Yorlen were all hanging out by the time I woke up at noon. I took nearly an hour in the bathroom because I had to piss, shit, blow my nose, then take a nice long shower. So I finally saw everyone around one in the afternoon.
Well, I'm gonna continue writing later because Carlos is up now. So it's time to hang out.
I arrived here just three days ago. Today is Monday morning. I just woke up, and since no one else is awake or around, I decide to start writing.
Mita and I landed in San Jose on Friday around noontime. After going through customs and getting our bags, we met Carlos outside the airport. From there we drove to Marlen's workplace so we could all have lunch. I should also say that at that moment that we met Carlos outside the airport, I had to switch gears from English to Spanish. I've realized so far on this trip that at times I've grown tired of expending the energy necessary to speak and listen in Spanish. And unlike other trips in the past, as far as I can remember them, this time I don't feel so pressured to force myself to stay in Spanish mode. I'll either retreat into my own head to take a break or I'll just state that I'm gonna say something in English and then I'll say it. And really, with the level of English that people have here, it's usually cool. So I'll probably stick with that method, even while my Spanish naturally improves a little bit each day.
Anyway, returning to what I've done since getting here. Mita, Carlos, Marlen, and I had a nice lunch at an outdoor restaurant in the strip mall where Marlen works. After that, we drove to Tia Zahrya's house, where we saw her and Yorlen. Carlos had to leave to prepare and then go to his evening English class. So I just stayed at Tia Zahrya's house for coffee and then just chilled out for a while.
Later that night, after eating dinner, Yorlen, Said, Vicky (Yorlen's friend), and I went to a bar called Cavale. It was a really cool atmosphere because they played hip-hop and electronic music. It seems that the owner is some young-looking Swedish guy. I went out even though I felt a bit tired from the trip. But the funny thing is that once I got out, I was energized by the music, the women, and by the fact that I was finally in Costa Rica again. We went out thinking we'd be back easily by midnight. But we stayed until closing. Then, we even went to a late night food stand to get some gallo pinto with salchichon. By the time I went to bed, it was four in the morning.
The next day Tia Luisa, Tio Fabio, his wife Leticia, their little girl Alexandra, and of course Tia Zahrya and Yorlen were all hanging out by the time I woke up at noon. I took nearly an hour in the bathroom because I had to piss, shit, blow my nose, then take a nice long shower. So I finally saw everyone around one in the afternoon.
Well, I'm gonna continue writing later because Carlos is up now. So it's time to hang out.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
ya voy! [email to family in Costa Rica]
el tiempo ha llegado para disfrutar la pura vida
porque hace tiempo que he tomado una pura birra
en solo unas horas estare volando en una nube
y cuando llego es cuando el volumen de la fiesta sube!
cuz the time has come to chill out and get loose
put on the tunes and drink a lil juice
cuz i'm comin' all the way from the double deuce and spruce
and i'm bringin' the engine if you supply the caboose!
porque hace tiempo que he tomado una pura birra
en solo unas horas estare volando en una nube
y cuando llego es cuando el volumen de la fiesta sube!
cuz the time has come to chill out and get loose
put on the tunes and drink a lil juice
cuz i'm comin' all the way from the double deuce and spruce
and i'm bringin' the engine if you supply the caboose!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
In Search of the Future
meaningful human contact is what I have lacked
the impact being that my sense of tact is no longer
completely intact; the fact is that memories and days
have faded to black, my drive has become slack,
and as Iraq is attacked, so too am I terrorized
by the constant self-conscious insecurity. Will the day come when I can
break off my shackles, retract the distractions that
have protracted my hunger, and redact all these words
that reflect my actual, contemporary self? Yes!?...
the impact being that my sense of tact is no longer
completely intact; the fact is that memories and days
have faded to black, my drive has become slack,
and as Iraq is attacked, so too am I terrorized
by the constant self-conscious insecurity. Will the day come when I can
break off my shackles, retract the distractions that
have protracted my hunger, and redact all these words
that reflect my actual, contemporary self? Yes!?...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
a big favor [email to Cherise]
Cherise,
I have to ask a really big favor of you. The bar exam is Tue, Wed, and Thu, July 24, 25, 26. I know that you'll be making your decision about whether to take the world cruise btwn now and then. Please don't tell me your decision until Fri July 27, no matter what the decision is. Please.
