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The American poet Walt Whitman once portrayed a sunset over Philadelphia as "...a broad tumble of clouds, with much golden haze and profusion of beaming shaft and dazzle."

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salsa dancing tonight

Saw Temple vs. Dayton at the Liacouras Center, section 114, row F, seat 6, for $35.00.

Saw Temple vs. Rhode Island at the Liacouras Center, section 102, row R, seat 9, for $35.00.

Friday update

So here I am, sitting at my desk, looking out the window to bright blue skies on a Friday morning. I just got back from a short trip to Family Court, where I had to drop-off some papers to a law student volunteer at the domestic violence unit. Walking down Chestnut Street, with tall snow drifts on the side of the road, icy spots on the sidewalk, and narrow passageways at each corner where previous pedestrians blazed their way through the snow, I began dreaming. I pictured myself at my favorite beach in the world, Playa Samara, on the Pacific coast of Costa Rica. I can see myself sitting there in an open-air restaurant, drinking a guanabana con leche, after a filling breakfast of gallo pinto. I'm there with a beautiful girlfriend and I'm looking forward to a lazy day with no appointments, no worries, no preoccupations. I'm looking forward to swimming in the clear, blue water of the Pacific, to taking a nap on the warm sand under some palm trees, to taking a walk hand-in-hand to the end of the beach, to kissing while the sun sets over the ocean, to eating a delicious dinner at the edge of the sand, to going to a beachfront bar for cervezas Imperiales and a few games of pool, while listening to reggae music playing in the background, to going to bed with a ceiling fan buzzing coolly overhead while lying on top of the sheets, a pleasant buzz from the beer and the pleasure of a girl best friend at my side, lazily dozing off to sleep feeling content and easy . . .

And here I am in Philly, hoping at least to get a good buzz tonight.

blast from the past

in order to keep myself busy for a while, i dug up my files of papers that i'd written in high school and typed a few of them on to the blog here. reading the eighteen year old version of myself writing was quite amusing. i was a good writer, if i say so myself! but just reading the way i wrote, or to put it better, hearing the voice of a young me, really made me feel a bit bittersweet. i sounded so idealistic and innocent, so intelligent and so confident but understated in approach to the world. there are certainly remmants of that personality still within myself, but my evolution has taken me away from that clean archetype. and the weight of years of experiences and disappointments, and yes, certainly heartbreak, has undoubtedly etched indelible scars into my skin of my soul. i've become pragmatic to the point where things don't seem worthwhile. the focus of my life has moved away from internal sources of happiness, like reading and football, to external sources of sometimes happiness, sometimes unhappiness, like relationships with imperfect girls and the monotony of a job that doesn't truly exploit my talents. how did i go from a guy that was sought my most of the ivies to a single guy hopelessly waiting for love and still living in a one bedroom apartment with two cats? and yet i still feel hopeful. even despite the wistful despair at seeing my own transformation. really, hearing my young voice makes me feel that i deserve so much better than i have, and i now wonder what i can possibly do to change that. does the life of an adult necessarily demand this hardening, this pragmatization, this realization that we march towards death, and the likelihood of internal sources of pleasure and happiness becoming evermore fleeting and rare? i also wonder if i will ever find a girl who is both beautiful and intelligent and who will love me completely. does this girl exist? must i be dependent on external sources of happiness since i've seemingly exhausted my own innocence, except perhaps during rare moments of silliness and immaturity, at which time i'm usually told that i'm being weird or that i have a strange sense of humor? nowadays i'm most happy when i'm reading, because reading is something that i've always loved, ever since i was a boy, according to my own memories and what my dad has told me. also, reading provides me an escape from all the despair of mundane life. even for all my reminiscing tonight, i feel relatively good. the goal of life is to keep on living, because one simply never knows exactly what to expect. i think back to a year ago. i flew out to san diego for a 24 hour trip to visit cherise on valentine's day. it was a final hurrah, a last ditch effort at what i thought was worthwhile. of course it was a revelatory trip, so much more as a result of what was not expressed as what was. and that seems to be my predilection, to attract those that are incapable of expression. or maybe that's the grave that i've dug, that my own love for words, as i've developed through my reading, my love for expresssion, which i do through my everyday speech and writing, has created certain unusual expectations that are not likely to be fulfilled by the modern woman, who has been braindirtied by society to be independent, sovereign, self sufficient. conversely, perhaps my hatred for the way i was raised, by a mother and father who, although they undoubtedly did love me, never, not once, ever said so or gave a hug or a kiss or a simple "i love you" has made me particularly sensitive to that condition, as i consider it a deficiency, so that i cannot trust or stand anyone who fits that personality type. and then i wonder to myself whether, at the age i'm at, i'm still in the process of figuring out who i am and what i need and why this process is still taking place when others seem to have figured everything out so long ago. am i really that complex? or is it that i've been that ignorant of myself for so long? or maybe i'm self-deceiving, a quality that i absolutely loathe in others, because for me it's dishonorable to lie to others, but downright detestable to lie to oneself. i don't know. anyway, to the extent that i continue to have free time at home, i'd like to continue typing in old papers on to this blog. besides being entertaining, hopefully, they may help me to find my true self, or at least recover a part of a more innocent and pure version of me. and now, since it's late, i'm going to have some dinner, some leftovers of tilapia, rice and beans from last night. and then i'll finish the night with some reading, because that sounds like a nice way to end the evening before going to bed. by the way, the snow ended last night and left us with 16 inches of snow, on top of the already 28.5 on the ground, officially making this the snowiest winter on record in philadelphia. when the snow eventually melts, hopefully it can wash away all the uncertainty with it.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

