Ridiculous

Reality television can really suck you in because there's always a lot of drama. But usually after watching a couple episodes in a row, you feel dumber for having watched it. That's how this whole situation has become. This is my last post on this topic, because it has gotten past the point of ridiculous.

To lie: to make a statement that one knows is false, esp. with intent to deceive. Keep this definition, straight from Webster's Dictionary, in mind as you read the following.

From the time I met Diana until I returned from my trip, I made statements based on how I felt at the time: Diana was a fun girl, she showed me a lot of attention, and we seemed to have a connection. I emailed her every single day during my trip to southeast Asia. Did I have to do that? Not at all. As the cliche goes, actions speak louder than words. During a trip to the other side of the world, where every minute of my time was precious, where I could be doing plenty of other things, every single day I emailed Diana. And not only that, but I called her on the telephone from southeast Asia more than I called my own family. Don't anyone dare call me a liar.

From the moment I met Diana until well past my birthday into mid-December, I did not kiss another girl, I did not so much as touch another girl. Again, actions speak louder than words. I respected and cared for Diana so much that I remained faithful to her for every minute of our undefined and short-lived relationship. I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. So don't anyone dare call me a liar.

Part of living life means sometimes trying to figure out how you feel, even when you can't put your finger on what it is that's making you doubt or feel ambiguous. At some point toward the end of my trip (I cannot pinpoint the exact date), I began to have doubts about my relationship with Diana. Am I allowed to have doubts? Am I allowed to change my mind? I'm human, so of course I am. Any mature person understands this.

Unfortunately, after returning home, by around Thanksgiving, I had come to the conclusion that my doubts about Diana were just too big to ignore; and I knew that I had to back out of the relationship, I tried to do that as gently and respectfully as possible. Because I respected and cared for Diana, I did my best not to hurt her, although there was obviously no way to avoid all hurt.

Do I feel badly that I changed my mind? Yes, because I hurt her, but No, because I know that I made the right decision. I never wanted to hurt anyone, and I never did so intentionally. If there was one mistake that I made, it was coming on too strong out of the gate. This is precisely the mistake that is causing all the caustic reactions on the part of Diana. The bottom line is that I created expectations that far exceeded what reality ended up being. For that, I sincerely apologize. It's a mistake that I know I must learn from.

Finally, I just want to address two points that Diana mentioned in a recent text message. First, her accusation that I lied to myself all along. That is absolutely not true. This would be a good time, dear reader, to refer to the definition of lie above. From beginning to end, I was honest with myself. When I felt very optimistic that the relationship was good, I expressed those feelings openly and honestly with Diana. Towards the end of the trip, when doubts started creeping in, I talked about them openly and honestly with my good friend Paul, with whom I was traveling. And when I came back and realized that those doubts became substantiated, I changed the way I was expressing myself to honestly reflect the way I was feeling: I was not going to lead-on Diana any more than I already unintentionally had. I never made any false statements to myself, nor did I ever make any false statements to Diana.

Second, Diana asked me how she has been immature in all this. I'll answer this question by giving an example from Diana's own life to illustrate. [deleted at the request of a reader].

And just as Diana went through a period of self-reflection [deleted at the request of a reader], that is just what I've done here: I went through a process of figuring out my feelings for Diana, and I made a decision to stop continuing a relationship with her. The difference with me, though: I never cheated on her. I never lied to her. I never lied to myself.

As far as all the juvenile insults flung at me by Diana's friend, they rolled right off my back. They don't even warrant a response.

I'm now done airing my dirty laundry. Look forward to future posts about football, travel, comical stories about my friends, and other nonsense. Thanks for checking in, friends!