Right now, I'm pretty much expecting you to take the world cruise, but even still, I'm holding out hope that you may choose to be with me. And I'm cool with that for now; I can handle that no problem. But I don't want to find out that our relationship is basically over the wk before the bar exam: I need to deal with that separately afterwards. The bottom line is that I cannot have ANY external stress from now until the bar exam. So please help me out with this.
Let's talk again this Saturday. There are a few things I want to tell you before you make your decision. I've sat here trying to type them out, but I'd rather tell you in a real conversation.
The only thing I will say is on the topic of planning. Although I agree with you that life should not be micro-managed, I do think that life should, to a certain extent at least, be planned. And my main support for this belief is that God has a plan. So I believe that I should too. Having a plan just means that you have a vision of your life, and that you're making decisions and taking positive actions to realize that vision. A plan is just that: a plan; it is not a set of unbreakable rules; because life brings the unexpected, a plan can and should change; it is not set in stone.
So on the topic of planning, Cherise, I don't think you should talk down on it. "One should not live life like a dead leaf being blown around at the whim of the wind." You can quote me on that one.
I miss you a lot. If that means nothing to you, then that really sucks. Be sure to look at old photos of us before you make your decision. If that doesn't change your mind, then I guess it's better that we never see each other again. But I want you to look at the photos because I know that you're easily influenced by what immediately surrounds you; the photos will help to give you a wider perspective. Being on the ship so far from me makes it the easy decision to leave me behind forever; but it doesn't make it the right decision.
I have to ask a really big favor of you. The bar exam is Tue, Wed, and Thu, July 24, 25, 26. I know that you'll be making your decision about whether to take the world cruise btwn now and then. Please don't tell me your decision until Fri July 27, no matter what the decision is. Please.
Right now, I'm pretty much expecting you to take the world cruise, but even still, I'm holding out hope that you may choose to be with me. And I'm cool with that for now; I can handle that no problem. But I don't want to find out that our relationship is basically over the wk before the bar exam: I need to deal with that separately afterwards. The bottom line is that I cannot have ANY external stress from now until the bar exam. So please help me out with this.
Let's talk again this Saturday. There are a few things I want to tell you before you make your decision. I've sat here trying to type them out, but I'd rather tell you in a real conversation.
The only thing I will say is on the topic of planning. Although I agree with you that life should not be micro-managed, I do think that life should, to a certain extent at least, be planned. And my main support for this belief is that God has a plan. So I believe that I should too. Having a plan just means that you have a vision of your life, and that you're making decisions and taking positive actions to realize that vision. A plan is just that: a plan; it is not a set of unbreakable rules; because life brings the unexpected, a plan can and should change; it is not set in stone.
So on the topic of planning, Cherise, I don't think you should talk down on it. "One should not live life like a dead leaf being blown around at the whim of the wind." You can quote me on that one.
I miss you a lot. If that means nothing to you, then that really sucks. Be sure to look at old photos of us before you make your decision. If that doesn't change your mind, then I guess it's better that we never see each other again. But I want you to look at the photos because I know that you're easily influenced by what immediately surrounds you; the photos will help to give you a wider perspective. Being on the ship so far from me makes it the easy decision to leave me behind forever; but it doesn't make it the right decision.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
sum nu rimes frum slick [email to Paul]
new bboys album comes out tomorrow. gonna pick it up of course, will burn it for you if i can. by the way, you put your copy of hybrid theory in the linkin park case, so we can swap next time i see you. good job w/ 225 6x; keep up the good work; i'll be breathing down your neck really soon though, so that'll be extra motivation for you. good wkend; thanks for coming down. from "soup to nuts", always good to hang out w/ you. don't think i can say that about anyone else. be good in CA and keep in touch, aight.
cuz i was shittin a house in rittenhouse
but now the time has come to be gittin out
so we go ta old city where we get kinda shitty
and that's when all the girls start lookin real pretty
cuz i was shittin a house in rittenhouse
but now the time has come to be gittin out
so we go ta old city where we get kinda shitty
and that's when all the girls start lookin real pretty
Monday, June 18, 2007
feeling better? [email to Pito]
i hope you're feeling better, which i assume you should be by the time you read this. by the way, thanks for everything this past wkend, including the food and the toilet piece. i definitely got a little bit of color from hanging out at the pool; hopefully i can somehow keep it up for the rest of the summer. the temp in the apt feels okay right now; thankfully the hot & humid weather is only supposed to last for one day, and most importantly it shouldn't be too bad by nighttime.