I just checked the website for 6abc news, and they're calling for 18 to 24 inches of snow in Philadelphia! If we really get as much snow as they're predicting, it's really gonna shut-down the city. The office is already closed for tomorrow, and it may be closed on Thursday too. I just can't imagine how another two feet of snow, on top of the two feet that's still on the ground from this past Saturday, is gonna be plowed. Even SEPTA is announcing that it will quite likely shut-down service.

So, the moral of the story is that I've gotta be prepared. I just finished my latest book last night, "The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems," a collection of fifty of Pablo Neruda's poems. I think he is an amazing poet, and just reading his poetry got me thinking in poetic terms, and hoping that I can be inspired to write some of my own poetry again. Maybe the day off tomorrow may afford me the opportunity, if only I am blessed with inspiration. Anyway, on my walk home today I'm going to stop by Barnes & Noble to use the remaining value on a gift card (given to me on my birthday by my mom's boyfriend, Eric) to get a new book. I already have a few titles in mind; we'll see what I actually get.

Another form of preparation is picking-up a couple movies. Just a few nights ago, I got a month-long movie pass from the video store on 20th Street. Ileana and I watched District 9 and (500) Days of Summer. But I'd like to stop by this evening to replace those two with two new ones, so that I have something to watch tomorrow during the day or in the evening.

And finally, I should definitely stop off at Trader Joe's to restock on some food and drink. I'm sure Trader Joe's is gonna be a madhouse, but I really have no choice because I'm running low on a bunch of stuff. I would've had to go there today, even if there was no impending snowstorm.

Somehow I have to do all of these things and get out to Ileana's place in West Philly before the new episode of Lost begins at 9:00 p.m. tonight! Oh man, this doesn't look good.

Mission Accomplished

I feel a sense of accomplishment. I finally mailed out my 2008 tax return. I owed $2.00 in taxes, for which I wrote out a check to the Pennsylvania Department of Revenue. I had been meaning to finish it up and send it out for months, since last April really, but I kept putting it off. Finally, with a little free time yesterday afternoon, I resolved to focus on getting it done. I'm glad it's out of the way now. I'd had a post-it note hanging from my computer monitor for the past three months with the word "taxes" scribbled on to it as a reminder. That post-it note is now in the trash. Just in time for me to look forward to tackling my 2009 federal and state tax returns.

So this is the calm before the storm. Today's dry skies and calm wind belie the approaching deluge of snow; the latest predictions (at 3:30am from the National Weather Service) are for 10 to 18 inches in Philadelphia. And this on top of this past Saturday's 28.5 inches, which have barely been cleared, if at all, from roads and sidewalks. From what I recall seeing on the news, Philadelphia only needs 9 more inches to make this the snowiest winter on record. In little over 24 hours, we'll see if we're on our way to that dubious mark.

