First chat with Father Ed

Life will continue!  May faith carry me forward.  May my experiences be a source of confidence in lessons learned and victories earned, rather than a weight holding me down.  May love be my guiding light, God lead me ahead and those around me either walk with me or step aside.  May I serve others and by doing so fulfill my mission.

Earlier this afternoon, from about 12:30pm to nearly 2:30pm, I sat at a kitchen table in the rectory of St. Charles Borromeo, chatting with Father Ed.  I told him that I was there first to thank him.  I said that in the five months or so that Jeannie and I have been going to church almost every Sunday, I've felt welcomed and very thankful to have St. Charles Borremeo in my life.  I told Father Ed that my second reason for being there was to get to know him better and for him to get to know me better.  My third reason for seeing him gave us a framework to meet that second purpose, the third reason being that I feel myself approaching a crossroads, both professionally and personally, and I hope to go the right way, if that can be said.  So, with that, we talked for a while about his career as a priest in the Roman Catholic Church and how he has gone from one place to another over the course of 36 years as a priest (he said he was ordained as a priest in March (I believe) 1977).  I shared with him the timeline of my life to this point, through childhood and now adulthood, and how I have not usually stayed longer than a handful of years in any one place, so I'm aware that there's very likely a certain inner or subconscious temporal expectation that it will soon be time to move on.

I also told Father Ed that I want to marry Jeannie, so I wanted to know more about marriage in the Church, but also the practical steps that we'd need to take to get there.  His explanations to me were very clear and easy-to-understand.  I told him that I respected and appreciated his lessons, as someone who often must explain complex legal concepts to low-income Philadelphians.  I told him that, if it were up to me, we'd have a simple ceremony as part of a regular mass at St. Charles Borromeo, nothing too fancy or overblown.  I told him that my style and personality is generally humble, so I didn't want to buy into the pomp of the "typical" American wedding.  As an example, I told him that, unlike at least one of the other attorneys with whom I work, I don't need photos of myself throughout the office (or, quite frankly, on facebook) and, in fact, I didn't hang my framed law degrees on my office wall, until finally goaded by co-workers and convinced by my mother that clients would want a sense of confidence instilled by seeing my credentials displayed.  Father Ed said that he never hung his religious degrees either; so I was happy to have something in common with him, something he could relate with me.

The main preparation for marriage is that Jeannie and I must be confirmed, likely in the spring by the bishop at the main cathedral.  Then, both before and after, Jeannie and I can meet with Father Ed to talk about marriage in the Catholic faith, as a means to assure that we're both understanding of the commitment, since it is a sacrament of the Church.  Since Jeannie is away in Houston right now, visiting her biological mother, I'll have to talk with her about this when she's back.

It felt good to sit down and talk with someone.  It felt nice to have a regular conversation, without pretense and also not over any kind of alcoholic drink.  It also felt nice to be on the receiving end of advice, since as a lawyer I'm on the side of the desk that is giving advice.  Even with that distinction, though, it felt to me like an authentic conversation between two men, something that I've missed very much in my life and, if I'm honest with myself, something that has very likely been a part of the dissatisfaction I've been feeling in my life for the past year or two, certainly since the death of Wagner, which seemed to create distance between my Philadelphia friends and me (perhaps out of protective distrust of others?), whereas one would believe that it would have brought us closer together.

At the end, I noticed that the time was getting late and Father Ed had to get ready for the 4:00 p.m. mass, so I thanked him for seeing me, I offered to help him around the rectory grounds any time he needs me, and said that I hoped we can continue the conversation another time soon.  Walking the block and a half home, I felt as satisfied and calm/relieved as I have in a long while.  Before I left, I asked Father Ed to pray for me; he said he would do so during his retreat this coming Monday through Friday in the hills of Virginia.  I hope that God leads me to where I belong.  I really look forward to it.