so here's a quick story from earlier tonight. i was walking back from the gym when i noticed a guy sitting in a lawn chair looking at his laptop in an empty parking space here on spruce. the sight of it really pissed me off but i didn't say anything. but when i came inside i remembered that i needed milk from wawa, so i went back out. when i passed him i told him "you know what you're doing is illegal. there is no property interest in a public property space." he replied with some attitude, "oh really." i said, "it's also unfair for everyone else." so he replies rudely, "i don't care. call the police if you want." then i said, "so you're an asshole then?" he just replied, "yep." i said, "in that case you can go to hell." and i walked away. when i got back home he was still sitting there, so i called the police. but of course no one showed up b/c that's typical philly. the whole thing really pissed me off though. for anyone, but especially an asshole like that, to think that he has the right to exclude the rest of the public from something that didn't even belong to him.
anyway, i hope you have a good rest of the week. i'll talk to you later.
so here's a quick story from earlier tonight. i was walking back from the gym when i noticed a guy sitting in a lawn chair looking at his laptop in an empty parking space here on spruce. the sight of it really pissed me off but i didn't say anything. but when i came inside i remembered that i needed milk from wawa, so i went back out. when i passed him i told him "you know what you're doing is illegal. there is no property interest in a public property space." he replied with some attitude, "oh really." i said, "it's also unfair for everyone else." so he replies rudely, "i don't care. call the police if you want." then i said, "so you're an asshole then?" he just replied, "yep." i said, "in that case you can go to hell." and i walked away. when i got back home he was still sitting there, so i called the police. but of course no one showed up b/c that's typical philly. the whole thing really pissed me off though. for anyone, but especially an asshole like that, to think that he has the right to exclude the rest of the public from something that didn't even belong to him.
anyway, i hope you have a good rest of the week. i'll talk to you later.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Two Shooting Stars
Many moons ago our lives merged:
Like two shooting stars our orbits converged
For a while my hopes and happiness surged
believing that the beginning of my future had begun to emerge
but alas, it wasn't to be
for even the stars are subject to gravity
little did I know that I was being called by my destiny
to my next set of experiences in another galaxy
And so inevitably
our orbits have begun to diverge
in search of new love that each of us deserves
So now I bid you farewell and wish you the best
While our starlight shined brightly I truly was blessed
Like two shooting stars our orbits converged
For a while my hopes and happiness surged
believing that the beginning of my future had begun to emerge
but alas, it wasn't to be
for even the stars are subject to gravity
little did I know that I was being called by my destiny
to my next set of experiences in another galaxy
And so inevitably
our orbits have begun to diverge
in search of new love that each of us deserves
So now I bid you farewell and wish you the best
While our starlight shined brightly I truly was blessed
Thursday, May 24, 2007
RE: Hello! [email to Cherise]
No worries about the photos; I'm sure you'll send some when you can. I'm trying to find out who had the disposable camera at the end of the weekend so that I can get it developed and put on cd. Then I can start sending some emails.
Thanks again for your positive words. I've been feeling so happy lately; law school was very difficult for me on many different levels. To have persevered really proved something to myself. I feel like I've grown in some really important ways since I first went into it.
And to turn the focus on to you, I've learned a lot from your dedication to your dream to dance. I really respect that a lot, because only so many people have the commitment to keep their eyes on the prize. In that way, you're definitely a leader!
Anyway, my weekend was absolutely wonderful. From the anticipation I had waking up on Thursday morning to getting back to Philly on Sunday afternoon, and everything in between from Philly to New York and back, it was just what I needed: to have fun, laugh, be crazy, drink a bunch of beers, listen to lots of great music of all types and in different places, spend quality time with my family, get crunk with my friends, and a couple of deep conversations with them too; it was all good.
But now it's time for me to slowly start to re-focus, because the big baby is coming in just a little over two months: the bar exam. But I won't think about that too much just this minute.
Lastly, I haven't gotten any dates yet from Ronald. But as soon as I do, I'll pass them on to you and let you know the prospects of me coming out there. In the meantime, take care. And be sure not to take for granted all the natural beauty that you get to see everyday. These are the photographic memories that you'll hold for the rest of your life; treasure them!