I read a comment to a news article on philly.com that global warming is causing the greater snowfalls, as a result of massive glacial melting in the North Atlantic, off the coast of Greenland, which cools the waters there and backs up the normally warm flow from the Caribbean, which has always offset, to a degree, the cold air from the Arctic in the winter months. I'm no meteorologist, of course, but that (long-winded) explanation does seem to make sense.

Class bias

On Facebook, a user can become a "fan" of certain groups. There are thousands of groups for all sorts of interests. The overwhelming majority are non-controversial and harmless. One of them that has always gotten under my skin, though, is a group called "Making Drug Tests Required to Get Welfare." Presumably, "fans" of this group favor a government policy requiring an applicant for public assistance to get a negative result from a mandated drug test in order to be eligible to receive assistance from the Department of Public Welfare.

"Making Drug Tests Required to Get Welfare" would be a waste of taxpayer dollars, not to mention an institutionalization of class bias. Today, courts do not order a drug test unless there is reasonable cause to do so. Requiring drug tests to get welfare would eliminate reasonable cause and replace it with a prejudice against someone simply for being poor.

Groups that advocate this kind of position really anger me. They exemplify one more type of bias that still exists in this world. Stupid people continue to exist and promote policies and programs that reflect their own stupidity.

Winter wonderland

A major snowstorm hit Philadelphia. The snow began falling late Friday night, and it didn't stop until some time Saturday night. When it was all said and done, there were 28.5 inches of snow on the ground. That's the official snowfall for Philadelphia, according to the news. And based on that, it's the second biggest single snowfall in the recorded history of the city. But from what I can estimate at the double-deuce and Spruce, I think the snow total was less than two feet. Don't get me wrong though. Even now, on Monday morning, there is still a ton of snow on the streets. Even the sidewalks of major streets, like Walnut, are not completely clear. It's times like this that I really wish I had a digital camera that worked, and a notebook computer that had sufficient memory to allow me to upload photos. Those are two things (a camera and a computer) on my list of things to get. Anyway, with temperatures not really expected to exceed the freezing mark, it will be very difficult to remove the snow before the next major snowstorm, which is predicted for this coming Wednesday.

On Saturday night, I took the Baby out on to the front stoop to let her see the snow. She was her typical self: a bit timid, but curious. We stayed outside for not much more than five minutes to let her do just a little bit of exploring.

Well, having a weekend where I mostly stayed indoors allowed me to do some reading. Last week I finished "Revolutionary Suicide" by Huey P. Newton. And although I've been meaning to make it to Borders or Barnes and Noble to get a new book, I simply haven't done so. Luckily, I still had the book that Ileana gave me as a gift for my birthday, a collection of poems by Pablo Neruda, which I've been reading for the past week. I've got a little more than 40 pages left, so perhaps I can finish it tonight.

I think Sue's husband, George, looks like Jeremy Shockey, of the New Orleans Saints. Last night the Saints won Super Bowl 44 over the Indianapolis Colts. I'd been routing for the Colts, who looked good in the first quarter. But the Saints staved off the Colts' momentum by eating up tons of clock in the second quarter, thereby keeping Peyton Manning (and the Colts offense) from getting into a groove. And by doing that, it allowed Drew Brees and the Saints offense to shake off any rust and/or nerves to get into their own groove. Despite that, the game was close, it was anyone's game, until late in the fourth quarter, when Peyton Manning threw an interception that was run back for a Saints' touchdown. Besides the points margin, it was a shift of momentum, a game-changer. Oh well, I guess I'm happy for the NFC to have won a championship. And I guess for the city of New Orleans too, as non-sportcasters in the news are making such a big deal about. As if the Super Bowl victory will do anything to rebuild a city or prevent the potential effects of another major hurricane in New Orleans. But maybe I'm being a little cynical. The Saints franchise has never won a Super Bowl, and there are no other major sports in that city, so if anyone deserves to win the big game, why not them?

Well, things seem pretty quiet today, with the snow and all. So I may write again later today, when my mind begins wandering, and I have some random thoughts that merit mention.