Seva seemed to do just fine on her first day yesterday. I stopped in for a visit in the mid-afternoon. She and almost all the other babies were napping, so I didn't get to see her interact with the other children. The staff told me that Seva was a bit fussy for a good chunk of the morning, probably from being in a new environment with no one familiar. She didn't eat quite as much as usual, but it wasn't anything that would cause any worry. Overall she seemed to have a pretty good day.
Although my father-in-law, John, had been doing a pretty good job watching Seva for the past two months, Jeannie and I decided that the pros of sending her to daycare finally outweighed those of having her watched by John. We really want her to socialize with other children her own age. And we want her to be stimulated and to learn from people whose job is dedicated to exactly that purpose. John is 72 years old (if I'm not mistaken) and he's losing his hearing. Although there's no question that he loves Seva and cares for her very much, we felt that his level of attention and ability to stimulate Seva was good, but not to the same level that she would get at daycare.
Obviously we hope that we've made the right decision. I guess this is one of the early decisions out of many, many more that we'll have to make in Seva's best interest. May God guide us throughout all our decisions. I hope we're good parents.
Changing topics now, I still feel regret and guilt from time to time about the changes in my relationships with others and also my past relationships. I know that life always changes and so nothing is ever guaranteed to stay the same. But I also miss some of my friendships, I feel bad about how I treated some people, especially ex-girlfriends and girls I've dated, and I miss "the old days." Maybe I'm just getting old (haha) and wistful. Looking at it logically, though, I guess this is what growing up is all about. Just like anyone else, I was bound to make mistakes and, unfortunately, many of those mistakes came at the expense of other people's feelings. Also, as I've gotten older, I realize that there is nothing that should compel me to remain friends with people whose values I disagree with. My last job at PLA was a great example. When I first started working there when I was much younger, it matched my values and ideals to a great degree. I still admire the boundless optimism that I had when I wrote my application letter to law schools, referencing my job at PLA. Over the course of my term there as a lawyer, though, the culture there changed. Or maybe I changed. Or maybe it was just the mixture of personalities that happened to be there over the course of that time. It was likely a combination of all those things, and perhaps more. Bottom line is that I didn't like it there, I didn't feel comfortable, and the culture frankly sucked. Fine, no problem. I'm not going to change anyone, and I didn't have the energy or interest in that environment to do so, thus I left. Even with all that being true, however, there's still a bit of a vacuum for the kind of office culture and work relationships that I hope to have. With God's grace, I'll hopefully be able to begin and develop new relationships. I've already become active with a couple of excellent pro bono projects, to which I'm volunteering my time. This is my true self. And to any haters at PLA or beyond, I'll let my actions speak for me, without promoting myself on facebook like someone desperate for greatness (you know people like that, I'm sure). I'm gonna work hard, I am working hard, and I'm gonna help people. Let that be enough. And may God forgive me of my sins. And may I forgive myself for the changing of the seasons and the passing of time, and therefore accept that the past belongs where it is, as I look forward to the future that awaits, according to God's will.
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