Call me this Saturday if you have some spare time. It will be nice to talk again.
Tighe
Thanks again for your positive words. I've been feeling so happy lately; law school was very difficult for me on many different levels. To have persevered really proved something to myself. I feel like I've grown in some really important ways since I first went into it.
And to turn the focus on to you, I've learned a lot from your dedication to your dream to dance. I really respect that a lot, because only so many people have the commitment to keep their eyes on the prize. In that way, you're definitely a leader!
Anyway, my weekend was absolutely wonderful. From the anticipation I had waking up on Thursday morning to getting back to Philly on Sunday afternoon, and everything in between from Philly to New York and back, it was just what I needed: to have fun, laugh, be crazy, drink a bunch of beers, listen to lots of great music of all types and in different places, spend quality time with my family, get crunk with my friends, and a couple of deep conversations with them too; it was all good.
But now it's time for me to slowly start to re-focus, because the big baby is coming in just a little over two months: the bar exam. But I won't think about that too much just this minute.
Lastly, I haven't gotten any dates yet from Ronald. But as soon as I do, I'll pass them on to you and let you know the prospects of me coming out there. In the meantime, take care. And be sure not to take for granted all the natural beauty that you get to see everyday. These are the photographic memories that you'll hold for the rest of your life; treasure them!
Call me this Saturday if you have some spare time. It will be nice to talk again.
Tighe
Monday, May 21, 2007
RE: Weekend [email to Pito]
yeah, from grad thru this wkend, i had a great time. thanks for hanging out for a while after grad; that was a big part of what made me happy. let's talk this wkend so i can tell you some stories from the wkend. i'm about to get into bed here, since i'm still trying to recover from the non-stop of the wkend. so i'll email you the dimensions tomorrow. but i did in fact join the gym today and get in my first workout. although i was tired, it felt really good to get back into the mix. and cherise called me around 2am on thu night, when i was totally drunk in a cab, to congrat me on the grad. we talked again on sat afternoon for about half an hour and it was a good convo. alright have a good day tomorrow. i'll email again. peace.
Monday, May 14, 2007
grades + directions [email to Pito]
i just checked grades, and 3 out of the 4 classes are in. i got a B in employment discrimination, the final exam i took last monday. i got a B+ in advanced trial ad, the final trial that i did. and i got an A in current issues in family law, which means the prof gave me a higher grade than she said she would. it also means that's my best grade in law school. the 3 grades put my semester gpa at 3.44, by far my highest ever. of course, the grade i'm waiting for, the research paper in race & ethnicity, will bring that down. but i'll enjoy this good news for now.
i'll see you on thursday. mita told me that she wants you to call her to talk about driving on thu; she tried calling you a couple of times on sunday. i figure if you guys arrive in philly at 2pm, we'll be good on time.
by the way, here's a recap of driving directions from medford: when you come off the ben franklin bridge, stay in the 2nd & 3rd lanes from the left-hand side, then go through the traffic light & intersection to get on to 676-West. once you're on that, you'll recognize where you are => art museum exit is the 2nd one up ahead on the right-hand side.
see you on thu.
i'll see you on thursday. mita told me that she wants you to call her to talk about driving on thu; she tried calling you a couple of times on sunday. i figure if you guys arrive in philly at 2pm, we'll be good on time.
by the way, here's a recap of driving directions from medford: when you come off the ben franklin bridge, stay in the 2nd & 3rd lanes from the left-hand side, then go through the traffic light & intersection to get on to 676-West. once you're on that, you'll recognize where you are => art museum exit is the 2nd one up ahead on the right-hand side.
see you on thu.
Friday, May 11, 2007
address? [email to Paul]
Just a reminder to send me your address when you get this. Also want to reiterate that you're a great friend, and so I'm sorry when I heard that you were hurt by what Luz said. There is an old saying, I think it's Buddhist: "when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear." I have faith that it's the same way when you find the girl you're meant to be with. In the meantime, we'll keep living and learning and trying to make progress towards our goals one day at a time. And the goal next weekend will be having pure, don't-give-a-fuck-type fun. Be good, brother, and thanks for everything. Peace, Tighe
Monday, May 7, 2007
No subject [email to Paul]
yo, i got ur text msg. i still have 3 days left, so let's not count our chickens until we're eating the chicken fingers. so how was sat night? i couldn't hear the voicemail too well, but i figure it was good shit when i heard girls squealing. you'll have to tell me about it when we talk later this wk, prob wed night when i'm done. thanks for all ur support, it seriously means a lot to me, and some of ur msgs even helped me through some tough days. alright, back to the final stretch....
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
RE: Midnight Oil? [email to Pito]
My days here are definitely winding down. I have a final exam in Employment Discrimination next Monday the 7th. And next Wednesday the 9th is my last day to hand in my research paper for Race & Ethnicity. So far, though, I've been doing a pretty good job of getting in several hours of work done during the day, so my nights are pretty much just dinner and watching tv before going to bed.
I've been working a lot on this research paper so that, even if my professor wants to exercise any personal bias against me, it can only go so far. It's very well-researched. Right now, it's 26 pages long single-spaced, and I'm in the pain in the ass process of whittling it down to 25 pages, double-spaced. So I've got to delete at least 6 more pages before I can expand the spacing. But the hard part is done since now I can just keep the best material. I'm gonna use the weekend to study for the exam, so I'll come back to the paper again next Tuesday and Wednesday for a final fine-tuning.
The more I think about it, the more I'm really looking forward to the 17th. By the way, they gave me only one free parking pass for that day. Are you gonna drive right to the ceremony? If so, then I'll give you the pass. The ceremony begins at 6pm, but traffic will be on the heavy side, so keep that in mind if you do plan on driving straight there. The other option is to park in Center City and meet me at my place. I'll be leaving my place at around 4:30pm to catch a subway to get up to school for check-in at 5pm. So let me know what your plans are.
Alright, back to "LA LUCHA"!!!
I've been working a lot on this research paper so that, even if my professor wants to exercise any personal bias against me, it can only go so far. It's very well-researched. Right now, it's 26 pages long single-spaced, and I'm in the pain in the ass process of whittling it down to 25 pages, double-spaced. So I've got to delete at least 6 more pages before I can expand the spacing. But the hard part is done since now I can just keep the best material. I'm gonna use the weekend to study for the exam, so I'll come back to the paper again next Tuesday and Wednesday for a final fine-tuning.
The more I think about it, the more I'm really looking forward to the 17th. By the way, they gave me only one free parking pass for that day. Are you gonna drive right to the ceremony? If so, then I'll give you the pass. The ceremony begins at 6pm, but traffic will be on the heavy side, so keep that in mind if you do plan on driving straight there. The other option is to park in Center City and meet me at my place. I'll be leaving my place at around 4:30pm to catch a subway to get up to school for check-in at 5pm. So let me know what your plans are.
Alright, back to "LA LUCHA"!!!
Friday, April 27, 2007
RE: Hello! [email to Cherise]
I'm busy writing my research paper for my Race & Ethnicity class. I've already done the research, but I just started writing the paper today. I had a heated argument with the professor about three weeks ago, so since then I've been a little bit concerned that she may try to fail me. I told her that I hadn't met any of the deadlines over the course of the semester because that's not the way I operate. I told her that this is my education so I'll do it my own way. She was pretty pissed off at my comments. The last day to hand-in the paper is May 9th. The paper has to be 25 pages long, which is no problem for me. I can write that in just 2 or 3 days. So the real test for me is doing a top-notch job organizing it and editing it so that I don't give her any excuse to fail me.
I also have a final exam in Employment Discrimination on May 7th. I'll need at least a couple of days to study for that, so it'll temporarily interrupt my focus on the paper. I already had my final trial in Advanced Trial Advocacy, and I handed in my last serial paper for Current Issues in Family Law. So I'm completely done with those two classes; it now leaves me just these other two courses to complete. But as long as everything with the research paper and the final exam goes well, I'll be done on May 9th and then I'll graduate on May 17th. I've let myself get a little bit excited about graduation (although not too much yet). It makes me very happy just thinking about it though.
Besides all that, I want to let you know that I think about you every day. Because of my focus on school, though, I haven't put too much thought into the viability of our relationship. If you have any thoughts on that, then I have to ask you to hold your thoughts until after May 9th: I only have enough energy to focus on the paper and final exam until that date.
Anyway, I hope you're enjoying Victoria. I'll be thinking about you.
I also have a final exam in Employment Discrimination on May 7th. I'll need at least a couple of days to study for that, so it'll temporarily interrupt my focus on the paper. I already had my final trial in Advanced Trial Advocacy, and I handed in my last serial paper for Current Issues in Family Law. So I'm completely done with those two classes; it now leaves me just these other two courses to complete. But as long as everything with the research paper and the final exam goes well, I'll be done on May 9th and then I'll graduate on May 17th. I've let myself get a little bit excited about graduation (although not too much yet). It makes me very happy just thinking about it though.
Besides all that, I want to let you know that I think about you every day. Because of my focus on school, though, I haven't put too much thought into the viability of our relationship. If you have any thoughts on that, then I have to ask you to hold your thoughts until after May 9th: I only have enough energy to focus on the paper and final exam until that date.
Anyway, I hope you're enjoying Victoria. I'll be thinking about you.
Monday, April 9, 2007
mpre [email to Pito and Mita]
i took the mpre (multistate professional responsibility examination) at the end of spring break. passing it is a requirement to be admitted to the bar. the minimum score that i have to get for PA and NJ is 75. i just got my score, and it's a 101. so that's one less thing for me to worry about. it's a relief that i passed. i figured you guys would be happy to hear it.
call + trial [email to Pito]
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you should call Jessica some time. I saw her yesterday when she and Mita came in to visit for Easter. Jessica seems very aware that you haven't called her for over a month. Although you didn't approve of her decisions recently, you shouldn't punish her by not communicating with her. Everyone has to learn their lessons in life, so you've gotta let her do that in her own way even while still expressing your care and concerns. Fortunately her latest episode seems to have resolved itself without any major consequences, other than Jessica feeling hurt. But Jessica definitely seems hurt by the fact that you haven't called her; I could tell just from the look on her face. Not calling her doesn't serve any good purpose, so you should call her soon.
My final trial with Mike for our advanced trial advocacy class is next Tuesday the 17th at 6pm at the Criminal Justice Center (right across the street from City Hall). We are allowed to invite family and friends to either serve as a juror or simply to observe. The trial should last about 3 hours, which I know is kinda late for you; but I wanted to invite you anyway. If somehow you can come, then you'd have to let me know so I can tell the prof to give your name to security at the CJC.
Alright, talk to you later. Peace out.
My final trial with Mike for our advanced trial advocacy class is next Tuesday the 17th at 6pm at the Criminal Justice Center (right across the street from City Hall). We are allowed to invite family and friends to either serve as a juror or simply to observe. The trial should last about 3 hours, which I know is kinda late for you; but I wanted to invite you anyway. If somehow you can come, then you'd have to let me know so I can tell the prof to give your name to security at the CJC.
Alright, talk to you later. Peace out.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Email to Cherise
You totally broke me down emotionally. That was obvious last Sunday night when I was literally crying that I wanted to go home. If I hadn't drank any alcohol, then those feelings would probably have remained bottled up inside me; but they still would have been there. Drinking the alcohol only meant that I no longer had the self-control to keep those feelings within myself. But with or without the alcohol, the fact still remained: you totally broke me down emotionally.
So the question is: how did you break me down emotionally?
1) Over the course of three nights and three days, you never said one positive word toward me. Not one compliment. Not one nice thing. Not one thing to make me feel good about myself. You made me feel that I was worthless for you.
2) You very rarely showed any positive emotions to me through actions either. The only rare times that you tried to act nicely toward me was at nighttime when you tried to hug me. But by not having said one nice thing to me over the course of many hours during the day, I couldn't be sure that your actions were genuine. That is to say, I asked myself: is she trying to hug me because she really cares about me, or is she trying to hug me because she really wants to please herself by knowing she has someone that she can hug? In other words, I wasn't sure if your reasons for trying to hug me were caring for me or selfish for you.
3) You didn't make any positive material effort toward me. In other words, you didn't offer any kind of token of love or any gift as an apology for how you had treated me. So in the end, I didn't even have anything, like a handwritten note or a thoughtful gift, that I could look at as a reassurance of how you say you feel about me. I literally had nothing to hold on to to show me that you loved me.
4) When I got upset, you purposely antagonized me. You made fun of me. You looked at me like I was a freak. You criticized me. You made me even angrier. You made the whole situation worse. If you had cared about me, you would have tried to hear me out. You would've tried to calm me down. You would've given me a hug. You would've reassured me that you loved me. But instead you wouldn't even show me the respect of letting me finish a sentence. You wouldn't even let me speak. That makes me feel like what I have to say, how I feel, what I'm thinking, is not important to you, it doesn't matter to you, it isn't even worth two seconds of your time or your life. Your approach makes me feel like you think you're superior to me. If you don't show me any respect, much less love or caring, then you must be looking down at me. But if we aren't equals, then why are you with me?
We should end our relationship. My head tells me that we should end our relationship. And although my heart is very reluctant, it wants to end our relationship too. So the question is: why? Why do I think we should end our relationship?
1) As everything above clearly indicates, we cannot communicate. We have never been able to communicate with each other. You know just as well as I do that we have had only very rare moments where we were able to communicate with each other. Almost all of our communication has been superficial, just like any conversation we could have with a stranger off the street.
2) Any progress we have ever made with each other has been fleeting. Due to the pressures of law school and due to you almost always being apart from me, we cannot realistically grow closer. The few times we have grown is when I have felt relatively unpressured from school and when you have been here with me. But those times have been few and far between. Is that how a relationship is supposed to be? One step forward, then two or three steps back?
3) We must accept the fact that neither one of us is going to change the other. And so, since we have never been happy together, what makes us believe that that will ever change? If I wanted to, I could make a list now that you should be with someone that does A, B, and C, and I should be with someone who does D, E, and F. There's no point in doing that though, even though it's true. Each of us simply needs someone who is different than who we have now. As for me, I will only say that I desperately want to feel loved by someone. And I have only rarely felt that from you.
4) And that's the final point, what it all really boils down: I feel completely and utterly empty when I'm with you:
I feel like a man who has been walking a desert for many, many years, waiting for the day to drink more than a few drops of water at at time. Although I know that my parents love me, I was never told "I love you" as a child. Besides my birthday and Christmas, my parents never had money to buy me any gifts or take me out to dinner. After my early toddler years, I was never hugged and kissed. I never saw my parents hug and kiss each other. Because we were relatively poor for the town that we grew up in, there were never any other kids around; all of our classmates lived in the neighborhoods with two-story houses and backyards, while we lived in a two-bedroom apartment with no yard at all. That's almost certainly why Jess and I find it hard to make friends sometimes and why she is yet to find a boyfriend. Our childhood was cold and tough. Despite that, I've grown up to be a mature, well-rounded man. But I still crave for something that I never really had: Love, expressed openly and explicitly. And unfortunately, even with you I never got more than a few drops at a time. I pray to God for the day that I can drink a tall glass of love. Then I will be happy. Then I will know that I have met the woman that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. For reasons probably relating back to your childhood, you are cold. As much as I care for you, I can't be with someone who is cold. I've lived with that for too long, and I deserve better.
Last Sunday night I felt so alone. I missed my home so much. I missed Rocky and Moda. I missed Philadelphia, the only witness to my many tears over the years, and yet the city where I have grown up to be a man. Yesterday morning, I had to take the EL to get to the testing site to take the MPRE. A couple in their early twenties sat down two rows in front of me. They were lower-class, blue-collar, and they had a thick Philadelphia accent. They were talking with a friend of theirs sitting in the row directly in front of me. The boyfriend was telling the guy how he and his girlfriend had moved to Voorhees, a town in New Jersey, for a little while before coming back to Philly. He was telling the guy that he should never go to Voorhees. And as he and his girlfriend got up to walk out the subway in Fishtown, he told the guy, "There ain't nuttin' like Philly." When he said that, my heart fluttered. That's exactly how I felt when I was sitting in handcuffs, surrounded by cops, at LAX. And even though I knew you were sitting somewhere nearby, I hadn't felt so lonely in years.
So the question is: how did you break me down emotionally?
1) Over the course of three nights and three days, you never said one positive word toward me. Not one compliment. Not one nice thing. Not one thing to make me feel good about myself. You made me feel that I was worthless for you.
2) You very rarely showed any positive emotions to me through actions either. The only rare times that you tried to act nicely toward me was at nighttime when you tried to hug me. But by not having said one nice thing to me over the course of many hours during the day, I couldn't be sure that your actions were genuine. That is to say, I asked myself: is she trying to hug me because she really cares about me, or is she trying to hug me because she really wants to please herself by knowing she has someone that she can hug? In other words, I wasn't sure if your reasons for trying to hug me were caring for me or selfish for you.
3) You didn't make any positive material effort toward me. In other words, you didn't offer any kind of token of love or any gift as an apology for how you had treated me. So in the end, I didn't even have anything, like a handwritten note or a thoughtful gift, that I could look at as a reassurance of how you say you feel about me. I literally had nothing to hold on to to show me that you loved me.
4) When I got upset, you purposely antagonized me. You made fun of me. You looked at me like I was a freak. You criticized me. You made me even angrier. You made the whole situation worse. If you had cared about me, you would have tried to hear me out. You would've tried to calm me down. You would've given me a hug. You would've reassured me that you loved me. But instead you wouldn't even show me the respect of letting me finish a sentence. You wouldn't even let me speak. That makes me feel like what I have to say, how I feel, what I'm thinking, is not important to you, it doesn't matter to you, it isn't even worth two seconds of your time or your life. Your approach makes me feel like you think you're superior to me. If you don't show me any respect, much less love or caring, then you must be looking down at me. But if we aren't equals, then why are you with me?
We should end our relationship. My head tells me that we should end our relationship. And although my heart is very reluctant, it wants to end our relationship too. So the question is: why? Why do I think we should end our relationship?
1) As everything above clearly indicates, we cannot communicate. We have never been able to communicate with each other. You know just as well as I do that we have had only very rare moments where we were able to communicate with each other. Almost all of our communication has been superficial, just like any conversation we could have with a stranger off the street.
2) Any progress we have ever made with each other has been fleeting. Due to the pressures of law school and due to you almost always being apart from me, we cannot realistically grow closer. The few times we have grown is when I have felt relatively unpressured from school and when you have been here with me. But those times have been few and far between. Is that how a relationship is supposed to be? One step forward, then two or three steps back?
3) We must accept the fact that neither one of us is going to change the other. And so, since we have never been happy together, what makes us believe that that will ever change? If I wanted to, I could make a list now that you should be with someone that does A, B, and C, and I should be with someone who does D, E, and F. There's no point in doing that though, even though it's true. Each of us simply needs someone who is different than who we have now. As for me, I will only say that I desperately want to feel loved by someone. And I have only rarely felt that from you.
4) And that's the final point, what it all really boils down: I feel completely and utterly empty when I'm with you:
I feel like a man who has been walking a desert for many, many years, waiting for the day to drink more than a few drops of water at at time. Although I know that my parents love me, I was never told "I love you" as a child. Besides my birthday and Christmas, my parents never had money to buy me any gifts or take me out to dinner. After my early toddler years, I was never hugged and kissed. I never saw my parents hug and kiss each other. Because we were relatively poor for the town that we grew up in, there were never any other kids around; all of our classmates lived in the neighborhoods with two-story houses and backyards, while we lived in a two-bedroom apartment with no yard at all. That's almost certainly why Jess and I find it hard to make friends sometimes and why she is yet to find a boyfriend. Our childhood was cold and tough. Despite that, I've grown up to be a mature, well-rounded man. But I still crave for something that I never really had: Love, expressed openly and explicitly. And unfortunately, even with you I never got more than a few drops at a time. I pray to God for the day that I can drink a tall glass of love. Then I will be happy. Then I will know that I have met the woman that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. For reasons probably relating back to your childhood, you are cold. As much as I care for you, I can't be with someone who is cold. I've lived with that for too long, and I deserve better.
Last Sunday night I felt so alone. I missed my home so much. I missed Rocky and Moda. I missed Philadelphia, the only witness to my many tears over the years, and yet the city where I have grown up to be a man. Yesterday morning, I had to take the EL to get to the testing site to take the MPRE. A couple in their early twenties sat down two rows in front of me. They were lower-class, blue-collar, and they had a thick Philadelphia accent. They were talking with a friend of theirs sitting in the row directly in front of me. The boyfriend was telling the guy how he and his girlfriend had moved to Voorhees, a town in New Jersey, for a little while before coming back to Philly. He was telling the guy that he should never go to Voorhees. And as he and his girlfriend got up to walk out the subway in Fishtown, he told the guy, "There ain't nuttin' like Philly." When he said that, my heart fluttered. That's exactly how I felt when I was sitting in handcuffs, surrounded by cops, at LAX. And even though I knew you were sitting somewhere nearby, I hadn't felt so lonely in years.
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